alexis
"You wanna know what happened, don't you? Is that why you brought me here?" Sighing at Luke, my words are filled with honestly. We're sitting under the tree in the park in Passion Street, just like we did a few days ago. It seems an eternity has passed since then. I different, somehow. Older maybe.
So much has already changed since then, and so much more is going to change. I can feel it. Even the moon looks different, as it glimmers and watches us converse under its light.
It's just before midnight, and the sky is cloudless as we sit up against a big oak tree with its branches shielding us from the rest of the world; If only it were that simple. Luke's arms are more or less wrapped around my body as we stare up at the sky. I would protest this affection, but I am trying to make him believe I can let people in. Or maybe deep down inside, in a place I'd never admit this to myself, I enjoy his company.
Luke nods and picks at the dirt with his finger tips, flinging a rock across the grass. We are the only ones here, in the dead of the night. The crickets were silent now, along with the birds. Only the occasional car zoomed by, but for the most part we are tucked away. I like the peacefulness, the moonlight.
"It had crossed my mind. But I mean, I understand-"
"I'll tell you what happened after." I compromise, and he looks at me, and I can see his blue eyes twinkling faintly in the moonlight. He looks at me with his soft gaze and doesn't look away.
"After he broke my heart," I stare out at the music store that's across the street from the park. It seems likely this is one of the only places in the world that never shuts down for the night. The shops and restaurants and bars remain open, with an occasional group of people flowing through the doors, during all hours of the night. Business has slowed down of course, but not nearly as much as you would expect. It seems people will continue to come all night long. And perhaps that is how long we will have to be here in order for me to break and tell Luke what he wants to hear, for once. For once maybe it is time to give in, to think of what someone else wants.
The circumstances have made me quite selfish.
"Are you sure?" He asks quietly, though all he wants in the world is for me to explain what has happened. We don't need to talk loud; we're sitting right next to each other, and the only noise is some faint vibrations of a bass somewhere. It reminds me of Calum, and the countless nights spent at his house where we wouldn't even speak. We didn't need words.
I suck in a deep breath, and scoot closer to Luke, leaning on him both physically and metaphorically. His arms tighten around my torso, making me feel warm and safe. I love the way the moon looks tonight and so I try to avert my focus on that. You can just barely see it, only a silver sliver of it is shining. We can't see the stars because of all the city lights. That's one of the things I miss about home, is the stars. I used to always lay on my roof with my earbuds in and stare at the stars for hours on end, my headphones on full blast. It was my happy place, especially after Calum left.
"So basically after he broke my heart, he disappeared. Before last night, the last time I saw him he was running out of his house, on the night everything went down.
After that, he disappeared. He didn't call me or text me, definitely didn't visit me. I was hurting too much to even want to talk to anyone, let alone to him. But even so, I called him. I really don't know why I even tried- I knew somehow that I would never see him again. That almost hurt as much as what happened. But when I finally worked up the courage to call, maybe a week after he left, he had disconnected the number. He'd cut off everything from me. He'd left me no way to contact him, and that hurt so much more than what he'd initially done to me. It was like he was giving up on everything, especially us.
"He came here, didn't he?" Luke asked softly. His gaze had not faltered from my face. "He came back to LA." I nodded and for the first time since we'd gotten here, Luke looked away from me. He leaned his head back against the trunk of the tree and looked out into the park.
"The next week, Mom made me go back to school. And he was no where to be found. After a few days, I gathered up the courage to ask the ladies in the office if they knew anything. They said he'd dropped out. He had disappeared, and taken every trace with him. It was like he was never here to begin with. This hurt so much more than the initial thing that happened, because I still loved him and I had no way to contact him. There was no way to fix what he had done, or even try to repair things between us. He was just gone. He broke me, and then he left. (title!!)
"It was too much for me to take. Mom forced me to go to school, but she didn't have a clue what was wrong with me. I didn't want to do anything. I didn't really eat, only slept on good days, and even then, I had nightmares. I couldn't concentrate on school, not that I ever did before, but I forced myself to study because I knew that if I failed, Mom would send me to a clinic.
"Sometimes, I'd drive up the school in the morning, and automatically look for him car. And then I'd remember that he wasn't there, and I'd start crying and leave- I couldn't bear to sit in class like everything was fine when it wasn't. I honestly don't know how I even passed eleventh grade. I was the depressed, lonely girl and I hated it. I tried to end it all twice, but something always ruined it. I couldn't imagine a world without Calum, and I didn't want to live in one without him."
I looked over at Luke, who had been silent. It seemed he was taking this all in, but he looked exhausted from my words. He looked sad and hollow, but why? This was my heartbreak, not his.
"Shit, Alex. He was here. He was literally in my house when you had no idea where the hell he was. How the fuck is that fair?" He was mad now, and was nodding his head forward and backward, and knocking his head on the tree. I wanted to tell him to stop but I couldn't find the words.
Rather than responding to him, I just continued.
"I think not knowing was the worst part of it. I never knew where he was, and I didn't know why he left me. Despite what he did to me, I still loved him. And that was the worst part. Even though he tore my life apart, I loved him. But he just disappeared and we never even got to talk about what happened, or why. It was like he had never existed.
"And my anxiety just kept getting worse; I was having a panic attack usually every day, from the randomest things, usually things that reminded me of him. If I saw a picture of him, or a black SnapBack, or caught a whiff of his cologne or saw a bass, it set me off. I lived in my room, headphones on, lights off and curtains closed shut. Nothing mattered to me anymore. He was all I thought about.
"When the school year ended, Mom moved me here. She thought that a change of scenery would cure me, I guess. And now here we are."
When I finish spilling my guts, I try to hold in my tears. I really do. Luke just squeezes me tighter and wraps his arms around me, and I feel safer than I have in months. I could live here, in Luke's warm embrace. He is still staring off into the distance though, as he takes it all in.
"Alex, I am so, so sorry," he says genuinely and I shake my head. He had nothing to apologize for, he knows that. Apologizing for things we have no control over is one of the many faults of people.
We stay like this forever, leaning up against the tree with Luke's arms around me. It was like we had our own little world.
A small part of me may be falling for him, but the bigger part is smarter and knows never to trust anyone in that way again.
I don't think I'd be able to survive another heartbreak.
Time passes. I'm unsure of how much time, but I can tell by the way the moon moves down toward the horizon. Luke is still staring off into space, and I've stopped crying. I am now filled with a dry sadness that no amount of tears can cure.
"Have you talked to Calum?" I spit out the words fast, before I can regret them. I've been pondering over whether or not not ask this question for a while, but I decided I need to know.
We both were in the same position, my head on his chest and his arm around me, pulling me close in a false attempt to protect me from the world.
"No. We haven't spoken since the night of the concert." Luke replies, and I find myself closing my eyes and sighing.
I curse myself as Luke speaks; It is my fault that he and his best friend aren't speaking. It doesn't matter what happened between Calum and I, that shouldn't affect him and Luke's relationship. Anyone can tell that they're close, and that they love each other. If they were to fight or even stop being friends because of me, I don't know what I'd do.
And there's also the band. They owe the fans a makeup show, since the concert failed to happened. 5sos actually has a good amount of fans, fifteen thousand according to Twitter. And they are gaining every day. That's really crazy when you think about it, but I almost expected it the first time I heard them. They will make it big one day, whether they like to admit it or not.
"Luke." Is all I say, and in the pale moonlight I see his head turn to me for the first time in a while.
"What?" I take another deep breath, the warm summer air filling my lungs.
"I refuse to be the reason you and Calum stop being friends. I really appreciate you and everything you do for me, don't get me wrong. You've made me more happy in these past three weeks than I thought I could achieve in my whole life, and I'm grateful for that. But this is really between Calum and I. If I need to talk to you about it, I will, because I know I can trust you. But you and him need to make up soon. And you still have a concert to put on, don't forget about that."
Luke just stares at me once I finish my rant, and then he sighs and kicks the soft dirt underneath us, slowly sitting up. When he's done readjusting, he puts his arm back around me.
"I can't just talk to him right now,"he sighs, and I furrow my eyebrows and tilt my head, confused.
"Why?"
He takes a deep breath again and turns to me. "Because."
"Because why?" I press, and he stares at me.
And then he kisses me.
I'm shocked at first, too shocked to really react. So I just sit there stiffly, as our lips collide.
But I soon come the my senses.
And then I run.
IT FINALLY HAPPENED