''How do I look?" Okita asked when he finally dressed himself up into the new clothing. "______?"
You seized him with your gaze. He looked good in the western clothing, you wouldn't think it would suit him so much. With a new haircut and yellow coat hanging from his posture, he looked captivating. Not that you would admit it - you wouldn't hear the end of this.
"What is it? I look so good and handsome that you can't utter a word?" he smirked. You rolled your eyes as you hid your mouth behind kimono sleeve.
"You look different," you responded.
"Different how?" he inquired. It seemed he wouldn't just let it go. You mentally cursed.
"...In a good way," you looked away. He chuckled and ruffled your hair. You huffed. He knew that it irritated you to no end, but he still decided to irk you. You decided to smoother the material of his clothing. While you were busy adjusting the collar you felt his gaze on you. "But really, even the Shinsengumi is being westernized. I wonder how the cities would change now."
"If I live to see the changes, I'll take you wherever you'd want."
"What do you mean 'if you live to see'?" you frowned at him.
"I'm the Fury and we're heading to the battle," he sighed looking away. "There is not that much-! Ow!"
You interrupted him tugging his hair. You glared at him.
"Stop with the whining, Souji-san!" you chided and put your hands on your hips. "I don't want to hear about not having much time. You're alive, I'm alive. You'll live through the battle simply because I refuse otherwise."
"You're awfully selfish, you know that?" he looked at you with a hopeless expression. "I'm ready to die, ______."
"You're so ready to die... Then live. For me."
"Huh?"
"That's a challenge, Souji-san!" you said determined. You also didn't have much time left. But you knew something, he didn't. You knew how to became a human again. Stealing the notebook turned to be the best decision you made lately. But you were selfish, he was right. You didn't want to let him think for rest of his life that he is only a weapon. "Live with everything you got. To the last breath, live just for me. You have nothing to lose, you're stuck with me till the end."
He was staring at you, and you stared back. Suddenly he moved and yanked you to his chest. He squeezed you with much force that you were standing breathless. You felt his arms tremble around you.
"For most of my life I lived for Kondou-san..." he said into your hair. "I thought there wasn't anything left for me to live for..."
Okita made a pause and you didn't dare to say a word.
"_____," he said softly, but firmly. You head your breath as your heartbeat quickened even more. "I accept your challenge."
You clung onto his clothes as your eyes watered. You held back your tears and sighed as you nestled into his chest. His arms were strong and firm around you. It made you feel secure. You knew you could rely on him, but a thought of him going to a battle made you uneasy and nervous. You were going to stay in a tent away from the battle, probably helping to tend injured. You just hoped he was going to be alright. The thought that he was a Fury and had inhuman strength didn't really calm your worries. Into addition you felt horrible for not telling him about your condition.
You were trying to convince yourself that it would be better if he didn't know. That you would heal yourself before he notice and he won't be disappointed with you.
"This is how you prepare for the battle?" you jumped when you heard Yamazaki's voice. You tried to get away from Okita, but his grip only tightened. You blushed.
"What, are you jealous?" he mocked.
"L-let me go~~~!" you wriggled.
"No way," you almost could see Okita's smirk when he teased.
"I'll leave you two..." Yamazaki sighed.
"Yes, go away," Okita said.
"T-that's-! Souji-san~~~!"
Okita only laughed.
***
Two days later you were ready to go. Well, almost ready. You made final packing with a smile on your face. Just a few hours of sleep and you'll be going. You felt anxious, but a little bit of excited. Yamazaki still tried to convince you to not go, but you dismissed his words. You grew tired of the guest house that only reminded you about Okita's sickness. It wasn't a home, you decided.
You felt sudden dizziness and your vision began to blurry.
"Not now," you cursed. You held onto the shelf. The wood wasn't fixed on the wall firmly and you fell knocking things down with a loud crash. You gripped your chest as you tried to breathe. Your now white hair covered your eyes. Pain in your chest and the desire was much more overwhelming than before. Tears pricked on your eyes as you leaned on your elbow.
"______?" somewhere far away you heard Okita's voice through the shoji doors. "What's with that noise?"
"Do n-not enter!" you croaked. You crawled and leaned on the wall.
"What? I'm coming in."
"No!" you cried pressing yourself onto the wall. The shoji doors slid and you could see Okita through blured with tears eyes. He froze at the doors. You hid your face in your hands. "Please... Don't look at me!"
You dig your nails into your scalp when you heard his steps. Your mind raced and more spasms shook your body. You sobbed when you felt him crouching just before you.
"No...!" you pled closing your eyes.
"Shh..." Okita whispered. He held you just like you used to hug him when he had his attacks. More sobs shook your body. He caressed your hair till you calmed down and the pain in your chest subsided. You didn't have a heart to look him into the eyes. After the pain came the overwhelming wave of guilt. You trembled as you wanted the ground to swallow you whole. That's when he asked one simple question. "Since when?"
It all came bursting out of your mouth. With a hoarse voice you told him how you woke up in Fujinomiya, at your family house. You spoke about slow process of healing the gunshot wound and how Kaoru came on day. You told him about the argument with the young boy and how he made you drink the Water of life. You told him how you decided to sneak into Yukimura's house and found about the medicine that slows the Fury's bloodlust. You left out the notebook and the information in it.
Okita listened to you in silence. You couldn't make yourself to look up from the floor. Your hair was again in normal state, at least. Okita suddenly stood up. You sighed. Well, what were you expecting, he hated you now. Just like you thought it would be. This small flame of hope just died when you watched his back. You closed your eyes in silent mourn.
"What are you doing? We've got a battle to attend to," you heard him say. Your eyes shot wide open.
"W-we?"
"Forgot already?" he rose his brows in amusement. "There is still that challenge going on. We're not giving up on each other, are we?"
You gasped.
"You don't hate m-me?"
"Aah~. You're not only crazy, but silly too," he grinned and held out his hand. "C'mon. No more whining," he spoke. Still unsure you grasped his hand. He jerked you upwards and gave you quick peck on your lips. He ruffled your hair and still gripping your hand walked out of the room.
"Sleep just a little before we go, okay?"
You slept restlessly. To be frank, you didn't sleep too much. But who could, if they knew that a journey is a morning away and they're heading for the battle. You wondered if Okita was asleep. Just as the thought of checking up on him crossed your mind your blood rushed to your cheeks. He was no longer bedridden and visiting him would lead to some consequences you did want to face. Endless teasing for instance. That was enough to make you groan into your pillow.
You sat up abruptly digging yourself out of the futon. You took Yukimura's notebook in hands and opened it. There were still pages you didn't read. All left to do, was to tell Okita that there is a place where he could turn back into human. You hoped you could come with him too. You still felt insecure about the fact he knew you were a Fury. He accepted it as a fact, but did he accept you? You didn't know if you were again just imagining things.
What kind of relationship you two even had? He kissed you a few times, he let you come with him, he said that 'he won't give up on you'. It all just made you wonder. You loved those blissful moments and all you dreamed about was just to be with him. Nothing more. Your heart yearned for him, for his kisses, for his looks, for his gentle hands. But in the end would he give himself to you as you did? You offered your heart on a silver platter a long time ago. You didn't want anything in return, maybe a little plead to not break it. And you let him take it. But back then your relationship was still the same - teasing, visits, friends.
Now something changed. And that something made your heart beat in anticipation, but also made you slightly anxious. What would happen if he died in the battle? What if he lived through but still died from tuberculosis? All you knew, was that even if you cured him from being the Fury, he would still die from the illness.
One thing you knew for sure, was that even if he were to die, you want to stay with him till the bitter end. Even if your heart were to break into small pieces, even if you were to be lonely for the rest of your life, you won't leave him. Never.
You just loved him too much to leave him.
With that resolution you dressed up yourself. You hid the notebook in in your kimono. You unsheathed the kaiken and looked at the blade. You made silent vow and hid the dagger in your obi.
"Are you sure you want to go?" Yamazaki asked once again.
"Yes, we've talked about it already."
"I know, but I think it's still horrible idea."
"Why?" you sighed.
"I'm not telling that because you're a woman, you should stay," he spoke frowning at you. "But you have no battle experience. If you get hurt, who do you think would be most worried about you?"
"I..."
"Listen. You'll do whatever you want. Keep in mind that if something happens, you might die as easily as normal solider that isn't a Fury."
He left you alone giving, no time for a reply.
~~***~~
Hello! How did you like this chapter? I hope you enjoyed! ^^