Gerard woke up reluctantly, his body doing its best to ignore the outside stimuli that was slowly pushing him into consciousness, but as hard as Gerard tried to sink back down into the warm sheets and ignore the soft sounds of his neighbors moving about that were rapidly becoming louder by the second, he didn't have much luck, and eventually, he was forced to open his eyes and relinquish his hold on sleep entirely, squinting against the bright sunlight that shone through the open curtains on the other side of the room.
Still, Gerard was in no hurry to actually get out of bed, that just seemed like entirely too much effort, so he simply stretched lazily, his joints popping in a satisfying manner as his gaze wandered to the red numbers that graced the face of this ancient alarm clock.
9:57am
Oh fuck - Gerard was late to work, really fucking late, so late that it wasn't even worth it to attempt making it into the office today, he would just have to call in later with some bullshit story about how he was sick, and he hadn't heard his alarm this morning - actually, he truly hadn't heard the familiar blaring sound that usually awoke him without fail, which was strange, but it was possible that Gerard had just forgotten to set it last night, even though that was very unlike him.
There was no point in worrying about it now though, because Gerard still had a little bit of sick time left, and no one would probably care about Gerard's absence; the worst case scenario involved his boss chewing him out, but whatever - it had happened before, and knowing Gerard's lousy attendance lately, it would happen again.
Something still seemed off to Gerard though - wrong even, ignoring the small pit of dread that was currently forming in his stomach, but that always happened when Gerard missed work, regardless of if he had a good reason or not, but that wasn't what had Gerard anxious and slightly on edge, he couldn't quite place what it was though.
Maybe it was just the oddity of waking up so late, because Gerard wasn't sure why he had been so irresponsible this morning, it didn't make sense, because Gerard just didn't do that unless he had a good reason, and honestly, that reason usually involved Frank in one way or another, but - oh fuck, Frank had been here - hadn't he, he had spent the night, and that explained why Gerard hadn't bothered to remember that he had work in the morning, but it also awoke a flurry of other questions that increased Gerard's uneasy feeling to the point of queasiness.
Gerard had no idea how the fact that Frank had spent the night had managed to slip his mind, but now it was all coming back; Frank had kissed Gerard, and more...so much more, but where was he now? Gerard was positive that Frank had fallen asleep here, he could vividly recall drifting off to his soft breathing, but then nothing - Gerard had no idea when Frank had taken off, or why, and the unknown was causing his breath to catch in his chest and his heart to beat at twice the normal rate.
Memories of last night began assaulting Gerard's mind like reels from a movie, his eyes fluttering shut as he replayed the events of their evening, starting with the kiss outside of his apartment, and ending with the way they had lain naked together in each other's arms, but obviously Gerard hadn't woken up that way, he was alone in his bed at the moment, and now that he realized that Frank had left, he instantly began to panic.
Because Frank was here, and now he wasn't, and that could mean so many things, or it could mean absolutely nothing, but fuck - what if Gerard had messed up, what if Frank had started to rethink everything after Gerard had surrendered to slumber, maybe he didn't like Gerard anymore, or Gerard had moved too fast, or something.
Gerard's breathing quickened as he glanced around rapidly, trying to ascertain if Frank was in the bathroom, or hiding in the closet, and even in his distressed state, Gerard chuckled at his own lame attempt at a joke, but once he realized that Frank was nowhere to be seen, all traces of humor dissipated from his mind, despair taking over instead.
Gerard didn't know what to think, or to do, because he had no idea what had actually happened, and maybe Frank just had somewhere to be, and he would return later, or maybe not - fuck, Gerard wasn't used to this mess of feelings, and even though a small part of his brain knew that he was overreacting, that knowledge did nothing to calm him down.
Gerard wasn't even sure what last night meant to Frank, because yes - he had admitted to liking Gerard for quite some time, but did that mean he was looking for a real relationship, or was this just going to turn into a fuck buddy sort of thing, and even though Gerard wouldn't mind that, he wanted to truly be with Frank, he ached for it, and now that he was gone, Gerard was seriously regretting not voicing his thoughts earlier.
But at the same time, Gerard was scared - terrified actually, because no one had ever showed any interest in pursuing a relationship with Gerard, so what were the odds that his crush of over a year would want to? Frank was so far out of his league it was almost hilarious, and he could have his pick of anyone, so why would he settle on Gerard, that just didn't make any sense.
With a frustrated sigh, Gerard attempted to get out of bed, maybe he could search around and see if Frank had left a note or something explaining his absence, but being the clumsy fucker that he was, Gerard didn't notice the way his feet were tangled in the sheets, which resulted in him falling onto his side with an embarrassing thump, a frightened squeak leaving his mouth as he was deposited onto the scratchy carpet.
Gerard groaned in pain as he kicked off the stupid fabric that had attempted to kill him, wincing slightly at the dull ache shooting up his spine, which was just another reminder of what had happened with Frank last night, and Gerard really didn't want that right now, not when his head was spinning, and he missed Frank already, and he was actually on the verge of tears for some ridiculous reason.
Gerard didn't have the energy to get up, so he stayed on the floor, his bare skin quickly being covered in goosebumps as it was exposed to the chill air, but Gerard could hardly feel the nip of cold, he was stuck inside his head right now, drowning in the multitude of thoughts that were assaulting him regarding Frank's whereabouts, and if he was ever coming back, and if Gerard should even bother trying to find him, because moping in bed all day sounded like a much better idea right now.
Gerard knew he was being stupid, and Frank had probably just needed to be at a previous commitment, but still, it was early, and Gerard's brain was muddled from the fall, and the sleep still clogging his thoughts, and he just wanted Frank back, he wanted to make sure that last night hadn't been a fluke, because if it was, Gerard didn't think he would be able to handle it.
He just couldn't go back to pretending to be friends with Frank, not after they had gotten so close; Gerard was barely holding himself together right now, and he had only realized that Frank was gone maybe ten minutes ago, and fuck - Gerard wasn't even doing that anymore, because hot tears were escaping out of his eyes without his consent, his chest heaving as he pulled the sheet that had tried to murder him around his naked body in a pathetic attempt at shielding himself from his unruly emotions.
Fuck - Gerard hated this, he really did, but now that he and Frank had finally admitted their feelings for each other, Gerard wasn't sure where they went from here; he knew most people dated, but Gerard had never done that before, he had never had the opportunity, and being thrown into a relationship with Frank was just as horrifying as it was exciting.
Because even though Gerard had struggled with hiding his feelings when he and Frank had just been friends, and he had truly wanted things to progress between them, Gerard hadn't considered all of the pitfalls that would come along with opening his heart up to the one person who had the power to crush it.
What if he and Frank didn't work together, what if Frank broke up with him, then Gerard would lose him forever, and that was so much worse than never pursuing a relationship with him in the first place. At least they would have very little chance of a falling out if they stayed friends, but now everything was up in the air, and Gerard didn't like this feeling, he wasn't in control anymore, he was exposed, and weak, and vulnerable, and Frank had left him just when he needed him most.
Gerard wasn't sure how long he sat there sobbing, his limbs shaking as he tried to expel all of the negative energy from his seriously fucked up brain, but even though Gerard knew he didn't have a true reason to cry - not yet anyway, not before he talked to Frank, he couldn't stop himself, he was just so overwhelmed, and confused, and lonely, and even though he knew he should get up and attempt to call Frank, he couldn't, not right now, not until he had gotten this sorrow out of his system.
"Gerard - oh fuck, are you okay?" Frank's voice broke through Gerard's random pity fest, and for one moment, he truly believed that he had imagined him, but no - that was Frank crossing the room hastily, his tattooed arms wrapping around Gerard's trembling frame, his familiar scent that Gerard inhaled when he buried his face in the crook of Frank's neck.
"I - I'm okay, I'm sorry..." Gerard gasped out, his tears slowly ebbing now that Frank was here, even though Gerard still fully didn't understand what was happening, and he was slightly mortified by the fact that Frank was seeing him this way, but the side of Gerard that yearned to be held pushed away his lingering embarrassment, instead, he focused on calming down enough to be able to speak properly, even though he had no idea what he was going to say when he reached that point.
"Hey - shh...it's okay, I've got you," Frank cooed softly, his hand threading through Gerard's hair gently as he spoke.
"I - I know, I'm just being stupid...just ignore me," Gerard hiccupped softly, pulling back from Frank slightly when his tears had finally slowed down to a trickle instead of a flood.
"Honey, you aren't stupid, but what happened - are you hurt, or...?" Frank trailed off as his gaze raked over Gerard's exposed body, and once he found no obvious sign of injuries, he locked eyes with Gerard, trying to decipher the cause of his tears without having to use any more words.
"I fell out of bed, but that's not why I was crying...I - I just," Gerard gulped loudly, trying to figure out how to word his distress without freaking Frank out. "I missed you...I thought you left."
"Oh - no honey, I was just in the kitchen making you breakfast. I felt bad because I may have accidentally turned off your alarm earlier, so I thought I would make up for it with waffles," Frank chucked nervously, his cheeks tinting a pale shade of red as he waited for Gerard's reaction.
"I was wondering why I didn't hear it," Gerard smiled weakly, ignoring the way the motion stretched his sticky, tear stained cheeks.
"I'm sorry, I really am - I just did it on instinct, and by the time I actually woke up, I realized it was too late for you to get to work..."
"Frank, I don't mind - really, I'm just glad you are still here," Gerard mumbled quietly, his hand lacing through Frank's tentatively as he spoke.
"Why did you think I wouldn't be?" Frank asked gently, his arms coming back up to wrap around Gerard's waist slowly.
"I - I don't know...it's just, you were there, and then you weren't, and I - last night, and..." Gerard mumbled quietly, his free hand tracing random patterns on the floor as he did his best to avoid Frank's searching eyes.
"Did I do something wrong...I - I know things moved pretty fast last night, and I shouldn't have lost control of myself like that, and I'm sorry -"
"No - no, it's not that at all, it...fuck, I don't want to say it, I sound so pathetic," Gerard whined, burying his face in the sheet so he could hide his blushing cheeks from Frank's gaze.
"Hey...you can talk to me honey, I'm not going to get upset, and I can't help you feel better if I don't understand what's wrong," Frank pressed gently, his lips grazing lightly against Gerard's temple as he leaned into Frank's side weakly.
"I - I need to know what last night was, and if you could ever actually want to be in a relationship with me, even though I still can't believe you like me at all," Gerard scoffed, doing his best to hide his inner pain with a show of fake humor.
Frank stayed silent for a long moment, and even though it was probably only thirty seconds at most, Gerard swore they sat there for an hour, the only audible sound was his pounding heart and sharp inhales as he waited for Frank to speak, or leave, or do something - anything really.
Frank finally shifted slightly, placing his body directly in front of Gerard as he balanced his weight on his knees. "Gerard, would you please do me the honor of being my boyfriend?" Frank placed a chaste kiss to his knuckles once the words had left his lips, a hint of fear clouding his hazel eyes as he peered up at Gerard patiently.
Gerard didn't need to think about his answer, because it was yes - of course it was yes, but despite the sparks of sheer joy that were bursting in his bloodstream, Gerard needed to know why, he couldn't continue down this road with all of his fears and doubts nipping at his heels along the way.
"I want to be with you Frank, I do - so fucking much, but I just...why do you want to be with me? I'm just Gerard, I'm nothing special, but you - you are Frank, you could take your pick of anyone, and I don't understand what you see in me," Gerard ended on a whimper, a second round of tears stinging his eyelids as he revealed the questions that had been plaguing him to Frank's waiting ears.
"Oh honey...fuck - I wish you could see what I do when I look at you," Frank murmured softly. "Do you remember what I told you last night?" Frank asked softly, his hands coming up to rest on Gerard's shoulders as he inched closer to the trembling man.
"Yeah..." Gerard nodded slowly, because he did recall Frank listing a few reasons why he liked him, something about him being sweet, and artistic, and a few other good qualities about Gerard, but that wasn't enough to enlighten Gerard as to why Frank chose him out of all the admirers he must have flocking around him after every show. "I just - god, you must think I'm such a mess, but I'm just scared Frank...no one likes me, not for anything more than a quick fuck, and I can't wrap my head around why you do."
"Do you know how long it's been since I've had a proper relationship?" Frank questioned, leaving Gerard to shake his head no, because he couldn't remember Frank ever mentioning it, and even if he had, Gerard had probably blocked it out so he wouldn't explode from jealously. "Three years...almost four now actually."
"What - how is that possible?" Gerard gasped, because he had assumed that Frank had people like Gerard throwing themselves at him left and right, and he couldn't imagine Frank being so picky as to not take a liking to anyone.
"Because not very many people like me - not the real me, and you have no idea how many of my relationships have ended because my boyfriends couldn't accept the different sides of me," Frank sighed heavily, and this time, it was Frank who was leaning into Gerard for comfort, and not the other way around.
"What do you mean...they don't like you being a drag queen?" Gerard pressed when Frank remained silent.
"Sometimes, my last boyfriend didn't mind that so much, but he didn't understand why I chose to wear skirts outside of my shows, and he always made all of these assumptions about me without getting to know me first - stupid things really, like thinking I didn't want to top just because I occasionally dressed in woman's clothing, and no matter how many times I tried to explain it to him, he didn't seem to get that I wasn't secretly transgender. I just like fucking skirts okay, but he kept putting all this pressure on me to 'come out', he said I was lying about who I really was, and there was no way I could enjoy being a drag queen if I didn't truly want to be a woman. He was an asshole, even though I know he thought he was helping me, and I never should have gotten with him in the first place, but I was lonely...and I thought staying with him was better than being single. He was the best out of the bunch though, which is pretty fucking sad," Frank exhaled heavily, his chest heaving slightly when he was finished speaking, and Gerard could tell that this was something Frank didn't let very many people know about.
"Oh Frank...I'm sorry, you don't deserve that," Gerard whispered, pulling Frank closer to him in an attempt at soothing him with his touch.
"I know I don't - at least, now I do, and that's why I have been single for so long. I swore I would wait for someone who accepted every side of me, who wouldn't try to change me, or be embarrassed of me, someone who I wouldn't have to hide my skirts and makeup from, someone that would be proud to walk out in public with me no matter what I wearing that day, and fuck - you have no idea how hard that is to find, and then you came into my life. You fucking swept me off my feet - literally, and I kept waiting for you to fuck up, or judge me, or just stop being my friend entirely, but you didn't...you stayed, and I - fuck Gerard, I still can't believe I found someone as perfect as you."
"Frank..." Gerard choked out, his eyes brimming with tears for the third time this morning, but on this occasion, they stemmed from happiness, "I want to be that person for you, I'm just so scared of messing something up...I have never had a boyfriend before, and I'm - I'm weird, I'm fucked up, and what if I start annoying you eventually, what if you get tired of me, what if -"
"Honey...I know you are nervous, and I can't see the future, but I have been your friend for a while now, and I'm aware that you have some anxiety issues, but I don't give a fuck, that doesn't make you any less of a person in my eyes, and if you want, I'll keep trying to help you with those, but either way, it doesn't change how much I like you, and if you let me, I'll show you that you have nothing to be afraid of."
"I - okay, I'd like that," Gerard smiled, really truly smiled, the expression only lengthening as Frank beamed up at him with adoration sparkling in his eyes.
"Thank fuck," Frank mumbled, more to himself than to Gerard, and before Gerard could respond to the statement that probably wasn't meant for him, Frank was kissing him; it was soft and gentle, just a simple press of the lips, but Gerard's skin was actually tingling underneath Frank's, and he found all of his doubts draining out of him as Frank continued to kiss him slowly.
"So boyfriend, do you want some waffles, they should still be hot," Frank grinned when they finally pulled apart. Gerard's stomach rumbled loudly just when he opened his mouth to form an answer, causing Frank to laugh uproariously as he tugged Gerard to his feet, leaving Gerard blushing profusely when he realized he was still completely naked, which of course, only made Frank laugh even louder as Gerard scrambled to find some clothes.
Once Gerard was covered again, he followed Frank into his small kitchen, inhaling deeply when the scent of waffles reached his nose. Gerard couldn't stop staring at Frank as he hurried over to the counter the food was placed on, ignoring Gerard's protest that he could get his own breakfast, and even after they were both digging into their plates eagerly, Gerard's eyes never left Frank's form.
Fuck - this was real, this was happening, Frank was his boyfriend now, and even though Gerard kept expecting Frank to disappear whenever he was forced to blink, he didn't, this wasn't a dream, although Gerard didn't think that it was humanly possible to feel this happy, but he wasn't complaining, especially not when Frank leaned over and kissed Gerard's syrup soaked lips tenderly.
"Thank you," Gerard spoke up after a few minutes of nothing but the clink of utensils and the chewing of food breaking the still air, "and not just for breakfast, but for everything, for staying this morning, for giving me a chance, for opening up to me, for wanting me..." Gerard trailed off when he noticed the way Frank was staring at him, his cheeks staining red at the undivided attention his new boyfriend was gracing him with.
"Honey...that's what boyfriends do, and fuck - I am so glad I'm your first. I will make sure you don't get hurt like I did." Frank flinched slightly at the mention of his past, and Gerard noticed, so he gently pulled Frank off of the bar stool he was currently perched on, placing him in his lap instead.
"I want to do the same thing for you okay, so you have to tell me if I do something stupid, I never want to make you feel that way."
"You won't honey, you haven't before, and even if you do, I know you will listen to what I say instead of instantly judging me," Frank reassured Gerard, and even though Gerard was still slightly apprehensive, he wasn't petrified of ruining this anymore, because he would do everything in his power to keep Frank happy and his, and it seemed as if Frank was just as willing to make this work as Gerard was.
"Of course, because you are Frank, and you wouldn't be Frank without all those unique aspects that drew me to you in the first place."
"See - you get me, I don't know how, but you just do," Frank sighed happily.
Gerard didn't respond with words, nothing he could say seemed good enough, so he did the only thing he could think of, pressing his lips to Frank's once again, and fuck - Gerard would never get tired of this feeling, and now he was free to kiss Frank whenever he wanted, because they were together now, after almost a year of hopeless pining, Gerard had finally gotten the one thing he never imagined he would be able to have.
Well this is super overdue, but I have been busy af lately, and writing has sort of taken a back seat to life atm.
On the bright side though, this story is almost over, and I am going to try and power through it as soon as possible. I think there is only three more chapters left, and maybe an epilogue, so I am going to try and knock this book out by the end of the month.
So if you liked this chapter, maybe leave a comment or a vote, they make me very happy.
((((updating vibes))))
<3 starr