Jane
I was furious when I got home after everything that happened, leaving that weird family house and River being a complete ass about everything. He had the nerve to say I was confused what this was he kissed me all the time I never insinuated any of this. I was in my room ferrous and agitated about everything, who does he think he is breaking up this fake relationship for whatever reason. River just made me so angry and upset all the time. Tiffany was no help saying I was overreacting and be dramatic cause for some reason in her head, I didn't want the fake relationship to end.
I was so hyped form being angry and mad at him, I didn't realize it was getting late I need to get to bed. But it was hard to sleep as I was so mad at the River I wanted to strangle him while he sleeps peacefully not even bothered by this. I was laying, playing on my phone when I heard voices outside my room as I put the phone on the night stand quickly and closed my eyes. My light was still on but if I turned it off now they would know I was awake. I couldn't hear what was being said, but I froze as I heard my door open and close hearing footsteps walking toward the bed. The bed moved as I stayed silent and still.
Nothing happened for a while as I peaked under my lashes as I heard a weird sound he was riding his hands over his head. It looked like he had shaved his head as his hair was very closely cut to his head, when earlier it was not much longer but it was noticeable. My eyes traveled to his back, he didn't have a shirt on and in the reflection of the lamp his skin was shining like he had been sweating. But my eyes stopped at his back as I saw for the second time the scars all over his back. The scares were disturbed as they went all different directions and were all different lengths. There were layers of them, some looked different from others I guess they were older or deeper. I was tempted to reach out and touch them as I hated the feeling they cause in the pit of my stomach.
I decided not to touch him as he might cut my hand off since he got very angry when I questioned him before he flipped out. I hated seeing them though it was weird who could have done this to him, why what did he do to deserve that type of treatment or what even made those marks. River movie and I shut my eyes quickly, fearing he saw me staring at the marks on his back. But the bed moved slightly, but there was still a dip in the bed as I heard something hit the flooring daring I peeked under my lashes to see River being over I guess he was taking off his shoes off, which was confusing but as he sat back up I shut my eyes trying to look like I'm sleeping. I tried not to jump when I felt his hand slowly moved a piece of hair off my face as I felt his thumb slowly brush over the top of my cheekbone. I was almost panicked did he know I was awake was he testing me. I wanted to hit his hand away cause I was still furious with him.
But he stopped sighing, and I heard the lamp click as the light I could see behind my eyelids became dark. I also felt him stand up and start walking away. I was quieter this time from his shoes being off. My stomach sank as I realized he was leaving me almost realized I wasn't asleep by stopping him. But quickly stopped when I felt the other side of my bed moved and the blanket and felt Rivers body move closer to mine. I wanted to ask what he was doing, he just told me like five hours ago that we need to stop pretending to be in a fake relationship. He said I was confused what this was and he wonders why doing shit like this is very confusing. He acts like a boyfriend that caring and wants to be with me on mine, then a complete ass the next and pushing me away. I felt his arm lay over my side and across my stomach as he pulled me in closer to him so my back was pressed firmly against his chest. I felt like I was shaking in anticipation of what he was going to do, I bit my bottom lip, waiting for him to say or do something when I felt his breath in the crease of my neck. His lip pressed down on me softly and gently lingering for a moment.
The kiss sent a jolt throughout my body I wanted him to do more, as I arched my back a bit, giving him more accused as a sign to do more I wanted more. But he didn't as I moved he slides his other arm under my head as he pulled my body in a little closer. I waited, wanting more scared because I didn't know what to expect confused and still angry. Mostly I was angry with myself that I was allowing this to happen after everything he has done, but I still wanted him here and I hated that. However, nothing else happened, I fell asleep listening to his deep breathing that was comforting.
In the morning my alarm went off as I was about to move I realized I was still locked in Rivers embrace. He moved to sit up and reaching over me and shut it off as I rolled a little to lay on my back and looked up at him. Still confused and wondering what he was going to say about why he was in my bed. But he didn't say anything, he just got off the bed and picked up the shoes and walked toward the door and left. I ran my fingers through my hair so confused and frustrated about him, I swear he has two personalities, one that hates me then one that might or I guess I hoped wanted me in some way.
"oh good you're up, you still have to go to school get up and come down to eat breakfast we have something to talk with you about" my mother said coming in the room clearly missing the fact River had just slept in here with me the entire night and or my expression of complete confusion
I got dressed in a complete daze form last night and this morning, like who does that sleep with someone, then not say a word and just walk out. I was eager to get down stairs as maybe River action last night have something to do with what my mother wanted to talk about. I walked into the kitchen as my dad River and my mother were discussing where to go after school. I walked and sat down and picked up some toast and nibbled on a corner, I wasn't sure if I should say something I felt so awkward.
"Jane, I don't want to hear any arguing about this" my father said as my stomach turned and I got a bit angry I hated being told what to do it makes me so angry " after school you and River will attend dance class" he said as I rolled my eyes
"um why, I already took lesson" I said as my mother glared at me
"Jane, River need to learn everything isn't always about you" he said I rolled my eyes
"that doesn't explain why I have to go" I said remembering when I was listening to conversation my dad, Gino and River had once when I pretend to sleep "I'm sure he can find one of his willing whore's to with him" I said starting to get up I was over this conversation
"Jane sit down" my father said in a very loud irritated voice as I debated ignoring the request but sat down "you will go to the lesson" he said irritated through gritted teeth
"why I already know how to dance, it's ridiculous to make me go" I said, shouting back
"Jane River is your body-guard, where he goes, you go with him" he said, rubbing his head
"well that's not my problem that yours for forcing me to have a stupid body-guard in the first place and for choosing this baboon who can't dance" I said fuming mad
"Jane, I'm done with the conversation, you will go, you will participate. This little rebellious act is getting real old and you need to grow up and take some responsibility Jane" he said as I glanced at my mother who seemed disinterested in what happening just eating her food as River did the same "you're going to be 18 soon and need to start acting like it, this family isn't just about you and your privileged life I have provided for you" he said as I glared at him he really irritated with the control aspect
"are we done I have to go to school" I said getting up and leaving the room
River didn't say anything the time as I stormed out the house, he didn't say anything the entire trip to school, never speaking to the whole school day. Which made the studied dance lesson really awkward and irritating. Once home, I did in my room until I was forced to come down to eat dinner where I sat silencing eating as River and my dad chatted about stupid things. I left the room promptly not want to socialize with any of them, it was irritating and upsetting I just wanted to be alone. Working on class work before laying in bed again playing on my phone as I heard my door opening again.
Closing my eye, hoping to avoid whoever it was, hearing footsteps coming closer to my bed and the lamp turning off and footsteps walking away. The other side of my bed dipped down, as the blankets were moved and I felt River arm once again wrap around me. I almost thought about pushing him away after the way he treated me all day. But I didn't it, in some sick way I wanted him here with me as his lip pressed against my skin I felt the familiar tingling gull rip through my body almost worse than before and I nestled in closer to him and fell asleep listening to his breathing.
Then, once morning came, he did the same thing, turned the alarm off didn't even look at me and walk out without a word. IT was the same throughout the day he didn't speak to me and basically avoid being near me at all cost. Whenever we were home it was the same I would be watching TV and if he came in or sat down I basically ran away and hide in my room. It was starting to really hurt seeing him every day as he acted as if I wasn't there, then every night I would pretend to be asleep and he would come and hold me like he cared and wanted me. I hated him for making me feel like this, every night I wanted to push him away, telling him to leave and to stop coming in here. It never happened because I wanted here with me and I was wonderful in his arms and it felt so perfect for a short time. Until I awake and he would leave me and the pain would come back.
Every day was the same with almost a month passing with every day the same it was horrible and I felt so alone all the time. Tiffany knew something was wrong, but I refused to talk about it, how was I supposed to talk about what was happening. Letting River sleeping in my bed every night as he refuses to even acknowledge me during the day. She would just tell me not to let him then, but I was sick and it was the only thing that made me happy recently even though he was the cause of my unhappy ones.
My birthday was coming up soon and we had to dress shop and get fitting done and I hated it. Everyone around me was so excited about the party and normally I would be too, but I just kept chatting about River all the time. Wonder what he was doing if he realized what he was doing was hurting me. I couldn't even look at him anymore, it causes me to want to tear up as.
"Jane is there something you want to talk about" I heard my mother's voice say I looked up away from the dress I was wearing in the mirror waiting on the seamstress to finally make last-minute segments
"no" I said as I looked away from her gazing eyes as I felt a tear welling up in my eyes
"Jane, what wrong, you look like you're about to cry" she said coming closer
"its nothing, I'm just tried was up late working on homework" I said, avoiding
"I won't force you to talk to me, but I wish you would" she said as I felt her hand touch my arm gently
I ran from the small room and into the changing room as the tear ran down my face, I wanted to hate River. I hate him yet I could help but want him at the same time and it was driving me crazy, hearing my mother knocking on the door. I just sat there hating everything for a long time wish she would stop talking to me and just get the hint I wanted to be alone. What made things worse was the idiotic dance lesson I was being forced to go to with him. He acted like I repulsed him and tried to stay as far away from me as possible as I was diseased and beneath him. Once I calmed down I changed my clothes and walked out my mother and shop attended just stood there and watched me as I left quickly and went outside.
My mother didn't ask any more questions that day so she tried to talk during meals, but all I could do from not crying was shrug or node in response to her. Each day went by in slow motion and nobody seemed to notice or care. Each day that came closer I was to the party, the party I didn't even want. The part to let the world know I could be married off to someone who I didn't love or will ever love me. ii just wanted to scream and cry all the time, but I know it wouldn't do me any good.
The night before my birthday, my phone was buzzing with people wish me happy birthday as they wrote nice things. Somewhere from people I knew, some I didn't but just wanted my approval and it made me angry. It was a little past midnight when River finally came in, he stopped and usually hesitated I pretend to be asleep when he came in I guess he expected the same tonight. He walked closer and sat on the edge of my bed the furthest possible from me as.
"Happy birthday Jane" he said as he reached into his pocket and pulled a small box out "it's not much, but" he said as he shrugged and sat the box on the bed as I picked it up "it nothing much, I'm sure you have much better thing and going to get expensive gifts at your party" he said as he just looking toward the door
It was a simple white box made of cardboard, it had some type of raising decorations. It was small but a little bigger than the palm of my hand. I lifted the lid of the box and felt my throat close a bit. It was a small silver bracelet and had a pendant hanging off that was a silver heart. True it wasn't expensive and I have many expensive things, but it didn't matter, I didn't care, it only mattered because it came from him and it made me want to cry. I tried distracting myself so I didn't start bawling like a baby, putting the bracelet on and tossing the box on the night stand.
"Thank you" was all I was able to get out it sounded weird but I just wanted to hide under the blanket "I should probably get some sleep" I said glancing over at River. He sat looking at the ground
"Get some sleep" he said, standing up as I watched him turn the lights off and heard a deep breath and heavy footsteps start walking away. I expected to hear the footsteps return or move to the other side of the bed, but they just kept going toward the door.
"You're not going to stay" I said in a panic as I heard the door handle turn. The door was still shut and I was scared he was going to leave, he was quiet for a long time as I waited panicking fearful I would be alone
"do you want me to stay" he said in a voice low and pleading, I sigh in relief I feared he would just leave
"yes" I said as I heard the door knob realize as I could see a bit of his dark outline move away from the door I relaxed a bit as his footsteps came closer
He took off his shoes and lay down wrapping his arms around me and I wanted to cry again from the sick torture I was causing. I wanted him yet I hated him. It felt too great when I was in his arms, but I knew when morning came I would feel the pain and hurt has he left again. I drifted off to sleep only to be awaken by the alarm clock going off and my heart clenching as I wished it would stop, I wished I would have unplugged, done something to stop what was about to happen.
River moved beside me and leaning over me toward the blaring alarm clock, I laid back so was partly under his body. I looked up and notice he had a light stubble growing and I always loved the feeling of stubble, and beards, just their morning stubble before they shave. I raised my hand up just to feel it, I always remember as a kid, rubbing my hand on my dad's stubble and him laughing. I wanted to see if it felt the same or if River would laugh. It felt prickly and rough as I dragged my hand along his jaw. I smiled as it tickled my palm.
"Jane, what are you doing" River said as meet his eye, he had an amused smirk on his face as I felt my face turn red,
"nothing, I just wanted to feel it" I said looking away feeling like an idiot as I bit my lip hoping he drops it.
But River never said a word, as I glanced back up at him, he no longer had a smirking but looking at my lips. I accidentally stopped biting me as he moved closer to me, but stopped a few inches away from our lips touching. I couldn't even remember the last kiss we shared, but uncontrollable I whimpered as he started so pulling away from me as he stopped as my hands flew around his neck stopping him. I can't keep going on like this every night I need more, I wanted more. As he tried to pull away more as he tried to pull one of my hands away
"Please, don't" I begged as I felt tears threatening to spill from my eyes, as he stopped and as he brought his eyes back to look into mine.
He opened his mouth like he was about to say something, but stopped. I was about to plead my case when his lip crashed against mine. I gasped as he slipped his tongue into my mouth and started exploring as I couldn't breathe, not from lack of oxygen, but because I was so deprived , hungry for him, want him. My body felt on fire as I felt my legs be moved, as I felt River body fully pressured against mine as I gasped from the excitement at how it made my body feel, it was like when your foot falls asleep pins and needles stabbing me everywhere, but it felt so good. He started kissing down my neck as I gasped more finally being able to breath as I felt one of his rough hand slides under light small night-shirt. My body arched itself to him it wanted his touch more than I realized as he recaptured my lips. I moaned as his fingers grazed my breast and my lips were gone as my body was lifted off the bed.
River was so fast I didn't even realize he had lifted my shirt over my head until my hair fell back down and I felt the cold air ripple across my chest. River was standing on his knees, both my legs spread out on the opposite side of his knees as he just stood there looking down at me, breathing heavy. I was feeling self-conscious as he looked over my body and I couldn't read them, his expression as I started to cover my body. Maybe it was expecting something else or wanted something else. But before I could fully cover myself, Rivers hands were around my wrist and pinning me down. I looked into his eyes and he practically growled like an animal at me.
"Don't you ever do that again" he said as I nodded and his mouth attached my breast, as his hand assaulted the other
His teeth nibbling and sucking I was lost I couldn't even breathe right and I just kept begging for River to not stop. But he did as he gripped my hips and I was suddenly straddling him as I gasped looking down at him. He held my hips tightly in place as I tried to move away from what startled me. River was just in a pair of sweatpants and a black wife beater. The pants were thinner than jean's he wore last time I had straddled him and felt how excited he was. This was different it felt so much bigger and I became a little frightened. Was I ready for this, could I do this, thousands of thoughts racing through my head as River sat up and her mouth assaulted my breast again and I lost all will power. He hands were forcing me to gently rock my hips over his excited friends. He groaned as I got lost in the feeling it was causing me. My hands were traveling down his chest I wanted his shirt gone.
He must have read my mind cause his mouth left me he pulled the shirt over his head as I watch my fingers slide down his sculpted stomach and I hadn't realized River hand had started to hide my hips faster and I moaned louder than intended when both of his hands slipped into my booty shorts and he squeezes my but hard and soon I was pinned to the bed as River's kisses were hard and demanding. His body pressed harder against me as he continued to grind against me. My hand traveled down his stomach again as I wrapped my legs around him want him closer. Until I stopped at the elastic band of the sweet pants, River stopped as well, our eyes meet as River and I both were breathing heavy. My fingernails grazed his skin as a tremble vibrated through his body and he pressed his forehead to mine as I watched his face gasp as I moved my finger a little past the sweatpants.
His flashed open in pure horror as he flung himself off the bed onto the ground as I turned over into my stomach as my mother busted into the door singing happy birthday.
"Jane are you excited as I am for your party" she said as I hid my face into my mattress my pillows were non-existent on my bed, neither where the blankets
"Mother, don't you ever knock, get out" I yell as she sat on my bed
"Jane gets over I changed and bathed you, there nothing new I haven't seen before, but you need to get showered and ready for breakfast, cause we have to get into hair and makeup and finally fitting before the big party, cause my little girls finally an adult"
"Mom get out" I said again, completely dying of embarrassment and she was going on about breakfast.
"Jane, get over yourself, you're going to need to get used to being naked at some point in your life" she said, getting up
"this is so embarrassing" I grumbled into my mattress as I heard her footstep walking toward the door
"Also before I leave, just a bit of advice for you and River, there a little tiny invention on the door called a lock, use it, it won't always be me walking in." she said as I wanted to scream and die from humiliation now "Your dad would have shoot River and then we would have had to make a trip to the hospital, making us super late for our appointments. Be down stairs in" she paused " how long will you two need to finish" she said
"Get out" I screamed as I could hear her laughing and closing the door, I looked around and sat up and saw my shirt on the floor and grabbed it and put it on as I head River standing up. I Turned around to see River picking up his shirt and shoes and holding the in front of his pants. My heartbeat accelerated more than I could see him fully and I realized I was in way over my head.
"I should go," he said as he walked awkwardly toward the door. "I should shower and get ready" as I nodded "happy birthday" he said, opening the door and walking out quickly as I sat down feeling completely embarrassed and disappointed at the same time.
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I know I know, I take fore ever and y'all want my head on a steak for it. But think about this way, I graduate in 8 weeks. Why is that important, Well ill explain, the first book I wrote during that time I only had school and family so i had free time to write, the last two years I've had school, work, and family. but since ill be graduating soon ill have more time to write, and get back into updating on a schedule instead of when I can or have breaks today being Columbus day, which isn't really a holiday but I'm not going to bored you with my rant about useless holidays.
Jackie