The music played lowly from the speakers in the corner as I tossed a bouncy ball up at the ceiling, my bed for some reason seeming so much emptier than it really was.
West didn't call me that night and he hasn't called me for nearly three days. I haven't tried reaching him either simply because I was afraid. And if he wanted to talk to me, well, he would have called when he said he would. Or at least he would have by now.
The floor creaked and there was a small knock against the door. I peaked over, to see Blake leaning against the door frame, arms crossed over his chest. He cocked his head. "I heard you blew West off the other day."
I hesitated, scowling at the ceiling. I gave the ball in my hand a squeeze before tossing it back up. "That I did, love."
"I heard that you blew him off for some old fuck who asked you for a lay," He continued, tipping his chin to me. I felt my heart clench.
"He was hot. Not that old," I lied, not looking up.
"Yeah? I sure hope he was good enough in bed for you to ditch the one guy that you've fallen madly in love with then."
"Like you wouldn't believe," I replied with a bitter, sour taste on my tongue.
I was lying, straight through my teeth. Of course I didn't sleep with that jackass. I didn't even make it out of the restaurant. As soon as we were out of sight, I punched him in the jaw and ran straight for the bathroom. I stayed in there for about twenty minutes before finally pulling myself together enough to walk out and call a cab. I couldn't do it. I couldn't go with him.
The thought of going anywhere with him disgusted me like you wouldn't believe.
Blake wrinkled his nose, shaking his head. "So, what, you're just done with West?"
I stopped bouncing the ball, placing it on my chest. I stared at the ceiling, not wanting to look over at Blake. I sucked in a breath.
"Yep."
"Really? That's too bad," He mused with a shrug, walking into my room but staying close to the walls. I sighed, rolling my eyes, replying blandly.
"Yeah? And why's that, love?"
"Oh. Just because West was going to ask you out," Blake said simply with a shrug. I blinked, taking a minute to process, before jerking around to stare Blake in the face. He quirked a brow, crossing his arms once more. He stared at me with this disappointed, ashamed stare, his stormy eyes slicing straight through me. "You know. Like on a date. Movies, dinner, you know. Dating. He was waiting for the perfect moment to do it, but I guess you didn't give him the chance, huh?"
"What the hell are you talking about?" I demanded, instantly sitting up, spinning around to face him. "How do you know that?"
"Kai called me and told me that he and West had a little heart to heart about you and West admitted it," Blake breathed with a shrug of his shoulders. He cocking his head slightly, eyeing me. He looked... disappointed, more than anything. My chest felt tight and I felt a lump in my throat as Blake clicked his tongue and sighed. "He said he wanted to be with you. How's that for fucked up, huh?"
My mouth felt dry. I swallowed roughly, shaking my head. I balled my hands into fists. "No. N-No. No way. You're lying."
"Why would I lie about something like that?" He snorted, shaking his head. "And besides, why would you want me to be lying about it?"
I wet my lips anxiously, dragging a hand through my hair. "You have to be. You have to be lying. You're fucking with me because i-if you weren't, then that would mean that I have officially fucked everything up. P-Please... Say you're joking."
"What? I thought you were done with West," Blake said innocently, taking a step closer to me with a tilt of his head. He wants to get a rise out of me, I can see it in his eyes, that glint of amusement, and the twitch of a smile on his lips. He wants me to get angry, do something about all of this. He wanted me to scream to him what I had been denying for far too long. And, fuck, it's working. I'm really fucking angry. I balled my hands into fists. I want West. I really, really do. And damn it... if he was telling the truth and West really did want me too... I'd scream it from the rooftop if I had to.
"Oh, shut the hell up, Blake," I sneered, sending him a scowl. I threw my hands up and stood up from the bed, pacing back and forth. "Of course I'm not done! I want that stupid, goofy background character with every fiber of my being! The fact that he hasn't called me in three days is fucking killing me!"
By now, that small twitch of a smile on Blake's face was a full blown grin as he watched me, snickering. I huffed, feeling slightly better after screaming.
"I-I just wanted to see if he cared enough to stop me. If he likes me so much, then why the hell didn't he just say it?"
Blake pursed his lips, shrugging. "I told you. He was waiting for a good moment. I mean, he did take you out to dinner, a movie, took you out shopping... Geez, Liam, what else did you think was happening?
"Those are things we always do together!" I shouted, dragging a hand through my hair, biting at my lip irritably. "I-I don't know. I didn't really think anything of it- Okay, enough. What the hell are you smiling at?"
Blake beamed at me and I narrowed my eyes back. He gave a heave of his shoulders and walked towards me, taking a seat on the bed in front of me. He eyed me.
"Nothing. It's just that this is the first time I've ever seen you so invested in someone," He stated, grinning up at me. I flushed, my chest tightening. He hummed, leaning back on his hands. "You're always pretending like you don't have a heart, like you're this cold, tough guy who doesn't care about anyone. You act like you're fine being on your own and you don't need anyone else but... This is the first time that I've seen you so worked up. It's good to know that you've got someone you like this much and who likes you back. I just think this is good for you."
At that, all of the color rushed to my cheeks. I grit my teeth, glancing away from Blake, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of knowing he struck a nerve.
"It's not good," I muttered, wringing my hands together. If I'm being totally honest, I don't really know if I think it's a good thing. Letting someone in like this, giving them a chance to explore everything about you, to learn all of your weaknesses, all of your fears... It's scary.
Having someone so close to you, knowing that the option was there for them to leave, but you've just got so much invested in them, you want to keep them by your side forever. Having someone close like that just gives them the opportunity to leave you there, alone in the dirt.
Look at how I grew up.
Loving someone can be so bitter-sweet. It could be beautiful, happy, all sunshine and rainbows, or it could be angry, harsh, devastating, and, well, terrifying. The line between the two is very thin and the scale is easy to tip. In my entire life, I had never felt the need to test any of it. I had no interest in risking my own heart, nor in taking care of someone elses. I never actually wanted to be in a relationship and risk everything that I am for that beautifully depressing sort of love.
But right now, more than anything, I found myself wanting to explore that fear. I-I want to have that with someone. All of it. I want to experience everything. I want someone who I'm afraid to lose, who is afraid to lose me. Someone to coddle me and show me what love actually feels like. As terrifying as it is, I have to admit that I'm curious. And if anything, I'm yearning for it.
Sorry for rambling. As you can probably tell, my thoughts are going miles a minute.
I leaned against the window, sucking in a breath and putting my head in my hands, attempting to collect my thoughts. "So, what? What does this mean? What do I do? Should I go over there? I-I should, right?"
Blake watched me, those stormy eyes of his hard and cold, just as hard to read as always. "I don't know, Liam. Maybe you should just call him, take it slow and-,"
"Oh, please, Blake, have you met me?" I snorted, rolling my eyes as my temper spiked once again. "I can't take anything slow! I need to just run over there and kick his ass for not admitting that he liked me in the first place-," I paused, my cheeks flushing. Blake quirked a brow. I pursed my lips, shrugging. "And then kiss the hell out of those perfect lips of his."
Blake curled his lip, but I saw the small smile that he was trying to hide. He shook his head, holding up his hands. "I'm just saying, I would be careful with how you handle it with West. Some people don't like everything to be so sudden. Don't move too fast and don't force it. Do you even know how long it took Kai to kiss me?"
"Yes, Blake, I've read the book," I said irritably, biting at my thumb. He pulled back a bit in surprise.
"Y-You did?"
"Yes, Blake," I rolled my eyes, pausing for a second. I gave a wave of my hand. "Well, sort of. I skimmed through it. Anyway, my point here is, West and I are not you and Kai. I'm brash and irresponsible and reckless- You know me; I need to get down there and talk to him."
Blake sucked in a breath but didn't say anything else. He leaned forward, resting his chin in his hand, smiling fondly as he watched me frantically sprint around the room.
"I'm not patient like you, Blake. I'm not romantic like Kai. The only things I have going for me are my looks and my spontaneousness. Yes, I know that's not a word," I groaned, causing him to smirk. He shook his head, standing up, looking down at me. I froze, under that icy gaze of his. Those stormy eyes just sliced right through me and shook me to my core. It was hard to hold eye contact with Blake, but what he said next practically forced me to.
"And you don't need to be patient or romantic or just like me and Kai," He began softly, placing a large hand on my shoulder and giving it a squeeze. He smiled gently, showing off those perfect teeth. "No one is saying that. West likes you just the way you are. I mean, it's a total mystery how he can but he does. I'm willing to bet that he probably wouldn't mind if you just showed up at his doorstep right now. Whatever you chose to do, I'm sure he'll love it."
I blinked up at him and he smiled at me. It was one of those rare, Blake smiles that he almost never did when he was away from Kai. It was a smile that reached his eyes and it made my heart ache. I tried to push through it and play it off how touching it was for him to say that to me with a joke, shaking Blake's hand off. "Even if I went over there just to chew him out?"
Blake rolled his eyes and shoved my shoulder. I stumbled back with a, "oof!", allowing Blake to walk past me. Quickly, I shook myself off and began to scramble around the room once more.
I grabbed a sweater and stripped my shirt, not caring if Blake was in the room or not. I yanked it on and snagged my shoes, pulling them on as Blake leaned against the wall. I laced them up and glanced up at Blake, my stomach flipping. I wet my lips and stood up slowly, the pit in my stomach growing as I prepared myself to say something that I had always been afraid to.
"Hey, uh... I just wanted to say that I-I'm sorry, Blake," I said softly, causing his eyes to snap up to meet mine. I reached up, hooking a hand on the back of my neck, my whole body feeling hot. "I'm sorry for everything that I've put you through over the years. The cheating, the fights, putting all of this on you, forcing you to let me live here, and dealing with me everyday. I'm so, so sorry. Y-You didn't deserve any of it."
I cut myself off, clearing my throat as my voice started to crack. I sucked in a breath when I was sure that I could continue and twiddled my fingers, looking towards the ground. "W-We grew up together, we were friends, and I still hurt you. I-I know that I can't really ever do anything to repay you for everything that you've done for me or for all of the things I've done to you but I swear, from now on, I-I'll try to do everything that I can-,"
I was cut off when Blake reached out, hooking his arms around my shoulders, and yanked me into a tight hug. I yelped in surprise and he squeezed me so tightly that all of the air was stolen from my lungs. My eyes widened, either in surprise, or Blake's hulk strength causing them to just pop out of my head. Blake hasn't hugged me in years. Within seconds, I was surrounded by the familiar smell of mint and cologne.
"You don't need to apologize," He began, squeezing again. "I got over it a long time ago. Don't get me wrong, you're still a bastard, but the past is in the past. All of the things that you put me through, every time that you've pissed me off or fucked me over, they've shaped me to be how I am today. I've let everything go already. It's time for you to do the same."
He pulled away from me and studied my face, a warm smile spreading across his lips. I stood, completely frozen in place, stuck staring at him. This was totally unlike him and I-I... I don't really know how to handle it. His hands rested on my shoulders. "You're not a bad guy, Liam. We used to be friends. We grew up together. You were my first love, even if we didn't work out. We have a complicated, rough past but the future is looking a lot smoother. No matter what you think or how things have been before, you were practically family then, and nothing has changed."
As someone who had regretted how things turned out with Blake, every day for a number of years... This was something that I never thought that I would ever hear again. Blake, Rose, the Clary's... They're pretty much the closest thing that I really ever had to a family.
My chest felt tight and tears start to well up in my eyes. I wiped at them furiously, absolutely refusing to cry over something like this, giving him a shaky laugh. "How do you do that? Always be so god damned perfect all the time? I hate it."
He beamed brightly at me, his eyes twinkling. He shrugged. "It's a gift."
I snorted, rolling my eyes. I slapped Blake on the shoulder as I made my way out of the door. "Thanks, mate. I'll catch you later, alright?"
"You're going to West's?"
"Yup," I breathed, looking back at him. I flashed him what was meant to be a confident smile, but turned out as more of a nervous one. "I've got to go get my boy back before it's too late. It's a lot easier this time, knowing that he feels the same way."
Blake smirked at me and gave me a wave of his hand as made my way down the stairs, feeling like a weight had suddenly been lifted off of my shoulders. Anticipation burned in my chest and although I felt like I could throw up due to anxiety, I couldn't help the smile playing on my lips.
West likes me. He actually likes me. Blake was right; it was a mystery how he did but somehow, for some reason, I had won West over. And as I hopped into Blake's gorgeous mustang and started it up with the keys that Blake had no idea that I stole, the thought of West excited me to no end.