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I wake up to my phone vibrating on my nightstand. I groan and push myself deeper into my bed, trying to block out the loud vibrations, hoping I'll be able to fall back asleep.
But that damn phone won't stop vibrating. Just when I think it will, it starts up again. I mutter some profanities under my breath, throwing the covers off my body and blinking up at the light room, being lighted by the sun, which is barely up in the sky.
I reach for my phone, my eyes still half closed and I'm almost sleeping. I pick up the phone, not even caring about checking who's calling.
''This better be important,'' I mutter threateningly in the speaker, blinking a few times to get rid of the sleepiness.
''Good morning, Rory. I wouldn't be calling you repeatedly so early in the morning if it wasn't important,'' Braden's sharp voice greets me, making me instantly pop my eyes open and sit up straight in the bed.
''Braden,'' I breathe, quite surprised. And worried. ''Did something happen?'' I ask worriedly, suddenly very alert. Is he in danger? Is he okay? Is Brooke okay? Millions of thoughts swirl in my head in a mere two seconds of time.
''Hmmm,'' Braden hums. ''I think it should be me asking you that question,'' he replies back courtly, his voice hinting on anger.
I frown and look down at myself, dressed in his shirt, safely tucked in my bed. ''What do you mean? I'm okay.'' I sound unsure.
Braden inhales on the other end and blows out a harsh breath. It makes me wince and chills run down my body at how angry I feel he is. ''Rory,'' is Braden's reply, his voice so cold that it literally makes me shiver. It's a warning, but I don't know what for. ''I'll give you exactly two minutes to give you a chance to remember if you maybe forgot to mention something very important to me. Go.''
It's too early. My brain is literally not functioning properly and I fear what's up with Braden and what's so important he must be calling me this early. Apparently, I did something wrong. I don't say anything for a long minute and Braden is waiting on the other line and the only indication he's still on the phone with me is his heavy breathing. ''Braden, it's too early to play mind games. Can you tell me what's so important that couldn't wait?'' I sigh, my tired eyes are starting to hurt from the force of staying open.
Braden inhales again, making my body tense. ''What's so important, Rory?'' he seethes out and I can basically hear him gritting his teeth together. His voice is strained, forced to stay calm. ''Maybe what's wrong is that I got the reports on your bank account, sweetheart.'' He points out the last word and it sounds accusingly from his mouth.
My body turns still, my breathing completely stops and all I can do is stare at the wall, wishing that maybe I just didn't hear him right. Or that I'm dreaming and I'll wake up hours from now, laughing at this dream.
''Did you remember now?'' he asks bitterly.
I close my eyes, tears already welling up in them. I choke on my breath. Oh, God ... This couldn't be happening. ''How did you even find out?'' I manage out shakily. That's not how I wanted him to find out, dammit!
Braden chuckles dryly, darkly. ''You can do a lot of things when you have money, Rory. But that's not really important at this exact moment,'' he reminds me harshly.
I bite my lip, my bottom lip trembling. His statement makes me shudder, him reminding me that he has a fortune, while I'm currently without a cent. And what's even worse is how angry he sounds. I hate him being angry with me. ''I ... I don't know what to say, Braden ...'' I cry out desperately, tears running down my cheeks.
There's a slight pause on the other end and I can hear my heart thumping against my ribcage. Then Braden speaks again, ''Maybe you should start with telling me the reason you didn't tell me this.'' His tone is so controlled and so monotone and even, it makes my tears run down my cheeks even faster.
''I'm s-sorry,'' I stutter, not knowing what else to say in this moment. I just know that I want him to stop being mad at me and see this through my point of view.
But Braden still stays calm and collected and so very angry at me, maybe even more. ''Save your apologies for the last, Rory,'' he barks, making me wince again.
I cuddle into my bed, seeking the comfort in my covers, wishing Braden would be here so I could cuddle in his warm embrace where our problems don't exist, but on the other hand, I'm thankful that he's not here with me, seeing me having a breakdown (again). And I don't know if I could be able to stand his accusing eyes and his angry stare. But I would take it. I would take it over this distance that we have on the phone between us now.
''I'm waiting,'' I hear him seethe through his gritted teeth,
''What do you want me to say, Braden?'' I cry out quietly, suddenly not feeling very brave.
''I want a goddamn truth, Rory!'' Braden hollows, making me sink even more into my bed.
I don't even know what I can say so he can stop being angry with me. I know he deserves to hear the truth from me. ''Can we talk later?'' I plead him, not wanting to have this conversation over the phone.
''No. I want to hear your side of story and I want to hear it now.'' Braden's voice doesn't allow any objections, so I suck up the air into my lungs and exhale quickly, trying to calm myself down.
Why did it have to happen this way?
''Okay,'' I exhale, giving up on trying to convince him to talk to him later. I don't even consider not telling him, because once, he already found out and, second, he doesn't deserve me lying to him anymore. ''What do you want to know?''
''Everything. Start from the beginning,'' he says as if it's the most obvious thing.
I settle more comfortably in my bed and start playing with my sheets. If I wished he was here before, I'm now thankful he is not, because I don't know if I could look him square in the eye while telling him the truth.
''I found out yesterday,'' I try to loosen my lie with defending myself, pointing that fact out. Braden stays quiet and I realise he will let me tell him the whole story. ''I went to see where Brooke is working yesterday morning. I thought I won't be able to afford anything from there anyway, but I did find out one or two things I wanted to buy ...'' I murmur, embarrassed to even think about how I probably looked like in that store yesterday. ''Then, when I wanted to pay for the clothes, the saleswoman told me my credit card is denied. She said she tried it for three times. So I returned the clothes and went to the nearest bank, thinking there was some problem with my card.'' Tears well up in my eyes. ''It seems like everything is perfectly fine with it other than I'm completely broke,'' I whisper, not daring to say it louder. It seems so real now that I've told someone. Maybe I thought that if I don't say it out loud and nobody finds out that it wouldn't be true.
I close my eyes, letting the silent tears fall. ''It's my fault ...'' I say in a deep, groggy voice, making it apparent that I'm obviously crying. ''I forgot that Charles, my ex, was assigned as a chartered person who can also withdraw money from my bank account. He did the same months after we started going out,'' I say in my defence, realising how stupid this situation is. ''It's all my fault, really,'' I repeat in a small voice, feeling defeated all of a sudden because I realise that I'm close to hitting my breaking point.
Braden is quiet for long minutes, making my mind drive with wild presumptions and I almost rip my sheet apart by tugging on it so hard. I finally hear him exhale a long breath. When he speaks, his voice is instantly calmer, instantly making me feel better, but then his words crush into me, hard and fast. ''It's not your fault,'' he says gently and I think that maybe, just maybe he'll forgive me. ''I'll handle this. And Rory,'' he says warningly with a tight voice. ''Don't you ever dare lie to me or hide such a big thing from me. That's a warning. Expect me tonight.''
And he hangs up, leaving me a mess.
***
Being home alone in a big, lonely flat leaves nothing for me to do but over think things, making me drive almost crazy. I've already had two cups of tea because I'm so anxious my hands are shaking and I feel there's a hole in my chest. I just came to a point that I literally don't know what to do.
The only thing I bring myself to do is search for a newspaper and look in it for possible jobs in a daytime. I know one job can't solve this mess I found myself in.
I circle some good offers and then go surf the Internet for some more potential jobs, making myself a various selection so if I can't get one job, I still have others in line.
My phone rings again, making me jump up slightly when the music breaks the peace and silence in the flat. I peek at the screen, silently praying that it's not Braden calling again because I literally have no energy to deal with him right now. I feel so exhausted, drained of energy and I feel like 75 years old. The stress is not doing me any favours.
But instead of Braden, Mum is written on the blinking screen, making me sigh in relief, but then also making me nervous, because I don't know if I can handle dealing with her right now. She knows me too well and she can read me like a book. She'll know that something's wrong.
I reluctantly pick up the phone. ''Hey, mum,'' I say, making my voice sound as cheerful and happy as I can in this moment.
''Rory, dear,'' mum greets me warmly with so much happiness in her tone, it makes me guilty that I can't return her that enthusiasm. It's not that I'm not happy to hear from her, it's just that everything's not in the right place right now and my thoughts are everywhere. If I could, I would isolate myself from everyone until I figured out what I can do and put myself to peace with myself. Now, I can barely hold the phone in my hand, because it's shaking so hard. I also notice my leg bouncing up and down, my nerves kicking in. I will it to stop by glaring at my leg. It starts bouncing up and down again in seconds. I sigh tiredly.
''How are you, mum?'' I ask her, resting my aching back on the chair back and turn my tired eyes on the wall.
There's a pause. ''I'm good, sweetie. How are you? Everything okay?'' she asks with her mother concern.
Do I lie to her? It seems like it became a habit, lying to people, and I don't like it. But I don't want to worry her. It's the reason I haven't told Braden – he already has so many problems probably, why should I bother him with my stupid mistakes? Plus, I was also ashamed, because something like that happened and I wanted to solve that problem by myself. I know it would be easy to tell Braden and he would deal with it, but why would I? It's my fault I'm in this shit now, therefore it's only understandable that I solve it by myself.
''Yeah, everything's good here. I'm just tired. Haven't slept well for the past few days,'' I lie through my teeth. Well, not about the last part. The last part is true.
''You do sound tired, honey. Are you sure everything's okay with you? Is it that man you were telling me about?''
I sigh tiredly. ''No, mum. We're good. I'm still seeing him and everything's good between us. He's really ... nice and patient and just everything I ever wished for,'' I say dreamily.
My mum chuckles. ''Oh, Rory. You really got it bad, don't you?''
To some people, my conversations with my mum would seem weird to them. We speak as we're best friends, not mother and daughter. She understands me and she supports me with everything. It's really easy to have a conversation with her and it's really easy to trust her.
I smile, tears welling up in my eyes again. I'm so emotional today. ''Yeah. Yeah, I really do,'' I whisper, staring at the invisible spot on the wall.
''Have you tried telling him?'' mum prompts in wonder.
I dread this question because it fills me with so much hope when I know there's literally not any hope here for me. For us. I sigh. ''Nope. I told you, there's no use. I'm only going to end up being hurt.''
My mum snorts, making me smile. ''You can sometimes be so brave, Rory, but then you fear of such simple things in life. You know, sometimes it's worth getting hurt. And maybe you're hurting yourself now, being in a relationship with a man you love but you're not sure that loves you.''
I smile at her wise words, knowing they're, oh, so true. ''It's not worth getting hurt. Not like that, at least. I rather continue to have a relationship with him without any love on his part, knowing that he's mine than ending things with him completely and losing him. It's not worth it. Not really,'' I insist. Braden is my lifeline. I can't even imagine losing him.
''Sometimes, Rory, I wonder where you got that stubbornness from,'' my mum jokes.
''Are you sure I'm not adopted?'' I joke back, laughing.
''Rory!'' mum screeches horrified.
''I'm sorry, I'm sorry,'' I rush out, laughing in-between. ''It was a joke!''
''Not a good one,'' mum points out sulkily.
''Sorry,'' I apologise once more, but I can't wipe the smile off my face.
I hear her sigh. ''I called her to invite you to a lunch on Sunday. You and that man you're seeing.''
I gulp, suddenly very unsure and nervous. ''I don't think that's such a good idea, mum ...'' I mutter.
''Why not? I want to meet the man who stole my daughter's heart,'' she comments.
I chuckle dryly. ''Yeah, if he indeed comes, please decrease comments like that around him.''
My mum laughs. ''Not promising anything!''
I shake my head. ''Look, I'll ask him if he has time, but I can't promise you anything, okay?'' I say, serious now. I bite my lip, already wondering how to ask him and what his answer is going to be.
''Okay, then. If he doesn't come, at least come by yourself, or even better, bring your flatmate. Sounds good?'' she asks warmly.
I smile softly. I miss her so damn much. ''Yeah, I will.''
''Perfect! See you Sunday!''
''See you,'' I murmur as a goodbye, thinking that this conversation went better than I thought.
***
Brooke finds me sleeping with my head on my desk, newspapers scattered around me and with computer screen blinking back at me, reminding me what I was doing before. I blink a few times, trying to clear my vision. Brooke stays in place, not moving. She doesn't even put her coat or shoes off, she just stares at me.
''Oh, hey,'' I murmur, still sleepily.
Brooke cocks her head to the side as if gauging my reaction. An uncomfortable lump forms in my throat. ''Hey,'' she greets distantly.
It hits me suddenly why she's in such a foul mood. Memories of yesterday's night come flooding back at me, making me grimace. I try to stand up, but the room swirls around so I have to grab on the table and sit myself down again so I don't fall. I cover my eyes with my hand, trying to get rid of the black spots dancing in front of my eyes.
''Rory, Jesus!'' Brooke screeches, making me wince. She drops something on the floor with a loud thud and rushes to me. ''What the hell was that?'' she asks, bringing my shaky hands away from my face. She looks at my face and frowns. Then she looks at the computer screen and the newspapers scattered around. ''Are you searching for a new job?'' she asks, her eyes still trained on the advertisements.
I groan from the pain I feel in my head. ''Yeah, I need another job,'' I say, my eyes closed.
When I open my eyes, Brooke is frowning at me. ''Why?'' she asks suspiciously.
I just shrug, not really having any energy to even talk. Brooke's eyes get even smaller at me. ''Have you eaten anything today?''
Eaten? I roll my bottom lip in my mouth. ''No,'' I admit, then feeling really stupid. How could I forget to eat?
Brooke's frown deepens. ''Rory,'' she warns. And then sighs defeatedly. ''I'll fix you something,'' she mumbles then stiffly walks away.
I look at her back as she walks away, my vision kind of blurry. Why the hell do I feel so weak?
I hear vibrations coming from somewhere under the papers, scattered on the desk. I see Braden's name flash on my screen, but before I can answer, it stops. I see he's called me five times already and sent me two messages, asking me why am I not picking the phone up, the second one demanding that I pick it up.
I groan out loud, not in the mood to deal with this now. I shoot him a quick message, Fell asleep, ttyl
He calls me right after that, but I put my phone on silent and put it down. I try to stand up, but I have to grip the table. Could something like this even happen if I don't eat for one day?
I manage to come in the kitchen, smelling the delicious food Brooke's preparing. When she notices me walking in, she quickly grabs a chair and helps me to sit down. My cheeks flush because I feel pretty much useless.
''Rory,'' Brooke seethes sternly. ''Sit down and be still, yeah?'' She says as patiently as she can like she's talking to a small kid.
I hollow my cheeks, but wisely stay quiet. I feel weird. Like I'm somewhere else. It just doesn't feel right.
I'm so cold I start shaking and I feel so tired I could fall asleep with my eyes opened.
I tell Brooke that I'm cold and she goes to my room for another sweater for me and she brings a warm blanket with her. I smile at her in gratitude, not being able to even talk anymore, because it feels like my mouth is locked together. It feels weird, being so weak. I hate it.
In thirty minutes, Brooke is done with making something to eat and I already feel slightly better. She puts a platter of soup in front of me and sits down, watching me. I look at her stern face, laced with concern. ''I'm not going anywhere until you eat everything.''
I really feel like a child, but I still take the spoon and start eating, filling my empty stomach. Brooke doesn't even once turn her gaze away from me. I notice her texting occasionally and now that I have half of the platter of soup in my stomach, I dare to voice my wondering out loud. ''Are you texting Aaron?''
She sharply adverts her eyes on me. She swallows and she looks uncomfortable for a moment before she makes a poker face. I hide my smile. ''Uhm ... Kind of ...'' she says, clearing her throat and looking down at the table.
My smile deepens. ''So you're good then,'' I state. She keeps quiet, looking down at the table and I take it as a cue to continue. ''I hope you know that the hug you saw yesterday was purely innocent. I was in a bad m—''
''I know everything, Rory,'' Brooke interrupts me.
I almost drop my spoon in surprise. ''Everything as if in ... everything?'' I sputter out and now it's me being nervous.
She cocks her head to the side. ''Everything as in that you were in a bad mood and Aaron wanted to make you feel better with a friendly hug.'' She frowns slightly. ''Is there anything more than I should know about?''
''No!'' I almost scream out. ''No,'' I correct myself, this time my voice more normal. ''That's all,'' I mutter and sag in relief. I didn't even notice how tense I became.
Brooke eyes me suspiciously, but then tightly nods. ''Okay then ...'' She sounds distant and I hate that she doesn't believe me and trust me around him. I want to gain her trust, I just don't know how.
When I eat the soup, Brooke brings me another plate, this one filled with mac and cheese. My mouth waters and my stomach growls, still not full enough. Brooke smiles at me knowingly. She sits down and eats with me this time, making me feel slightly better and less like a child or a moron.
After our lunch, I insist I clean the dishes, because Brooke cooked, and she agrees after some conviction, but she stays in the kitchen with me, not leaving me out of sight. I don't even bother to argue with her. Although I feel better after eating something and I feel like I instantly have more energy, I still don't feel like arguing with someone over something so stupid.
''When was the last time you've eaten, Rory?'' Brooke asks me casually, but I can hear the concern in her voice. As I look at her, she's staring at her phone screen. I hide my smile, but then I purse my lips when her question hits me.
''Uh ... Sometime yesterday?'' As I really think about it, the last time I ate was a breakfast yesterday morning. I haven't been thinking about food since then.
''When?'' Brooke prompts.
I sigh. ''Is it important?''
Brooke glares at me. ''Hell, yes, it is. I'm worried about you.''
I stop what I'm doing. Is she thinking what I think she is? ''Brooke, I'm not starving myself if you think so and I'm perfectly fine. I just had a bad day yesterday.'' I shrug, hiding my grimace. ''It can happen to anyone sometimes.''
Brooke is quiet for a few seconds. ''I heard what happened in the shop yesterday,'' she shoots, her voice soft, not any judgment is heard in it.
But my whole body goes still anyway. My hand grips the fork I'm washing tightly and I'm sure if I were holding a glass, it would break. ''I don't know what you're talking about,'' slips out of my mouth before I can think. I bite my lip, staring down at my hands.
''Rory ...'' Brooke says softly, her tone telling me that she knows I'm bluffing.
''It's nothing, alright? Leave it alone!'' I snap at her then instantly feel bad because of it. I close my eyes and lean my forehead against the cabinets, fighting back the tears. ''I'm sorry, I really don't want to talk about it. Please ...'' I plead weakly, but I don't even know for what.
But Brooke seems to understand and I hear a soft, ''Okay.''
''Thank you,'' I sigh in relief.
''Do you maybe want to watch a movie?'' Brooke asks, sounding a bit uncertain.
I nod, but I'm too shaken up to say anything. I hate reminding myself that I'm completely without the money. I hate reliving yesterday's moment.
When I finish washing the dishes, I join Brooke in the living room where she's snuggled on the couch already. We both don't say anything and 15 minutes into the movie, I'm already sound asleep.
***
The phone ringing wakes me up. ''Fuck,'' I hear Brooke mutters, making me stir. I open my eyes and see it's already dark. I shoot up on the couch, but then put my hand on my forehead when I get dizzy again. ''What time is it?'' I ask groggily, my voice full of panic.
I don't wait for Brooke's reply, I quickly look at the clock and my body subconsciously shoots from the couch and flies into the room. ''Oh, shit, I'm late. Brooke, why didn't you wake me?'' I shout from my room, getting undressed and quickly tugging on my work clothes. I don't have time for make-up today or to get myself presentable, so I leave my hair in messy waves, grab my coat and my purse and sprint out of my room, trying to get my shoes on mid-walking.
Brooke stands by the couch and looks a bit uncertain. She's biting her lip and she has her phone tightly clutched in her hand. I don't have time to dwell on her expression. When I open the front door, Brooke stops me.
''Rory, wait!'' I stop outside, hoping she'll hurry up with telling me what she needs to tell me. ''Don't you want to eat before you go to work?'' I can hear something in her voice, but I can't put my hand on it.
''Eat? No, I'm already late. Bye!'' I shout and close my door, then sprint down the stairs. When I come out of the building door, I almost miss Braden getting out of his car that's parked in the parking lot. But I would have to be completely blind to miss his presence. I slow down my running to watch him gloriously get out of the car. God, he looks so good.
Braden sees me and frowns. I tighten my lips and wrap my coat tighter against me because it's freezing outside. ''Hey, Braden.'' I wave to him and plaster a nervous smile on my face before I try to hurry to my car. It's just then that I realise my car is still parked in front of the bar and I haven't gone to pick it up. Double shit. Can anything go even right in my life?
Braden is in front of me in seconds, his hand gripping my elbow, preventing me from going anywhere further. ''Where do you think you're going?'' he asks me with blazing eyes.
I blink up at him a few times, trying to comprehend his words. ''Uh. To work?'' I say as if it's the most obvious thing. ''I'm already late and you're my boss ... I'm in a hurry so we'll have to talk later.'' I place a kiss on his cheek as if it would be the most natural thing in the world and then I realise that nothing between us is natural and that I'm acting a bit stupid. My cheeks flush and I don't dare to look at his face to see his expression, but when I try to move away from his grip, he pulls me back to him, this time closer to him. I sway a bit on my legs.
He looks even angrier than before. Shit. I knew I shouldn't kiss him. ''You are not going anywhere, Rory, and there won't be any talking later because we are going to talk right this instant,'' he says and starts walking.
He drags me behind him limply, before I realize what's going on. I plant my heels firmly on the ground, making Braden stop and his grip to tighten, probably realizing that I'm about to run, because I sure as hell won't go anywhere with him willingly when I'm already late for work.
''What ... What do you mean? What are you even doing here? Look, never mind, Brooke is upstairs if you're looking for her, but I really need to go to work.''
Braden turns his body toward me, his face is murderous. I suddenly feel very small and very stupid, because I don't have any idea what's going on. I sag into myself a bit. ''You're not going anywhere but with me upstairs,'' he says every word slowly, pointedly. I can't help but feel confused. What is up with him?
He starts tugging me behind him again, this time with a lot more force than before. Suddenly, his actions wake a realisation in my mind and my body completely freezes. I stumble behind him and almost trip because my legs turn into a jelly. I'm sure my face is vain of any colour. ''Oh. Oh, God, I think I'm going to be sick,'' I say, mostly to myself.
Braden whips his head around but doesn't stop walking. ''What?'' he says, furrowing his eyebrows.
''You're going to fire me, aren't you? That's what it's all about, isn't it?'' I say in a ghost whisper. I almost fall down, because my legs suddenly give out. But Braden turns his body around and places his other hand on my other arm so he's holding my both arms to keep me from crashing on the ground.
''Rory, Jesus!'' he says panicky and only now when I look deep into his eyes I see that he has a fear in them. ''I'm not going to fire you. God, Rory,'' he says in frustration and when he makes sure that I can stand up by myself and that I won't kiss the floor, he puts his hand through his hair. ''Christ,'' he mutters to himself, looking up into the sky. ''Just follow me up into your flat, okay? And don't over think the things for a few minutes, darling, because it's nearly not what you think,'' he reassures. His eyes search my face for a moment and when I nod, he just straightens his lips, takes my hand in his and this time he at least doesn't drag me behind him like a dog.
I can't believe this is already Chapter 26! Whoa! I have a lot more chapters planned for this story because I truly have so many ideas ... Hmm ... :)