"What're we going to name it?" Hoseok asked as he placed his hand on my tummy.
I'm just about ready to pop. I haven't told him that it's a girl, I wanted to surprise him.
"If it's a boy I think he should have your name" I said.
"And if it's a girl?" He asked.
"Mm. I don't know, what would you want to name her?" I asked.
"Mmm. Hope" he said.
"Hope" I smiled. "I like it"
He kissed me. "Me too, Our hope"
I kissed him back. "She will be"
His eyes widened. "Wait...so it's a..."
I smiled and nodded. "Girl"
"Daddy's girl" he kissed my tummy.
"Oh? And what am I?" I asked.
"You're gonna have to share now baby, sorry" he chuckled.
"I have Hobie" I said as I reached for the teddy bear.
(A/N: Salma please comment LMFAO [inside joke])
"You're going to give him kisses?" Hoseok pouted.
"Maybe"
"No, you're mine!" He said and kissed my face.
I giggled.
"Ya! Hoseok!"
"You're mine mine mine" he said as he kept kissing me playfully.
"Baby! Quit it!"
"Aniya~~"
I laughed. "Okay okay! I'm yours"
"Hobie can keep Hope company when he's born and you and I will make another baby"
"Another? But Hope will be here, we have to wait a little longer don't you think?"
He looked at my tummy and pouted. "But Hope will need a little brother or sister, what if there's 3 in there?"
?!
"3?! Oh no God forbid! 3 is too much at the same time"
He laughed. "Aw come on baby. I want 4"
"4, haha. You're crazy Hoseok"
He kissed me. "I have ways of convincing you~"
I kissed him back.
I felt a kick.
!
"Oh!"
"What is it?! The baby?!" He panicked.
"No, she kicked." I said and placed his hand on my tummy. "Can you feel?"
She kicked again.
He smiled brightly and began talking to her.
"Hey you. Hi~ I'm your daddy Hoseok~"
She began to move around.
"Ow." I giggled.
"She's happy isn't she?" He smiled and kept talking to her. "Hey, it's your handsome father. You know, I think you'll be very beautiful like your mother~ But no boys. Well except me because if you go near boys then you'll boy cooties and that's not curable. It'll make you ugly"
"Oh yeah? Then how is it that I'm not diagnosed with boy cooties?" I asked.
"Because I'm a man. Therefore my boy cooties went away long ago~"
I giggled. "Yeah right"
"Hopey~ Don't listen to your mom. Only listen to me because I know how boys are, stay away from them. Also when you're in highschool I'll put you in an all girl school or homeschool you so that you won't deal with anyone"
"Hoseok"
"Okay. All girl school it is then but if k find out your friends have male siblings then you can ever sleepover their house"
"Hoseok!" I hit him playfully.
He laughed.
"Don't listen to him baby, your dad's crazy."
"Aniya~ Don't tell her that! Daddy knows best princess" he kissed my belly. "Come out already so I can hold you and keep you to myself"
I smiled.
He looked at me and smiled back. "What?"
"You're going to be a great daddy"
He kissed me. "You're going to be a great mommy too"
》♡》♡》♡》♡》♡》♡》♡》♡》♡》
Hope was born 2 weeks later and she was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen besides Reiko of course. But my me girl was the apple of my eye, I couldn't wait to hold her in my arms as soon as I got home.
Reiko seemed really exhausted after she gave birth, I'm kind of worried about her but she hasn't had time to go to the doctor.
"Hey baby" I hugged her from behind.
"Hi honey" she answered.
"How was your day?"
"It was okay, Hope's been a little fussy but she finally fell asleep so I had time to start dinner earlier than usual." She smiled.
"Why don't you go take a nap baby? I'll watch Hope okay?" I smiled.
"You just home, you're probably tired...more tired than-"
"I'll go run you a hot bubble bath and I want you to let me take care of everything else, okay? You do way too much." I kissed her shoulder and neck.
"You sure?" She asked.
I nibbled on her ear lobe.
She giggled.
"Hoseok...you know I can't right now" she said.
"I know I know but it's still nice to hold you like this" I kissed her cheek. "I'll go run that bath"
"Thanks baby" she turned around and kissed me. "I'll finish cooking dinner"
"No, stop everything you're doing. I want you to leave everything the way it is" I insisted.
"But-"
"No, just go check on Hope then come back and enjoy your bath okay?" I kissed her.
She smiled and slightly nodded.
》》》》》》》》》》》》》》》》
16 hours of labor, it hurt so much. The pain was something I'll never forget, it made me feel like I was going to die. My lower body felt like it was being broken and torn, I wanted it to stop...I hated it.
But then I heard her cries.
A beautiful baby girl.
That's what the doctor said when he had her. I was eager to hold her, I wanted to see my baby.
Here she is Mrs. Jung, your beautiful baby girl.
I smiled when I saw her and I forgot about the pain, I forgot about how much it hurt and how bad it stung. Everything was suddenly perfect, she took my mind off everything. As I held her in my arms, it felt as if nothing else mattered. Her tiny hands wrapped around my pinky finger and she cried.
"Mommy's here...you don't have to cry" I said.
When she heard my voice, she stopped crying and began to open her eyes.
Hoseok had fainted when he saw the baby's head so he wasn't going to be able to see her until he woke again.
She looked at me and I cried tears of joy.
"What will you name her?" The nurse asked.
"Hope Elizabeth Jung"
It was the greatest moment of my life and now every time I see her, I'm reminded of how something this beautiful was the outcome of Hoseok & I's love. She's perfect in every way and I thank God for blessing us with such a beautiful gift, I pray every morning and night that he gives me a chance to see her grow. I adore my baby girl, I love her with all my heart but I know that not all things are eternal.
"Baby" Hoseok whispered.
?
I felt his embrace from behind.
I smiled.
"Your bath awaits my queen" he kissed my cheek.
Hoseok is a great daddy and a wonderful husband. He's been working extra hard lately and even so he still comes to help with Hope.
"Thanks babe" I whispered as I turned around to face him.
He pulled me closer and kissed me. "You're very welcome"
"You're the best" I kissed him back. "I love you"
"I love you too" he smiled. "Enjoy your bath. Stay as long as you want"
I smiled as I pulled away from him and made my way to our bedroom.
I got undressed and put my robe on. I walked into the restroom and it was so nicely decorated, there was scented lit candles and some rose petals around the sinks. In the mirror he had written a message in what seemed to be my favorite shade of lipstick.
I smiled and shook my head.
The message read:
Baby you deserve this and so much more. You're a hard working mommy but even mommies need a break, I love you. This is only your first gift of this day, I have much more planned for you my love (;
Cuddles, A massage & more cuddles~
XOXO,
Hobie ^^ (Not the bear)
I giggled.
He's so silly.
I took my robe off and stepped into the bath. It felt so incredible, I haven't felt this relaxed in a while. Hope can be a handful at times, she may be a new born but she's a lot of work.
I let out a sigh and leaned back, ahh~ this feels amazing.
The suds foaming around my skin and the sensation of the bubbles popping felt like a massage.
I closed my eyes and tried to clear my mind but it wasn't working.
See, I've been hiding something from Hoseok.
-Flashback-
"Mrs. Jung, if you go through with this pregnancy your body will weaken. I'm not sure you'll be able to recover well and aside from that you know you're still getting treated. You're better now but over time it'll affect you, there are other options you can-"
"No, I've made up my mind and I'm having my baby. I don't care what happens after..."
"But Mrs. Jung, think this through...this could shorten your life span. Your child-"
"She's not going to be alone...I know no matter what happens Hoseok will take care of her. Doctor I'm sorry but no matter what you tell me my answer will be the same...I'm not going to turn back but I need to know if my baby will be okay. She won't have anything right?"
"When she's born we'll run some tests but I highly doubt that she'll have problems. Don't worry Mrs. Jung, I promise to take real good care of you and your baby"
I smiled and let of a sigh of relief.
"Doctor, I have a question" I said.
"What is it?" He asked.
"Since you say over time there's a possibility of falling ill again...how long do you think it'll be?"
"Only time will tell but don't worry about that now. Look, after the baby is born come get regular check ups. Preferably within the first 3 months"
"And if I don't?"
"Then there's nothing I can do for you, Mrs. Jung you need to look out for your well being too if not your years of life will become limited"
-End Of Flashback-
I haven't been able too since Hope was born. Taking her to the doctor and making sure she's healthy seems more important but I suppose if I want to see her grow I need to do my part too but I don't want to tell Hoseok. I never did want too...
I was afraid that if he knew about the consequence of having Hope he'd be mad or that he wouldn't want to have her anymore.
I took a deep breath.
Maybe this weakness I feel isn't because of fatigue or restlessness... What if I...
I shook my head, I can't be thinking like this. I have Hope & Hoseok to think about...I just want more time.
》○》○》○》○》○》○》○》○》○》○
-4 Years Later-
"Mommy~ Look what me & Hobi did!"
"What baby?" I smiled.
"We made this castle, Hobi is the pwince & I'm the pwincess. You and daddy and be the king and queen~"
I giggled.
"Wow, what a beautiful castle" I said. "I've never seen a pink and purple castle before"
"Uncle Jin gave me these toys mommy. He weally likes pink, it's my favowite colow too"
I smiled. "Uncle Jin does like pink a lot huh?"
"Mmhmm~ Uncle Jimin says that pink is fow giwls only but that's not twue wight mommy?"
"Hehe. I think Uncle Jimin was just teasing Jin" I said.
She giggled and added more pink blocks to her castle.
"Your birthday's coming up soon, anything you want mommy and daddy to get you?" I asked.
"Hobi needs a new fwiend. Oh~ Mommy can we have a cake for Hobi too?"
"Is it his birthday too?" I asked with a smile.
"Yes~ We have the same biwthday~"
I giggled. "I thought Hobi's birthday was on Christmas?"
"No, I changed it~"
"I'm home~" Hoseok called out.
Hope gasped and smiled brightly.
"Daddy! Daddy's home!" She shouted and ran towards him.
He picked her up and twirled around with her.
"Daddy I built a castle with Hobi" she grinned.
"Uwa~ What's the name of your kingdom princess?" He asked as he kissed her playfully.
She giggled. "I don't know. You and mommy are the king and queen, Hobi and me are the pwincess and pwince."
He chuckled.
I walked over to him and he kissed me.
"Your king has returned" he smiled.
"And his queen couldn't be happier" I smiled.
"When is uncle Jin coming again? I want him to play with me, he like playing pwince and pwincess with me~"
"You really like Jin don't you baby?" He asked.
She nodded. "Mmhmm~"
"What about your other uncles?" He asked with a chuckle.
"Mm, Uncle Yoongi is lazy. He nevew likes to play tag or anything. Uncle Jimin always takes me to the toy store but he likes to use me to talk to giwls. Uncle Taehyung is fun but sometimes he acts weiwd. Mmm...Uncle Namjoon dances stwange but he's funny and Uncle Jungkook doesn't like playing dolls with me, he likes video games a lot but I don't know how to play" she said. "So uncle Jin wins"
Hoseok and I giggled.
"Daddy, can Hobi have a fwiend?" She asked.
"What do you mean? You're his friend" he smiled.
"I know but when he stays home he gets lonely" she pouted.
"We'll go pick a friend out for him tomorrow" he said.
"Weally?!"
He kissed her cheek. "I promise. We need to buy something's for your birthday party too princess"
"Yay~" she hugged him. "Tank you daddy~"
Seeing how much she loved Hoseok made me feel secure and relieved. The love she has for him is so special, she's with me all day but when she sees him it's so different and I was okay with that because he'll need it...
"Can I go play?" She asked him.
"Can I play with you?" He asked.
"Of couwse you can daddy. Mommy you wanna play too?"
I smiled. "Mommy would love to but I have to make dinner"
"Oh! I have an idea mommy can be the chef and we can be hew customews daddy"
"Oh~ yes that would be a great idea. Chef mommy will prepare something delicious for us"
It really warmed my heart and at the same time crushed it. I smiled but I felt so nostalgic at the same time, I should take my medicine before I start dinner.
As Hope pulled on Hoseok's hand to follow her, I went into the room.
I had everything hidden so he wouldn't know. This was my secret, I went to the doctor usually when it was Hope's nap time so she wouldn't listen. She was a pretty heavy sleeper which came in handy for me when the doctor would talk to me.
I took my medicine and looked at myself in the mirror.
On the outside I look perfectly normal...nothing's changed but on the inside...
I sighed and put everything away.
-Flashback-
2 years back.
"Hogkin's Lymphoma"
"But...it's treatable right?"
"It is but..."
"But what? Doctor please tell me what I need to know, be honest with me"
"It is treatable but you waited too long."
-End Of Flashback-
Since then I knew that my days were numbered. I made a friend, Maddy who has this same disease and even she lived she undergoes excessive and brutal treatment.
When I last spoke to her she said:
I had extensive disease and therefore copious amounts of ABVD chemo and then radiation to beat back my advanced stage 3b HL, and almost 15 years later am still living with the side affects of the toxic drugs and radiation damage. I never think bad of anyone who decides to stop the treatments and just let nature take it's course. All of the interventions of medicine are ultimately just giving us a gift of borrowed time. There is a point where quality of life overrides this extension of time and you will know when you get there. Enjoy every day that you breath air and feel the sun but know that when your body gives out, life will just change--you still will be, just as a different you, and it's all good and wonderful--I have seen and experienced it myself when I died from cardiac arrest, aside affect of the chemo, I wish you all the best to come on this journey. Reiko there will come a time where you'll have to decide whether you want your daughter and husband to see your suffering just borrowing time or if you want to leave them with the peace of mind that you left with world having nor regrets and left them with wonderful memories.
My eyes began to water.
I don't want to die...but...
What good is it if it's borrowed time? What good will it be if I'm always going back and forth from home to the hospital? I don't want to put Hope through that.
I asked for time and got 4 going on 5 years, I've watched Hope grow some and I know everything's going to be okay. I only wish that I could've stayed a little longer...
But I'm not going to complain because making it this far has been a blessing and I'm grateful for the many beautiful memories I've made with her and Hoseok.
I wanted to cry but I can't, I need to be strong not only for myself but for them too.
I took a deep breath and went to the kitchen.
I began preparing the food and couldn't stop thinking about it. I was scared more than anything but I know that they'll make it. Death is slowly creeping up on me but sooner or later it was going to happen...nothing lasts forever but the love that I have for them both will always remain whether I'm alive or not.
I felt an embrace from behind. "You okay baby?"
My heart ached.
I wanted to tell him but I couldn't bring myself to do it, where would I even begin? How do you tell the love of your life that you're dying?
"I'm fine" I assured and put on a smile.
"You sure? You're acting strange" he said as he pulled me closer.
"I'm sure" I said. "What's Hope up to?"
"She's watching My little pony" he giggled. "You know how she is when that show comes on"
I let out a soft laugh. "Keeps her busy"
He kissed my cheek. "Tell me what's wrong...you're not good at lying or pretending"
I took a deep breath.
"We'll talk about it tonight, I don't want Hope to overhear" I said as I turned to look at him.
His eyes scanned my face. "Reiko...is everything okay?"
"Everything's fine babe, I promise. I was just thinking about her party that's all" I smiled.
"Your eyes are glossy like you want to cry. Baby, if something's on your mind you know you can trust me"
I don't want to hurt you...
I felt the tears coming.
"It's the onions" I said.
He looked at the counter. "I'll cut them for you, I don't like it when you cry even if it's because of the onions"
"Heh. Thanks baby" I kissed him and hugged him. "You're the best."
And I mean it...
He hugged me back. "I know I am"
He chuckled.
We pulled away from each other and he kissed me again.
"I love you Reiko" he caressed my face.
"I love you too Hoseok, more than you'll ever know"
He kept kissing me.
"Ewww"
!
Hoseok pulled away and chuckled. "What?"
"You can't kiss the chef daddy, she's the chef not mommy." Hope said.
"Oh right right. I was just putting in a special order right chef?"
"Mhmm" I nodded.
"I want some extra hot love chef mommy" he winked and ran his hand down my back.
!
"Hoseok!" I said embarrassed.
He chuckled.
"Not in front of Hope" I whispered.
"Guess I'll just have to wait until dessert" he said.
Hope looked confused. "Can Uncle Jin come over? You'we bowing"
"Boring? I'm not boring mommy is because she's letting the chicken burn"
!!!
"Oh my gosh!" I turned off the stove.
They bothed laughed.
(¬_¬)
*Ding Dong*
"I'll get it" Hoseok said and carried Hope.
They walked towards the door.
"Uncle Jin!!" Hope exclaimed.
"What about us?" I heard the other say.
I smiled.
They don't all come as often as Jin, Jin loves being with Hope and Hope loves being with him too.
I threw the burnt chicken away and started over. I decided soup was better since there's a lot more people now.
"Uncle Yoongi, why do you come to my house?"
"You don't want me here?" He asked.
"I nevew said that, its because you'we so lazy"
They began to laugh.
"Where's baby momma at?" I heard Jimin ask.
"You mean my wife?" Hoseok asked.
"Hope's my child, you just don't wanna accept it, right Hope?" He asked.
"What's a baby momma?"
"Jimin shut up" Taehyung said. "Hope let's go play~"
"Okay okay. All of you can play with me and Hobi. We built a pink castle and uncle Taehyung you can be the alien that tries to kidnap me and Uncle Jin can be my #1 knight. Uncle Yoongi can be the twoll"
They laughed.
"Troll?! Why me?!"
She laughed. "Because uncle Yoongi, twolls don't do anything. Like you"
"I want to be a knight" he said.
"Mmm. Okay okay. Uncle Namjoon will be the twoll then"
She's really smart my little girl. I kind of have Namjoon to thank since when he comes he usually teaches her things or he reads a lot of books to her. She called it 'Namjoonie Oppa reading time'
"Uncle Namjoonie, when awe we going to have weading time again?"
"At your birthday" he said.
I wanted to plan a big and really special party for her. Frankly because I wasn't sure if I'd live to see the next.
》•》•》•》•》•》•》•》•》•》•》•》•
"Mommy guess what?" Hope asked excitedly.
"What baby?"
"Uncle Namjoon taught me fwench" she said excitedly.
"Oh? What did he teach you in French" I smiled.
"Numbews. Wanna heaw them?"
"Sure baby" I said.
"zéwo, un, deux, twois, quatwe, cinq, six, sept, huit, neuf and dix"
I clapped for her. "Very good honey, you're so smart~"
I kissed her forehead.
She sat on my lap with Hobi in her arms. "Mommy?"
"Yes?"
"Why do you cwy sometimes?" She asked.
"What do you mean baby?" I asked.
"I can heaw you sometimes, awe you sad mommy?"
I hugged her. "No baby..."
She hugged me back.
"I love you mommy. Don't even fowget that okay?"
I felt lot forming in my throat.
"Mommy loves you too baby. Very very much"
She kissed my cheeks and smiled. "Mommy Hobi loves you too"
I smiled and kissed Hobi. "Mommy loves Hobi too sweety."
"Mommy, you'we always going to be with me wight? Fowevew?"
I caressed her face and I couldn't hold back my tears.
She wiped the tears that streamed down my face.
"Forever and ever" I put on a smile. "Now go play with Hobi, I'm going to make you a snack okay?"
She smiled at me.
She had his smile and it made me feel so warm inside. That faded little birthmark on her lip too, she resembled both of us but most of her qualities were his.
She went to the living room and began to take her toys out.
I took a deep breath.
Lord give me strength because I can't do this on my own.
》》》》》》》》》》》》》》》》
"Alone time with mommy~ " Hoseok got into bed and cuddled with me. "Come here"
I giggled.
"Hoseok"
He got on top of me and began to kiss me.
"Hoseok wait" I smiled.
He turned off the lamp. "No waiting ~"
He kissed me again then my neck.
He was really impatient tonight, usually he always liked taking things slow but tonight he was so different.
I ran my hands down his back and dug my nails into his skin.
"Reiko...I love you..." He breathed.
He kissed me and I caressed his face.
"I love you too" I tried to steady my breathing. "Hoseok..."
He bit down on his lip. "Wait..."
I kissed his shoulder then his neck, biting him gently.
He grunted and let out a satisfying sigh.
Pushing slower and harder.
"Hoseok..."
"Mmm...Baby..."
He kissed me slowly, tugging on my bottom lip.
I kissed him back softly and gently.
He held my arms down and looked at me.
I felt a fluttering sensation and my body was hot. Looking at his facial expressions and him looking me in the eyes as he kept going made everything feel so passionate and hot.
"Reiko...I love you so much" he huffed.
He kissed me again then licked my neck.
What's gotten into him tonight?
I couldn't help but giggle at this gestured.
He looked at me and smiled. "What's so funny?"
I turned him over and held him down.
"Nng. Baby stop, I was almost there" he groaned.
I kissed him. "I don't know what's gotten into you but I'm going to finish what you started."
"Mm, I like where this is going." He placed his hands on my thighs and caressed them.
When we made love I always wanted to satisfy him in more than one way, I wanted to make the best of every moment when I was alone with him. To give him everything I possibly could, even so, he always gave back. Every time.
》■》■》■》■》■》■》■》■》■》■》■》■
When Hope's birthday party came, I was running low on medicine but I'm not sure how to get a way from the party without them noticing my absence.
Right now everyone's gathered around for Namjoon's story time so I suppose I could go now. It's still open...
I carefully began to back away and made a run for it.
I got quickly into the car and pulled out of the drive way.
I have to be quick, I don't really know what excuse I'm going to use if Hoseok asks me.
I made it to the doctor's fairly quick and I walked inside.
"Doctor, I need more medication...I'm starting to feel weaker and the medicine-"
"Reiko, calm down. Please have a seat" he said.
I took a deep breath and sat down.
"What exactly are you feeling?" He asked.
"Weakness in my bones...sometimes it takes all my strength to get up and when Hoseok and I have our intimacy I get extremely sore like way more than I should" I said.
"I see. Reiko, you're going through the bone marrow degradation stage. Your body is slowly shutting down and at this rate I don't advise you to take medication anymore. Unless you want to undergo the treatment then-"
"No. I don't want that" I said.
"Then I don't know what to tell you Reiko. Just let nature take it's course" he said.
My heart dropped and my emotions were numb. This is really it...
I remember Maddy telling me that I'd had to make a choice between my family always seeing me on a hospital bed or if I wanted them to remember me as I was.
There's no permanent solution for this, I'll always be on the verge of dying. There's no way for me to live either way...
"Thank you for everything doctor, I really appreciate all you've done for me."
"I wish there was a way I could help you Reiko"
"You've done everything you can, it's okay. Really" I smiled.
We talked for a while longer and then he walked me out.
"I wish you well Reiko." He said.
I hugged him and he hugged me back.
"God bless you Dr. For all you've done for me"
"Thank you, God bless you too"
We pulled away from the hug and I made my way back to the car.
I was devastated, more afraid than ever. I couldn't possibly go home right now all I want to do is cry and cope with the idea that I really am going to die.
I drove to the beach and just sat in the sand, staring into the sea and wondering how I'd prepare for this. What if I tell Hoseok and he leaves me...he's going to get mad at me. What about Hope?
I looked up at the sky.
God...what do I do? How do I tell him?
There was a soft breeze and I felt the tears streaming down my face.
I wanted to leave, to disappear and never look back but Hope...I can't leave her like that.
-Later That Night-
The party was clearly over, I sat down at a table and sighed.
I've never felt so alone...
"Reiko, Where were you"
He already sounded angry. We don't usually argue but I suppose he has a point. I missed Hope's party...this memory that should've been the best...
I felt like a horrible mother and wife...this guilt.
"I'm talking to you" he said as he grabbed my arm and pulled me up.
I stayed quiet.
"Reiko!"
I looked at him.
"You missed her birthday, where did you go huh? Did you go see someone? What's your excuse?!"
"I-"
"That doctor right?"
"Hoseok, I-"
"Fine! If he's so much more important then why don't you go back to him?!" He yelled.
I pulled away from him and felt like throwing up.
I placed my hand over my mouth and ran inside to the restroom. I barely made it, I threw up over and over. When I finally stopped I coughed excessively then noticed that it was blood.
I heard footsteps and I quickly flushed.
Hoseok walked in, his eyes widened.
"Reiko..."
I wiped my mouth.
There was blood on me, I looked away from him and got up.
It was painful now.
He walked towards me. "What's the matter?"
"Nothing...don't you want to keep yelling at me and accusing me of seeing the doctor behind your back?"
I went to rinse my mouth out and walked past him.
I took a deep breath.
Instead of letting me explain he just...
"Reiko"
I ignored him.
"Baby, I'm sorry I lashed out at you like that it's just-"
"Don't talk to me and you can sleep on the couch tonight. I can't believe you'd even think so low of me..."
Would it be easier for him to know that I'm dying instead?
My eyes began to water.
"Reiko...I'm sorry. I was being stupid look-"
"Hoseok...I don't have much time left. I have a couple months maybe but if cheating makes my absence today more believable then so be it."
"Reiko don't make jokes like that"
"It's not a joke" I said as I got up and went to get the secret bag where I kept my medication.
I showed it to him then I showed him my diagnosis.
He looked at me. "Are you stupid?! Why didn't you tell me?! Why did you keep this shit to yourself Reiko?! How could you do this to me?! Do this to Hope?!"
"For what? So you could be all sad and depressed worried more about me than our daughter?" I looked at him. "Hoseok, either way I'm going to die! There isn't a cure for this! I don't want to have to be in a hospital all my damn life getting painful treatments and having my daughter see me with all those wires and shit! I want her to be happy and when I'm gone I want her to remember me as I am not some skinny barely alive corpse on a hospital bed!!"
He threw the papers on the floor and walked out of the room, slamming the door behind him.
I began to cry and sat on the bed.
I don't know how things are going to be now. I'm more than sure that he hates me now but he doesn't understand that I didn't choose this for myself.
One way or another I had to tell him and even if he didn't react the way I wanted too, I can honestly say that I feel that weight lifted off my chest. Even so...why am I crying so much? Why do I still feel like the bad guy?