Skye
He stares at me through the glass as I pick up the phone. He does the same and I try so hard to fight the tears threatening to spill. I hear his heavy breathing coming from the other line. I stare down at the text Doctor Anderson sent me early in the morning and I open my mouth to speak.
"I-I'm sorry," Brent says before I can talk. "I'm sorry I f*cked everything up. I'm a monster. Over-powering, controlling, insane. I'm terrible. I should've never placed a finger on you. You'd still be happy and always smiling like how you were when I first laid eyes on you and I messed that all up and I can't even make it better again locked up and all."
"Thank you for apologizing," my heart breaks even more from the single tear falling down his cheek. "I just...sorry isn't going to fix it. There's nothing that can solve this. I wish there was, trust me I really do...but it's over and it's time we just moved on with our lives."
There, I did what I was supposed to do. And I'm not quite sure if it's going to make me feel better or worse.
I hang up the phone and look at Brent and his tear brimmed eyes. While I'm standing up, he presses two of his fingers to his lips and touches the glass with them. I put my fingers on the glass so they are even with his and quickly pull my hand back before I can get myself too broken.
Cecilia
Sitting in my black, leather chair again after a day off feels oddly comforting. I think back to yesterday, how those girls that had dated Jamie before I knew him just trashed him as if it's the only thing they know how to do. Which, just seeing the way they looked, it probably is the only thing they can do. It's almost as if they'd known each other before hand and used him for the sex that they wanted. Once they got enough, they left him for anyone else that they could get their hands on.
I feel my jaw lock up as anger bubbles up inside of me and I grab a pain medication from my purse. Looking at the time, I stand up, grab my bottle of water and swallow the Tylenol and close my bottle, walking out of my office to locate my first patient. He sits in one of the blue chairs in the waiting room, playing with his lighter.
I clear my throat. "Connor, please put that away, you could hurt someone."
He sighs and flips it closed and puts it in his pocket and stands up as I motion for him to step into my office.
Once he's in there, he takes a seat on the leather couch across from my chair. I locate the manila folder which has his name on the front: Connor McDavid.
"So, Connor, anything new?" I question him and I know there's something. The tension in the room speaks for him.
"Girls are wusses."
I take a deep breath and write down those words in quotation marks.
"How so?"
"I can't flirt with any other girls without my girlfriend finding out about it," Connor spits and slips his hand into his pocket, gripping his lighter.
"One, I'm going to tape your hands to that couch if you don't stop trying light this place on fire," I remember my old office that I had to move out of. His managed to light it all on fire because he was angry. Nobody really found out why he was so mad that day. All I know is he uses his lighter as a way to calm himself. Just like how The Outsiders is a 'security blanket' for me, his is his lighter. "and two, when did you think it was a good idea to flirt with other girls while you had someone else?"
"It's boring with just one girl," Connor replies. I mentally bang my head against the wall.
"Then she just wasn't the person for you," I tell him. "don't waste your time hurting others, you have an entire life that you haven't lived yet. But if that's what you're into, suit yourself then. You're just going to have a hopeless love life."
"What the hell?" he scoffs. "it's not going to be hopeless."
"If you're going to keep hurting girls, the word is going to get around and everyone will know," I cross my arms over my chest.
"Don't act like you've got nothing to hide," Connor snaps and slams his hand on the leather couch.
"I hide something every single damn day, but at least I don't break hearts each day."
"How don't you get bored then?" Connor questions me, his tone dark.
"Because I know what I'm doing and I know what I want," I half lie. I do know what I want except when I'm with Jamie, I have no idea what I'm doing. "I'm sorry, Connor. I should not be acting like this in front of my client."
"Whatever you say," Connor scoffs and stands up. "I have to go."
He exits my office without a look back and I exhale, closing my eyes and stand up. I glance at the time and walk out of my office, bringing my phone with me and I pass by Jamie. My insides do flips and I lean down and mutter into his ear telling him that he can take a seat in my office and that I'll be back. I give Katie a wave and she smiles at me.
"Did anything else happen yesterday?" I ask her.
"No, he was good for the rest of the day," she answers me and I let out a sigh of either relief or disappointment. It's almost as if I don't want him to get better. But I know I do. He has to. This isn't something that's optional. I'm given a task and I have to do it no matter how hard it is.
"Good," I say and I rush to the bathroom. I stare in the mirror like I usually do and splash some cool water on my face to lessen the redness.
I'm furious, to say the least. The number of clients I have that pay me for no reason is numerous and it's beginning to get on my nerves. I'd rather earn the money because I've done my job instead of for no dang reason.
After a couple moments of washing my hands and drying my face, I fix my eyebrows and unlock the door. I open it to see my next client, Antoine. I give him a warm smile and say good morning, walking back to my office. I take a deep breath as I pass by Katie again and I notice how the door to my office is closed.
Jamie kept it open before I went to calm myself down.
I knock on the door, my heart racing and I wait a few moments until Jamie opens the door. His breathing is heavy and damn he looks exhausted. He grabs a tissue with his right hand and rubs it over his left and that's when I realize what was going on. "s-sorry..."
"You're very lucky my boss didn't come in here to check on my work," I remark. My boss usually does that when I least expect it.
"I'm so sorry," Jamie looks up at the ceiling. "wrong place, wrong time. It shouldn't have happened. It won't happen again, I promise."
He glances at me with his big brown eyes, pleading for forgiveness. For a moment, I stay serious, then I just smile at him. I laugh lightly, looking down at the notes I have for him.
"What's so funny?"
I toss my hand sanitizer at him. "Nothing in particular."
"Then why are you laughing?" he questions me, his cheeks turning a bright shade of red.
"You don't have to apologize to me," I tell him, gazing into his eyes. "it's not the end of the world, nobody is hurt, right?"
He shakes his head, saying a quick 'no', and pours a small amount of my hand sanitizer on his hands and the bottle falls in between his legs. My breath catches in my throat and he quietly curses. Once he finishes rubbing the sanitizer on his hands, he grabs the small bottle and hands it to me. "thanks."
"You're welcome," I reply and he sits back down on the leather coach across from me. I take another brief glance down at my notes for him and inhale deeply. Once I exhale, I look over at Jamie who's already staring at me. I clear my throat to begin.
"So, Jamie, you called me yesterday telling me that you have another reason for why you're addicted to sex," I remind him. He nods. "would you like to tell me what it is?"
"Girls wanted to have sex with me, they wanted to use me and I'd never let them have it and then this girl, Noelle, came around and she was the first girl I had sex with," Jamie explained. "the pressure hurt too much and once I actually went through with it, I wanted more so she and I had sex a few more times but then she disappeared after the fourth or fifth time. I told you, they all leave."
I open my mouth to speak but Jamie starts talking again.
"Not even the ones that only wanted me for sex stayed," he sighs. "the last girl I dated, her name was Iris, she wanted the sex almost as much as I did but one night, she told me it was boring. I never do the same moves so I don't know how it could've gotten boring."
My eyes widen slightly as I remember what Iris and the three other girls had said. "has anybody ever given you crap about it for no reason?"
"Yeah, Iris and three other exes of mine teamed up," I wish he didn't know about that. "every single week there's something new that they have to say about me."
"They're not going to say anything anymore."
"How're you so sure?"
"I have my ways," I write down the four girls' names. I'm going to have to ask Katie about their social media. "what're their other names?"
"Stephanie, Lucille, and Faith," he answers me. I nod and glance up at the Van Gogh painting hanging above Jamie and remember what I wanted to talk to him about.
"Jamie, remember how you told me you didn't want to be called Chubbs?" I lift my feet up on the footrest in front of me. He nods and I take a deep breath. "I've come up with a conclusion."
"What's that?" he questions me.
"You started losing the weight when you were sixteen, right?"
"Yeah..." Jamie trails off.
"Sex burns calories," I say simply. When I say this, Jamie shifts in his seat and swears out loud.
"This time I can't even imagine you as an eighty-year-old woman with bruises," he whines. I chuckle to myself and notice Jamie biting his lip and staring into my eyes. Dammit.
"S-Sorry," I look down at my palms and my legs begin shaking from nerves. "I really need to stop saying that stuff."
"No, Cecilia," my heart flutters as Jamie says my name. Crap, you're falling. "I'm the sex addict here, not you."
"But I essentially keep accidentally leading you on," I tell him and he runs his fingers through his hair.
"It's not something that you can hold in sometimes, no matter how hard you try it'll spill out at the moments that you least expect it."
For a few moments, it starts to feel like he was trying to give me therapy.
"It's just like my sex addiction...except not as bad," Jamie continues. "like I never know when my urges will come and sometimes, we don't think before speaking."
It's not expected for me to be the one not thinking before speaking since I'm always busy in my chair debating on what the right thing to say is.
Jamie and I stare at each other for what seems like hours on end and I shift in my seat, starting to feel a bit uneasy. But not in a bad way. He gives me a look saying his hormones are at their high but his body language manages to mask it.
"How badly does it hurt?" I ask him.
Jamie blinks, surprised that I've managed notice. "I think you're just asking that to ask it."
"I want to hear the answer from you."
"It's giving me heartburn," he looks down at his hands. "I bet this is probably what a girl's period feels like." I get a painful feeling in the pit of my stomach remembering how bad my cramps get.
"You have no idea how bad periods are," I answer him while jotting his explanation down on my papers.
"You have no idea how badly this hurts though," he practically claws at his hair.
"I know I don't," I reply. "and sometimes I wish I did so I could understand what it's like to be addicted to something as powerful as sex. I wish I could feel your pain. If there's anyone in this room that should be feeling the agony, it's me."
"Trust me, Cecilia," Jamie breathes. "you wouldn't be able to handle it. Just like how I'm too scared because of your touch...I fear that I wouldn't be able to handle that." You don't know until you try.
"Explain it to me," I partially change the subject.
"What do you mean?"
"Start from the beginning, the first time you ever thought about becoming sexually active," I say just above a whisper as if someone was standing just on the other side of the door. Although the walls are sound proof, nothing feels safe and sound. "Wait."
"What?"
"Don't tell me right now," I mutter.
"Why not?" he gives me a look of confusion.
"I don't feel like what you say in here is as safe as it seems," I reply.
"I'm confused, I thought you said the walls were sound proof," Jamie furrows his eyebrows.
"I just don't feel safe here," I explain. "it's hard to explain...I mean, I have to bring all of your information back to my place because I'm scared of what my boss can find." I'm scared of what he can find out.
"Why? What's so scary about him seeing my case?"
"I'm scared of him finding out about us."
As I say that, Jamie's breathing hitches and I slowly stand up.
"This is illegal," he glances up at me.
I take a seat beside him.
"But it's so right," he breathes.
Jamie turns his head, gazing into my eyes and my heartbeat quickens. I use this time to take in everything about him. His perfect nose. Flawless eyebrows. Soft pink lips that admittedly feel so amazing on mine. His dark brown hair that isn't slicked back like it usually is. It's soft and clean and parts of it lay on his forehead while others fall against the buzz cut on the sides. Everybody could tell me his flaws and I wouldn't be able to listen to them. The simple things about Jamie are what I really notice. From inside to out, he's scraped clean of any bad qualities he could ever have. But he can also be so good at hiding it all. For all I know, the man seated next to me could be the man that murders me. And yet I still choose to believe that he's better than he puts himself out to be.
The longer we stare at each other, the closer my body feels to his. The heat radiating off of him tells me he wants everything. "Not now...not here." I gulp as his hand touches my knee. I put my palm on his hand and try to move it off of my knee but sometimes you can't always get what you want.
I refrain from moving his hand off of my knee and I feel his body shaking slightly. Bringing my hand up to cup his cheek, Jamie shivers and takes a few deep breaths.
"Why is it so hard to get out of it?" he groans.
"Because, right now, the urges are stronger than you're anticipating."
-
"What type of problems do you seem to be having?" I question my next patient. Thank god Katie managed to get Jamie out of my office before he could attack my body. It's not like it would be a terrible thing off the job.
"I can't stop hooking up with my friend's girl," Antoine mutters. "not that I have a problem with that but the girl's best friend I assume does."
"What's the girl's name?" I ask him.
"Amy," he answers me.
"Her boyfriend's?"
"Oh, they're not dating but his name is Tyler," Antoine tells me. I write this down and stop myself. Tyler. Where the hell do I know that name from?
"Wait...so how is Amy 'Tyler's girl' if they're not even dating?"
"It's not my story to tell," Antoine says. I nod and don't pry any further about her. "I honestly don't even know her story at all...I just know she's really good."
"Do you want her just for the sex?" I question. "or if you had a legitimate chance, would you try to make her your's?"
"That's a difficult question to answer."
"Just think about what you as yourself would want," I suggest.
"I mean, all I can think about is her nice ass and rack so I guess I just want her for the sex," Antoine tells me and I mutter a quick 'okay', checking the time, seeing as I have thirty-five minutes left until I can learn more about Jamie.
"Did you come here just so Amy's friend would stop bugging you about you hooking up with her?"
"I mean, her friend doesn't exactly mention the hooking up," he explains. I raise my eyebrows. "she doesn't even mention anything. But I have this odd feeling in my gut that says how she knows about what goes on under the covers. And how I feel about Amy. Which yes, I do have feelings for her but I know practically nothing about her."
"Well, does the sex stay between you and Amy?" I question, writing down a few notes.
Antoine nods and I can feel his fear.
I continue to speak. "One would assume that if there's enough trust to see each other naked, then you have enough faith in them to not spill the beans. So, I have a feeling that she would stay silent about it."
"Sometimes her friend gets a little protective when I'm around," he informs me. "and whenever I want to talk to Amy alone, her friend stays close and barely takes her eyes off of us."
"Well, you told me she's in a secret relationship with that Tyler guy, right?"
"Yeah, they're extremely close."
"Well, Mr. Roussel, that is your issue," I blink, an eyelash peeking inside my eyelid. "Jesus Christ."
"What is it?"
"A damn eyelash."
"What?" Antoine laughs, his eyes finally showing a bit of amusement.
"The tiny hair is in my eye," I open my eyes wide after blinking constantly. YouTube should create a 'Cecilia Anderson blinking compilation'.
-
"Okay, Jamie," I take a seat on a comfy chair in my apartment. "start from the beginning."
"I was practically surrounded by people that were sexually active," Jamie starts. "everyone seemed to be doing it but I was scared at first...I mean I was always scared when I had started having sex but back then the thought of it just terrified me. Girls knew I was a virgin and the knew how I wanted to fit in so they offered sex but I couldn't bring myself to say yes to them. I can't have sex with random girls that I don't feel anything for. One day in Sex Education, the teacher was trying to teach us how to put a condom on and it took me so long just to put it on a freaking cucumber. The kids bullied me for my innocence and I knew I had to do something about it. So, I finally got the courage to take the girl that I liked; Noelle. She was a virgin too but wasn't scared of anything and one day she had told me how she wanted to try sex with me. That night, I counseled myself into doing it. My friends were telling me it was a good idea. My body shape was telling me it was a good idea. And once all of that took over, I couldn't back out of it. We were both pretty inexperienced and I honestly feel lucky that I was able to get the condom on because that would've embarrassed the crap out of me. But overall, the sex was good. She and I began dating after that and I was mostly-excuse my wording-horny. I always wanted sex after Noelle broke up with me, I told my uncle what was going on. I couldn't sleep, I was failing my classes and a few times I almost got expelled from school.
"My uncle took me to the doctor and I got a lot of medication which only helped with my concentration for school and grades and I had also gotten sleeping medications. Nothing worked because the urges overpowered everything. My dosages were extremely high and even then nothing worked. Even now, they take over sometimes. But anyway, every single girl I met and felt something for, I had sex with. It just went like that for years. I still wonder how I've managed to get through my life because you know what they say, 'sex kills'."
I look at the blank sheet paper sitting on my lap. There's nothing to write down. Nothing that I can put down into words. It's all so much to process...almost way too extreme with the amount of emotion radiating off of Jamie.
I think for a few seconds and then my mind stops in my personal life.
"Can I tell you something about my sex life?" I ask him. "wait...I'm sorry. That came out of nowhere."
"I don't care, I do it all the time."
Holy crap. "You probably already know this but I'm possibly the most innocent person you've ever met."
"Well, you have a dirty mind so that's a step right there," Jamie points out. I chuckle. "continue."
"I've only had sex once and it was when I was seventeen," I admit. This is like a damn therapy circle. "the guy was terrible and I've denied it ever since."
"Why weren't you denying me then?"
My cheeks flush a deep shade of red. "Because I can trust you."
"How?" he furrows his eyebrows. "you don't know much about me."
"Well, I know about your addiction, so at least there's something," I tell him.
"I'm not a good person though."
"Sex changes you," I inform him. "it could be for the better or for the worse. I know I've only known you for a few days but I know that you're not who you think you are. You are so much better than the person you've convinced yourself to be."
"How would you know?"
"I'm supposed to know," I explain. "if I knew nothing about you, what kind of therapist would I even be?"
"I guess you're right," Jamie sighs. "do you think I'll ever go back to how I was before everything changed?"
"I know you will," I say, looking up at him.
The room goes silent and the tension increases as I hear Jamie breathing heavily.
"Cecilia?" he whispers.
"Hmm?"
"Why's it so dang hot in here?" Jamie asks me and I furrow my eyebrows in confusion. I notice sweat dripping from his hair and I swallow a lump forming in my throat.
"I'm actually cold," I mutter, feeling shy.
Jamie stands up and I shiver. At first, I'm confused as to what he's doing but then, he lifts his shirt up off of him and sets it back where he was sitting.
He steps towards me and my breath hitches as he takes a seat beside me in the chair. He wraps his strong arms around my small body and presses soft kisses to my temple and cheek. My body lightly shakes in fear and I lean into Jamie's bare chest for comfort. "What are you so afraid of?" He asks me.
"Y-Your urges," I reply, stuttering.
"Shh, baby, I'm not horny."
"Then why are you so warm right now?" I question him, his arms tightening around my shoulders.
"It's because my body always heats up with a mix of excitement and terror when I talk about my sex addiction from beginning to now," Jamie whispers. His thumb rubs the nape of my neck and he manages to get me to stop shaking so bad. "but that's okay because you're here to keep everything from being too drastic."
"That's what I'm here for," I lift my shaking hand to touch his jaw. I clear my throat, making zero effort to move my palm. "Jamie."
"Yeah?"
"What are we doing?" I question, my face heating up.
"What do you mean?"
"It's hard to word," I breathe. Are we dating? Are you my boyfriend? Friends with benefits?
"Are you asking what we are?" Jamie asks me.
"Bingo."
He thinks for a few moments, the room goes dead silent. "We can be whatever you want to be."