The figure before me is someone I'm extremely familiar with, someone I've seen my whole life. But I feel like I know nothing about said figure.
She has the same looks, the same frame, the same forced smile and occasional fidget of the hands, all things we both share. But I can't help feeling that we're disconnected from each other, separated by an impassable wall.
Every time I reach out to her, she does as well; but our fingers never meet, blocked by the cold, reflective surface between us.
Why do I feel so lonely when I look at this person? Like I've lost a big part of myself that I'm unable to retain...
She smiles back at me, equally as sadly as I do to her. Will we ever be whole again? I'm not even sure of the part of me that's missing, but I know I'll never be complete until I find it.
I carefully lay my forehead against the surface, she mimics me. We're "touching", but all I can feel is the sheet of glass against my skin.
A suppressed sigh escapes it's hold as my eyes slip shut. When did I go so far as to lose a part of myself, I wonder?
How had I not noticed until now?
Leaning back, my eyes fluttered open to the sight of a straining smile in front of me. It was all-too-familiar, yet completely alien at the same time.
It didn't belong on her face, but it was the only thing she had to hide herself behind. With this smile, people didn't worry or ask questions, they just accepted the lie and moved on.
Others will always ask you "what's wrong?" or "are you okay?" but none of them actually want to hear the truth, the expected answer to give is "nothing's wrong" and "I'm okay". When they're actually presented with the problem, they have no idea how to deal with it or what to say next, which in turn puts a strain on the conversation.
I'm very familiar with how the rules work...So keeping this smile up is the best way to avoid such situations.
But I can't help the underlying fear that wells up within me every time I see such a foreign smile on the girl's strikingly similar features before me.
I feel the more I see that lying expression, the more I'm losing myself. But how do I stop it? It's become such a habit...almost a defense mechanism. I know I can always fall back on it to get me out of tight situations.
But do I really want to keep running away..?
Isn't the path I'm on just leading me further and further down that dark, endless tunnel?
Though I'm not sure if I can even turn around at this point...I don't know how to. The suffocating walls are unbearably tight around me, even the smallest of moves is a great struggle.
I think I'm lost, doctor...there's no way out for me anymore.
...I've already accepted the inevitable.
My gaze snapped away from the mirror as my body spun in reaction to a loud bang coming from the other room. What on earth was that? Is someone breaking in?
Ever so cautiously, I crawled my way towards the bathroom door, taking a quick peek into the conjoined room.
In the boys room sat someone dripping wet and heaving heavily, his hair soaked and clinging to his forehead, shielding the pain in his eyes from my sight.
My stomach dropped to the floor when I realised who it was, my legs immediately reacting to the situation and carrying me forward of their own accord.
"Nanase!"
. . .
The feeling of salt laden water was always such a different experience to that of a pool. It was more wild and aggressive, it's sadistic nature always testing you at every chance it got. Whereas pools were calm and docile, tamed by the human touch to flow with them, and not against.
Haru honestly preferred both feelings, but there was something a little more exhilarating about swimming within mother nature herself.
A lot of people misunderstood the ocean's intentions, they fought against the strength rather than letting themselves succumb to it.
It's only when you resist it that unfortunate things happen, if you simply just let the water know you mean it no harm, it will stop.
Haruka gazed with half-lidded eyes at the sparse clouds above, floating within the sea's embrace. Raising one arm to the sky, Haru stretched his fingers out and moved his hand over the sun, blocking the harmful rays from his face.
How long has he been in the water now? Haru remembers going for a run in the early hours of the morning to try and clear his head. Lately he's been having confusing dreams that have done nothing but muddle his thoughts.
Haru hated not being able to think clearly, and in his irritated state he'd automatically carried himself towards the ocean, seeking comfort. He'd been swimming ever since, and the sun was now almost completely in the middle of the sky, beaming down on him viscously in an attempt to dry up all the water.
Haru glared at the massive star before turning over and diving beneath the glistening surface. For the first few hours of the morning the freestyle swimmer was practising his stroke, leisurely cruising across the water with little effort.
After awhile though Haruka noticed that same tight, nagging feeling from yesterday reappearing in his shoulder and lower abdomen; though like last time, he chose to ignore it.
Turns out that wasn't the best idea though, because that little pulling eventually bloomed into a pain so great that Haru had to bring his laps to a halt completely.
The boy had been floating around for at least a good hour or two, just waiting for the aches to subside. Although they'd diminished greatly, he was still very aware of their presence.
Finding himself impatient, Haru began his stroke once more, moving his arms up and around like clock-work as his legs kicked effortlessly, propelling him forward.
The cliff side was fast approaching and Haruka thought it a good opportunity to use the base protruding from the ocean as a wall to tumble-turn off. Just as the swimmer took his last breath and threw himself into the turn the pain rose up and reared it's ugly head, coming back sharper than ever.
It happened so suddenly that Haruka gasped at the force of it, inhaling a lungful of rough, salty liquid. The boy flailed within the clutches of the ocean to turn himself upright before stretching his legs out.
His bare feet met clumsily with the coarse sand beneath him and he abruptly stood, bursting through the surface and coughing up the body of water within his lungs.
A searing burn travelled throughout the whole of his shoulder, splitting to follow down both the lengths of his left arm and spine. His legs quivered with the effort it took to hold him up, the muscles in his abdomen spasming as they were pinched and pulled distressingly.
Haruka's breaths were short and raspy, the occasional gasp slipping out as he tried to refill his lungs with much needed oxygen. Why had it gotten this bad all of a sudden?
He was fine just yesterday, not well enough to join in on the practice sessions but swimming in the ocean wasn't a problem.
The swimmer tried to get back into his laps but his efforts proved futile when he couldn't even retract from his hunched over position. His shoulders were sagged and his knees bent, the minuscule waves lapping at the boys trembling torso.
As much as he wanted to, Haru knew he couldn't stay in the ocean, not in this condition. Stumbling over his feet he heaved himself towards the shoreline, thankful that it was a work day and not too many people were around to send bewildered glances his way.
The walk back to the hotel was brutal, to say the least. There were several times when the swimmer had to lean against a tree or pole for support while he got his breath back. His shoulder was killing him, the pain so overwhelmingly unbearable that he felt his vision fraying at the edges.
Would he even make it back like this? Haruka couldn't say for sure, so he stayed close to any walls in case he needed to catch himself.
Hauling himself up the stairs was the most challenging thing so far. With his brows knitted together and teeth clenched so tight he thought they might shatter, the boy finally made it - with great effort - to the top, all but dragging himself along the walls towards his room at this point.
The door was thankfully unlocked, why though Haru didn't care in the slightest at the moment. The only thing on his mind right now was to get inside and just collapse.
Haruka fell over the threshold like a rag doll, a pained hiss seeping between his gritted teeth as he hit the wooden floor.
The smell of heavy perspiration clung to the boys skin as he heaved himself over to the nearest wall, leaning up against it. Haru felt his head flop forward, his was vision murky and nothing seemed recognisable to him.
He wasn't even sure if he'd made it to the right room. Though he didn't care at this point, he was just glad the others were out and didn't have to see him like this. Lord only knows how much they'd fuss over it if they saw him in such a state.
The death grip on his shoulder did nothing to alleviate the aches coursing through it; if anything it made it worse, but Haru couldn't get his hand to let go.
He'd completely lost all control over his body at this point.
Haruka heard a muffled cry, almost sounding like his name. Was he hallucinating too now? Maybe he shouldn't have refused the nurse's help back at the hospital after all, had he known he'd get to this point.
The swimmer tried to lift his gaze, but his head refused to co-operate. A sudden brush to his forehead sent unexpected tingles throughout the area; the cool, gentle touch pleasantly relieving to his flushed skin.
He begged for that coolness to return, to chase away the suffocating heat surrounding him. But he was sorely disappointed when whatever had taken interest in him suddenly disappeared from his side.
Just when he thought he was alone again, that earlier presence returned. Something chillingly cold and wet was suddenly strewn across his forehead.
He flinched away upon contact, but soon revelled in it as a voice mumbled nonsense to him in hopes that he'd understand.
Haru didn't. He could barely make out what the person was saying, let alone who it even was. That didn't matter to him right now though.
They were helping to rid him of the uncomfortable heat, and that much he was grateful for.
Haruka laid in the comfortable silence. When had he transitioned to lying down? He wasn't sure...but the sudden acknowledgement of something beneath his head indicated that he'd fallen over at some point.
He was aware of the feeling of something gently running through his hair, brushing it away from his face even though the action was useless as the locks just stubbornly fell back into place.
The boy knew his hair was disgustingly slick with the saltiness of the ocean and his sweat, but it didn't seem to deter the person.
Just as Haruka found himself to be enjoying the brush of fingers against his scalp they suddenly stopped. The smallest of frowns graced his lips as he longed for the contact to return. It'd been distracting him from his shoulder and abdomen, but now that the caressing was gone the pain began to creep it's way back in, taking over full force.
Haru groaned and rolled his head in the other direction, his nose brushing up against something soft. The boy opened his eyes with a flutter, his vision slowly returning to him. He squinted against the harsh sunlight and turned his head back up.
A heap of brown locks hung above him, framing his face in an almost halo like form. He couldn't make out the face coupled with the head of hair though. It seemed familiar...yet he couldn't grasp the person's name.
As the blurred edges slowly came back into focus, the person hovering above him was one he suddenly felt like crawling very far away from.
"...Oh, you."
The girl's face fell just the slightest at his less than grateful response but she was quick to cover it up.
"You're awake! I'm glad," She heaved a sigh of relief and leaned back, allowing Haruka full view of the ceiling. "Are you feeling okay? Y-you were in a pretty terrible condition...what happened?"
Haruka glanced away, refusing to look at the girl. "Nothing really."
"Something happened," The annoying girl pressed, her voice showing a sliver of hesitance. "Was it back at the bridge..? Am I the reason-"
"It's nothing." Haru insisted, wishing Hanako would just be quiet already.
A long, awkward silence ensued. It was tense to sit through, but he'd be damned if he was the first to break it. Hanako also seemed to be in turmoil over the silent atmosphere.
She opened her mouth a few times, but always ended up redrawing from whatever she wanted to say. Haru gave the girl a sidelong glance, feeling his brows pull together in exasperation as the brunette struggled internally with herself.
What on earth did she want to say? Just spit it out already...
In the end the quiet must've got on the girl's nerves because she quickly stumbled to her feet, mumbling something about re-wetting the cloth before plucking it from his head and retreating to the bathroom.
Haru sighed as he flicked his gaze upwards, staring at nothing in particular. He had to admit, he felt a little bad for his cold shouldering towards Makoto's cousin, not enough to stop though.
He just found her presence so...overwhelming! Whenever she was in the room, it took all he had to keep in his attention off her. Haruka was just so aware of her all the time that it easily grated on his nerves, causing him to be unforgivably frosty; well, more so than usual.
The distant boy wouldn't usually let such a trivial person in his life bother him to such an extent, but there was just something about her that rubbed him the wrong way. Haruka had been sure it was simply just because of her hatred for what he loved, but thinking over it he realised it was more than just that.
Not only was it her phobia of water that got to him, but it was also that blatantly fake smile she'd always put on for show.
He was pretty sure the others hadn't caught onto it, but after observing the girl for the past week it was clear to him it was all an act on her part.
Haru didn't like pretenders. It made him wonder just what sort of secret she was hiding from everyone.
. . .
I wringed the cloth over the basin, squeezing out the excess water and letting the cool droplets run through my fingers before padding back into the other room.
I snuck a quick peek at the dishevelled swimmer sprawled out on the floor. For the first time since I'd rushed in to help I realised that said boy was lying clad only in his swimsuit, the rest of him exposed to the humid Summer air.
The sweat on Haruka's skin had begun to dry off now, though some perspiration still rolled over his well-toned body. The breeze floating in from the window brought out an involuntary shiver from the swimmer, though he seemed to be enjoying it's pleasant chill.
Now that my thoughts had calmed down, I was just starting to notice the situation I'd gotten myself into. I had questions for the boy, such as why he'd come back injured and how come he wasn't at Samezuka with the others?
But I knew I wouldn't get any answers, I'd already tried asking him earlier to no avail.
Kneeling beside Haru once more, I carefully laid the soaked cloth across his forehead, eliciting a soft, content sigh from the boy.
He had quite the fever, his face - along with pretty much the rest of his body - was flushed a bright red, a colour so bizarre on the Haruka Nanase that in any other situation I would've found it almost laughable.
"I've got to call Miss Amakata and tell her what's going on." I moved to stand again but something suddenly reached out to my arm, holding it in a viper like grip. I was startled by the action and flopped back down, unsure of what to do.
Haru glared at me with those dark, resolute eyes of his. I found myself unable to look away from them as I gazed back in a concerned manner.
"Don't." Was all he said, voice unwavering.
"But..." I slowly inched my other hand towards the little phone in my pocket, hoping he wouldn't notice. But of course, with a boy who's vision is as sharp as a hawks nothing would get past him.
He tugged my arm roughly to throw me off. I almost lost my balance and tumbled straight on top of him, luckily I was able to catch myself on the wall though.
"Don't tell them." He insisted harshly.
...Don't tell them? Did he mean Makoto and the others? Does he not want them to know?
A conversation between myself and Makoto suddenly sprang to mind. I remember him telling me that Haru has a bad habit of keeping things to himself so as not to worry other people unnecessarily.
I flicked my eyes down to the stormy blue orbs below me, their usual icy cold gaze feeling the slightest bit warmer all of a sudden. A small smile broke it's way through my resolve for just a fraction of a second before I quickly covered it back up.
If Haru had noticed, he didn't show it.
"Okay Nanase, I won't....but please, just trust me on this one?" Haruka gave me a suspicious look, as if summing up whether or not he could actually lay his trust in me.
It seemed I'd won him over though because the aloof boy finally gave a quiet "hmpf" before swerving his steely gaze the other way.
I gently peeled the heated fingers from my arm, noticing slightly red marks left imprinted on my skin. I brushed it off and reached for my phone, swiftly getting up and exiting the room.
I wasn't going to contact the others like I promised, but I knew someone I could call in this kind of situation. I just needed his number...
Hoping Miss Amakata might have it, I entered the girl's room, crossing the floor - which felt like I hadn't touched it in forever - to get to the dresser.
The teacher's handbag was in plain sight, the corner of her purse protruding from the unzipped pocket.
I mentally apologised to Miss Amakata for raiding her things before beginning the search. None of the handbag pockets held what I was looking for, so I moved on to the purse.
Oh mum, aren't you proud of what your daughter's become? I mentally mused over this predicament as I shuffled through the collection of business cards the teacher had acquired over the years.
How does anyone end up with this many cards stashed away? Surely they're not all needed...
I placed the ones which weren't what I was looking for in a neat stack on the dresser, skimming through the various company names labelled at the tops of them before handing them off to the ever growing pile.
There was one in particular that caught my interest. I paused in discarding it to take a closer look, wondering if my eye's deceived me.
But I had indeed seen correctly. The card pinched between my fingers was clearly one for a swimsuit modelling company.
"Miss Amakata, did you...?" I trailed off with a short laugh, quickly placing the laminated rectangle with the rest. I guess everyone has their secrets.
As I continued my shuffling, I found myself vaguely wondering what Haruka's secret might possibly be. If he even had one. Surely an aloof character such as him would be hiding something...right?
Though I really had no right to pry has I too was hiding a secret of my own.
"Ah, here it is!" I plucked the specific card from the several fanned out in my hand and placed the rest back into the purse.
I turned away from the dresser and flipped open the silver phone given to me when I was younger. It was an outdated model, but it did it's job so I never thought to replace it. It's not like I have money to be throwing around carelessly on electronic blocks anyway.
My eyes caught sight of the little crystal animal hanging from a thin black strap attached. My fingers paused momentarily as I tried to recall how I'd acquired the delicate piece of air blown glass.
I know it was given to me by someone I used to know a long time ago, but I just for the life of me can't remember who. Seeing the tiny sea creature made me wonder where the person who gave it to me was now, and if they even still remembered.
I'm sorry I can't remember you...The only thing I can recall clearly from my memory is the nickname, Iruka. Maybe you were a friend of mine from primary? I found it somewhat ironic that my old friend's nickname happened to correspond with the animal pendant I've been given.
Deciding to leave my thoughts there, I glanced at the number in the corner and punched it in, having to press rather hard on the keypad just for the phone to accept the numbers I was dialling.
My heartbeat picked up in speed as the sound of ringing echoed from the phone. Calling people was always one of those things that made me a little jittery, there was just something but talking to someone without being able to see their face that made me resent using phones.
Probably another reason why I'd never bothered with upgrading to some of the trendier models out on the market.
The person on the other end picked up after the third ring, but didn't immediately say anything, causing my anxiety to sky-rocket.
Had I called the wrong number? Or maybe he's busy right now...Should I hang up and trying again later? No, I can't do that. Haruka needs help now.
Please say something, Mr...
I almost jumped out of my skin at the gruff greeting on the other end of the line. "Hello?"
"Um..! Hi, doctor sir...I'm sorry, I didn't really catch your name the last time-"
My rambling was cut short by the man's abrupt question. "Just who is this?"
"Oh, s-sorry! It's me, T-Tachibana Hanako...I was hoping-"
"Tachibana?" The doctor mumbled as he mulled over the name.
"U-uh, yes..." I was about to continue in asking for his help when he suddenly let out a noise of recognition.
"Ah! Yes, I know who you are now. How did you get my number?" The man inquired, his grumpy tone lessening considerably.
"Err...well, I kind of found it..." I decided dancing around the truth was better for now. He didn't need to know I was a snoop.
"Uh-huh," He didn't sound very convinced. "Well, you obviously called me for a reason, right? So what seems to be the problem?"
I reached up for the glass ornament tied to my phone, gently running the smooth animal between my fingers as I thought of the best way to word my issue.
"Well, you see...my- uh," Just what exactly do I call Haruka? We're definitely not friends - not before hell freezes over - and I don't think he'd even consider us acquaintances. I'm completely at a loss of what to refer to him as. "Um...one of the swimming boys is at the Hotel and he could use some assistance."
There was a long, drawn out silence on the other end of the phone before I finally got a reply, albeit not one I was expecting.
"...Swimming boys?" I could almost hear the laughter in the man's suppressed tone.
"Y-yes..." My palms grew clammy in embarrassment and I had a hard time keeping a hold of the phone in my hand. "Will you please come over and check on him? I-If you're not busy, of course!"
I received a sigh in response, though I wasn't sure if it was good or bad. I was praying for the former.
"Fine, I'll come check up on your swimming boy. Give me ten minutes."
I was about to yell at the ridiculous notion of Haruka being my swimming boy, but the sound of the call ending rang clear in my flaming ears.
I exhaled dismally in response to the abrupt hang up and closed the old phone before returning it to my pocket, along with the card.
Sorry Miss Amakata, but I think I'll hang onto this.
. . .
Haru was getting impatient. He'd been stuck on the floor, writhing in pain for a solid five or so agonising minutes while that girl had skipped off into the hallway and proceeded in taking her sweet time talking to whoever she'd called.
He'd heard very little of the conversation, too engrossed in the massive headache coming to join in on the pain he was already subjected to; but the word swimming had been enough to catch his attention for as little as a nanosecond before his mind was reeled back into the sweaty mess that he currently was.
Never again would Haruka argue against a nurse, he decided firmly.
The pounding in Haru's head as he tried to sit up only intensified, causing the walls to spin in such a dizzying motion the boy felt he was going to hurl if he kept his eyes open any longer.
He moved onto his elbow to try and stabilise himself a little better, but the action sent a spike of flames through his shoulder. Haruka let out a strangled gasp at the intensity of it and suddenly fell back, unable to hold his own weight up anymore.
Haru was expecting the hard impact with the floor and braced himself, but it never came. He instead landed on something much softer than wood. A pillow? No, it wasn't quite that soft.
His eyelids struggled with the effort it took to open, but with half-lidded eyes the raspy boy flicked his gaze up to a pair of emerald jewels gleaming back at him.
No, they weren't jewels...but a pair of eyes. Who's eyes though?
They resembled Makoto's, but they were shades lighter than the tall brunette's own. They held the same soft kindness, but there was a tint of fear hidden deep within.
...Haru knew who's eyes these were. This worried gaze boring into his own disoriented orbs belonged to none other than the little cousin of his best friend.
They'd seemed so familiar to him, but Haru just summed it up to the fact that they were strikingly similar to that of Makoto's. That, and also because he was almost at the point of passing out.
Haruka said nothing as he closed his eyes again, not even bothering with telling the girl to let go of his head. He didn't particularly like the feeling of her dry hands touching him, but he wasn't about to complain.
She'd just saved him from a concussion after all.
"Nanase! Are you okay? What happened? Why did you sit up? Please, say something!" The girl above him was panicking at his carelessness, and Haru was finding it a tad annoying.
"You're too loud." He grumbled simply. He'd technically given her the response she'd asked for, to "say something". Maybe she'll leave him alone now?
"Y-you didn't really answer my questions..."
...Of course not, that's just wishful thinking.
"I want to sleep." Haru mumbled incoherently. He'd be surprised if the brunette actually picked up on what he'd said, even he himself wasn't quite sure of the words that'd left his mouth.
Though she apparently had a natural talent at deciphering slurred sentences beyond normal comprehension, because almost immediately she went into a worried frenzy, yet again.
And Haru thought Makoto's mothering was annoying, his best friend paled greatly in comparison to the girl currently holding his head captive...the boy immediately took back every snide remark he'd ever made about Makoto's worrywart personality over the years.
"You can't go to sleep, Nanase! Please stay awake for just a little but longer, the doctor will be here any minute now."
Haruka felt the muscles in his face twitch, his jaw clenching in irritation at the brunette's incessant babbling.
He wasn't usually ever the one to lose his temper over such a small thing, especially when he dealt with Makoto's mothering on a daily basis. But right now the swimmer had a headache the size of the ocean and listening to the constant nagging of her in his ear was not sitting well with him.
With a tone harsher than he'd ever thought possible and a glare so threatening that even hot-blooded bulls would hesitate to charge him, Haru's soul-piercing gaze bore into the girl like drills as he quickly silenced her with his deathly chilling reply of, "I'm not going to die in my sleep, so leave me alone."
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
So...
Yes, this is another chapter.
And yes, once again, the F!Character has been pushed even further back into the next one...(Though let's be honest, I'm sure you know who it is by now.)
I'm sorry, but by the time I was finished writing all this up and editing and all that deliriously fun stuff I realized that I'd reached the word limit I've set. In fact, it's actually over by nine.
I was honestly going to include the new character's scene in with this one, but it turns out this particular scene took more time than I'd originally thought it would.
Moving on, if you see any mistakes at all throughout the paragraphs please alert me to them as I was in a rush to get this finished before swimming training.
I will get to fixing them whenever the next chance arises.