THE SPAWNS
Like a Hawk
Chapter XXIV—Lilibeth
© DarknessAndLight
About half way through the bus ride to my cousin, I started to regret leaving. Leaving so abruptly suddenly felt like I was just throwing some kind of childish tantrum because I couldn't deal with the mess I had made. I didn't want to face Cole so I preferred running away.
All of my beautiful pep talk, all of my oh so noble quest to find who I really was felt like just beautiful cover, something to hide the truth. I wasn't running towards who I could become, I was just running away from Cole Torres.
I wanted to cry, all alone in this bus, surrounded by strangers I wanted to cry at how stupid and childish I was. Why couldn't I deal with my problems the way normal people did? Why couldn't I just grow up already? Why couldn't I just wash Cole out of my system if I was so convinced that I wasn't the right girl for him?
So for the latter part of the bus ride, I just kept feeling more and more miserable, regretting my decision, regretting every decision I had made in the last twenty-four hours. If I could have gone back in time, I would have stayed in bed all day instead of screwing everything up.
Still, there was a tiny, minuscule, infinitesimal part of me that couldn't regret kissing Cole, even if it was just a one... well er, two, or more like three time thing. I couldn't regret kissing him because kissing Cole... however wrong it was, I had never felt anything as right as it. I could die happy with the knowledge that I had kissed Cole Torres at least... thrice in my life.
When the bus parked at my stop, I was all but ready to jump in the next one and go back home but that's when I saw my Nikki with a big sign that read "Your carriage awaits Miss Lilibeth." It was covered with drawing and glitter and I could totally tell that my two young cousins, Gavin and Jackson had helped in creating that poster. It was kind of adorable actually, especially as I saw the two flanking their sister on both side, huge smile on their lips, almost jumping up and down.
I was such a cry baby. What was wrong with me, going all dramatic about leaving? It was a good thing. My cousins were proof enough of that.
I got out of the bus, my backpack swung over my shoulders and headed towards my family.
"Hello Lilibeth, I hope you don't mind, the whole family wanted to see you arrived," my aunt Vanessa greeted me, before giving me a hug, a huge smile on her lips.
"Hi Aunty," I smiled back and then backed away from her embrace to smile at my cousins.
The three of them were waving at me enthusiastically.
"Hey! Hi!" Nikki squeaked. "I'm so happy you're here. We're going to have so much fun! I have a lot of things planned! I mean, if that's okay with you, if you don't already have stuff planned, because if you do, that's totally okay, we can do what you want to do."
I couldn't help my smile broadening. "I have absolutely nothing planned, you're in charge. I'll follow your lead.
"Yes! Awesome! Cool, okay yeah, we should probably go," she said, looking at her mom, "We're not going to have that much fun at a bus stop. I mean, I'm sure we could figure some way to have fun, but there are better things to do."
"Nikki, honey, let your cousin breathe for a second," Aunty Vanessa said.
"Oh, it's okay," I reassured them all, "don't worry about it. I like Nikki's enthusiasm." I needed that. I needed someone happy to snuff out my gloominess right now.
"Well, if it gets to be too much, feel free to tell me," Nikki told me. "I know I can get annoying. I won't hold it against you. If you want to lock me up in a bathroom for an hour, I'll totally deal with it. As I said, I'm sure I can found something fun to do in the bathroom for an hour."
I laughed. "I'm sure you can."
"Alright, let's go kids," Aunty Vanessa announced, and started to walk towards where her minivan was parked.
"Come on my little poodles!" Nikki said, motioning for her brothers to follow.
"We're not damn poodles!" Jackson, the only browned hair kid on the Grayson side, grumbled.
"Course you are," Nikki snuffed, "we're the three poodles, because we curl like them. You can't hide your poodlesness from me" she teased the eldest of her younger brothers ruffling his hair to which he quickly swatted her hand away.
I smiled at their antic, as Gavin, the youngest of the three Grayson's just smiled contently, eating his caramel apple.
So we all got into the minivan and drove towards their house. I quickly found their enthusiasm contagious, the way Jayden and Maika and Cole's joy often made me happy too. But it was a little different though. For some reason, it felt even easier to be swept up by these Graysons, like they had some kind of fairy power that just made you as happy and excited as they were. I had never noticed it before.
But it was there. It was there as we rode to their house, and it was there when we got to their place, and as we set the dinner table and all ate together.
All of the five Graysons, they had an enthusiasm that was almost, magical. Maybe I had never noticed it before because I had never been alone with them. I had never experienced these five Graysons undiluted.
As I looked at my family, I realized I had never really seen them for what they truly were. And as I looked at Nikki I wondered why it was I had brush off her company so often. Had my petty jealousy really blinded me that much? Maybe Jayden wasn't the only unobservant one in the family. There was an innocence about Nikki that I had never noticed, that I had pegged as her being silly, but that wasn't it. She wasn't stupid, she was just... innocent, happy, carefree. She didn't see the bad. She saw the good.
For a second I wished I could be more like her. It would definitely do me some good.
When we got ready to go to bed—we finally decided after much negotiation that I would sleep in Nikki's bedroom and not alone in the guest bedroom, I was almost smiling and giggling along with Nikki.
"If you ever need anything don't be shy, tell your cousin, or tell us, alright?" Aunty Vanessa said, leaning against the door frame of Nikki's bedroom, Uncle Tyler beside her.
"And remember girls, I'm watching you... like a hawk," Uncle Tyler said and walked away with his wife, after she swatted him on the stomach.
"What's with your father and that always saying 'I'm watching you like a hawk' thing?" I asked Nikki when he was out of ear range. He had said it a couple of times at the dinner table but everybody just rolled their eyes at him when he said that.
She sighed, shaking her head slightly. "Our grandpa apparently always says, 'I'm watching you like a shark' but when dad tried it on me, I pointed out that sharks are definitely not known for their sight, since most of them are color blind and have very poor eyesight. So he changed it for hawk," my cousin explained.
"Our family is very weird."
"Tell me about it!" Nikki exclaimed, and then headed for her small bathroom.
While she was in there, I walked around her room, looking at the pictures ad the drawing and the paintings and the decoupage hanging from her walls. It was like an explosion of paper and canvas. Her walls were painted a pale pink, but the color was almost all hidden away because her walls were covered with stuff. It would probably take me a week to make sense of everything on her them.
I smiled as I read the quote "Give the world the best you have and you'll get kicked in the teeth. Give the world the best you have anyway."
"All yours," Nikki announced as she got out of the bathroom.
I smiled at her and went in. After I was done with my little bedtime routine, and walked out of the bathroom, Nikki was already sitting on her bed, and of all thing, knitting.
"Do you knit?" she asked.
"Never learned how to."
"Really? You should! I'm a little overly enthusiastic and jumpy all the time, so it's good because it keeps my hands occupied for a little while. Plus it produces wild scarves and so-so hats—I haven't really gotten the hang of hats yet," she explained as she knitted quickly. I think she wasn't doing it perfectly, like there were missing threads in what she had already knitted, but I don't know why, it just worked. It made me smile again.
I realized I had been smiling a lot today.
"I'm sorry I never really hung out with you that much," I said softly, sitting beside her on the bed, my back against her headboard.
"Don't worry about it, I'm sort of used to being the black sheep of the family, which is totally ironic since I'm the blonde one." She chuckled at that, her eyes fixed on her knitting.
I frowned. "You're not the black sheep."
"But I never really fitted with you guys, I mean, when we were younger sure, but when we all hit puberty I got pushed to the sidelines."
I felt bad, because she was right. We had been closer when we were younger, but as we had gotten older, we had sort of drifted apart. "Sorry about it."
"Ah, it's okay. I have my little brothers and I have a lot of friends here. I really can't complain."
"I'm still sorry," I repeated.
"Water under the bridge Lil," Nikki assured me, nudging me with her elbow, still smiling.
I could barely believe it. This girl held no grudge. If there were more Nikkis, this would probably be a better world.
As I looked at her, I thought about the fact that I had never really had a girl friend. Maika didn't count because she was too much like one of the guys. She was just another limb in the two head monster that was Jayden and Cole. As much as I loved and trusted her, I'd never talk boy problems with her. I had no one to talk boy problems with.
And suddenly I realized that I wanted a girl friend. I wanted a friend in which I could confide, another girl that could listen to me and know exactly what I was going through, or at least understand it, the way my brother never would because he had external genitalia.
Mastering all of my courage, I said softly, "I'm going to tell you something, and I just need you to listen and I want you to swear on your little brothers' head that you'll never ever talk about it with anyone."
"You killed someone, didn't you?" Nikki asked, her eyes still on her scarf. "I totally peg you at the quiet silent murdering type of gal. In those serial killers shows the people they interview always say they never would have guess that guy could do it. You're totally the type."
"What?" I almost snorted. How random. "No, I didn't kill anyone."
She shrugged one shoulder. "If you killed someone, it's okay. I'm sure he or she deserved it. I might peg you as a killer, but you'd be a logical killer. Like, it would totally make sense for you to kill that person."
I shook my head, still smiling. "Again, Nikki, I didn't kill anyone."
"If you're planning on killing someone I can totally help. As I've stated, I watched a lot of serial killers shows."
And that just did it, I bursted into laughter. Why I had never noticed how hilarious my cousin was?
"Cross my heart, I didn't kill anyone and I'm not planning on killing anyone..." I thought about it for a second though and then I added, "Actually, if you do have some kind of ingenious plan I might want to kill Cole's cousin Dakota."
"No problem girl," she assured me, "I'm totally there if you need a partner in crime."
"But honestly, that's not what I want to talk about."
Nikki put her knitting project down on her lap and looked in my eyes. "Spill."
I took a deep breath and said, "I like Cole Torres."
Nikki snorted and picked up her scarf again. "Who doesn't?"
"No, but like, really like him, as in love him, really."
"Again, who doesn't?" she asked, shaking her head, smiling a little.
"That's it?" I asked, confused.
"Shouldn't it be it?" She looked confused too. "Why? You think it's a bad thing, loving Cole?"
"Isn't it?"
"Why? Because you're too young? Who cares? I had a crush on my history teacher in ninth grade, like I named all of our children and actually found a house for us to buy and I wrote him about a dozen love letters and I sent them all to him, like I typed them and never signed them so he wouldn't find me, but I still did it."
"You're crazy," I laughed.
"Oh yeah, definitely, but Mr Mason was soooo worth it. And you want to know the worst thing?" She turned a little then, like she was ready to spill juicy gossip, her smile almost splitting her face in half. "My father knew him, like Mr Mason's friends with our parents. When I learned that I sort of freaked out. Like, I'm preeeetty sure Cole's mom slept with him."
That wouldn't be that much of a surprised. From what I understood, Cole's mom had a pretty active sex life before she married Josh Torres. And after too. "Mr Mason?" I asked, frowning.
"Frederic Mason," she clarified.
"I think I remember him," I trailed. That name definitely rang a bell.
"Yeah, dreadful really. Anyway, that's not the point," Nikki pressed, "the point is, we probably had like a fifteen year difference or something and that was all sorts of illegal and inappropriate but it wasn't wrong because I never forced Mr Mason to love me. I never kidnapped him and beat him into loving me. I never even inappropriately stalked him. Everything I dreamed about between us, was just that—a dream—and it didn't hurt anybody. As long as your feelings don't hurt the other person, as long as they don't make them uncomfortable there's nothing wrong with loving someone. Loving someone is a beautiful thing, really. What's important is that it doesn't hurt anybody. Loving Cole doesn't hurt him. Even if he doesn't love you, I'm sure he wouldn't even mind if you told him."
"But that's the thing..." that was so difficult to admit, but I had to, I wanted to say it to someone, "he... well he loves me too."
Nikki looked up at the ceiling and sighed heavily and I was a little confused. "Man, if my mother was here she'd slap you. She does that a lot. When my dad says things that make no sense or he's spewing bullshit, she'll call him out and slap him like the bitch he's being."
I choked a laugh. "You think I deserve to be slapped?
Nikki poked my forehead. "Might jug some sense into that thick brain of yours." She shook her head. "Did you just tell me that Cole Torres loved you?"
"Yes," I admitted again, looking at my hand folded on my lap.
"Wow, so I had the wrong Eaton then." She nodded, like she was processing the whole thing, "it's not Jay, it's you."
"Yeah..."
"So, he loves you and you love him?" She frowned, like she was trying to put all of the pieces of the puzzle together. "Can you tell me exactly how that's a problem and how that's a bad thing?"
"Because I'm too young and not good enough for him," I explained almost throwing my hands in the hair.
"The too young thing, might be true," Nikki said, tapping her index on her bottom lip, "the not good enough, seriously, I think I might slap you right now."
"But I am not good enough."
She snorted. "On who's opinion? Yours?"
"Yes."
"Then your opinion is bullshit. Cole's a smart boy, seriously, I'd give my left boob up to have him love me and my left boob is my bigger boob so that really counts for something. Anyway, Cole's a smart boy. If he loves you, it's not frivolous. You shouldn't discount his feelings just because you think you're not good enough, especially when you love him too." She shook her head after her little rant, while looking at me, like I was some kind of poor lost little puppy.
"It's just... he deserves so much better than me."
"And when exactly did you become the judge of what Cole does or does not deserve? When exactly were you given the right to decide who Cole should love?" I had to give it to her, what she was saying was making sense, even if I would never admit that, even if I knew I would never accept it. Still, even if Nikki was happy-go-lucky most of the time, she was still older than me, and... well wiser really.
"But he loves me and I think he shouldn't love me," I told her.
"Man, I'm going to slap you, I swear."
I laughed at how she said it, like she was exasperate with me in the most hilarious way. "Don't please."
"I won't because my daddy raised me well. I'll probably just fart in your face this morning," she said, smiling mischievously at me and for a second, she had the same smile as my brother. We all shared the same genes after all.
I scrunched my nose. "That's lovely."
"Oh yeah, and since we ate burritos be prepared, it won't be pretty." I laughed. How could I not? Seriously, how had I missed Nikki's spunk during all these years? "Anyway, I get it, you have this whole unworthy complex and you think you're doing something good by denying Cole, but really, with some perspective and with some time you'll realize you're an idiot. I just wish for your sake that Cole hasn't moved on by then."
And when she said this I thought about it, really thought about it. Cole with another girl. Cole happy and smiling, holding another girl, kissing another girl. Moving on and dating another girl... marrying another girl.
Did I really want that? How could I possibly want that?
I fell asleep on that thought.
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Hey guys! Long time no upload right? Sorry about the one year wait. I'm an evil person! 0_0
So, I just have a couple of things to say, first off, again, sorry for not uploading. It's mean of me I know, but I don't do it just to spite you all--I'm working on my thesis at the moment, I'm also the president of my association and I'm craaazy busy with life in general, so yeah. Sorry.
Also, for those of you who follow me on social medias you might have noticed I changed my name. Now if you want to find me I'm under Karianne Giard (or like kaygiard on instagram) I did it because once I do get published I'll do it under this name (Karianne being my full name, Giard being my mom's maiden name because my actual last name, Bordeleau is too French to be practical) so, I want to get y'all used to it. So yeah, MYSTERY SOLVED YOU CURIOUS BUGGERS! ;P My full name's Karianne. You can still just call me Kay--it's still my nickname after all.
Oh also, some of you might know I like horror stories. And a must when it comes to horror stories is the Goosebumps Series. Now, there's a movie coming out soon, with Slappy in it. So if you're not one of those weak souls that get spooked by ventriloquist dolls or if you're a Goosebumps fan, be sure to check this profile out: https://www.wattpad.com/user/GoosebumpsMovie
Finaaaaaaaally, I can't guarantee when I'll upload next, or what I'll upload next, but I'll try not to make y'all wait a year again. You really shouldn't, seriously. I've got stuff written for the next chapter already! 0_0 (there's an excerpt up on my instagram account if you're curious)