First thing's first, I want to apologise for not being around for ages. The dark times I've been experiencing these past few months are finally coming to an end, but it's been hard getting my writing mojo back, you know? Well, for Love Sucks that is. I've started writing a new story called Life After Death, I'd really appreciate it if you checked that out. It's something very personal to me, and your comments, votes and attention means so much to me when it comes to that story.
Anyways! Here's the next chapteeeeeer ... over a month later. Sorry, haha. I just want to say a major thank you to Matt (nirvana_love) and Sophie (silly-sophie) , who have both, in their own way, encouraged me to see the light in the darkness.
Plus, there's only 3 more chapters to Love Sucks left.. :o ! I'm still trying to get round to the major editing of this story, jaheeez. It's way too long, haha. I need to shut up. Here's the next chapter!
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Chapter fourty;
Thick black smoke filled the air around me, choking me, burning my skin, burning my eyes, burning my throat. I could smell the heavy, disgusting stench of burning flesh surrounding me, mixing in with the smoke. I coughed, and it came stingingly straight from the heart. Blood sprayed out of my mouth and disappeared in the smoke around me.
Fires, everywhere – they were everywhere. There was no escape from them.
I could hear people screaming in the near distance. Their Shrieks sounded pained and scratchy as they screamed for their lives in the fires.
As my heart raced and hammered against my ribs, desperate to pump non-existent oxygen around my body, I could feel the skin of the soles of my feet begin to burn and wear away on the heated pavement. The concrete was just as hot as the fires nearby. Embedded into the concrete were all kinds of sharp objects that felt painfully like glass, and every tiny stone and every shard of glass dug into my wounds on my feet, causing sobs to build up in my chest.
I had to move, I had to run. But where to? I couldn’t even see.
“Just RUN!” My voice screamed.
And so I did. Running through the thick black smoke, I tried to see past the black clouds and tears in my stinging eyes to see if I recognised my surroundings.
And I did.
The town hall was set out in front of me, all of its windows smashed and its walls burned black from the flames burning within. Faded signs everywhere pointed to different directions;
Southampton city centre-
Southampton central-
West Quay-
My heart burned with recognition as I watched my hometown burn to the ground. The city I’d grown up in was on fire, and people with burns on their faces, covering their bodies ran past me, searching for safety as they screamed for their lives, as they screamed for their loved ones.
This burning Hell was Southampton. My hometown.
Except it wasn’t really Southampton. It was the dimension of the Damned.
The hot ground beneath me began to tremble slightly, just for a second, and then was still once more. As I stared straight ahead of myself, at what was ascending slowly in my direction, my knees began to buckle and fear shot through my body. Bright artificial orbs of white light glowed around them, twisting and manipulating in the air until they shone bright enough so that I could see them properly.
They were dressed in thick, heavy cloaks. Their hoods were pulled up around them so that shadows were cast across their faces so I couldn’t see their identity. But the orbs brightened and warded away the shadows hiding their faces away.
I could see them now. Oh, I could see them.
And it wasn’t the first time.
Deeply burned, scarred, frayed skin that was so tight it was translucent…
Eyes sewn shut, forever at a miserable, painful peace…
Mouths wide as they belt out a deafening screech, revealing their razor-sharp teeth…
They were everything I feared. They were in my nightmares, and they were constantly present at the back of my mind, if not the centre of it.
The Others.
Snapping out of a daze, I screamed, but I was glued to the floor, stuck in place.
“Hey, you!” Someone shouted at me, choking. I looked around, and through the smoke I could see someone running towards me. “Run!”
Didn’t they understand that I couldn’t run?
“Damn it!” The man growled, and in the blink of an eye I had been swept up and into his arms, and he was running through the smoke, past the fires, away from the Others. A few blocks later, I was set down on my feet, the smoke still so thick my vision was blurred, and not to mention the fact my aching head was spinning.
“I can’t carry you and lose their trail. You’ll have to run.” The man gasped as he gulped in the dirty air.
“Where to?” My voice was frantic. Could you blame me, though?
“Make your way back towards Shirley way… you know where the common is?”
“Of course.”
“Wait for me at the dead tree past the second wooden bridge.” Before I could ask who he was or try and see his identity, he was running again, this time in the opposite way to Shirley. My heart was racing, but within seconds I forced my feet to pound against the burning pavements, down the empty, burning highways towards the common. Fires were ablaze here and there, and it took me a long time just to find the safest path down an empty duel carriageway. When I was away from the town and running through the streets, my heart began to throb at the sight of houses burning to the ground and children running down the roads, tears staining their smoke-covered faces as they screamed for their loved ones.
I didn’t know if they were real people or not, and that was what really messed my mind up. Were they illusions? Hallucinations? Were they Damned, too? Or were they just a figure of my imagination coming to life to try and portray my burning hometown to what it once was – or what it would be if this was on the Earth plane?
Question after question sped through my mind as I ran down the streets, avoiding potholes, fires and burned monsters – yes, monsters, not people – at all and any cost. What really played on my mind was Alex, and how for those short minutes I’d slammed back into my body, back on the Earth plane, he’d held me and even tried to hide his tears. How he begged me to stay awake, when I just couldn’t – my brain was frying, my skull felt like it had just shattered into a thousand million little pieces inside my head. My eyelids were too heavy, and the darkness that had succumbed me was more than just unconsciousness, and all too soon I was standing on a burning pavement in the centre of Hell’s replica. Before I’d gone back to my own body on Earth, I was just in… nothingness. It was just black, but I could smell the smoke and burning flesh of the fires here, I could hear the screams and I could feel my surroundings. As if I had just been blind, and yet I still managed to be in the centre of Hell’s replica.
I had to stop when I got to Southampton Cemetery. As I came to a halt at the large black iron gates, I leaned over and tried to cough up the smoke that was spreading like cancer in my lungs. My chest hurt, as if there was a vice pushing against my ribs and digging into my heart.
A vice that had Alex’s name on, for sure.
This was agony enough, let alone the fires of whatever the heck this place was. The fact that in those final moments I had with Alex, in his arms, I saw him at his weakest. Trying to hold back the tears, and I heard a tiny half-whimper, half-choke that I knew was a faint sob escape from his throat. I so badly wanted to stay with him and explore that state of heavy bliss I knew I ought to have been in.
But at least I could say our final night together meant so much more than anything ever could. It meant more than the universe, more than life itself. For those long minutes that ticked into hours, it had just been Alex and I, finally withdrawing those barriers we couldn’t help to keep up. Finally letting each other in completely.
“Not again, never again, no going back…” A faint voice whispered in my mind. Not my own voice, but somebody else’s. A soft voice, so musical and barely there. Just once, just that sentence was said, and the voice was gone quicker than it came.
It didn’t take a genius to figure out why it said what it did.
Not again, never again…
…Will I spend a night like last with Alex.
No going back…
…This was life now. This was my life. This was me. Alex defined my love, but everything else – Ashton, meetings with the King, heartbreaks, grief, panic – it all sculptured my life. A part of this life was pure madness. The other tiny minority wasn’t madness – it was just so. It was everything I was made up to be.
But not everything I wanted to be.
Southampton Common was deserted. There were no fires whatsoever in the stretching fields, or in the park. Something didn’t seem right, so I made my way towards the trees via the edges of the field, as if it were no man’s land. I hurried through the trees once I’d folded under its dark cloaked shadows, and I could hear screams echo all around me in the near distance, which only made me run faster. These woods seemed so familiar to me, the way the trees curved-
Afar, the bell in the clock tower chimed twelve, midnight for all of Southampton to hear. I pulled my cloak tighter around myself as I pulled my cabin door shut, my throat burning with thirst. Thought swished around in my mind – thoughts of young Alexander, so handsome and… vulnerable. Albeit, this entire love affair was childish. I had long gone off track with my duties. But no longer shall I linger on my faults; he wanted to feel my teeth sink into his neck. He wanted to feel the cold venom jolt through his blood-filled veins. He wanted to change.
And I was not one to stop him. Beautiful though he may be, my feelings – not just towards him, but for everything – were fake and conjured up from my faint memory. I could ask myself, what is love? and not know the answer. Not even with Alexander. It was nothing but greedy lust and a desire to live up to my duties and… ah, reputation.
The Others had always wanted a Cromwell blood traitor by their side. They said “The more, the merrier!” although that is not quite the case. It is more or less all to do with the power that Alexander specifically holds. His brother is to call him gifted, but young Alexander merely states that connecting with one’s mind is just another curse.
…So many curses for such a young child. He was – what? Nineteen, if that? I pity him, perhaps more than I ought to. His darling mother – charmer, she was, and tasted just as fine as she looked! – passed not three months ago. That be the only reason why he wanted this… hideous, monstrous eternal life to continue on. So he could deal with his mother’s death in his own time – or not at all, perhaps.
I could only wonder…
The trees of the Old Common grounds enveloped me hungrily in the night. I snaked through the trees, my eyes weary of the silver moon hanging high above me; the only light source I had in such dark times. From even so far from the sundial in the centre of the trees, I could hear young Alexander’s teeth chattering together, so badly that I even feared they may shatter at any moment.
Of course, I had asked him to meet me out here, but I made it clear to him I was not promising my presence, or my venom.
What a lie. Of course I was promising it! Oh, the glory would be unsustainable the second my fangs bit into his neck. Only once he had let me drink from him, and afterwards he admitted he felt dirty when I bit him during ‘love-making’. I suppose lust-making or reputation-making wasn’t much a term used for intercourse? What a shame.
“Do you feel no remorse, Miss Hathaway? Have thy no shame?” A voice whispered from in the trees.
“Mind your own, Chauncey.” I snapped harshly.
I approached the sundial now. He wandered around it in slow circles, the autumn leaves crunching noisily under his feet as he did so. His dark hair was matted to the nape of his neck with sweat that coaxed his palms, also. His cheeks shone a tint of red under the moonlight, most likely due to the icy weather that was far too cold for autumn – and for the human body.
As I began to approach him from his right, I could not help but acknowledge just how foolish he truly was, coming out here into the depths of the Common, knowing what could be out here, but unsure of what really was. Albeit, there was far worse than I out in these dark woods…
What a silly young lad. Handsome, but so, so foolish. He knew better than this – than to venture all the way out here! Thus, he knew better than to turn and face me when I approached him. His stance stiffened with fear of who I might be, and who he hoped I was. The heart that held love and passion for no other than I was beating so quickly and heavily against his ribcage, deep within his chest.
I reached forward and ran my fingertips down his neck, across his shoulder. He somewhat loosened, but his back remained rigid. Nonetheless, he tilted his head to the side, inviting me warmly to suck him dry, or change him. I braced my hands on both of his shoulders, and with a last glance towards that beautiful face of his, I ripped my fangs into his throat, straight into the bloody vessels lying beneath the surface. He struggled, and I knew then that it was finally hitting him – what he was actually doing.
But he made another foolish assumption – that I was going to stop. I did not, for his blood tasted bittersweet – like honey and anger, all in one. Such a wonderful taste that I could hardly remember my surroundings.
He fell to the ground in defeat, his body shutting down as my venom overtook his heart and froze it over for the rest of eternity. This was it. This was my duty fulfilled. Alexander Cromwell would wake up a vampire come sunrise, not yet bloodthirsty, but soon to be. This was it for him now. No going back.
I fell straight into somebody’s arms. My body was weak and my sight was blurred. My head was spinning, but nonetheless I could feel tears stream down my cheeks. It was so horrible. It was a horrible sensation to feel the life being sucked out of me, and also to be sucking the life out of someone. The bitter edge she constantly had to her thoughts… She was ‘KH’. His maker, his lover, his everything until his curse wiped her clean. But she did not love him. She felt nothing more than lust and thirst. She felt pure bliss when she bit him. When she turned Alex. My Alex.
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
The minutes went by so quickly that I hardly knew time had passed. By the time the nurses came in to check on Cathy’s heartbeat and brain activity and get her ready to go down to surgery, I wasn’t ready. I’d been here for a long while and I still wasn’t ready to say goodbye. How could I do this? How could I betray everything I’ve ever known – every single person that has ever loved me?
“You must,” my voice murmured, as if it understood me. “You must do this if you want to save Cathy. After a while, perhaps the betrayal will become a part of you. It all just takes time to adjust.”
The nurses were getting inpatient by now. Ashton was already in the corridor waiting for me. I looked at Cathy’s face; her silvery-blonde hair hung in imperfect ringlets down her front, the odd strands laced with blood. Her face was deathly pale, and her lips were such a pale pink that they were slightly blue from the icy temperature death had forced on her. I stood up from my seat and kissed her cold, dead lips one last time. I gave her hand a final squeeze, and the second I let go of it, the nurses were wheeling her bed out of the room hurriedly.
I watched them rush down the corridor, attaching more tubes into her hands and wrists as they went. When they rounded the corner, I turned to Ashton.
“I’ve got to go,” I said surely, firmly. “I’ve got things to do. Can you wait here with Cathy? I don’t want her to be on her own, coma or not.”
“I didn’t plan on leaving her,” he replied, and then narrowed his eyes suspiciously. “What sorts of things are so important that you have to leave her?”
“You wouldn’t understand,” I said dismissively.
“To Hell I wouldn’t.” he snapped.
“Sorry, Ash,” I murmured. Before he had a chance to reply, I was running down the corridors, away from him, towards the exit. Goodbyes lingered inside of me, and even at such short notice it struck me that I would probably never see them again, and if so, they would not want to see me. They would never want me to be in their sight ever again. None of them. Perhaps not even Cathy.
But nonetheless, it was for the best. It was what had to be done, what I deserved and what Cath deserved.
When in the safety of a deserted pavement, I broke into an abnormal sprint towards home for the final time. I jumped up the porch and raced through the front door, being sure to call out to anyone in case anybody was home. Luckily, I was alone. I just hoped it would stay that way. On high alert, I checked every room downstairs before checking upstairs. Alas, I retreated to my own bedroom without even thinking.
It hit me like a ton of bricks.
When I walked in, I could still smell the magic – I could feel it. I could feel her again as I stared at our clothes thrown on the floor, the duvet unmade. This morning forgotten, I could feel grief strike through me. I sat on the edge of my bed just staring at the place where we both were, and all the while I could feel her warm, sweaty palms pressing against my own, against my chest, shoulders, arms. I could smell her perfume that still lingered.
It was torture.
To think I was never going to see her again alive. To think that if I ever did see her again, she would hate me for leaving her, she would never forgive me for my actions.
“Suck it up, Cromwell.” My voice snapped.
With a heavy sigh, I stood up. For the final time, I sat at my desk with a pen and several sheets of paper, and I wrote two letters to the two people I would forever hold dear in my heart, no matter how bad things got. I sealed them in envelopes and tucked them in my pocket, ready to leave behind when I left. Next, I wrote Ashton a letter, on which I scrawled;
Ashton,
If you’re reading this, then surely by now you’re questioning where I am. If Cathy’s not awake yet, why the hell aren’t you with her? If she is awake… then I’m going to explain why.
When I left the hospital, I came back here to write my goodbyes. God only knows I can’t say it to your face, for fear of the… I don’t know, disgust? Anyhow, time is pressing, I don’t have long. I’ve gone away for a while, and I don’t know if I’ll be coming back any time soon, if ever.
You always tell me to look after myself, to take it easy, you always tell me that there’s a reason behind everything. Well… I’ll do what I have to do to get Cathy back. You’re right, there is a reason behind everything. And there’s justice, too. All I ever wanted was justice for my actions, and of course there is a reason behind that justice – whatever form it may be. I deserve to walk this alone, which is why I didn’t ask your back up or let you in on this. You don’t deserve this.
I want you to look for the ring of fire, Ashton. When you find that, you’ll know what I’d want you to do. I don’t care if you and I are like brothers, you know that once you’ve found the ring of fire, we are no longer brothers.
Don’t look for me. In saying that I know you will, but just know that if you find me and bring me home, it’ll cost Cathy her life. And all I want is for her to be happy, to be alive. It’s your choice.
Also, I want you to burn everything in my bedroom as soon as you can. Make sure Cathy’s in good hands, and I want you to burn this place. You might be thinking, what the hell? But just do it. Think about it logically, and then you’ll understand. Burn it all; the floorboards, the bed, my bathroom, my clothes... aside from one thing. In the second drawer in my desk at the bottom to the left is a black book. It was Benji’s. Keep that on you at all times. It might come in handy to you guys in later life. Burn this letter when you’ve finished reading it, and don’t show it to Cathy. Take the two envelopes, but only open yours and only hand Cathy hers when you both desperately desire explanations.
You know what to do.
I’m sorry.
Alex.
Folding the letter up and putting that in an envelope and sealing it, I stood up and cast a look around the room. I hated how I flinched every time I looked at the bed. I hated to think how in just a matter of hours, those memories will long be forgotten. If not then I’d at least never think of them so wonderfully like I do now.
“Everything I do, I do it for you,” I sighed to the empty room.
With that, I headed towards the bedroom door. As I closed it behind me, the last thing I saw was the bed before it clicked shut softly, the sound echoing through the empty house. I left the three envelopes on the kitchen counter alongside my keys and my phone. On my way out I grabbed a can of petrol from the garage alongside a box of matches, and started back on my tracks again. Leaving my valuables on the counter and my humanity at the front door, I jumped down the porch steps and strode round to the side of the house. The swishing of the petrol and the rattling of the matches in my pocket filled the silence as I walked towards my old house.
Once there, I didn’t even look at the house, and instead set my sights on the back garden, where I knew the vortex was. I established it by kicking its whereabouts, only for it to feel as though I was kicking a brick wall.
It was here, and it was inactive.
Not for long.
I opened the can of petrol and stared down at it, daring myself. If I had a heart, it would have been beating really fast. I pushed away the fear and any thoughts of Cathy and denial before closing my eyes and pouring the petrol over my head so that it run all over my body. Still in complete silence, I sucked in a breath and lit the match. The flame burned at its tip, quickly burning towards my fingers. My instincts repelled the fire, for it was deadly to all vampires – Pureblood and turned.
With that in mind, I dropped the lit match at my feet. The fire exploded up my body, pain bursting from within me as I burned. Half of me was bracing for death to overcome me, but the other half braced itself for them. They’d never let me die like this, and I knew that.
The ground beneath me shook with power as I fell to my knees, unable to stop the groans of pain. All I could smell was burning flesh. My burning flesh.
And then it all stopped. The fires froze over, the world stopped turning and time stood still. Pain was non-existent.
They were here.
The Others.
“Hopelessness, betrayal and death. He is trapped forever with them, at their beck and call. He has long given up his own life, so his lover may lead her lonely self towards the path of sudden corruption. Death shall fall over the lovers as both crumble in their despair. However, in the end, only one may live.”
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