I feel absolutely weightless in this moment. I can feel my body drifting softly between worlds, between realities. It's so serenely perfect, so peaceful. I would live here forever.
All happy thoughts surround me. My mind drifts back to the first time my youngest sister, Kayla, was born. I remember holding her tiny, frail body in my arms, with my father behind me and his hand on my shoulder. He was proud.
And my mother was proud, too. Her entire being radiated pure bliss. In that moment, she was the definition of joy. It was then that I realized I wanted to have children of my own, and that I wanted to feel the entirety of it all. Feel the extreme happiness. And somehow, that emotion was radiating through me right now.
I'm so entirely happy, so content with my being. I am floating through nothingness and all I can do is be happy. You'd think it be frustrating, not being able to feel anything but positive. But it truly is amazing. I would give anything to feel like this again.
It was then, when I was floating towards a glowing ball of energy, that a sharp touch of pain attacked me. I couldn't pinpoint where exactly it hit me, but I definitely felt it. And that's when I no longer wanted to be in that aura of pure bliss. This pain did not mix with joy, no, not at all. It was horrid. I was smiling, but my body was spurting with negative energy. Positivity and negativity were having a war inside, and it was killing me.
Make it stop!
The pain came again, this time targeting my right leg. And then, my face. And I couldn't do anything. Little bits of negativity hit me, spread quickly by touch, and nothing could relieve it. In that moment, I was helpless, again.
There came a time when I was feeling pure bliss again. Positivity raged in me, and it pushed me towards the ball of energy. You'd think the light would blind me, but it didn't. It just comforted me more. I was dragged closer and closer to it, nearly able to touch it.
I'm almost there. I can almost touch it.
Almost there. I nearly have it...
And then it was gone.
I was gone.
The world, the aura of peace. Gone. Destroyed. Non-existent.
I blink hard three times, and a hollow pain in my chest begins to grow larger. I open my eyes and stare ahead. A large overhead light shines too brightly, temporarily blinding me. Then, I look around at my surroundings. I try to speak but my mouth won't move.
Why can't I speak?
I try to lift my head, or anything, any part of my body, to no avail. I can't do anything. I can't move anything.
GAH!
"Shh, shh..." Harry's voice repeats in my mind.
Harry?!
Harry!
Help me!
I struggle more and more, but that only worsens the pain.
"What's happening to her?!" I hear someone yell.
"Mr., please calm down. We need your full support here. She's waking up, but she's still numb from the anesthetic. She's probably very scared so if you would hold her hand-"
Then, I hear the monitor slowing down. I close my eyes, and Harry's voice returns to my mind.
"Love, stay with me," he says. I imagine him in my mind, but it warps to the image of Louis covered in soap suds.
Harry!
I ignore my mind and try to sleep. My subconscious easily sweeps me off my feet, and I'm back into the darkness. I hear one last beep before the line goes blank and all is silent.
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For the first time in a while, I could hear something rather than laying in complete and utter darkness with no senses. I was left deprived with nothing but my own mind for a very long time, and the only feelings left were negative. No, I didn't feel pain, but instead, I felt nothing. Just a negative bubble and me walking around with no purpose.
My mood immediately lifted as soon as my hearing returned. I laid there for a while, just listening to the sound of my irregular breathing and the beeping monitor combined.
I heard nothing but my own breathing for what seemed like a very long time. Not as long as I was in the darkness, but long enough. And then, I heard a door slide open and footsteps came closer.
At first, I wanted to speak. I wanted to say something, anything, but I couldn't even lift my eyelids. Instead, I stayed silent.
The footsteps moved closer to my bed, and then they stopped. I could feel their shadow looming over my body. And then, they turned around and left. They left me alone, in this room of tubes. I would rather have someone be silent with me than be alone. I've had enough of being alone.
After another long while, more footsteps appeared. But this time, I could hear a chair being pulled up next to the bed. By now, I knew I was in a hospital. But I had no clue why, and I didn't know who did this to me.
"Aubrey," the raspy British accent spoke. I recognized it but I didn't know who it came from. "This is day 2 you've been in a coma, and all I can say is that I miss you. I miss you, Aubrey. Come back to me, please. Please," the voice begs.
"I never knew how ordinary my life was before you. Sure, there were a few changes here and there, but you made my life so much better. I'm so much happier with you. The few days we had together made me happier than I've been in a while and I don't ever want to go back to before knowing you.
"At least, I was happier. Something inside of me knows that you're still here with us, but the others... they, they're giving up on you, Aubrey. Don't let them give up. Give us a reason to keep trying, please. Please.
"I miss you so much, you don't even know. I thought I might've seen something that was showing you were still there yesterday, but everyone said I was seeing things. I went home and all I could do was mope because nothing is the same as it was before I met you.
"Please, just, please. Come back to be, Aubrey. I can't take it without you."
Wow.
"I know we haven't known each other very long but something about you pulls me to you and I can't help it. I care about you. Don't leave me before I've even had the chance to know you."
And I don't even know who he is.
I try my best to give him a sign, but I can't do anything. I can't open my eyes, I can't give a thumbs up, I can't even make a noise.
"Come on, baby, give me a sign that you're still there. Squeeze my hand, Aubrey," he says and puts his hand in mine. It feels absolutely wonderful, and I would do anything just to be able to squeeze back. But no matter how hard I try, I just can't move.
I'm trying. I really am.
And then, he gets up and leaves. I can feel the disappointment thick in the air.
Don't go! Don't leave me!
I hear the door slide shut and I mentally slouch.
For the next few days, it repeats itself. This man, whoever he is, comes into my room and begs for me. I can feel him get on his knees and beg. He even sobbed once, his tears dripping onto my hand. I tried so hard, I put all might strength into it, and I still couldn't do anything. It was the worst feeling, being so helpless.
That day, when he cried, I remember that he got up off his knees and sat on the side of my bed. I remember feeling his warm hands sweep the hair off my forehead, his fingers outlining my lips, and the soft sound of his voice. He sang to me that day. It was wonderful.
"One day you come into my world and you say it all
You say we'll be together even when you're lost
One day you'll say these words I've thought but never said
You say we're better off together in our bed
I want you here with me
Like how I pictured it
So I don't have to keep imagining
Come on, jump out at me
Come on, bring everything
Is it too much to ask for something great?
You're all I want
So much it's hurting
You're all I want
So much it's hurting."
And then he started to weep again. It was absolutely heartbreaking. It was that day that I somehow collected the strength to move my finger. One finger, that's all. But he saw it.
"Oh, my god! Aubrey! Baby, come on, come back to me. I know you're in there," he begged. I moved my finger again, and he rushed out of the room.
No!
I'm trying my best!
Come back, whoever you are...
The door slid open again, but this time, multiple people walked in. I recognized all of their voices, but I could only put a name on one of them.
"Aubrey, please come back to us. It's been days and we all miss you," an Irish voice says to me. Someone with smaller hands squeezes mine, and then another person moves up to the other side of my bed.
"Come on, Aubs. Don't give up on us. We'll wait forever if we have to," Louis says.
Louis!
Louis! Help me!
I wiggle my finger again and they all gasp.
"Oh, Aubrey," Louis says. He brings his hand up to my face and tucks my hair behind my ear. The man from before growls and Louis backs away from my bed.
No! Louis, don't leave!
It was like that for another day. By that time, I entirely lost track of how long I was in the coma.
They came back in one morning, and I could smell again. The one man smelled like coffee while Louis smelled like a nice cologne. I tried to say something, but nothing came out.
Louis...
Nope, not a sound. I try again, this time pushing more.
Louis.
And again.
Louis!
"Did you hear something?" The man asks. Louis doesn't reply.
Louis!
"Aubrey? Love, what are you trying to say? We're here, baby," the man says. I don't want him, I want Louis.
A slight burn in my leg becomes present. I didn't notice before that my lower right leg and left arm were in casts.
"Lo..." I croaked through the tube in my throat. Someone grabs my hand and I slightly squeeze.
"Call the nurse! She said something. Harry, go get a nurse!" Louis exclaims.
Who is Harry?
"Lou, go find her yourself," he growls back. 'Harry' doesn't sound very friendly.
"Lou..." I force out.
"Yes, darling? I hear you, I'm here. We're here," Louis says. "NURSE!"
The door slides open and two more people shuffle in.
"What's the issue, Sir?" A woman asks.
"She squeezed my hand and said my name. Can you take the tube out or something? She's awake and obviously in pain."
And then, I managed to open my eyes. Several muffled gasps fill the room.
I look up and Louis and try to smile. I squeeze his hand again.
"Lou..." Where's Josh? I try to finish, but my body won't let me say anything more.
"Yes, baby?" I can hear 'Harry' growl in the corner of the room.
"Lou.." I try again. I sigh, exasperated.
Louis backs up, immediately confusing me. Does he not want me?
Harry stands up from the chair in the corner and makes his way to my bed.
"Love, how are you?" He asks me. I don't say anything, nor do I try. I simply look up at him with a confused look.
"Do you know who I am?"
I shake my head slowly.
He rakes his hands through his brown curly hair and moves over to the chair in the corner again. The puts his head into his hands, and I swear, I see a tear fall onto his lap.
Is he crying?
"Pain..." I gasp. My right ankle begins to heat up, at first nice and warm. Then, it starts to grow hotter. It burns, and burns, and it feels like a hot iron. My leg feels like it's on fire. A tear drops onto my cheek.
"Pain meds?" He questions. "Nurse, she's in pain, do something!"
The nurse moves beside me and presses a button.
"Wha..." I try to say, but my mind immediately fogs. The pain begins to fade, as well as reality. I wanted the pain gone, but I didn't want to sleep.
I try to speak again, but my voice fails me. I spoke my part for the day.
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The next day, I felt so much better. They decided to remove the tube from my mouth to let me speak. I could breathe on my own, so the tube had no use.
"Louis?" I say quietly, testing out my voice for the first time of the day. He rushes over to me and grasps my hand.
"Aubrey? How do you feel?" He rambles quickly.
Tears spill over my cheeks, and Louis wraps his arms around me. I shift my body to hug him back, but I can't do much with my casted arm.
"Hey, it's okay, shh," he says.
"No, it's not okay," I mumble. "I was attacked. I can feel the broken bones."
"Shh, shh baby." He kisses me on the forehead.
Memories rush back to my mind, giving me a headache. I collapse back onto the hospital bed.
"Urmph," I moan. "Louis, how badly am I injured?"
"Well, your right ankle was fractured in two places and you dislocated your arm."
"That's all?"
"Well, you have some pretty bad bruising..." He hands me his phone. I drag up the camera and switch it so I can see my face.
I gasp. My right eye is a deep purple, and yellow blotches covering the rest of my face. My lip is split in two places and I have a large scab across my forehead.
"Shit, I'm a mess."
"You also have mild amnesia. You seem to remember me, but not Harry," Louis says slowly.
"Harry?"
"Huh? What?" The man says from the corner of the room, rubbing his eyes.
"Who?" I repeat. "He's not my boyfriend, is he?"
"No no," Louis responds quickly. "Just friends."
"That sounds promising." I give a small chuckle. Harry frowns slightly.
"The doctors said your memory should come back with time," Harry speaks up.
"Harry, do you want to come back in a bit, please?" I ask politely.
"Yeah, sure," Harry says, walking towards the door to the hallway. He slips out, leaving Louis and I alone.
"Should I try to remember? Is there something bad that I'll remember, or is it all good? I don't know if it's worth it or not."
"It's worth it. One-hundred percent."
"So, if I get out of here and visit certain places, do you think that'll help me remember?" I ask quietly.
"Aubrey..." Louis warns.
"Yeah?"
"You just got out of a coma, you have a fractured ankle, and you want to get out of the hospital? Do you know how long you were in a coma for before you moved your finger?"
I shake my head.
"For six days, Aubrey. Six days of Harry moping around. It's taken a toll on all of us, but we need you to get better," he says.
"Can't we move some of this stuff to your apartment or mine? You have money, don't you?" I ask, not thinking clearly. "Nonono, that's not what I meant. I have my own money. It can't be that hard to move this stuff, right?"
Louis shakes his head. "Aubrey..."
"What? I'm sick of this place!"
"You don't think I'm sick of it, too? All of us are."
"You can go home whenever you fucking want," I huff angrily. "I just want to go home."
"Harry!" I yell weakly. My voice is improving by the minute. He immediately bursts through the door with anxious eyes.
"What? What's wrong? Are you okay?"
"Well..." I watch as Harry and Louis make some sort of weird eye contact. Louis shakes his head and Harry looks somewhat disappointed.
"I would like to go home."
He ponders for a moment. Before he can say no, I start talking again.
"I figure that if I can be around places with certain memories of us, maybe I'll start to get back pieces of my mind... More specifically, you. Maybe I can remember you," I whisper. I feel bad for manipulating him but push it to the back of my mind.
His facial expression immediately changes. Instead of sadness, I can see the hope shining brightly in his eyes. A faint touch of happiness, even.
"Of course we can do that, love," Harry quickly says with a smile. Louis' eyes look like they're going to bulge out of his skull.
"Harry, can I talk to you in the hall for a minute?" Louis asks. Harry nods and follows him out of the room. I quickly press the help button beside my bed, signaling for a nurse to come.
"What can I help you with, dear?" A blonde nurse comes in with a clipboard in her hand.
"Well, I was just wondering when the soonest time I could get out would be."
"Um, miss, I don't think you'll be allowed to leave for a week, at least," she says, disappointedly.
"Why?"
"Um, it'll take a few days to finish signing papers and to get the final tests done to make sure you're okay. So, probably about 5 days to a week."
"Okay, sounds good," I say excitedly and smile at her. She smiles a nervous smile back and shuffles out of the room quickly. Why is everyone nervous around me? Is it because I know One Direction?
Soon enough, Louis comes back into the room, followed by Harry. Harry seems a little flustered whereas Louis looks angry.
"Are you okay, Lou?" I ask timidly. He forces a smile and nods.
"We'll get your stuff back to our apartment as soon as we can. You want to go to ours, right?" Louis says, his anger fading.
"Yeah. I hope you guys don't mind, but I really don't want to be alone."
"Of course," they both say in sync.
"We think it's better if you stay with us, anyways. The person who did this probably knows enough about you and your apartment may not be the safest place right now," Harry adds.
"Okay," I agree.
"You should be getting some sleep now, love," Harry says. I simply nod and lay my head back against the pillow. He walks up to beside the bed and leans over me, kissing me on the forehead before he leaves.
"I heard you, ya know.." I tell Harry quietly.
"Heard what?"
"The singing... and what was happening... all of that.." I admit.
"Oh." He looks nervous. "When did you start hearing them?" Louis looks extremely confused.
"A couple days before I moved my finger, I think. You said something about 2 days?"
"Oh God, you heard all of those since then?" He rakes his hand through his hair and looks stressed.
"Hey, hey, calm down. It was really nice, in my opinion. I was stuck in this bubble of negativity and your voice came along, even though I didn't realize who it was, and it made me so much better. I think you actually made me come back sooner," I admit. He smiles and kisses me on the forehead.
"That's nice to hear," he whispers and sits in the corner of the room.
I close my eyes and fall asleep with a smile on my face.
"Goodnight, Aubrey."