A/N: Hey guys, I hope you like this one - I love reading your comments, you guys make writing worth it! xo
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Erica leant against one of the pillars downstairs from the loft, foot tapping impatiently.
It had been hard to deal with at the beginning, being alone, and then it had gotten a little better. Now that she'd had time to adjust it was driving her crazy.
Derek sometimes seemed like he was trying to be a friend, but he was twice as awkward as anyone else she had ever met and she knew he was no good as a one on one companion. The only person left when she didn't head up to meet Stiles was Isaac.
The two of them had a somewhat love-hate relationship. They bickered like brother and sister but they knew that they would both be loyal to a fault with one another. Still, they irritated each other to no end when they did spend time together.
When she finally smelt his familiar scent she rolled her eyes and made a loud tutting sound with her tongue.
"Jesus, didn't think it would take you that long to get out of bed in the morning," she said as she saw him approaching.
"Well it's a little harder when there's someone else in there with you," he said.
"Uh huh," she said with a raised eyebrow and her eyes darting to his jeans for a moment.
"Keep your mind out of the gutter," he said. "And my bedroom."
"Please, don't flatter yourself," she said. "Are we going or what?"
"Yes," he said. "I'm here to do this, you think I have nothing better to do?"
"Wow, thanks so much for that Isaac," she said with a roll of her eyes.
He almost felt bad for that last comment. He'd probably feel worse if he wasn't sure Erica would come back with something twice as bad later on in the day.
They headed out to the main stretch of town, not too far a walk from the loft.
"You heard a lot from Boyd?" Isaac asked as they walked.
Erica shrugged.
"A little, he's just outside Portland at the moment. I think he's on some kind of trail but who knows."
"You kind of wishing you went with him?" Isaac asked.
Boyd had asked Erica if she wanted to go with him and she had declined. It wasn't because she didn't think it could be fun, but more because she was afraid of all the things that she still feared - that she was only invited because everyone was worried she wouldn't be able to cope by herself.
She sometimes wondered how they came to that conclusion about her. She had spent the majority of her life alone, no friends and not much of a family for support. Being alone had once been her sanctuary, the place where she didn't have to hear what everyone said about her.
And it wasn't the solidarity that bothered her anyway, it was that she had no idea where her path was leading. She was stuck staring at the road while everyone else had already run ahead on their own.
She lifted her shoulders a little, "Not really, I'd probably just complain."
"I can believe that," Isaac said as they neared the main street. "So what kind of job are you actually looking for?"
"Anything I suppose," she said. "I don't know, I went from having absolutely no job prospects to having the pick of the lot, well, except all the really intellectual stuff. God knows I'm not exactly the brightest person in the world."
Isaac felt a little pang of guilt as she spoke. It must have been hard for her in the life she had before she was turned. She tried to act so confident now but it was easy to see through that mask when she made her self-depreciating jokes.
She could pretend she was joking all she wanted but it didn't take a whole lot of noticing to realise they were the things she really did believe about herself.
"I'm sure you'll find something mildly amusing to pass the time," he said and she just shrugged again. "You know, until you figure out what you want to do."
"Derek says I should go travelling, like Jackson and Allison," she said.
"But you don't listen to Derek," Isaac said as half a question and half a statement of fact.
"Not if I can help it," she said. "I mean it's not like he said 'as your alpha I'm telling you that you have to go travelling and have fun', how annoying would that be?"
Isaac didn't say anything to that, he just thought about the hold that Derek had over them as the alpha. He thought about the things that Derek had asked of him and the things he had to keep quiet, even when every other instinct in him was telling him not to.
"He ever do that to you?" Isaac asked curiously.
"What? Tell me what to do as an alpha?" he nodded and she shrugged. "Not really, not unless it's really important. I mean, I trust him so I have to believe that when he does it's for a good reason."
"Yeah, I guess so."
He wasn't so sure, but he was too far in to believe anything else.
"Come on then, let's get this shit over with," she said as they headed up the street.
Derek and Stiles lay in bed, Derek holding himself above him with a hand cupping the back of his head and their lips pressed tightly together.
Stiles ran his fingers up and down Derek's sides, letting out contented sighs with each swipe of Derek's tongue against his own.
Derek pulled his lips back, looking down at him affectionately and Stiles just smiled, blinking lazily.
"Have I ever told you how good you look with your hair all over the place like that?" he said.
Derek raised an eyebrow.
"I think you're delirious Stiles," he said as he dipped his head down to kiss just below his ear.
Stiles hummed in appreciation.
"And you aren't?" he said. "I'm completely offended."
"You sound it," Derek said, lips sucking softly on his soft skin.
"I am, is sex with me not as delirium-inducing as it should be?" he said and Derek just sighed against his neck and continued to kiss him. "Okay in all seriousness now, it is good right? Like, better than average?"
Derek rolled his eyes as he pushed himself up and shook his head down at Stiles.
"You do this every time we're in bed together, you know that don't you?" he said.
"Not every time," he said. "Besides, you never answer me. Just like you never answer me when I ask other questions."
Derek grunted and continued to just stare down at him.
"Whether I'm any good in bed, whether you want to try anything new, whether you've slept with another guy before and obviously how many―"
"You ask too many questions," Derek said as he rolled onto his back.
"Oh come on, it's only fair. You know how many people I've slept with," he said and Derek turned to look at him with an expression partially of amusement and partly annoyance. "Yes, okay so that's a pretty short list," Derek opened his mouth to say something but Stiles put a finger to his lips. "And yes, I know the word list is probably not applicable but still, you still know mine."
"You don't need to know mine," he said.
"Maybe not but you know what I'm like, I have to know and you're probably going to have to tell me at some point or it's going to drive you crazy," he said.
"You already drive me crazy," Derek grumbled and Stiles just smiled.
"I mean come on it can't be that many can it?"
Derek put a hand to his face and protested again.
"Have you ever been in another serious relationship?"
"This is serious is it?"
"Well that one stung a little," Stiles said and Derek sighed.
"You're a headache, you know that?" Stiles just dropped his head to the pillow and looked over at him.
Derek rolled onto his side and reached out to put a hand to his cheek.
"I'm just curious is all," he said quietly. "Sometimes I forget that you're like six years older than me. Feels like there's still a whole lot I don't know."
"Isn't what you know enough?" Derek asked with a little more softness to his voice.
"No," he said as his cheeks flushed and Derek brushed the hair behind his ears. "I don't... I don't think I could ever know enough about you."
"I do," Derek said and Stiles thought he heard more in his words than he meant to let slip.
"What are you so afraid of Derek?" he said softly and Derek's eyes turned away.
"You're ruining the moment Stiles," he said.
Stiles rolled his eyes and a gentle smile played on his lips.
"Oh I'm ruining the moment am I?" he said. "You always think I ruin the moment."
"That's because you don't know when to shut up," Derek said, sitting up with his legs over the edge of the bed.
"I thought you told me that you don't mind me making noise in this particular context," he said, patting down the sheet beside him.
"Noises and incessant talking are different," Derek said with a look over his shoulder.
"Well maybe if you were doing your job properly I wouldn't be talking I'd just be making all the Derek-approved sounds," he said with a cheeky grin.
"You think so?" he said, quickly pulling himself back up onto the bed and pinning Stiles down again in one swift move.
"Yeah you're not so good lately," Stiles said, the grin still plastered to his smirking face.
"That's not what you said earlier," Derek purred.
Stiles shrugged and shifted his legs so that Derek fit better between them.
"Maybe I lied," he said.
"Maybe we should go over it one more time just to clear it up."
Derek's lips shifted quickly to just under Stiles' chin and Stiles closed his eyes, tilting his head back to let him.
"Yes please," he murmured.
Derek chuckled to himself.
"Now those are two words I don't mind you saying."
Allison stood on the balcony of their Parisian apartment, warm coffee in her hand as she stared out over the city. They had been there for a while now, taking a break from their life in America and trying to push past all the hurt they'd seen over the last few years.
They had been there for a while now and she had learned so much more about herself and about her family than she ever thought she would. They had been over the country side, through the small towns and the wine country, they had been in the bigger cities and through the famed streets.
It was like a dream, travelling in her year after high school - albeit with her father - in one of the most notable cities in the world. She had even managed to catch up with Jackson and Danny as they made their way through Europe.
She felt almost awkward talking about that with Lydia when they found the time to talk, knowing that even if she would never admit it she still felt something, faded as that emotion may be. The last thing she wanted to do was talk about how they had been to parties and how she had spent days in Paris with him, and Danny of course.
Still, they had only been there for about a week and now, looking out over the buildings as they were greeted by the warm glow of the morning sun she couldn't help but miss her home.
She headed back inside, leaving her bedroom and into the shared living area to see her father sitting at the table and reading his book.
"Sleep well?" he asked and she shrugged, sitting down beside him with a small smile.
"Better than I have done," she said. "What have you got on today?"
"Well, I have a client to talk to," he said. "Not a lot else really. You going to be alright on your own?"
Allison smiled and chuckled to herself.
"I'm eighteen years old dad, nearly nineteen," she said. "I think I can take care of myself."
Chris laughed a little to himself.
"Eighteen, nineteen, it doesn't matter all that much to your dad," he said, standing up and kissing her head.
She shook her head but her smile stayed on her lips.
"So," she asked, looking down into her cup. "Did you extend the lease?"
"Why? You think I shouldn't have?"
"That's a yes then?" she asked.
"It's only an extra month, why, I thought you wanted to say?"
"I do, I just... I don't know, I guess some days I miss home more than others."
He turned back to look at her with a raised eyebrow.
"America? Or Beacon Hills," he said.
She smiled with a shrug.
"Is there much difference between the two?"
"Maybe not," he said, "I still have some business to finish here but maybe we can talk about it when that's all sorted."
"Okay," she said as he headed off into his room.
It was true, she did miss home. She missed her friends and despite all the crazy supernatural bullshit, she missed that life.
The only worry she had was that she knew how different it would be coming back to all of it in a new year. Everything had changed after all.
Sometimes she could pretend that things were different because she had left, because she had got up and made the change, but she really did know that no matter what happened things were never going to be the same as they were.
"I am just saying, you wouldn't want to work for a guy like that," Isaac said as they stepped up to the storefront of the next place on their list.
"A job is a job Isaac," Erica said as she pushed the door open to let him in.
"Yeah but did you hear what he said as we left?" he said.
"I don't think men really understand just how often that kind of crap gets said about us," she said as she gave him a look. "And he can put his hands wherever he wants, so long as he doesn't mind losing them."
"Now that I'd like to see," Isaac said.
"Yeah well, just wait, one day I am going to lose it and it will not be pretty," she said as they walked up to the counter.
A guy walked up to the bar, giving both of them a smile as he did.
"Hey guys, hope you weren't waiting long," he said, his smile a little crooked.
"Not really," Erica said. "I was just wondering if you guys had any job openings."
"Uh," he mumbled, turning to look back behind the counter. "Maybe, I mean probably, you ever worked in a café before?"
"If that's the prerequisite then I might as well just turn around now, tail between my legs and all that," she said and Isaac did well to supress his smile.
The guy smiled, looking down at his hands a little and then looking back up through deep brown eyes.
"It's um, no not really, I mean I don't really know anything and I'm, well I'm still here," he said with a hint of nervous laughter. "I'm Rajanish."
"Erica," she said.
He just nodded a little and they spent a moment in awkward quiet.
"Uh, I can take a resume or a number or something if you want?" he said and Isaac took a few steps towards the door so he could snicker to himself in private.
"That would be great, thanks," Erica said, handing him her resume.
"You, you don't want a coffee or anything?" he asked.
"No, I'm good," she said, turning a little. "Thanks again."
He made a little wave motion with his hand and she turned to leave with Isaac.
"Mouth shut," she hissed at him as they walked out the door.
"Well he thought you were just adorable," Isaac teased.
"What did I just say?" Erica said.
"Oh come on, I'm pretty sure you gave him heart palpitations," he said and Erica stood up a bit straighter and flicked her hair back.
"Yeah well, it's not that surprising," she said and Isaac laughed. "Shut up and let's keep going."
"Okay, let's go and break some more hearts shall we?"
"I'm going to punch you in the face," she said.
"You'll have to catch me first."
"Please, I'm faster than you and you know it."
Stiles lay in the hotel bed watching as Derek sat on the edge and stretched out, bones creaking as if they were older than they were.
He had no doubt that he knew more about this man than anyone else but that still didn't mean he knew as much as there was to know.
Derek had been more forthcoming as of late, letting little things slip or allowing himself to reveal things that Stiles didn't know but still he kept up a guard. He refused to budge on some things and he said very little about the time he spent after the fire.
Stiles often wondered if he would ever truly open himself up, and if he didn't, whether he was ashamed of the things he did in that time. He could only push him so far before he would shut himself off completely and as frustrating as it was for Stiles he would rather take a few choice words than silence.
"You're doing it again," Derek said, turning his head to look back at Stiles.
"Doing what?" Stiles asked.
"Staring."
"Well stop looking like that and I'll stop staring."
Derek rolled his eyes and stood up, Stiles pursing his lips as his eyes dropped down first to the small dimples in Derek's lower back and then lower still.
He was everything anyone could ever ask for, in a physical sense. He had the perfect face, the hair, the jawline, his body was something else entirely.
Stiles couldn't help but compare himself to all that Derek was, and he tried not to let it get to him very often but for some reason he felt that tingle of self-doubt and looked away.
"Lots of people stare at you," Stiles said quietly, still looking away.
"I don't like it when anyone stares Stiles, it's not restricted to you," he said. "I'm sure I've told you that before."
He turned to look at him and noticed his diverted eyes. He thought about saying something but couldn't quite think of the right thing so he walked around the bed and into the bathroom, closing the door behind him.
Stiles rolled onto his back and sighed, stretching himself out under the sheet.
When Derek came back out a minute or so later Stiles still didn't look up at him. He walked over to get in beside him, nuzzling his nose against Stiles' cheek and letting out a sigh.
He didn't like being apart just as much as Stiles, but he was better at pretending that the distance didn't hurt.
"What have you go on for the week then?" he asked quietly and Stiles shrugged, his shoulder bumping the underside of Derek's chin.
"Not a lot, studying mostly," he said. "I have a paper due but Kyle said he'd help me out. He took the class last year."
"He's a year above you?" Derek asked. "He doesn't look it."
"Yeah I think he's in his second year, not too sure. Could be his third I never really asked," Stiles said, knowing that Derek was making small talk.
It was easy to tell when Derek was worried that Stiles was trying to bring something up because he usually had nothing to say, the small talk was a clear sign that he was trying not to talk about something else.
"You want to talk about the weather too?" Stiles asked and Derek sighed, resting his head beside Stiles'. "It's actually been pretty decent."
"Stiles..." Derek grumbled.
"Oh come on, you're filling the silence and we both know it," he said. "I wasn't going to start some big conversation, I know you hate that."
Derek couldn't help but note the hint of bitterness in Stiles' voice.
"You had that look, there was something on your mind," he said quietly. "And in my experience when something is on your mind it usually makes its way to your mouth."
Stiles didn't chuckle, he just shook his head a little and shrugged again before letting out a gentle sigh.
"I'm annoying," he said flatly. "I frustrate you."
Derek held him tighter and kissed him behind his ear.
"Yes," he murmured.
"I have no filter and no off button."
"Yeah," Derek said, kissing him again.
"I'm squishy and clumsy and have trouble growing an adequate amount of facial hair."
Derek just chuckled at that one, nose nuzzling against his neck again.
"I have very little focus and I talk too much."
Derek kissed him on the shoulder, still holding him tightly around the waist
"And?" he asked.
Stiles bit his lip and closed his eyes for a moment.
"And you wouldn't have looked twice at me if I wasn't a trigger for you."
Derek froze in his movements and Stiles felt his body tighten up beside him.
"You don't have to say anything much Derek, I was just―"
"You were what? Projecting your insecurities?"
It came out harsher than he had intended, but subtle wasn't really Derek's way.
"I guess," Stiles said quietly. "Doesn't make it any less true."
"Stiles why―" Derek cut himself off and sighed.
"You don't have to say anything Derek, and I don't even know why I said anything in the first place. I'm just... I don't know..." he said.
"No filter?" Derek asked and Stiles nodded.
"Just ignore it," he said.
"You're not..." Derek sighed, frustrated at himself because he wasn't better at this. "You're not a second choice Stiles."
"I know that, I just..." he rolled onto his back and turned his head to face Derek. "I need you. And I mean I don't want to have to need anybody but I need you, and I don't know a hell of a lot about this trigger thing or how it works and maybe... maybe I'm just worried that one day it might break and you'll realise that you never really wanted me as much as you thought."
Derek searched his face and said nothing, he just reached out to brush his cheek with his fingers.
"I'm being really crappy and emotional I know, I just... I miss you a lot when you're not here and my brain has a lot of spare time at night to think and I just convince myself... well you know," he said, shaking his head.
"I'm not good at any of this Stiles," Derek said, avoiding eye contact. "You know that."
"I know," he said, a smile coming back to his lips. "You totally suck at it."
"And here I was thinking you trying to be serious," Derek said.
"Well, I was but I guess I suck at that too."
Derek shook his head, his hand running down over Stiles' arm to link their fingers together.
"And you're right," Stiles said with a little gleam in his eye. "You aren't so good at the whole oral communication thing."
"My oral skills are fine, I think you mean verbal skills," he said and Stiles chuckled.
"Oh you're that confident are you? I mean how would you know? Shouldn't I be the judge of that?"
"If you like," Derek said with a flick of his eyebrows.
"I would, very much, like a lot, just..." he wrapped his arms around Derek and just smiled at him. "Tomorrow?"
Derek nodded, leaning in to catch his lips with his own and letting his arms engulf him.
Stiles rested his head against his shoulder and closed his eyes while Derek just listened in to the sound of his steadying heartbeat and wondering how Stiles could ever think that he would want any other choice.
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A/N: Hope you liked it, don't forget to comment! <3