Rainier's POV
My day had been quite interesting. And it was about to get even more interesting. When I got the call from Ryan I had been surprised by his request. I'd been worried about him the whole day so I was relieved when he called. I didn't really know how I felt about the drugs, but I knew that they hadn't erased what I felt for him.
I didn't endorse recreational drugs. I had no experience with them but I knew they ruined lives. If Ryan was taking and/or selling drugs we were definitely going to have a problem. Plus, my parents would not allow me to hang out with him or even be friends with him.
When he said he needed a place to stay, I was stunned. I made a split decision. It was freezing outside. If Ryan came to me, he had nowhere to go. I obviously didn't own a house so I was probably his last resort.
I walked out of my room, deactivated the alarm and went downstairs. I unlocked and opened the door as quietly as possible. I stepped out to the lawn in front of the house.
"Hi", I said to Ryan. He was standing there with a schoolbag. He looked tired. "Did you walk from your house to here?"
He nodded.
"You must be tired", I said.
He breathed loudly. "I'm fine".
Because I had been under the warmth of a blanket, I suddenly felt cold. I hugged my arms.
"What happened?" I asked.
He looked down. "I ran. It was stupid. I couldn't stay".
"You can sleep with...in my room. My parents won't approve so you are going to have to sneak around", I said.
"You won't get into trouble?"
"I will. But I'm doing something nice, so hopefully my punishment won't be that bad", I said smiling.
"I can't let you..." he said and I cut in.
"Would you rather freeze to death? Come in. I'm freezing already", I said.
We walked back to the house. He remarked about how beautiful the house was when I set the alarm. I told him to be quiet. I led him to my room. Seconds after we walked in and closed the door, there was a knock.
I told him to be quiet.
"Yeah?" I said loudly.
"Was it you downstairs?" It was dad. Something told me he had a baseball bat in his hand. I was surprised he even heard anything. He slept like a baby.
"Yes"
"Fiddling with the alarm?"
"I wasn't fiddling. I needed water. Would you rather it went off and the security guys came?"
"The next time you do that I will batter you with a baseball bat and apologize later", he said.
"You mean mom's high-heeled shoes?"
Ryan stifled a laugh. I had to laugh to mask his laugh.
"I will get you for that. Goodnight".
"Goodnight", I said.
I heard dad walk away. Seconds later I heard a door open and close.
"I cannot believe you said that to your dad. That was funny", Ryan said.
I shrugged. "It's just an inside joke".
He placed his schoolbag on the floor. "Thanks".
"It's no big deal", I said.
"I love your pajamas by the way", he said chuckling a bit.
I rolled my eyes. I had a thing for Adventure time and my pajamas reflected it.
"You shouldn't talk so loud", I said. I went to lock the door, remembering that Julie walked in whenever she wanted.
"I'm sorry", he said. He seemed kind of cute when he said that.
"That's my bed", I said pointing to the bed. "You can sleep there, and I'll sleep on the floor. I'm gonna have to go with you to the bathroom, so you'll tell me when you want to go".
"I'll sleep on the floor", he said.
"No, I can't let you sleep on the floor", I said.
"How about we both sleep on the bed? It seems big enough", he said. "I promise I won't put my foot on your face. I'm not that flexible".
Never had I thought I'd sleep with Ryan on the same bed. I'd fantasized about it ashamedly. I had never thought it would happen. I didn't know if I could be that close to him without giving away my feelings. But I agreed.
I picked up another pillow from my closet and got back into bed as Ryan changed into his sleeping clothes. I resisted the temptation to look. Moments later he joined me on the bed. My bed wasn't big so we were very close. He was freezing. I felt it when his leg touched mine slightly. He'd been in the cold for too long.
"You are cold", I commented. I was lying on my back, something I wasn't accustomed to. I usually slept on my side.
"I know. I didn't realize how cold I was until now", he said. "I'm sorry. I'll try not to touch you".
"I could get an extra blanket", I offered.
"It's fine. I'll be warm soon", he said.
"Goodnight then", I said closing my eyes.
"Goodnight", he said switching off the light.
I couldn't sleep for a while. My mind kept coming back to how close he was to me. I could touch him if I wanted to.
"Ryan?" I said.
"Yeah?"
"Are you asleep?"
He chuckled. "What do you think?"
"Did I wake you up?"
"No"
There was some silence.
"What happened at school today?"
I heard him sigh. "The vice-principal found weed in my locker. It wasn't mine. I think Jesse and his friends got their revenge. Anyway, I was suspended".
My breath caught in my throat when he said he was suspended.
"You fought with your uncle?"
"Yeah, but that's not why I'm here. His wife was obviously not happy I am suspended. She said something that made me angry".
"What did she say?" I asked tentatively. He could clam up or he could open up.
He sighed and turned me to him.
"I used to take drugs, mostly weed. I hung out with lowlifes. I did petty crimes. My uncle made me move so I could start all over again. My aunt thinks I'm beyond salvation. She said I'm a ticking time bomb and I have probably given my cousins weed. Emily and Sally are 10 and 6. She insinuated that I would harm them. I would never do that", he said.
I knew he meant every word. I saw it in his eyes. I also saw the pain he was trying to hide. His aunt's words had hurt him.
"I'm sorry", I said gently.
There was silence.
I turned back towards the window.
"Did anything interesting happen at school today?" he asked.
Something interesting had happened alright.
"Yeah, sort of. Sebastian asked me to be his boyfriend", I said.
I was looking away from him so I couldn't see his reaction. I hoped he was at least not happy.
"What did you say?" he asked. His voice gave nothing away.
I was instantly transported to that moment when I was standing with Sebastian outside the cafeteria.
"Anyway...Rain I like you. I've liked you for a while now. I've spent time with you and I must say I've loved every second. I...um...I was wondering if you'd like to be my boyfriend", Sebastian said, bringing my attention back to him.
My eyes widened involuntarily. I suppose I should have seen it coming. Sebastian hadn't asked me out on dates so he could be my friend. He wanted more than that. I knew all along, I just ignored it.
I hadn't thought about that moment, in my ignorance. I wasn't prepared for it.
I coughed.
In a few seconds I had to make a decision. I didn't think about Tristan. I didn't think about Ryan. I didn't think about my family. I thought about me and Sebastian. We were the only people who mattered. I wanted a connection in a relationship. I wanted it to always feel right and truthfully with Sebastian it didn't. I could say yes and hope we eventually got to that point, but what about the moments in between? It wouldn't be fair of me to give him half of me while the rest was thinking of another guy. I would be denying Sebastian the chance to be with someone who really liked him. It wouldn't be fair for me to be in something I wasn't fully committed to because everything would seem like a chore or a duty. I wanted everything to be spontaneous. I'd been patient with Sebastian, but I couldn't lie to him. The spark hadn't developed and seemed unlikely to.
I looked at him fully. He looked hopeful. He genuinely liked me, and he was one of the nicest guys I knew. How do I disappoint him?
"I like you too. You are one of the nicest guys I know. I've enjoyed spending time with you too", I said. There was some silence. "I just...I can't...I can't be with you".
His face fell. I hated disappointing him.
"Is it Tristan?" he asked.
It wasn't Tristan. But I took the Tristan idea and ran with it. It was better than telling him there was no spark between us. He obviously thought there was.
I nodded. It was better if I didn't say anything. I was a terrible liar.
He gave me a small smile.
"I guess I better get back then", he said indicating the cafeteria.
I nodded. He left shortly, leaving me feeling like the biggest dick. I had led him on. I should never have agreed to the second date or the third.
Ryan was no longer cold. I felt it when his leg nuzzled mine. The hairs pricked me, bringing me back to the present.
"Is it a secret?" he asked.
"No. I said no", I said.
I realized Ryan had turned to me. We were in a spooning position.
"Why not? I thought you liked him", he said.
"I do...not that way. He's okay. There just wasn't something between us", I said.
"What's that something?"
"I don't really know; a spark, a connection".
"Mm", he said.
He seemed disappointed, and that made me feel sad. Even though I knew the guy was straight, a little part of me hoped he would- I don't know- turn gay for me? It was ridiculous.
There was silence. I closed my eyes. I managed to fall asleep but was woken up some time later by a voice.
"Rain?" It was Ryan. He was trying his best not to shout, but was getting impatient.
"Hmm?" I said.
"Your hand is on my crotch", he said slowly but deliberately.
That snapped me awake immediately. I felt so embarrassed. I removed my hand, wondering how I had tracked my hand back and squeezed it between us so I could touch him. I felt like disappearing.
"Sorry", I whispered.
"Keep your hands to yourself. I really do not want to be accused of trying to rape you again", he said.
I flushed red. I realized I was tired of being in one position so I turned. I hated lying on my back for long periods, but I chose that position. I wasn't about to turn the other way so Ryan's face could be close to me. I could lose restraint and do the unthinkable.
Ryan groaned. I thought I had stepped on him, but I hadn't.
"What's wrong?" I asked.
"You gave me a boner, that's what's wrong".
"Uh...I'm sorry. Are you sure it's me? I mean, you are straight", I said.
He put his elbow on the bed, raising his body up and supporting his head on his hand.
He looked at me like he was wondering if he should say something.
"I'm not straight", he said shortly.
I was puzzled.
"That's not what you said the other day", I said.
"What I said was that I wasn't gay. I'm bisexual", he said.
My mouth dropped open. All along I thought he was straight. I assumed when he said he wasn't gay it meant he was straight. I found little butterflies floating in my stomach.
"I thought...I'm an idiot", I said.
There was some silence.
"I'm sorry about...uh...I really didn't mean to do it", I said.
He smiled. "It's fine. No one knows I'm bisexual. It's something I like to keep to myself".
I did think about asking him why, but I thought I knew why. Coming out was never easy.
He looked down at me and chuckled softly. I wanted to ask him what was funny, but I found his lips inching towards mine. They stopped only millimeters from mine.
"I've wanted to do this for a long time. The first time I didn't ask you if you wanted to and..." he said and chuckled. "We both know how that turned out. I'm going to ask you now. Do you want to?"
I gave a subtle nod. I didn't even think about it. I just wanted to have Ryan's lips moving with mine.
Our lips touched. He moved his body so his head could be directly above mine.
Ryan was gentle. It was as if he could hurt me if he pressed firmly. Whatever strategy it was, it was working. With every slight touch I wanted more. He was teasing and I fell for it. I didn't want to be easy, but I couldn't resist. I loved it when his lips hovered over mine, when I could feel his air touch my lips. He was being slow with everything. I raised my head slightly so I could claim his lips. If he'd wanted to know how much I wanted him to kiss me, he now knew.
Our lips moved in unison. I felt our connection in just one kiss and I loved every moment. Ryan pulled back and smiled. He buried his head in my neck, continuing to kiss me there. I moaned helplessly when he bit me and massaged with his tongue. I couldn't help but place my hands in his hair. He let his chest lie on mine. He was definitely heavier than me, but I loved the pressure.
When he raised his head he smiled at me. I smiled back. My hands left his hair and trailed down his back. I heard a suppressed groan. He closed his eyes as my hands delved under his top. He lowered his eyes and claimed my lips again. This time his tongue asked for entry and I welcomed him.
He explored the corners of my mouth, making me feel weak with every move. I moaned and my moan was muffled by the proximity of our lips. The sensations that engulfed me could not be explained. I knew I loved the kiss with every breath I possessed.
I felt something poke me on the side of my thigh. It was as if it was moving of its own accord. I knew what it was. I momentarily stopped what I was doing.
Ryan noticed. I had stopped kissing him back.
"I am not going to", he said. "Rainier, I would never do that... unless you want me to. I mean, my body obviously wants to. But I think now isn't the right time".
I nodded. "I wasn't thinking that you wanted to take advantage of me. I..." I said and chuckled. "I love the sensation".
He grinned.
"I'm glad you do. Have you ever..." he said.
I shook my head. "I want it to be special", I said.
He nodded. I put my hand on his back.
He closed his eyes and swallowed. He brought his lips back to meet mine.
*
Two hours later Ryan and I were still awake. We'd continued kissing, taking little breaks. We touched more and I loved every minute. I didn't think about anything when we were kissing. It just came so naturally. It wasn't like with Sebastian. I didn't need to make conscious decisions.
"We should sleep", Ryan said slowly.
I narrowed my eyes. "I didn't know you tire this easily".
He tickled me. I begged him to stop, reminding him that laughing on my own in the middle of the night would arouse suspicion.
"I'm not tired, but it's late. You are going to school tomorrow", he said.
I gave him my best sad face.
"We'll do this again, I promise", he said giving me a short kiss.
I sighed. "Ryan I'm not that kind of guy. I don't want to...do this again. I want more than that", I said.
I thought he would probably think I was crazy. I hadn't thought much about what I said, but I knew I didn't want to be his booty call. I didn't want to be the guy he went to when he was bored. I didn't want to be replaced by Gina when he wasn't up for me.
"I know you like Gina and you two have a thing going on. I don't want to be the guy you come to when things aren't going right between you", I said.
"Wow. You have a knack for coming to the wrong conclusions, yet you are one of the smartest guys I know. There's nothing going on between Gina and I. I've spent the last couple of weeks dodging her", he said.
I made an 'o' with my lips.
"Rain, I like you. I like like you. I've known ever since our first kiss. Things happened, I got mad at you and you got mad at me, but I never stopped liking you. You made me happy when you said you said no to Sebastian..." he said.
I was surprised, but felt so happy hearing that. Something inside me was soaring...
"I can't give you what you want yet", he said.
It came crushing down.
"I want to be with you. I haven't come out yet. I'm still not comfortable doing so. I will eventually. I don't know if you can wait, but I'd really love it if you did. I can't think of being with anyone else than you", he said.
I wasn't happy, but I understood. The last thing he needed was me pressuring him to come out when he wasn't ready. I wasn't even sure I was ready to be in a relationship. All I knew was that I liked Ryan.
I nodded.
He smiled. "Think you can keep this from your sister?"
I shook my head. Julie could read me.
"I thought so. It's cool. As long as she doesn't tell my uncle before I tell him", he said. "And Rain, do you think you can have me in the meantime?"
I grinned. There wasn't a guarantee that he would come out any time soon and I didn't like being a secret, but I loved being with him.
I nodded. "Though you should know, everyone in the group is going to know. Julie talks too much".
"It's fine. Anyone can know except my uncle", he said.
"Do you think he won't accept you?" I asked.
He exhaled loudly. "He might reject me, and though I didn't like coming here, I can't face rejection", he said.
I placed my hand on his cheek and kissed him on the lips.
"Do that again", he said.
I grinned and kissed him again. When I pulled back he claimed back my lips. I pulled back again.
"I thought it was late", I said.
"It is, you started it", he said.
"Ryan?"
"Yeah?"
"I like like you too", I said.
He gave me a wide smile. We continued kissing. Finally we fell asleep. I had my back to his front and he had an arm around my waist. I felt safe and relaxed in his embrace.