Reagan couldn't lie, she had so much fun with Sam and everyone the night before. She was a little shaky once she saw Ashton and Caitlyn, but Sam and the boys made the night amazing. She had forgotten how much fun she always had with them, she really did miss them.
Reagan was surprised when she saw she had a voicemail on her phone the next morning once she woke up.
Her heart felt heavy when she saw it was from Ashton. She wanted to delete it, just like she had done to all of his texts and previous voicemails, but she couldn't. She couldn't hold up this facade of not wanting to be with him anymore. She couldn't help but feel the need to hear his voice for more than ten seconds.
She listened closely, and when she heard him say, "It took me a long time to realize, but I love you," and then once he said, "Go fuck yourself," she couldn't help but feel her heart sink. She never meant to hurt him, and she felt like she had done that. She felt like she crushed him, and that crushed her.
She wiped the tears off her face and let out a deep breath. She had thought all this time away from him would make her feel better. She thought she would have been able to move on, but honestly she didn't move on at all. She thought about moving to New York, to get a fresh start.. again. But when she was with her friends last night, she didn't think she could leave them. She still longed for Ashton after all this time. Reagan had bottled up her feelings for so long, but now she needed to get them out.
We need to talk. Reagan sent to Ashton, Meet me at my place whenever you can. I'll be here this time.
Reagan knew facing Ashton would be hard, but she would never get the heartache to stop unless they talked and settled things. Even if things between them weren't going to be the same as they were before. She just needed some type of closure, she was sure Ashton did too.
Ashton's heart raced when he opened Reagan's text message later that day. He scanned his eyes over it quickly before hopping out of bed. He had spent the whole day watching netflix while laying in bed. He had been doing that a lot lately, he would just lay in bed if he wasn't working or watching his siblings. It was all he ever had the motivation for anymore. Sometimes he would go for a run, but that was very rare.
He put on his shoes and made his way into the living room where he found his mom.
"Hey sweetie. I heard you up late last night, couldn't sleep?" she asked with a soft smile.
"Not really, no. I'm gonna go out for a little bit. Call if you need anything and you don't have to wait on me if i'm not here for dinner," Ashton said with a gentle smile as his mom nodded. She understood he was hurting right now. He said his goodbye and made his way towards Reagan's house.
Ashton's hands were sweating the whole way to her house. He had to constantly rub them against the clingy material of his black jeans. He was just nervous. He didn't know what was going to happen. He didn't even know what he was going to say. He was still mad at all that happened between them, but he just wanted Reagan back in his life. Whether it was as a friend or a girlfriend. He just wanted to mend things between them.
Ashton finally got to her apartment and made his way upstairs. He took in a deep breath before knocking on her door.
Reagan let out an exhale once she heard the knocks and opened the door with a soft smile.
"Hi," she said softly as she stepped back to let Ashton in.
"Hey," he smiled as he took a seat on her couch. "So how are you?"
"Can we skip the awkward small talk," Reagan chuckled. She wasn't good at it, and she didn't want to feel anymore awkward than she already did.
"Alright," Ashton asked with a quiet laugh of his own, "I just don't know where to start or what to say."
"Yeah me either," Reagan chuckled quietly, running her fingers through her hair.
"I just never heard you out, and I feel like a lot of this would have went differently if I didn't freak out first about the Ryan thing," Ashton said lacing his fingers together.
"Yeah," Reagan mumbled, pulling both of her legs up onto the couch.
"I never really let you explain either," Reagan said playing with the rings on her fingers. She slid it off, then back on again.
She was nervous with Ashton around. He still made the butterflies stay in her stomach, and she still lost her words just looking at him. Reagan still couldn't help but admire his green eyes. She still has feelings for Ashton. More feelings than she could ever explain. She could say she loved him, but she didn't think that covered the bases.
"I just really wanted to apologize. And I know I'm sorry isn't that much, but I really mean it. I jumped to conclusions, and then I said things out of spite because I was so mad at myself. Everything seemed to be going wrong, and I never wanted to hurt you Reagan," Ashton said licking his lips and glancing over at Reagan who was nodding softly.
"I cared for you, and I still do, and I never want you to doubt that. You meant a lot to me, and you were special. I had come by so many times and I just want us to be okay. I at least want you to be in my life to taunt me when I'm being dumb and I just want you to go get coffee with me," Ashton said never tearing his eyes from Reagan.
"I know, I'm sorry for just cutting you off," Reagan said as Ashton's eyes caught the realtor's business card on her coffee table.
"New York?" Ashton said picking up the business card, running his fingers over the edges and glancing over at Reagan. Is this why she wanted him to come over? Was she moving away?
"Yeah, Liam and I spent some time there. We just got in yesterday," Reagan nodded.
Silence fell between the two, but Ashton's mind was racing. Did he have his hopes up? He felt a hit in his gut as soon as he saw the realtor card. Did he get his hopes up to only come over here to be told that the girl he still loved was moving across the country? Was there no hope at all?
Ashton swallowed the small lump in his throat, before mumbling, "Why did you ask me to come over?"
Reagan thought about it for a second, "I... I just needed to hear your side. I never let you explain, and I was scared because I never gave you a fair chance to do that. I don't know... I just guess I needed to see you."
Reagan let out a breath, "It was fucked up that you blew up on me, but it was fucked up I was telling my ex things instead of telling you. It's not fair I trusted in him and not you. Because I did love you Ashton. I know you cared so much for me. It was fucked up I pushed you away and cut you off for two months without listening to anything you had to say."
Ashton nodded as he placed his hand on Reagan's knee, giving it a soft squeeze, "Thank you for letting me explain."
It would have been the perfect moment for Ashton to lean in and kiss Reagan.
But he didn't.
Ashton didn't want to sabotage Reagan moving to New York. If he kissed her at this moment, he could mess up everything she had planned. Ashton wanted the best for Reagan. He could confuse her, and make her decisions much harder than they probably were. Ashton couldn't do that to someone he cared so much about.
"I'm sorry I screwed things up between us, I really did want it to make it work. You are the most open minded, kindest person I know and I took advantage of that," Reagan said playing with her hands. She had so much she wanted to say, but she didn't know how.
"It's okay, we were both at fault," Ashton said almost choking the words out. How did he ever let her slip through his fingers. How did something so minescule blow up into something so big?
After a few seconds of silence, Ashton spoke up, "So when do you move?"
"When do I move," Reagan said repeating the question.
"Yeah... when do you move to New York?" Ashton could already feel his heart starting to sink.
"Ashton," Reagan breathed, and with that Ashton shook his head. Ashton bit his lip and stood up. He couldn't hold her back, he needed to go. He needed to think, he was overwhelmed.
"Wait Ashton," Reagan said standing up too. She slid over in front of him, standing in the way of her front door where Ashton was motioning to.
"What," Ashton mumbled. He needed some time to think, he needed to breathe.
Reagan let a small smile take over her lips while locking her fingers around his wrist securely, "I'm not moving."
Before Reagan could say anything else, Ashton put his hands on Reagan's hips and pulled her in close quickly crashing his lips on hers.
Reagan missed this feeling. She missed how easy it was to be with Ashton. She forgot how amazing it felt.
Ashton couldn't help but smile halfway through the kiss. He missed Reagan so much, and he needed this more than anything. He missed how soft her lips were against his, and how tightly he could hold her small body. Being with Reagan felt better than anything else. She was all he needed.
Reagan wrapped her arms around Ashton, she had missed holding him. She missed how protected she felt with him.
"I missed you, I really missed you," Ashton said breaking away from Reagan only to get those words out.
"I'm sorry," Reagan started to mumble as she lightly pulled away from Ashton. She still pecked kisses in between words.
"Don't," Ashton said moving his hands from her waist up to her neck, holding her close.
Their lips moved against each others quickly, adding more passion with every kiss.
Ashton's hands wandered back to Reagan's hip, slightly pushing her shirt up.
"Reagan," Ashton breathed, and Reagan jumped. She wrapped her legs around his waist, as he walked towards her room.
Reagan begin to let her hands wander under Ashton's shirt feeling his toned body once they both were on the bed.
"Reagan, I don't wanna-" Ashton begun before Reagan shook her head. He didn't want to make this go too far, especially if it was too fast for Reagan. He didn't mind taking their relationship slow.
"Ashton it's okay," Reagan said lifting off Ashton's shirt and attaching their lips once again.
Ashton continued with the kiss, before pulling away again, "Reagan really, it's okay."
Reagan pulled back and looked Ashton in the eyes. She let out a small chuckle with a smile pulling at her lips.
"Ashton. I have never trusted anyone as much as I trusted you, and it's okay. Don't worry about me, I love you. I mean that, I really do," Reagan said smiling. The words made Ashton freeze, but a smile took over his face.
"I love you too," Ashton smiled before glancing at Reagan's eyes and then her lips.
The pile of clothes on the floor grew bigger. Ashton and Reagan both feeling slightly nervous.
"Let me know if you want me to stop," Ashton said looking into Reagan's eyes as she nodded.
Ashton let out a breath, and kissed Reagan softly. He had never had someone who meant so much to him.
Ashton pecked kissed from Reagan's lips, down her jawline, and to her neck. He nuzzled his nose to her neck and let out a soft moan against her skin.
Reagan wrapped her arms around Ashton's torso, leaving small scratch marks on his back as she bit her lip.
"I love you," Ashton said kissing Reagan's forehead and then her lips so soft as if they were going to break.
"You mean so much to me," Reagan said softly, throwing her head back a little bit.
"Sh," Ashton said pushing his lips back to hers and pushing her shoulders to make her lay down.
-
Reagan felt her phone buzz, and she slowly opened her eyes moving her hand around to find her phone next to her.
She glimpsed at the time, it was already late evening. Reagan tossed her phone back down, ignoring whatever text she got and looking over at Ashton. He was rubbing his eyes, and then he pushed his hair back.
"Morning sleepy, well evening I guess," Ashton said with rasp in his voice before leaning over and pushing his lips to Reagan's forehead.
"You fell asleep too," Reagan chuckled as she shut her eyes as she felt Ashton's lips on her skin.
"Yeah but you fell asleep first, which made me fall asleep," Ashton chuckled.
"What time is it?" Reagan asked sitting up and pushing her hair out of her face.
"5pm."
"I have an idea," Reagan smiled letting a smile pull at her lips.
"Yeah?"
"I have to meet Sam for a little while, but would you wanna get dinner later?"
"I would," Ashton smiled leaning over and placing his lips softly back against Reagan's. Ashton had missed being able to kiss her when he pleased.
"I'm gonna head home and shower, text me when you're ready," Ashton said kissing Reagan one more time before making his way out to his car. Ashton smiled as he made his way downstairs, he couldn't remember the last time he had left Reagan's place feeling so good.
-
"You seem in a better mood today," Sam said taking a sip of her starbucks.
"Yeah, a bit," Reagan smiled, "I talked to Ashton."
Sam raised her eyebrow, waving her hand in the air to signal to Reagan to keep talking. Reagan went on about her thoughts about moving to New York, about how she couldn't shake Ashton. She told them about their conversation, how she wanted to give it another shot.
"I don't get it, why didn't you want to try again a few weeks ago, when Ashton was banging at your door? When you knew you were both miserable?" Sam asked making Reagan stop and think.
"When you light a cigarette, and it is blown dead by the wind people try to light it again. Then they try to continue smoking it, but a relit cigarette never taste the same as it did the first time. That's what's wrong with rekindling old flames that didn't work the first time."
-
When Ashton got home, Lauren and Harry were playing outside while his mom was reading a book on the back porch. He made his way to his room, taking a shower and getting dressed to go to dinner.
Once he was all ready, Ashton laid on his bed playing on his phone waiting for Reagan to text him to say she was ready.
"I didn't hear you come in," Ashton's mom said knocking and poking her head into his room.
"Yeah I just came home to shower. I'm going back out soon," Ashton smiled.
"I know that smile," his mom replied.
"I can't be happy without it being weird?" Ashton chuckled.
"You can, but you have that smile. Is it Reagan?"
Ashton nodded quietly, "I'm hoping we can make things work. I don't want her to run from me again."
"Sometimes Ash, we hesitate. We get scared letting people in our lives because we don't think we are ready, we don't think we're good enough. Our life is a little messy, and our situation isn't quite what we want it to be, but it takes time to learn that you can't let that mess be in the way. You have to open the door and let them in anyway. Reagan is learning that. Things will work out the way they're suppose to." Ashton's mom gave Ashton one last smile before shutting his door and leaving Ashton alone.