Monday December 11th 1995
Hermione sat alone at the top of the astronomy tower gazing out onto the silver Hogwarts night, with no company except her own drifting thoughts. A week had gone by and Hermione still couldn't get the image of Ron and Lavender out of her mind. The pain returned as her chest constricted with the memory of it all. She had tried to forget about it, but was finding it a bit challenging, considering that every time she turned around, she was treated to the sight of the two sharing a messy, passionate kiss.
Hermione sighed. Why Lavender? Why not her? She had never entertained the thought of Ron dating another girl. She had always just assumed... Pain ripped through her chest, and she found herself unable to breathe. Would Ron ever look at her that way? Tears stung her eyes as she thought about the girl who she had shared a room with for the past six years. She was pretty, but there were other girls, nicer girls, who went to Hogwarts that would most likely entertain Ron with the thought of a date.
But why Lavender? Couldn't he had picked anybody else but Lavender? Well... besides Parkinson, which the chances of that happening were slim, but yet again, she had though the same thing about his current mate, hadn't she?
Hermione considered the way that Lavender had never stopped talking about Seamus Finnigan last year, and how she had made empty promises in the night to talk to him the next morning at breakfast, only to abandon them in the early hours of the following day. She considered the way that at the end of the year last year, Pavarti had taken the task of comforting the girl when she cried about not seeing her crush all summer, only to come back in September with new infatuations. Lavender had been throwing herself at Ron ever since September first when they had returned to the ancient school. Lavender threw herself at Ron, the way she had at Seamus last year. But unlike Seamus who had been clever enough not to fall for the girl's games, Ron had dove head first into the pretty woman who was Lavender Brown.
Sure, Hermione wasn't the prettiest girl at Hogwarts, she would be the first to admit that. But she certainly wasn't ugly. She had a plain face, with brown bushy hair that didn't seem to want to do anything besides stand out in all possible directions. But it wasn't like she was hideous. She had a few things going for her: like her eyes, which were a rich, caramel brown, and she had always thought that she had a nice skin tone.
Hermione was definitely smart, that was her main asset. She was the top in their year. She stood out in classes, everybody looked at her, whether it be in a good way, or bad. Surely it wasn't that Ron didn't see her...
But Hermione realized that that was exactly it. Ron didn't see her. He saw the bushy hiared little girl that she had once been. The one with bucked teeth, and the overly bossy attitude. The little girl who had walked into their compartment one the train one day, and inquired about a missing toad. He saw the silly little girl, who had been foolish enough to get trapped in the girls bathroom with a full grown mountain troll.
Hermione wondered when she had begun to care so much about physical appearances. She certainly hadn't thought much on it ever before. She had always been confident in who she was, and that she could take care of herself. Her smarts were what helped her get by, it had always made up for what she lacked in other areas. If Ron was really that shallow to pick a girl just because she was pretty, did she really want someone who was that shallow? Could she really stand to be with someone who was so superficial?
She shook her head to clear it of all the nasty thoughts running through it, for if she didn't, she would start crying again, and she had made a promise to herself. She then realized that it had been one week since her run in with Malfoy as well, and six days since their run in at the lake. She found herself wondering if he had visited the tower since then. Will he come tonight?
Since the lake, Hermione had seen no trace, or sign of Malfoy anywhere, except when at classes. But she guessed that happened when you tried to avoid people. She stayed clear of all possible places where she could encounter him, including the tower. She had only been brave enough to come up here tonight, when she had walked into the common room and realized just how alone she was in there. She barely would entertain the thought that maybe she came up here in search of company, even that of an angry, blonde, scowling slytherin.
Hermione was getting awfully good at avoiding people lately, she could take him gold in the tri- evading tournament. Well, that's not to say that she didn't get a lot of practise, especially with help from friends like these. She was avoiding Ron, Lavender, Harry, Pavarti, Seamus, Dean, Fred, George, Ginny, the entire Gryffindor house, the entire Slytherin house, and Draco Malfoy.
Every time that she found herself in the presence of any, she felt bare, and exposed, as if they could all see what she was thinking as plain as the words from her books upon her pale face. She imagined that she could feel their eyes raking up and down her skin, stinging her wherever their glances touched. She imagined that they all knew what had happened the night when she had disappeared halfway through the party at Gryffindor tower.
She shook her head once more. What did she care? Did it really matter if any of them knew her not so secret. Did it really matter if any of the Weasley's found out about her long time crush? She pushed all Malfoy, and Weasley related thoughts out of her mind. She wouldn't let her do this to herself, but it was no use, she once again let her mind turn towards those stormy grey eyes that had been secretly watching her all week without thinking that she knew all along that they were lying upon her, because in truth, they scalded her skin like drops of boiling water.
She recalled the classes that she took with him. He had seemed surprisingly not cruel to her over the past week. In fact, he had hardly acknowledged her at all. Of course, the occasional glance had been shot her way, when he though she was not paying attention, but that was to be expected after such peculiar events, and didn't bother her much. What did bother her was the long stares that she had become a victim of that lingered on the back of her head during classes.
Hermione looked out to the stars, once again wondering if she would run into any Slytherins tonight, and whether or not they would be sporting pale, blonde hair.
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Draco laid awake in his bed, staring at the forest green canopy overhead of the four poster. Pictures of vanishing cabinets, and cursed pendants surfed through is mind, and caused it skin to crawl. How was he supposed to do it? How could he ever fix the vanishing cabinets while one was still at Borgin and Burkes. How was he supposed to finish this in time for the plan to be continued out as directed. Even the thought of committing this crime made his stomach quench and bile raise, and burn the back of his throat. How was he supposed to take a life? How was he supposed to live with himself, knowing what he had done, and having to wake up every morning thinking about a dead Albus Dumbledore, probably the most innocent wizard that roamed this earth.
A single tear drop trickled out of the corner of his eye. It ran along his high cheek bone, and dropped down the side of his face towards his ear. He quickly wiped it away before anyone could see, not that anyone was awake to see. He would not let anyone have the opportunity to see him cry. He would made that mistake only once, and besides, Malfoy's didn't cry.
Something alive, he needed something alive to send through the cabinet. But what? he certainly couldn't send a person through there, it would surely kill them, with their size and all. He needed something small, something that wouldn't take as much magic to transport. The apple had made it through, certainly something as small as a mouse, or a bird...
Yes, that would be perfect. But he refused to send his pet owl through, as he had owned her since his very first year at Hogwarts, and would not be giving up his dear friend when he had so few left. Maybe he could sneak in a smaller owl from the owlry? Or maybe he could somehow catch a mouse in the castle?
He schemed up ideas in his bed for another half an hour before he gave up on sleep, and found his thoughts upon the astronomy tower. He longed to feel the cool breeze through his hair, and he wished to watch as the sun rose over the horizon of the moutains that surrounded the school He felt a sudden desire to go. Draco crept out of bed, as quietly as he could. He obviously wasn't quiet enough because Goyle stirred. Draco silently cursed himself at his clumsiness. He looked back at the offending robe of Blaise Zabini which lay on the floor a few feet away, just waiting for someone else to trip on it.
"Where are you going?" Goyle, lazily slurred from his four poster. His small eyes watched him from the soft pillow that his head rested on. Draco silently wondered how Goyle could sleep so much. His eyes were murky, and unfocused with sleep, so Draco was sure that he wouldn't remember any of this later.
Draco thought up a lie as fast as he could. "Just quickly running to the rest room." He replied smoothly. Goyle mumbled something under his breathe, rolled over, and fell asleep once again.
Satisfied with himself, Draco carried on. Only halfway to the tower did he finally recall his conversation with Granger last week. Merlin she was strange. How on earth could she have been so civilized to him after the treatment that he had given her over the past six years. It baffled him how she could flip a switch just like that in her head beneath those thick curls that were piled on her head. Just like that she could go from being downright nasty, to apologetic, and pure.
Then it hit him. She could be there right now. What do you care he thought visciously, And with that, he carried on his way to the tower, more confidently, and determined then ever before. But as he reached the heavy wooden door, his confidence wavered slightly. Putting his shoulders back, he pushed open the door again, hesitantly.
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Hermione's ears perked up as she heard someone ascending the stairs.She could make out the distinct clatter of shoes making their way towards the door. Oh no, She thought to herself. Maybe it was Sinastra. Maybe she had forgotten to properly store a lense for the giant telescope, and would doom Hermione to detention when she found her sitting up here. Maybe one of the girls in her dorm had ratted her out to Mcgonagall , and she was coming up right now to take away points from Gryffindor. Hermione remembered in a panic in her first year when she had cost Gryffindor 50 points for sneaking out, all because Draco Malfoy couldn't keep his long nose where it belonged. Then it hit her, it could be Draco. She quickly darted behind a pillar, and peered out to see who had interrupted her thoughts.
The door squeaked open. A tall, pale figure in ruffled dress pants and a hastily buttoned up, white dress shirt appeared in the entrance way. He looked tired, but not tired as if he had already slept. Tired in a way that suggested that he hadn't slept in a long time.
Malfoy. she thought. Judging by the way he stiffened she had not only thought it. She felt her nerves kick into over drive, and she was rendered speechless at the casualty of his current attire.
"Who's there? Granger, is that you?" He demanded, he looked annoyed, but not angry.
"Yes." Said Hermione as she stepped out from her hiding place. Nerves hit her. Would he hex her? No, if he had wanted to hex her, he would have done it by now. What was happening? What was going to happen? Hermione had never felt her emotions conflict this way before. Not even when it came to Ron.
His eyes locked on hers, and he visibly relaxed at the sight of her. This calmed Hermione a bit, but not much. What was he doing here was what wanted to come out of her mouth, but she bit her tongue, not allowing herself to be the first one to speak and end up looking like a fool if he went back to his normal behavior. So many fears, so many doubts. "You startled me." was all he said softly.
"I could say the same." She replied, becoming more confident with each word that she spoke. Why shouldn't she be confident? She was the top in all of their classes, and best friends with the only Harry Potter. But a small little word kept ringing in her ears they way that it had never done in the past. Mudblood. Don't get her wrong. Hermione didn't give one bloody hell about the type of blood that ran through her veins, but not everybody thought that way, and some people had a way of reminding her that she was different socially, and blood wise. "Why are you here?"
"Same reason as you, I am assuming, a quiet place to be alone with my thoughts."
Hermione nodded. He seemed to understand that Ron and Lavender weren't exactly keeping their public displays of affection low key. Hermione had seen them snog in almost every room in Hogwarts, minus McGonagall, and Snapes offices, and of course the astronomy tower. She highly doubted that Draco hadn't seen them at least once, it was almost impossible.
Hermione had never really cared for Lavender either. The girl had never been particularly nice to her in the six years that they had been living together. Padma was the more friendly of the two, but Lavender had always kept her distance.
Even back at home Hermione had always had troubles making, and keeping girlfriends. Hermione loved her books, and writing, while other girls had like dolls and tea parties. Don't get her wrong, she had once loved to play with her dolls, but the stage passed very quickly, and soon she had been too busy observing insects, and bird watching to be troubled with things such as dolls.
Her and Draco stood staring at each other, awkwardly. Hermione knew that he wasn't criticizing her, his eyes weren't harsh as they usually were, but he certainly wasn't thinking anything too friendly at the same time, this was Draco Malfoy that we are talking about. Finally Draco moved, and sat down at one of the benches that lined the circular floor of the tower. He turned his face towards the star filled sky, and completely ignored the fact that she was event there, despite the fact the she had without a doubt been there first. Hermione felt mildly annoyed.
"Are you going to tell me what bothering you? Its kind of how things work around here isn't it. A tradition of sorts. Go on then, you start and I'll follow." She said in an almost defiant voice.
He shrugged without acknowledging the edge to her tone, or the way her arms were crossed over her chest, as if blocking him from seeing her heart. "Same as last time I suppose."
"You suppose?" She said sharply, arms still crosses. She raised her chin a little, just to prove that he didn't intimidate her. Nobody did.
"What do you want me to say? My father and I are still fighting, he won't let me come home yet, I don't even know what I am doing for Christmas? Are you happy? Is that what you wanted?" He said in a slightly elevated voice. Hermione forced herself not to wince as he raised his voice, as it was the middle of the night, and anyone could hear him, and come running up to the tower to award them both with detention.
"Oh." Hermione spat, refusing to break contact with those cool, grey stormy eyes. They glared at each other. She took in Draco's looks for the first time. For the first time, she finally allowed herself to fully analyze him. She realized right then and there that Draco wasn't Handsome. He had high cheek bones that looked as if they could cut diamonds, and a rounded chin, with an angular jaw, and full pouted lips. He had a thin chiseled nose, His eyes were the same startling colour as the sky on a stormy day, and his hair was the same shade as butter. No, Draco Malfoy was not Handsome, but he was beautiful. Nothing about Draco Malfoy was good looking, he was interesting, fascinating, something that you just couldn't look away from.
"Well?" Draco demanded, looking nervous under her analyzing gaze.
"What?" She asked softly, snapping out of her daze, she looked up into his eyes again, and was startled by the intensity behind them.
"Your turn!" Draco snapped, Hermione jumped a little, but just because of the fact that she had been momentarily asleep. "That is how this works."
"Same as last time I suppose." She mimicked him, playing along to his game.
"You suppose?" Draco played along as well, wanting her to elaborate on her current situation. Hermione wasn't sure if he cared, or whether or not he just wanted to know these things to save for later, to hurt her with.
"Well Ron and Lavender are still snogging if you haven't noticed." She said sharply, not looking at him, not wanting to see the smirk on his face.
"Oh believe me I've noticed." He said, she looked up, and all that she saw was revulsion on his face, but not towards her. "I have seen them snogging in almost every corridor in the school, disgusting."
Hermione nodded in agreement, of course, just as was expected, he had seen everything. "It's sickening." She said softly
Draco looked up at her with a shocked look on his face, they were agreeing again, insulting the same person, together. Usually they just insulted each other. She realized something right then. Draco had not called her Mudblood the entire time that they where up there, not once, and he seemed to notice it too, but he didn't do anything about it.
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Draco walked up to his common room lost in thought. Only this time it wasn't the road ahead that his thoughts laid upon. It was a Gryffindor girl with wild, bushy brown hair, and warm, chocolate brown eyes.
He reached the dormitory, and fell into bed without even checking to see if he had woken any of the others in the room. If he had, he didn't care. He thought about the term Mudblood, he pondered it in his head.
On the outside, Hermione certainly didn't look ay different from the average teenage witch. It must be the inside, Draco thought, for he had never actually seen her bleed.
He wondered if he really wanted to know. If her blood was any different, what would if look like? Would it be a black fluid, as he had always imagined, or would it look just like the average teenage witch's, just like her skin.
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Thanks for reading!!! I would really appreciate it if you would comment and tell me what you think so far!
I know that they kind of warmed up to each other quickly, but you have to keep in mind that the two of them are desperate for company at the moment. :)