*Quick note before you read this. Mathew is/wasn't in love with Connor, he was just his really good friend- his best friend, his family. He wasn't in love with him, but he did love him*
Mathew's point of view
It is possible to cry so much that you use up all of your tears and can no longer cry? cause that's how I feel right now.
I'm at Connor's funeral, dressed in a suit and tie as I sit and wait to give my speech. Troye finally finishes his speech about how he didn't know Connor all that well, but he still died to save everyone and spoke about how he died a hero. Then it's my turn to speak. I get to my feet, walking up to the front, right beside his closed casket.
As Troye walks past me he gives my hand a squeeze. He takes a seat in the front row, beside the seat I was sitting in not too long ago. I take the microphone from its stand, holding it close to my mouth while I look down at the speech I wrote last night.
"I-I uh Connor Franta was.." I glance down at my written speech again, words cannot express how deeply sorrowful I am over his death. I crumple my speech, tossing it to the ground. "You know what, I stayed up half the night writing this.. this speech, and I-I just don't feel like the words can express how I feel. Connor Franta was my best friend and partner on a lot of my missions. He's saved my life numerous times. He deserves so much more than the speech I wrote.. He deserved to live, but sadly he's gone. He's gone but will forever live on in our hearts." I look down, hesitating a second before I just decide on doing it. He would've wanted his funeral to be special.
"Troye, would you please come over here?" I bite my lip to suppress my tears.
"Of course, Mathew." He smiled sadly, getting up from his chair. He came up next to me, giving my hand a comforting squeeze. I get on the tips of my toes as he crouches down. I place my lips beside his ear to ask a favor of him.
"Will you please sing Angel by Sarah McLachlan with me? It'd mean the world to me.. and to Connor.." I sniffle, pouting slightly as I try to keep my lip from quivering.
"Yeah, yeah. I think he'd really appreciate it." He grabbed his phone from his pocket, putting on the karaoke version on Angel. He held the speaker on his phone up to the mic. I cleared my throat as I prepared. "I'll go first." I mumbled, waiting for the music to start.
I take a deep breath when the music starts and it's time to sing. I don't have a very nice singing voice, but I'm gonna do it for Connor. Its the least I can do after he risked his life to save for me and everyone else.
"Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance
For a break that would make it okay
There's always some reason
To feel not good enough
And it's hard at the end of the day,"
I squeeze my eyes shut, waiting for Troye's beautiful voice to resonate throughout my ears and body, to rattle my bones and shatter my whole being; to make me cry like a baby.
He swallows, tightly closing his eyes as his part of the music plays.
"I need some distraction
Oh beautiful release
Memories seep from my veins
Let me be empty
Oh and weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight,"
he looks to me, completely ignoring the crowd of agents and allies that are seated directly in front of us. I turn to him as I hesitantly sing the next part of the song.
"In the arms of the angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here,"
I tilt the microphone towards his face to make it easier for him to sing.
"So tired of the straight line
And everywhere you turn
There's vultures and thieves at your back
And the storm keeps on twisting
You keep on building the lies
That you make up for all that you lack
It doesn't make no difference
Escaping one last time
It's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh
This glorious sadness that brings me to my knees,"
I take a deep breath as I prepare myself for the ending of the song.
"In the arms of the angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here."
My eyes opened and Troye lets the rest of the music fade into nothingness. After its finished he slides his phone back into his front pant pocket, then pulls me into a tight hug.
"I'm so sorry, Matt.."
"He would've wanted wanted a funeral like this. Thank you for helping me make his very last wish possible." I hug him back, glancing at the crowd behind his back as the cry and softly clap their hands together.
"I'll never forget you, Connor. Never." I spoke into the mic before walking back down to the seats.
"That was.. that was beautiful. You two did a great job up there." Marcus smiled sadly, patting me on the shoulder.
"Thank you.. I couldn't have done it without Troye by my side." I grab Troyes hand in mine, lightly squeezing it.
"So does this mean that you two are officially dating?.." Marcus tilts his head to the side in a questioning manner. I look to Troye than back to my boss, nodding.
"Yeah, yeah. We are. Is that gonna be a problem?.. Cause I can pack up and move my ass to Australia if it is.."
"Nope, not a problem at all. I was just wondering. Congrats, you two." I smile in return to my bosses sweet words. Connor would've wanted me to be happy. He wouldn't have wanted a funeral full of crying people mourning over their loss.
~
It begins to rain as all of the agents, and our close allies carry Connor's wooden, flag covered casket over to his burial sight- a six foot deep rectangle hole in the ground. All at once, we set his casket down on the ground beside his grave. Marcus wears white gloves as he folds the flag length wise - while making sure it doesn't touch the ground - he folds it into triangle shapes starting at the striped side and moving towards the star printed part until its a medium sized triangle. Once finished, he hands it to me. I'm the closest thing he had to a family.
"T-Thank you.. Marcus." I tear up, excepting the flag from him. He nods curtly, his eyes sad and sunken. Glad I'm not the only one who's dead inside.. I tightly hold the flag with one hand as we lower his casket into the grave.
Marcus picks up a large shovel, tossing one scoop of dirt over the casket. He takes a step back, handing it to the next agent. Everyone tossed a scoop of dirt into the grave until the shovel came around to me. I handed the flag to Troye, excepting the shovel from Caspar. A loud sob slips past my trembling lips as I toss a large scoop of dirt over the head of Connor's casket.
"Here," I hand the shovel to one of the agents, walking away to sit on a bench. Troye ended up following me, wrapping his arms around my chest. I curled up closer to him on the old, wooden bench. He kissed the top of my head as his fingers lightly massaged my scalp.
He slipped the flag out of my fingers, holding it up to his chest.
"We'll get a glass case for it and have it on display somewhere in our apartment." I snatch the flag from him like a baby ripping their safety blanket from a rabid dog. I curl it in close to my heart.
"W-We sure as hell will, Troye."
He holds me tight as I weep and sniffle. I look like- I am a mess, but this just proves how much he truly loves me. You never know when the people you love most will just leave your life, so I decide on letting him just know how much I love and care about him for what has to be the fifth time since we woke up.
"I love you so fucking much." I mumble into his warm chest. He hummed as he lightly stroked my head and neck.
"I love you more, Matty." I pull away slightly, tilting my head back to look him in the eyes.
"That's bullshit- and not even possible." I manage to laugh through my tears.
"No, what's bullshit is you not believing me." He narrowed his deep, blue eyes at me, pecking me on the lips. I roll my eyes kissing him back.
"I want to go home.. It's not long before I have another meltdown." He nodded, throwing an arm around my shoulders as we got to our feet. My soles of my shoes must be covered in mud. I just want to go home, relax and mourn over my loss.
"Okay. Lets get out of here." He muttered as we headed towards his car. After we got in the car he began to loosen his tie, then deciding on just taking it off. I bet this is how girls feel when they take their bra off after a long day. Troye sighed in relief, unbuttoning the first three buttons of his white dress shirt.
I clutch the flag close to my chest as we begin our journey home.
Connor Franta may be gone, but he will never be forgotten.
He will continue to live on in our hearts for all of eternity.
I love him like I would a brother- a son.
One of which I never had. Well, at least not blood related.
This flag will go in a case, on a designated shelf. I want to see it when I wake up and go to sleep everyday- as I reminder of why I am still alive.
I will send him a prayer every night in hopes that it will somehow get to him.
~
A/N
Aw.. I'm kind of sobbing.. But I also really loved writing this.. I know, I know what you're all thinking.. That was not exactly a proper burial- well, I googled everything and decided to change things just a tiny bit. It's an AU so I can do what I want. I wanted Connor's burial to be v special to Mathew, cause c'mon how would you feel if you lost your best friend? Exactly.
Btw.. This short-story is nearing it's end.. :( I'm planning a sequel.. But I just really loved writing this whole action packed story. It's so different from anything else I've ever written, it didn't have wild smut, twins, sexual abuse, crazy EX's or shit like that. No, it was exactly what I wanted it to be and I am damn proud of it. Watch out for the last couple of chaps..
I've literally been writing this story for six days straight instead of updating SW.. oops... He-he.. *hides*
Bye|Rachel.
Twitter|@Troylerflamingo