The gel was a transparent colour and really cold, it felt awkward. I was lying on my back trying to see what the doctor was doing while straining my neck in the process.
"Relax." I inhaled slowly staying in the same position I was in being the stubborn person that I am.
"Okay Dr David, but you better tell me when you can see the baby." I dropped my head down on the bed and groaned as my head met the bed; it was not a cushioned landing. My doctor laughed and told me to take it easy, easier said than done; I was looked like a bloated panda.
"Okay so this is the baby's head," I was so quiet and attentive as I was watching my first child on the ultra-scan.
"Mhhmm." I was so interested; the doctor showed me its limbs and everything and let's not forgets the sex of the baby. I was five months now and had already sat a couple exams, I didn't have the time to come for my four month check up with all the revision so this was the most suitable date; a Saturday. The doctor wiped the gel of my belly and I was free to go, I had to go and pick up my prenatal vitamins. Hurrying out of the room, I called Jr to tell him the sex of the baby- he didn't pick up; I guess he'll have to wait then.
Now I was on route for the library to study with the chickas for my last few exams because I sat a few the year before, so I did not have as many exams as everyone else, thank God. Now all I had to do was ace my history exams and wait for my bubba to pop out. I reached the prescription that I dropped on the floor and then it took to the wind. Oh my Lord I was so angry, what am I doing trying to catch a flying piece of paper. Eventually, I gave up tired and hungry.
"Here you are Miss." I just breathed a sigh of relief; it would be embarrassing explaining to my doctor how my prescription flew away.
"Thank you so much," I turned to face the person who was chuckling ferociously. It was Jermaine; I walked off ever so quickly, but it being Jermaine it was not over. I thought I was walking fast and I was out of reach when an arm held me by my arm and spun me around.
"Esther," I threw my hands up in defeat as I knew there was no point in lying or acting up, I mean he did save me from some embarrassment.
"That's me," I gave him my 'ta dah/jazz' hands.
"I aint seen you in the longest, I missed you ya'know." I shook my hand in his face as he hit the sentimental bull.
"Na na na, don't start that because I don't want to hear that," like honestly I've been heartbroken too much because of this one boy and it's just little things so what happens when it gets into big things. Let me tell you what happens, nothing because it will never get there; of now I am in a firm head space and I know what I want for myself and no boy is going to give me that, so I'm just going to stick to what I know is good for me, that education.
"come now b, don't do that I been thinking about you ever since I saw you that day at college and you just went off on man in front of his peers and all." Smiling at the memory I gave an insincere nod. I had my reasons for what I did, so I don't give a damn how he's feeling let him feel how I felt when I saw him with some other female when he's talking about 'yeah, I do love you', come on now. I must have something stuck on my forehead saying: 'mug or dick'ed' because that what these people have reduced me to over the course of these of these few months- first Jermaine and then Timothy who next Bobby Brown, nah not me. From now on the ball is in my playing field, I'm taking some control.
"How about you stop playing the victim and ask why?" I put my hand on my chin looking around like I was thinking, "Oh, oh that's right because you don't want to know why, well I saw you at Westfield on the 14th with some other female, what happened to I love you, na bro." this was actually so funny because he had to think back to the 14th was and when he realised you could see the change in his facial expression, his body language- just him in general. Boys think they're so slick with they're 'baby girl's' that make you feel that tingle down your spine making you feel special, they're 'I got you's' that make you feel like you're the only one and the 'I love you's' that make you think that you feel valued and like you actually matter even if it is only to that person. Only to find out that there are others that get the same 'special' treatment.
Jermaine had thought over everything Esther had said even though she had not said much what she said spoke volumes, he didn't respect her the way he said he did. He was just another one of those youths in his baby boy bliss. He didn't want to fall into the category of the 'baby boy' so he reached out a hand.
"Esther, I'm sorry I know you won't accept my apology but I am." She turned to face him with an unreadable expression on her face with her arms folded. He could tell she was not impressed- she looked like the typical moody black girl, but she wasn't, not to him she wasn't.
He loved her smile, her laugh, the way she could hold a conversation with him without the meaningless silences that usually filled rooms of teens when there were better things to do like see if the Wi-Fi connected. He wanted so bad for her to be his, but that meant him being hers and abandoning the baby boy lifestyle, the serial monogamy or should he say polygamy. Jermaine looked at Esther and saw who he wanted, who he needed. He yearned to be the one that made her smile and laugh, the one to wipe her tears when times get rough. He wanted to do all those things yet he hurt her with his actions and spoke of unseen truths with his tongue.
She deserved better than him it was obvious, but he was convinced he could be the one for her; the one she'd ride off into the sunset with to have a 'happy ever after', so he tried, he pulled her in close and stared at her looking for something in her eyes was, his eyes pouring into hers trying to see if there were any feelings there. Love behind the pain? To see if he wasn't the only one feeling this way; feeling compelled to kiss her, to hold her, to be her man?
Esther feeling self-conscious bit her lip and tucked a loose braid behind her ear wondering if he could tell she was due to take out her hair with all that regrowth making her braids look untidy. As much as Esther wanted to say she did not care for this boy she knew she did, she was already feeling she was not up to par- trying to fix up her appearance small small.
She longed to know what he was thinking, feeling. She wanted to know if he was thinking of her because she was thinking of him. As his eyes poured into hers, she faltered under his gaze, her knees buckled and she felt a rush in her stomach and she was sure it wasn't her baby. Jermaine moved his hands from his sides and attached them to her waist pulling her towards him so that they were pelvis to pelvis, she could smell his cool breath and cologne that made her nauseous, but it honestly wasn't that bad when she took in the amazing view she had – he was gorgeous. Contemplating on accepting his apology, they felt it; this pull as if the universe agreed that it was meant to happen, so they had no choice either that or this was their choice. Esther got up on her tip toes while Jermaine lowered his tall frame gently onto her lips; they both got a small taste of heaven. Now they wanted a taste of sin; deepening the kiss they both felt each other slowly slipping into their own world, their world was good but they'd have to come back soon. Pushing her hands against his chest, Jermaine knew she was tapping out and had finally caught touch with reality.
Looking up she smiled at him with bright eyes, they told no lie; there was something there.
Jermaine, Jermaine, Jermaine. Fucking Jermaine. I've been sitting all through this revision session with him on my mind. Honestly, he is all I can think about. I sat back in my chair and just thought back to the how we just 'coincidentally' 'bumped' into each other via prescription, stupid prescription, if not for that I would be able to revise with ease; recalling facts and information instead all I could recall a name.
"What's on your mind?" I blinked touching down in reality.
"Nothing much my peoples." I lied unconvincingly trying to take the laid back approach to that question; the 'I'm too cool for school.' It was utterly cringe worthy you could see the lie right across my face like a grin on a Cheshire cat.
"You haven't been able to answer one question, the only reply you could give was a 'sorry what'." I squinted at Shai and felt my top lip curl up at her very bad impression of me. I mean come on I do not sound like a man, why so much bass?
"okay?" I gave her a little eyeball.
"Best believe I will tump your arse here in the library, better get rid of that attitude." Who's mum please? I discretely rolled my eyes again; it gave me a personal satisfaction instead of replying to the bush child shouting in the library.
"So I went to the hospital today, you guys know that, when I went I found out the sex of the baby got my prescription and everything." I paused, I just wanted to bathe in the moment, you know when all eyes are on you and you just have keep them wanting more. They've waited long enough I shall proceed.
"So I'm walking now and my prescription flies away, I'm trying to catch this prescription when it basically flies into someone's hands. Guess who?"
"Who bruv?" Cheyanne was getting a wee bit inpatient, like bitch I said guess trying to take all of the fun out of telling a story.
"G-U-E-S-S!"
"Anthony, Cleopatra, Tutankhamun." Cheyanne shouted this goat. Who told her to recite the Egyptian dynasties?
I popped a few grapes in my mouth and said Jermaine, they all stared at me for a minute waiting for me to clarify their doubts as in – 'did she say who I think she said?'
"So..." they all smiled at me expectantly.
"So I tried to walk away fast." They all started laughing like I was some type of joke.
"Come on Esther that was not a good move." It was worth a try. Note to self: don't try to outwalk people while you are pregnant.
"Anyway..." I rolled my eyes at Patrice, "he was like how he misses me and I just stopped him right there, reminded him of the fourteenth and tried to keep it moving you know." I tried to talk extremely fast so that they wouldn't hear all that I said and hopefully get this over as soon as possible. They all gave me questioning looks- what is the fourteenth? - Nothing like a good puzzle in the afternoon. Sudoku anyone, they were capable they would figure out soon enough.
"He apologised to me, and then we were standing there for ages staring at each other, then he kissed me, well we kissed each other, let's just say we both reciprocated a kiss, the kiss and oh yeah I forgot to say he held onto my arm to stop me from walking away. THE END." I stared at my friends anxiously awaiting their responses; it was the longest wait all I could do was try to plan for the impossible. Scenario A: Esther you're a complete slut or Scenario B: anything better than scenario A, so I was pretty set.
"Oh my gosh that is so cute, he apologised." I rolled my eyes why did Cheyanne have to be so 'I believe in happily ever after' about it. I mean it was just a kiss, no biggie.
"Lol for real, man like." Shai laughed like it was the best stand up she had ever heard.
"You two are so cute together you know, I remember when he used to come school and see you." I couldn't even speak now Patrice just had to sprinkle her fairy dust of nostalgia and now I was reminiscing. Damn, now my tear ducts are acting up darn hay fever.
"Aww babes don't cry." They cooed it just made me cry more, you don't call people up on their crying.
"I'm not crying," I sniffled, "my eyes are just watering." I rolled my eyes up to the ceiling as if I were trying to keep in eye drops.
"It's okay, we understand." Cheyanne tried to comfort me, but it only made me feel worse.
I was now full on crying in the library. "You don't understand I don't like him." they just nodded; I bet they were fed up of me, the crying pregnant lady so let's just nod to appease her.
"I mean like I don't want to like him or forgive him, but I just do and I don't want to, I want to have control over my emotions." I tried to catch a breath to calm down, "But whenever I'm with him he seems to evoke emotions I didn't even know I had." Anymore at least.