I came to Pride with a steady heartbeat, but my head still felt heavy. Michael was going to kill me.
Life had been so different not long ago.
I had killed my sister seven months ago.
Three months previous to that, I hadn't even known I had a sister- or wait, scratch that. I had learned that fact the day she had died. It was better to say that ten months ago, there was no reason for me to think of the name Tegan as anytime but a meaningless sound- one that surely wouldn't cause me sorrow.
I hadn't lasted a year. In theory, there was some way I could live through tomorrow. But only with help, I was sure, and even after that the next two months were unlikely leave me unscratched. And that was assuming I didn't drop dead any moment now.
I walked stiffly through Pride, like I had forgotten exactly how to move, and like any one of the demons around me posed a threat. And I guess now was the time where they actually did.
I didn't head to church because, well, it was only night. Lil had been on her own for just a day, and I didn't want to reappear and take that away from her now. If I needed her, I'd come for her. If I needed the cult- well. Maybe she wouldn't have to know about that.
Instead I sought out Stacy, figuring if anyone ought to know the angels were going to attack Hell, it was the one guy who was going to be fine with that fact. The only place I knew for sure he could be was his office back in the Caspar building, but the rest of The Few were likely to be there as well. It was too risky.
But hey, I always was an idiot when it came to taking risks. I headed right through the square, a place that should have brought me fear, and went right past a particularly concerned receptionist.
I shared the elevator with a nervous woman who kept eyeing my legs. When she got off a few floors up, I bent over and examined them- the skin below my left knee was a sore sort of red, and there was a small red dot like a mosquito bite above it.
That wasn't too good. But it wasn't anything I could prevent, so I kept moving until I came to Stacy's office. Then I went back again to one of the conference rooms I had passed, as I could see Moll Manly speaking to a few gathered demons. I don't know what about. She had some sort of presentation projected on the wall about numbers.
I walked in. "Hi. Can I talk to you?" Any time I saw her I became entirely unpredictable, and I hated myself for it.
She didn't jump when she turned around to see me. "Didn't we kill you?"
"You indadvertedly came pretty close, but no, not yet."
"I'll contact security then."
"Moll, please? I just need to check up on a few things. Last time I'll talk, I promise."
"No."
"Come on! I think I figured why angels are so crazy about you. That's gotta pique your interest."
"No."
"I also stole your children."
The demons in the room had seemed slightly worried and confused with our conversation previous, but now the five faces- all turned towards me- just looked concerned. I think they were feeling fear.
"Just kidding!" I said, laughing painfully, and no one believed it.
"My daughters are still missing. They refused to tell me why. But this makes enough sense for me."
"Ha! Yes. Uh. Okay, so I did take them, but they're both alive and in good condition, so you don't have to worry. They're probably safer now then they were here in Hell." I shrugged. "Uh. I'll kill everyone in this room if they try to call security on me by the way."
She glanced at my fingers, and luckily my useless blade was still on them. She frowned strongly. "Can we stay in this room? I have a job to do."
"Can the others leave?"
Moll looked at them, and the five demons got up and went into the hallway. I watched them through the glass and waited until the door was closed behind them.
"I just want to talk to you. That's all."
"I'm not satisfied with this." She sighed. "Just tell me where my daughters are."
"They're on Earth. Safe. I promise." I couldn't really promise her anything, since I had just dropped her kids off to the first vague gardener I had seen, but they were probably fine. "What did you sell your soul for?"
"What?"
"I'm trying to figure out your origins. You look like- well, uh, you seriously resemble a goddess. Literally. An angelic goddess we have, whose face is imprinted in our minds. So you know, I think that's why I'm so weirdly into you? I don't like you, you don't like me, but your face is carved into my mind from two hundred years of exposure, so seeing it in the flesh just drives me... up the fucking wall."
"That sounds scientifically dubious." She looked unimpressed.
"I hate it. It's like watching a picture move." I said. "What did you sell your soul for?"
"Knowledge. Who wouldn't?" She looked still thoroughly bored. "Some supernatural creature offers you anything you want, of course you're going to ask for knowledge. But I'm not an idiot. I didn't wish to know everything. I just asked for a college education on dentistry. Forgot to wish for a diploma though, so that didn't get me many places."
"Why did you seek out dentistry?"
"It seemed like a well-paying profession." She said. "Is this enough dull conversation to satisfy you yet?
"So, uh, did you honestly have two kids by the same angel? Who was he?"
"Are you expecting me to gush on the floor about this? Yes, it was the same asshole who knocked me up twice. I know what birth control is, even if you birds don't, and I'm not an idiot. I like kids. I thought having one would get me out of the army. But you know, they threw me into the army right when I got to Hell, too fast for me to learn there weren't any angels down here. So no half-breeds."
"You thought that, in a war against angels, there'd be a few here?"
"I thought it was some supernatural turf war, not a bout of species based hatred. Look, his name was Cersiph, we spent like a week together, had some nice sex, and then agreed we'd never see each other again."
"If you knew angels were irregularly drawn to you, why would you willingly have sex with one? Surely you didn't think he was somehow different from the rest?" I didn't know Cersiph, so I was sort of frustrated.
"Look, I don't need you judging what I do with myself. He saved my life, and maybe I didn't mind letting him indulge in some sex after that. Is that weak willed? Is that shallow? I don't give a fuck. He was nice enough. He never mentioned how weird he thought my face was or anything. And he wasn't like you, either, so driven to act so pointlessly."
"I'm offended by that." I said. "Anyways, so, how do you only have two kills? I mean, uh, you'd think angels have a hard time killing someone who looks so much like their goddess. Surely you had time to attack."
At first she grimaced, but then her face fell flat again. "Why do you keep referring to angels as a separate entity? This whoever or whatever is your goddess too."
"Oh. Uh. My question first?"
"Tell me where my daughters are, Nichael."
I winced. "Please, it's Michael now. Your daughters are safe at Earth in an orphanage. I'm sorry for removing them in the first place."
"If you really wanted to be sorry, you would have taken them back to me."
"Hell would have taken them away again."
"The only time you say anything smart is when you stumble onto it. But now is not one of those times. I've lived, you may be aware, this long. I know how to handle myself. Where are my children?"
"An orphanage. In the town near the Hellmouth."
"They're not exactly orphans." Moll said, and I sort of had to stop because it was one of those statements I had never expected her to say. Not like it was a shocking fact. It was just out of character for her, and I had to wonder if she was emotionally compromised under her cold expression.
But she didn't care to make note of it, and I guess that's just how she was. A figure unworthy of worship, but an idol all the same.
Maybe.
"I'll let you be then." I said.
Always one for claiming the last word, she brushed a hand against my shoulder. "Don't fucking talk to me again." She said kindly.
I was scared as I exited the room.
I turned down the hall towards Stacy's office. I entered without knocking, and he simply looked up at me and then looked down again, twisting his feet.
"Back so soon?"
"That's just cliché." I said, but only because I was still feeling out of it from talking with Moll. "Sorry. The angels are coming tomorrow."
"Sorry. What?"
"The angels are coming to Hell tomorrow so Michael can kill me."
"He's doing all that for you?" Stacy was often smoking, and I coughed as he exhaled into his small workspace.
"He does a lot for me."
"That could be said a great number of times, and I would be no closer to understanding it. Regardless, I suppose we'll have to get ready. An angelic invasion sounds like a perfect time for a bit of pest control and a revolution. I'll have my men place some traps- I suppose they'll be taking the inter-level passage up?"
I did not know, but I nodded.
"You should rouse your cult together. One last time. I would like them to riot in the streets of the city while the army struggles with the angels down below. That should leave me plenty of space to take over."
"Will that work?"
"Anything can work if you let it, Michael."
He was using my name, and I felt pleased with him. Enough to agree. "I'll talk to them tonight then. What time should the chaos begin?"
"Right as the angels arrive." Stacy yawned. "This is a very simple plan. I trust you'll figure it out."
"Michael will kill me though."
"Sorry, what?"
"Your plan can still work, I guess, but Michael will kill me. He can't die. So he'll come here and kill me no matter what happens to the rest of his angels."
"I thought you stopped worshipping him when you took on his name?"
"I don't have to worship him to know who he is."
"He can't die? Does he revive then?"
"Same as with Alexander. He is immortal."
"Hm." Stacy said, taking a moment to think with genuine concern. "With any luck, he'll leave after you're dead, so maybe you should go down to the tunnels and just die a bit premature."
"What?"
"You seem quite content with the knowledge that he's going to kill you. I thought you wouldn't mind if I treated you in the same way. You don't believe that you can beat him, do you?"
"He's literally immortal."
"Yes, but... we can work around it." He slapped me on the back affectionately. "Come on Michael! I'll keep you alive then. Tomorrow morning, I'll take you a special place where we can watch the carnival in peace."
"Carnival?"
"In Latin, I do believe that means 'festival of flesh'. I like to think of it as a way to make a joke about a bloodbath without sounding too psychopathic."
"How many will die?"
"With any luck, all of them. The invaders, of course, and after this it's not like we're going to need your cult anymore- and of course, with any luck, I'll be eliminating The Few as well. Hell started with a dictator, you know. I'm not planning to let it end with one- but I do think I'd make a rather good president."
"What is that?"
"Please don't waste yourself trying to understand words you don't know. Just focus on what you do know- and who you currently are."
Well. That was simple enough for me. And vague enough that I could take it as a rather satisfactory order. I smiled. "Yes." I promised him. "I'll go talk to my followers. It will be easy for them to understand what to do."
"Good boy!" He said, and my rough cultural understanding took this to mean he was comparing me to a dog. But I took his advice, and stuck to what I knew: good was a compliment. Boy was an adjective.
I was a very good boy indeed then.
It was raining when I returned to the church of future angels, but it was more of a drizzle if anything else.
I was welcomed inside by a woman named Grace, who I had later renamed Clair to prevent blasphemy. She didn't seem surprised at my return- at this point, who would be? I had run through this same act of coming and going countless times.
Clair didn't show me inside or explain what had been happening. She just opened the door and left it open, and I had a feeling things were not well among my following. It was doubtless they hadn't been for awhile, especially during the time I had started to deteriorate in my dogma, but now something just seemed flat about the place.
It was going to be hard to find even a hundred who would die in my name.
I found Lil first, without even thinking about it, but then I turned away from her to head downstairs. I needed to talk to Jeff or Kai right now. Someone loyal. I'd deal with Lil later.
She saw me though, and out of the corner of my eye I saw her rise to follow. But I didn't hear footsteps as I walked back downstairs, so she must have given up her pursuit.
Jeff was praying in the main speaking hall, in front of a small painting of an angel he must have bought on thrift. It was no one I knew.
"Sir!" He said, and I couldn't really recall if I had asked him to call me that.
"I need to talk to everyone right away."
"Many have left- or at least, are outside. It may take me a while to assemble them all."
"Just the loyal ones will have to do then." I sighed. There was no way there were enough of them to satisfy Stacy.
"Right away then." He smiled, but warily, and I had to again worry about Lil. I didn't want to believe she had done something wrong. But something had changed.
It took him about half an hour to gather everyone he could find, and I spent the time in front of his altar. There were flowers there I couldn't recognize, and scented candles- and I was very certain I hadn't taught him any of these beliefs. But it was older than a day, and no matter how hard I was trying to put the other world out of my mind-
Well. Angel worship could hardly be considered a new idea. But the human's angels were not my angels, and honestly I didn't know shit about them besides that fact.
I cracked my knuckles before I spoke to the gathered crowd that indeed numbered somewhere below a hundred.
"I know it's been awhile. But unfortunately, our time has come. We-"
"Time? For what?" Someone asked. I had never had someone interrupt my speech before. It was a bad omen.
"Our time. A time for angels. A time for change. We've always worked towards that, for the future and for Heaven, and now we can finally live it."
"Live what?" Another person asked.
"The future. We can live in the future that should have been the now. I have big news. The angels will come tomorrow to liberate Hell. And you will carve the way for them here in Pride."
There was concern among the faces of the gathered. Fear, even. I often confused the two. But to hear the angels were coming tomorrow had not brought them tears or made them happy like it once would have. It just made them worried.
"We're... doing what?" Someone said, and I almost didn't recognize the voice until I turned to face her. Lil was especially displeased with me. I had forgotten to ask Jeff not to invite her.
"Carving the way for the angels. This is the church of future angels, is it not? They need you now. How else will they know not to harm you?"
"They." Lil said.
"You need to... ruin the city. Make it chaotic. Then the angels will come from the underground and claim the place. That'll be it."
My followers just looked unhappy. What, had my talent for public speaking been ripped out along side my Grace? I couldn't think of some motivational metaphor to use. I couldn't find a kind way to ask. I could only relay what I knew for sure. And that was only what Stacy had told me.
"You need to be strong. The angels- they'll love you in return."
"You." Lil said. "They."
She was the voice of those gathered. And when she got up- well, I suppose they would have followed. But I got up first, and followed her.
"Lil." I said, but I was really begging it, holding it down and rolling the vowel.
"You've lost yourself." Were the first words she said, and it took her until I was perched on her bed to say it. "What else has gone wrong?"
"I'm human now."
"Still human. More human. But that shouldn't bring you ruin."
"Michael's going to kill me."
"When most people face death, they become calm."
"I'm really fucking scared, Lil."
She was laying back on her bed, head against the backboard and body limp like someone had thrown her there. I was aware she didn't really want to talk to me right now, so I had resigned myself to a far corner- but still, it was hard to really keep myself away. We were- well. People use lovers, but I certainly did not love her. But we had something, and I idly thought of that when I saw her in this state.
"You forgot how little it takes to change someone's mind. You're not going to have any luck getting the followers to... riot now. They haven't heard you make a good speech in far too long for them to hold that much devotion."
"Can I fix it?" I crawled a little closer, nervously, and she yielded to my advances. I fell into her arm and curled my head against the crook of her neck.
"No." She said. "It's been too long for that."
"Stacy asked me to do this."
"I'll do it."
I kissed her on the cheek. "Thank you."
"Please get out of my bed."
"Thank you." I rolled off, and then tried to kiss her again when she stood up. She pushed me away lightly and walked past.
Back down in the speaking room, a number of followers had left. Lil asked Jeff to try to gather as many as he could, and he looked a bit upset about the fact. I guess I was losing him too.
"They'll want a miracle. Not me." Lil whispered, but she stood in front of the gathered regardless. Her dress, as flowing as her taste usually dictated, took a moment to settle.
"The angels are coming tomorrow. And our lives have become a great deal over these last months, but we might as well greet them. I don't mean this in any other way but that. Our gods will come to us, and we ought to have the decency to bow as they pass. They are not here to hurt us. They are not here to hurt anyone but one single enemy of Michael's. So we will greet them. And that is all."
"You know?" Someone asked with trepidation.
"It will be like an exhibition. A field trip. We will let them pass."
It wasn't what I wanted Lil to have them do. But it was what she wanted, and, of my fifty followers, I was sure it was what they wanted too.
A visit. A bow. Their king would pass, and they'd go home to feel quite good about the affair.
"Nothing more." Lil reminded again.