"Where have you been?"
I should have known that if Julie didn't find me at home when she got back from school, she would be worried sick. Julie was naturally protective, but ever since the accident, she wanted to know where I was at all times. My parents did the same, even though they went to great lengths to hide it. The therapist said it was normal. They had attended a few sessions with me. She'd said the human instinct after an accident was to not let it happen again. Even though some things were unreasonable, it made sense to employ them. My family tried to protect me using all subtle ways possible. The therapist had told them not to put me in a cocoon, and of course that just made my family find ways of protecting me that I wouldn't even recognize.
"Uh, I gave Ryan a lift to work", I said walking into the house.
Julie followed, closing the door behind her.
"He works?" she asked.
"Yeah, at his uncle's hardware store in town", I said putting my sidebag on the couch.
I went to the kitchen and Julie followed suit.
"I really don't understand how you could be so...nice to this guy", she said.
I opened the fridge and took out a bottle of orange juice. I located a glass and rinsed it before pouring some juice in it.
I turned to Julie. "Are you waiting for something?"
"Yes! I want to know why you have forgiven him so easily", she said.
I shrugged. "He apologized".
"And you forgave him just like that?"
"What more does he need? He made a mistake and he apologized", I said.
"You like him", Julie said slowly. "Rainier, you like him!"
I shrugged again. "He's ok", I said.
She shook her head. "You know that's not what I mean. The last time I took that book you stayed mad at me for a week. Ryan apologized once and you forgave him!"
"Okay, maybe I like him a bit. He's nice to hang around", I said.
"There's something you aren't telling me", she said simply, looking me straight in the eye.
I forgot that given the chance, my sister could read me like a book. I needn't say much for her to know something was wrong, and I needn't say much when I was happy either.
"We kissed", I blurted. Those violets eyes could make you do something against your will.
I watched as she slowly absorbed what I was saying. Her face sort of...well, expanded. Her eyes enlarged, and she had the biggest smile I'd ever seen, coupled with surprise.
"Oh my gosh! Rain, why didn't you tell me? When did this happen?" she asked loudly in quick succession, as if I wasn't in the room with her.
I took a sip of my juice. "Stop shouting, I'm right here".
"Then tell me!" she ordered.
"We kissed at the party. Uh...I read something wrong, and we fought. He was mad at me and that's why he agreed to take the book", I said.
"Read something wrong? What?" she asked.
I dreaded this part. I was still embarrassed by the whole thing.
"I...uh...I accused him of trying to...uh...rape me", I said closing my eyes tightly in embarrassment.
"And he wasn't?" Julie asked, concern in her voice. I couldn't see her reaction because my eyes were still closed.
"No, he wasn't. A couple of things happened that made me come to the wrong conclusion", I said.
Julie was quiet for a while. I opened my eyes slowly, wondering if she was still in the room.
It was as if she'd been waiting for me to open my eyes because as soon as my irises came to her view, she said, "So, how did it feel?"
I swallowed nothing. "Uh, I don't know".
"You liked it", she said. It was more a statement than a question.
"I don't know if I liked it, it was okay", I said. Oh who was I fooling? I had liked it. I had more than liked it. I could still remember Ryan's lips on mine, touching mine only lightly, generating sensations that were not only beautiful, but spell-binding. I felt guilty just remembering.
"Back up, is Ryan gay?" she asked.
It was a question I had asked myself numerous times. Truthfully I did not know.
"I don't know", I said.
"So you don't know if it meant..." she said but I cut in.
"It meant nothing!"
She looked at me with doubt. "You wouldn't snap like that if it meant nothing", she said gently.
"It meant nothing to me, and it meant nothing to him. Can we get past this?" I said.
"Get past what?" it was a manly voice. We hadn't heard dad enter. The people in that house were really good at sneaking up on other people.
"Aren't you supposed to be at work?" I asked, hoping to steer him away from Julie and I's conversation.
"I'm working from home. Guess who's having a solo this Saturday?" he asked. He seemed to steer the conversation away himself.
"You?" I asked.
He chuckled. "I don't have time to do new paintings. Didier LaFond is having a solo at the gallery", he said.
"Oh my god, will he be there?" I asked.
"Yes, in the flesh. Do you want to go?" he asked.
I loved Didier Lafond. Like me, he started painting at a young age. His paintings were phenomenal. It was like magic existed in every one of them. He was a modern day Rembrandt. Having a solo meant he was going to exhibit new work, never-seen-before paintings by world renowned painter, Didier Lafond.
"Rain can't. He has a date", Julie said quickly. "You are...right? I mean, after the...uh...you haven't changed your mind?" she rambled, looking at me.
Dad smiled widely. "That is wonderful. You are going out".
"Dad you know, most parents wouldn't be happy about that", he said. I knew why he was so happy. He thought I was moving on from everything.
"I am not most parents, I'm a superdad. So who is the lucky guy who's taking my son out? Is it the guy who wouldn't stop looking at you? He's quite good-looking, though disrespectful"
I turned crimson. How do I forget what I'm feeling...uh...not even sure feeling is the right word, if people kept reminding me?
"Dad!" I reprimanded.
"What don't you agree with? That he is good-looking or that he's disrespectful?" he asked.
"Who is he talking about?" Julie asked me.
"Ryan", I said briefly, not wanting to elaborate on what dad was talking about.
"You know, maybe I don't look tough..." dad said but I interrupted.
"Dad, I'm not going out with Ryan. I'm going out with Sebastian", I said.
"So his name is Ryan, I should..." dad said. Could this be happening? Was I that transparent that people could see what effect Ryan had on me and used it to torture me?
"Dad!"
He chuckled. "I'm just kidding. So who is Sebastian?"
"A guy at school", I said.
"Are you excited?" he asked.
Again with that question!
"Yes", I lied.
"Great. Don't forget to tell him that when he comes to pick you up, I want to have a few words with him", he said.
"And what exactly do you want to say?"
"Uh...I'll think of something", he said.
In short, my dad had some problems with his manliness or lack thereof. He was a gentle guy, who could be strict at worst. He treated Julie and I like adults most of our adolescent lives, caring about our opinions. He was open with us too. He wasn't uptight and let us be creative. He helped with the housework, like washing the dishes and doing the laundry. That made him sort of feel he wasn't tough enough, so he sometimes tried to emulate tough dads. The truth was, that wasn't him.
You could say that maybe it was because I was gay, but I liked him that way. It really didn't matter to me if he couldn't build mailboxes, jumpstart a car, build a tree-house or fix the geyser.
"If I were you, I'd save myself the embarrassment", Julie said to dad.
"If I were you, I'd watch what I say. I can ground you, you know?" he said.
"I'll be somewhere doing something that won't get me grounded", she said. She left shortly.
Dad leaned on the kitchen counter.
"So, what do you know about Sebastian?"
That he isn't Ryan?
"Uh, not much. He's Lucho's friend. He's a senior", I said. I realized I didn't really know anything about the guy.
"Lucho is Anthony's cousin?" he asked.
I nodded.
He nodded too. "Where are you guys going?"
"I don't know", I said.
He smiled at me and left, just like that. My dad got weird every day!