Jonathan's pov:
I opened up the journal and looked at the first page.
{For you, Jonathan. My love. }
"I carry your heart with me (I carry it in my heart)I am never without it (anywhere
I go you go,my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing,my darling)
I fear no fate (for you are my fate,my sweet)I want no world (for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart)"
― E.E. Cummings
My favorite poem....
I turned the page and looked at the date.
January,8th 2015
"dear jon.
we have been married for 6 months. we have a beautiful baby boy Sean. When your not around the walls seem so close, the air a faint smell of axe. The kitchen not having a delicious smell coming out of it. The TV not on. No new flowers next to my bedside every couple of days. There are days when I wonder how long will you be gone? I love you so much, no matter how far away you are. No many how many miles, sea or states are in between us you will always be my air, sea and sun and my #1. My stars to my galaxy.
love, Steph
I looked away and put my hand to my mouth from crying out. I wanted to be there Stephanie. I really did.
Thankyou Stephanie, for showing me
Feburary 9th,
Dear jon, thank you for all the laughs and memories. You brought me stars and the sun. You also borough me the galaxies, but what comes woth galaxies are black holes. You are free my butterfly. Now go be free. And make a million memories with her. Maybe one day we can break the distance so you can be my air, sea, and sun.
I wish I could be
March 4th,2015
You hurt me today. You called me terrible things and realized I'm none of that. I wish you could realize that. I wish everything was like before. Not like this. You burned me. Cut me. Bruised me. And now im going to need stiches.
I remember that day where we fought for stupid reasons, oh god how I was so stupid.
Thankyou Stephanie for showing me not to say horrible things to the new person I find
April 9th,2015
I really need to write more. I feel so empty now. I have no passion. I don't even want to wake up, feed myself. Bathe myself, take care of myself.
That really broke my heart again. She didn't want to do a thing for herself.
Thankyou Stephanie, for showing me that I need to take care of the women I hope to find
April 10th,2015
I couldn't stay away from you any longer. I couldn't be away from your touch, your presence and your passion. You are my strenth and every time I fall your right there. No matter what. I can seem to let you go because to be loved, you give love and from what I have seen you have done just that and I couldn't be any more grateful. Ever since the moment I've met you, I want so many more minutes in the day because all I dream is about you and the stars and how we have a million ways to look at one another and how we have a million reasons to love. Forever and ever
I remember that one.
Thankyou Stephanie, for showing me who I look to you. To show me how you loved me.
April 11th,2015
I found out news today. I'm pregnant. I can't tell Jon because I'm afraid he will get mad, afraid he will storm out. I know Shawn will love a sibling. For the sake of the family. I couldn't. I can't. I'm sorry little thing, you can't come into a messed up world called marriage. Just know if the circumstance was different, I would tell him and keep you.
How? How did I not notice. She has a bad time keeping secrets, so I'm amazed.
This could of saved us, but I guess not.
April 18th, 2015
I did it. I got rid of the the little thing called life. I can't let Jonathan find out. It will make him leave again. It will crush us even more just know Jonathan I did this for us. For us to stay together.
I would of been so happy
We didn't stay together
May 4th,2015
Today as I went to the doctor. They told me I'm anorexic. They found I don't eat. Jon mustn't find out. Hell, he will go ballistic and he will hit me. Or scream at Me and I don't like making him upset but it just happens.
Thankyou, for telling me to never overlook things even when I knew something was different
June 9th,2015
Things have been so great. Jon took me back. He took all of me back. Sean is happy to see me again. I'm so blessed to have such an amazing family. I know I am meant to meet her again. I will someday.
And she did.
August 25th,2015
My baby boy... So my happiness came from him. I loved him and I will always love him. Sean Xavier, your my little angel
Oh, how I miss him
November 6th,2015
I cheated. With Jamie Benn. My best friends brother in law. Who happens to be the captain from the Dallas Stars.
He made me feel so many things... Like I'm limitless. I'm worth something. I'm something special. He kept telling me he loved my smile. He made me forget about Jonathan and all hell for the night. He seemed so intrigued by my simple words. To be honest, I was by his.
He is going to give you everything you need and want
November 19th,20165
Today is the day I moved out. You should be reading this today Jon, if not well. I will always love you and care about you. Whenever you need a friend I'm just a phone call away. Whenever you want to see something written by me, look at this. Ever need a rare photo of me look at our Album. Ever need a pick me up by me, go to the cafe "under le stars" in Winnipeg and ask for the "le sky et stars" they will know exactly what you mean. Ever need to see Ryder, he's a house away. (Andrew and Chaunette) ever need to hear my voice, listen to "something about the sunshine" I know you love it too. Ever need help finding a person again. Go to room 219,in your complex and you will meet a beautiful women named Elisa. She's blonde, and has hazel eyes,She teaches and photographs. She is funny and someone you will fall in love with like I did. If you ever want to visit me. Don't let the door hit you on the ass on the way out😉. Just know at the end of the day, I wish you the best and all the love in the world. If you ever want to play hockey, go talk to q. A few friends in the league can go a long way.
Shoot straight,kid
Forever and ever
Xx
Bringing my hand up to my mouth and letting out a sob.
Thankyou Stephanie for showing me to be the man of someone's dream. Thankyou for preparing my new life, and showing me a greater place.
We made it through the storm with out eachother.
//
🙈🙈🙈🙈
Btw it's 2015,but next book is 2016
Please please please comment,I really want to hear from you
Hope you guys like it❤️🤘🏻