"I'd rather we be dead to each other, no eulogies said for each other, no 'rest in peace's, the memories got my chest in pieces..."
~Eyes, Nose, Lips-Tablo feat. Taeyang
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The whole class, Taehyung just cried, ever tear hurt like he was crying blood, but if he looked at the small puddle on the desk, it was just water. He couldn't stop the tears, and he kept quiet, it wasn't disturbing anyone. Except Jungkook, who was looking at him, concerned.
After the class was done, and it was lunch time, Taehyung watched everyone else leave, especially Jae-hwa, when she left, she smacked him in the head with her book bag as she slung it over her shoulder, she didn't apologize, and Taehyung knew she'd done it entirely on purpose.
None of it mattered, she'd have him back in the mental hospital by the end of tomorrow, he was sure. It's only a matter of time.
When everyone else had filed out, Jungkook got up and tapped Taehyung's shoulder. "Are you okay? Were you--?" He leaned closer.
Taehyung looked away. He still couldn't stop the tears. But when he looked away, he noticed Jimin standing over him too.
"Tae, are you crying?" Jimin looked around the classroom, seeing that it was absolutely empty, he leaned toward Taehyung too. "What happened, Tae, come on, tell me."
Taehyung bit his lip, then wiped the tears with his sleeve, sniffling. I can't tell him, he won't believe me, I can't tell Jungkook, he'll think I'm crazy. Taehyung shook his head. "I-it's n-nothing." Then he got up, heading toward the door.
Jimin and Jungkook followed. Jungkook still looked concerned, Jimin just looked upset that Taehyung wouldn't tell them what was wrong. Taehyung stopped in the hall, not knowing where he was going since they hadn't shown him around. He looked down at his shoes.
"Um..Well..." Jungkook started. "Wanna eat on the roof? Hyung?" He poked Jimin's shoulder, obviously trying to make it less awkward.
Jimin nodded but went to Taehyung and grabbed his hand, pulling him along as they headed to the roof, up the stairwell, around a corner or two, then finally to a grey door.
Outside it was a nice day, the sun was shining, it was a little cold out up there on the roof, a little windy, but it was nice. And I hate it. It made his tear stained face incredibly obvious.
The roof was bare, aside from a few fixtures and vents, and then a black fenced rail all around it. Jimin pulled Taehyung over by the rail, making him sit down by it. Taehyung couldn't look up at Jimin, not how he currently looked. But I might never see him again, I might not see any of them again.
He'd never play with Marshmallow again, wouldn't ever watch movies with Jimin, never eat a cooked dinner again, never have Mrs. Park hug him again. He knew this was all temporary, but it hit him hard anyway. I'll miss them, I'll miss this.
Taehyung closed his eyes tight, feeling more tears threatening to escape.
"Taehyung, tell me, I don't want to have to call mom on your first day." Jimin said, kneeling in front of him.
"It's Jae-hwa isn't it?" Jungkook asked. And Taehyung looked up. "She said something to you, didn't she?" Jungkook sat next to Taehyung. "What did she say?"
Taehyung looked up at Jungkook. Should I tell him? Could it hurt? Could it help? Taehyung swallowed hard, chewing his lip. "J-Jungkook... Will you...not like me if I tell you?" He figured he'd ask, give Jungkook a chance.
Jungkook shook his head. "Of course I'd still like you, hyung."
Hyung. He called me Hyung. "S-she said that she's...Going to..." Taehyung swallowed again. This was too hard, there was too much at stake. What could Jungkook even possibly do about it? "I can't say..." as much as he wanted to tell him, he couldn't work up the nerve, he didn't want to hear that word again, and if he told him what she said, he'd have to explain.
Jimin groaned, throwing his head back in frustration. "I'm going to get a soda then."
Taehyung bit his lip. He wished he could just tell them, he didn't want to keep it inside, but... "Can... I come?" He didn't want Jungkook to ask questions.
"Yeah, sure, let's make it a party. Right, Kookie?" Jimin asked, giving Jungkook a big grin.
"Whatever, hyung." Jungkook said, getting up. "I don't see why you didn't say you wanted a soda earlier."
"I wasn't thirsty then, Kookie. And you need the exercise."
"Ha ha, hilarious." Jungkook said sarcastically.
Taehyung followed them back down the stairs and down the halls. He didn't know what to say, he felt like in a way, he'd lied to them, that he should have just told them. But he didn't trust them to not freak out, to not see him differently. At least for now, before Jae-hwa ruined everything and had him declared crazy again.
I'll send you back with a parade.
He watched Jungkook and Jimin laugh about something in front of him. He wondered how long it would take for her to get them to send him back to that white room...
Jimin surprised Taehyung by reaching back and putting an arm over his shoulder when they entered the cafeteria. "Have you noticed all the girls looking at you, or are you oblivious?"
Taehyung looked up, and around the room, catching a few glances from girls at tables, when their eyes met, they turned away and giggled, or just turned away shyly like they hadn't been looking. I don't know what they see, I probably still look like I've been crying...
"Oh..." Taehyung said, because he obviously hadn't noticed at all.
He didn't really like the attention, he wanted everyone to like him, but not like that. What would anyone think after they knew what he did?
Jimin rolled his eyes. "You want anything, Tae?" He asked, having gotten his drink from the machine.
"Ah, um...Strawberry milk?"
Jungkook chuckled, and Jimin just stared at him.
"Dude, that has to be the most--." Jimin stopped suddenly.
Taehyung could see why he stopped. She was walking up, with a strut that said she thought she owned the world, that she could get away with anything, that she had some kind of purpose to walking up to Taehyung.
Jae-hwa.
Taehyung wished he could disappear, that he could make her disappear, but she came right up to them, sipping some kind of drink through a straw.
"Jungkook." She said, giving him a wicked smile before turning to Taehyung. "You shouldn't be out, mentally unstable people might freak out, you know? Kill someone." She walked around him.
Taehyung swallowed. He knew it was only a matter of time. Just make it quick, I don't want to see anyone's face when you do it, I can't bear the pity, the fear, none of it.
"Leave him alone, Jae-hwa." Jungkook said, sizing her up.
Jae-hwa rolled her eyes and gave Jungkook a push to the chest. "Please, what are you going to do?" Then she switched her attention to Taehyung again, giving him a sickly sweet smile. "You're shaking. Having a episode?" She whispered, then she spilled her drink onto his head. The whole thing.
"You b*tch!" Jimin gave her a shove. "What the hell is wrong with you?!"
Taehyung shivered, the drink being cold, it had probably soaked his hair. Then he looked down at himself. Red. He was covered in red. Taehyung shivered again, his hands now visibly shaking.
Blood. That's all he saw. It wasn't, he knew it wasn't, but the color on his skin stirred a million and one memories. All of them painful.
Appa... When he blinked, all he saw was him stabbing him. Over and over and over and...
Taehyung gritted his teeth, a certain kind of panic, a certain kind of fear, was steadily rising in his head, he couldn't stop it, what he had done had scared him. Blood scared him. Death scared him. Keep calm, keep calm.
Jae-hwa laughed. "Remind you of anything? How does that feel, you crazy bastard? Let it soak in, before I have you back in that padded room, and then you know what? I hope you die there."
Taehyung swallowed. Jungkook put a hand to his shoulder, but he shrugged it off, then he ran out of the cafeteria. That was all he was ever really good at anyway. It hurt too much.
He ran down the hallways and turned a corner. He heard footsteps behind him, but he didn't particularly care, he just wanted out of that room, away from them, away from anyone who would look at him with pity, any from people, he felt like he was suffocating with all those people watching him.
I'm not crazy, I'm not crazy... She's lying!
Taehyung collapsed on the floor. Laying flat on his back, staring at the ceiling, he didn't so much care where he was laying, he was covered in what smelled like vegetable juice. First he inhaled sharply, the intake of oxygen hurting, then he blinked back tears, or at least tried to.
Even if he knew it was coming, even if he saw it coming, even if he knew any amount of happiness could never last, it didn't stop the pain, it didn't stop the tears.
I hate her.
He brought his hands up in front of his face. They had a sort of red tint to them. Just like that day, just like before. "Appa..." Taehyung whispered. He may have been a drunk bastard, he may have treated him like dirt, he may have blamed everything on Taehyung and treated Jae-hwa like an angel--but he was the only Appa he ever knew, he was far too young to remember his biological one.
He wondered what they were like, what they were doing, if they ever thought about the son they'd left at an orphanage. Maybe he was a mistake. Maybe that was why. Maybe they couldn't afford to raise him.
That word--maybe, it haunted him with a billion and one questions, none of them with answers. IT twisted his thoughts into something like a thorn bush, only pricking him and hurting him the more he thought about it.
"Taehyung, are you...okay?"
Taehyung looked from the ceiling to just above his head, where Jungkook was standing. He looked upside down from this angle, but he was leaning forward, hands on his thighs, seemingly catching his breath.
Taehyung looked at him for a second wide eyed, then he licked his lips, looking away. He hadn't expected Jungkook. Maybe Jimin, but not Jungkook.
"You can run, like really fast, you should join the track team, you'd kill."
Kill. Kill? No...Please... Taehyung kept laying on the floor, staring at the ceiling. He didn't know what to say to Jungkook, he didn't trust Jungkook. As familiar as his name had seemed, he still didn't know where he had heard it before.
"Okay, that's it." Jungkook sat next to Taehyung on the floor. "Tell me, you have to."
"...T-tell you?" Taehyung asked with a sniffle, his deep voice breaking.
"Tell me what she said. Tell me, or I'll sit on you." Jungkook said simply.
"Sit on me? W-why?"
Jungkook scoffed. "Oh! So you don't think I'm serious? Fine, Hyung, I'll carry you back to the roof then."
"...C-carry me?" Taehyung was surprised. Jungkook didn't look nearly strong enough to carry him anywhere.
"Hyung, would you just tell me? Tell me what Jae-hwa said to you earlier, tell me how you know her, tell me something, I don't care what, you're so quiet, and then you seem so depressed and sad. But then...I feel like you know, I feel like you're doing it on purpose almost..." Jungkook closed his eyes for a second, sighing. "Earlier you asked if I'd still like you after you told me. Tell me."
Taehyung bit his lip hard, shaking his head. "N-no, You'll h-hate me...! I don't want this again, not..." Taehyung stopped. Realizing he was saying what he was thinking out loud. Calm down, calm down.
"What do you mean? Taehyung...Were you...? Are you...?" Jungkook stopped, fiddling with the end of his tie.
Am I what? Don't say crazy. Whatever you say, don't say that.
"Tell me, hyung, because I think I might know."
Taehyung took a deep breath. What if he knew? Was he going to tell everyone? Was that something he could just guess? "You...know?"
Jungkook sighed. "Jae-hwa went on and on when she transferred here about her 'stupid' adoptive brother, used to go on about how he had a god-awful smile that looked like a box, that his voice was at least twenty years older then he was. She joked that she sent him back to hell."
Of course she would say that about me, she never loved me. Taehyung stared at Jungkook. He did know, maybe not everything, but... Taehyung bit back tears. Even that was enough to hate him. Don't hate me, don't hate me.
"Hyung...are you...an orphan? Did it not work out before? Is that why you're so sad?" Jungkook looked at Taehyung blankly, it wasn't possible to tell what was going on behind those innocent looking eyes, what the next thought might be.
Taehyung sniffled. "Ah..." His mouth hung open, thinking over what he was going to say a little further. "...Do you not like me now?"
Jungkook shook his head. "I'm just sorry for you." Pity was visible in Jungkook's eyes for a second. I hate that look. "I know what it's like to be rejected..."
Taehyung tilted his head. Why was the name Jungkook so familiar?
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A/N: I'm going to warn you, because I want you to be prepared. I'm about to do nasty things to Jungkook in this story >.<" Not so much in the present, but his past isn't nice~ Maybe you know already O.O I'M SO VERY SORRY ;_;
Also, Taehyung makes a lot of noises that aren't words, it's not easy to express them in writing xD
~Neri likes Tablo :3 (shhh, it's a secret~)