I'm sure that, in reality, Alex landed the Helicopter with all the grace of a fluttering butterfly.
But in my case, the touch down rocked me so hard I lost balance, even sitting, and ended up sprawled out on my back, staring up at the ceiling as the engine died.
The sheer amount of relief I felt to be back on the ground made me giddy.
I know that the ride over to defeat the super-powered evil genius who personally hates me wasn't supposed to be the hard part... But dangerous, life-threatening situations always seem way less scary when they are on the ground.
Listening to the roaring of my abused ears, I didn't bother to move.
Not because I didn't want to, but because I highly doubted I could.
After sitting on the vibrating surface for so long, I couldn't even feel my face well enough to work up a decent glare, let alone stand.
Besides, Alan and Alex were bickering as they set about getting us out of this thing, so I figured that I would have at least a minute to get my body working again before anything productive actually happened.
Yea, if only they were the only obnoxious giants I had worried about.
Just when feeling was teasing at my toes, Vain's face appeared above me as he peered down at my collapsed form.
Some people might think that his pinched expression was a sign of concern.
As the expert on all things Vain related, I knew that this was just him resisting the urge to say 'I told you so.'
....then again, my expertise is kinda questionable, considering recent history...
"Are you going to stand up any time soon, or do I need to get the miniature hoist?" He asked with only the barest hint of sarcasm.
I rolled my eyes. That's my hero.
"You can crack out the miniature crane and carry me around in a miniature princess bed for all I care. I'm not moving an inch before I can feel my fingers well enough to point one particularly rude one at you."
If his sigh had been any more forceful, I could have called it an indignant huff. Having gotten a reaction out of him, I was just starting to celebrate the small victory when he smiled slightly.
My eyes widened.
Interacting with Vain is like playing minesweeper...
... and I'm getting the feeling I just stepped on the button that sets off the nukes.
"So you don't care what method I use?" He murmured, watching me patiently as I tried to come up with a way to quickly back down without actually bawking like a chicken.
He was already leaning over the armrest of his chair as we spoke, so it was no stretch for him to reach towards me.
I tensed as his hand came close, fully expecting him to lift up my limp body....then torture me...
Instead, the seat sunk beneath me as he placed his hand palm down beside me.
Not daring to move, I looked out of the corner of my eye at his long-fingered hand, beside me, uncomfortably close, yet not touching.
Nothing better than a new angle to appreciate how much bigger something is compared to you.
"I wonder what is faster..." His smile grew slightly, a glimpse of teeth peeking out.
"Your particularly rude finger... Or me. "
"I'm up!" I yelped, sitting bolt upright and climbing to my feet as quickly as possible.
"What a miraculous recovery." He commented airily, flipping his hand beside me so that I could step on.
"Praise Hallelujah," I muttered, embarrassed and trying to cover up the way my heart was racing with the combination of nervousness and... Hunger. We'll call the stupid pain in my stomach delayed starvation.
Stepping onto the waiting hand in the poutiest way possible, I sent Vain an angry glare, doing a double-take when I saw his expression. Vain had his lips pressed together in that way he did when he was suppressing a strong emotional reaction.
Like crying...screaming...
Or laughing.
Some people believe that the myth of the Laughing Vain is real. There are even some blurred photographs, scratched recordings, but no real evidence proving that the legend is true...
"I can sense you daydreaming something stupid Maddison," Vain warned as his hand elevator came to a stop at his shoulder.
I scowled, making the transition from hand to shoulder and sitting my butt down right by his collar.
"Bad girls don't daydream Vain. We brood meaningful thoughts."
"Like Alex?" He questioned, pushing himself up out of the seat as Alan swung the helicopter door open.
I nodded. "Exactly."
"I knew I should have just let the Shrink Program take them." I heard Alex mutter from outside the Helicopter.
"Come on, Alex... " He mimicked his brother's cheerful voice, and if I couldn't see Alan grinning at us through the doorway, I would have sworn that the evil twin was the one actually speaking. "Let's bring the helpless under-aged civilians with us for moral support/meat shields, it'll be fun."
"I didn't say that!" Alan sent his brother a disapproving look. "No fair Alex, at least when I misquote you I give you a cool accent."
... That mutilation of the Italian accent was supposed to be cool?
"... Congratulations Alan, you're about to be the first person in the history of the universe to ever have these words spoken to them seriously. YOU PLAY TOO MUCH MARIO KART."
Alan gasped, shock horror.
"Blasphemy...!"
"Face it, Alan. There comes a time when enough is enough, and really, that time should have been around the sixteenth time you beat it..."
"Oh, god... Watching my own face form those words... I think my eyes are bleeding..."
"Alan plays Mario Kart?" I whispered sceptically. Having zero ability with technology, I had only played the game once.
Monica had to take over to get me over the finish line.
"There's a niche in the ceiling of the Student Council room," Vain said softly as he stepped carefully out of the Helicopter. "He has a huge collection of old games and movies up there... "
"Not old. Vintage." Alan paused in his bickering with Alex to protest, but neither of us were listening.
As Vain and I finally exited the Helicopter, I found myself surprised in more ways than one.
I was half expecting Dr Floid's Lair to be an abandoned warehouse... Or possibly a graveyard...
Imagine my shock when I found myself at school.
Rather, at the Hill.
And as I sat, my dropped jaw swinging in the breeze, a group of four teenagers crawled out of the woodwork and walked over to us.
For the second time in my life, I found myself staring at Apollo, sputtering as I tried to figure out why he was here and, more importantly...
How had he gotten here before me.