Time moves differently when you are dead. You can sit for hours and it feels like days. You can sit for months and it feels like minutes. Confusing, I know. But Gerard was used to this. Spending so much time alone, sometimes he would sit in the chair in his office, and zone out for what seemed like no time at all, but when he finally did stir and look out the window, he would see that an entire season had passed by.
Without him.
Life always went on, without him.
He was there now, unable to processes everything that had happened in the last few hours. Nothing but his own voice, and the voices in his head, to listen to, to keep him company, and then... people. Not just people, but Frank! His best friend. And her... her face was brought to the forefront of his mind, and she filled his vision once again. Who was she? 'Ellie...what a pretty name' he thought. 'Ellie... I wonder if it is short for something? Maybe Elizabeth? No, no.. Eleanor?' Gerard held this train of thought for what seemed like hours. Nothing but questions of her filled his head.
He found that he wanted to get to know her. Then he remembered, 'She's going to live here... with me!' He unconsciously found himself smoothing his white hair with his pale hand, as if he were about to meet a girl for the first time, and wanted to impress her.
'She can't see you, moron.' there's that voice again. The one that has always puts him down, and made him think twice before doing anything, for fear of rejection, or ridicule. The Jerk.
'Shut it asshole.' he thought to the troublesome voice. He had been at odds with that voice since he could remember. But we all have 'that voice' in us, we all have to fight it when it wants to put us down.
His thoughts skipped back to the conversation between Frank and Ellie. He really hated to admit it, but he was in shock over anyone being there. Let alone Frank of all people, well.. and a pretty woman. He really did not pay too close attention to exactly what they were talking about. He remembered hearing Frank tell her, 'Welcome Home'.. well, that's pretty straight forward, she is going to be living here. The thought of someone living in the house once again filled him with excitement, but at the same time dread.
He remembered something about 'it's her job'. How would living here be a job for her?... unless. 'No, no, no... please don't let her be here to clean the house out and sell it!!' Gerard started to hyperventilate at the thought.. pretty good since he was dead.
Slowly he calms his breathing, and thinks about Mikey. His brother that he has missed so much. How many times did he imagine his brother coming to the house even if it was just to check to see if everything was still here, and it had not been robbed. But he hasn't come back since the day after the murders. Gerard figures that maybe it just hurt him too much. It's not like Mikey knew Gerard was still there waiting for him.
Gerard reminded himself for the umpteenth time that Mikey wasn't coming around because it was just to painful for him, not because he was avoiding him. It still hurt though.
What was he thinking of doing with the house? He figured it probably would not make sense for Mikey to keep it like a shrine. He often did wonder why it was locked up and left alone. I guess now, he is going to find out some answers.... he just hoped they were not the answers that he has been afraid of hearing.
He remembered the last time he saw Mikey. His face was so drawn, he looked like someone just ran a stake through his heart. He of course had his poker face, but it was something more... poker face filled with pain. It was a horrible memory. Gerard remembered screaming at him, trying to get his attention... anyone's attention. Confused and having a panic attack, he could not conceive the thought of his possible situation.
That is until they wheeled his body passed him. He stood in shock. It was like he was in a frozen state while everything around him went into fast motion. People came in and out, Mikey left, Frankie came in and out, the detectives taking pictures of the scene..they left... everything happening in such fast motion with him standing in stasis. Standing trying to understand, and absorb what had happened until the door shut for the last time and locked. Then.... nothing.... no one.... just him, all alone with his confused thoughts.
He leans forward and rests his head in his hands. Thinking back to the night he was killed. He tried not to think of that night too often.. the memories of it were fuzzy. The more time passed by, the memories would click into place. Like a big jigsaw puzzle he was still finding pieces to.
He still did not know why he and Lindsey were killed.... 'oh... Linds... my sweet girl.' Gerard looked up and out of the window, but not seeing anything but his wife's body being taken out of the house by the paramedics. 'Lindsey, I am so, so sorry.' His eyes misted over. They always did when he thought of her. He has shed so many tears, that even if he walked on earth forever, he would never be able to count them all.
~~
A/N
Hello my lovelies! I know this is a bit shorter than the last chapter, but I really needed to separate it from the next one. =) Anyhow, as you can see, the solitude here has really had an major effect on our poor Gerard, and he has really suffered for it. Hopefully the new addition to the house will not send him further over the edge!! Or maybe she is just what he needs to help piece his broken mind back together.... WE SHALL SEE! ;)
You also may have noted that I have not put into great detail the era of 'which' Gerard this is...there is a reason for that. However, I did give you a good clue...but don't get too used to it, I have a trick up my sleeve that I plan on trying to implement! heehe
Please take the time to vote on every chapter, and if you really want to give me something to smile about...comment! yea! And tell me if you like the story! (but be nice...I am sensitive!...errr..even though I killed off someone we all love before the story even started...) muhahaha
Love you! Muha!!!