The overwhelming need to beat Nathan to a bloody pulp blinded any sense of logic thought. After Annie fully exited the room, Julien confronted Nathan, pulling him by the lapels of his suit jacket demanding why he spoke to Annie the way he did.
After an aggressive push from Nathan with no explanation, Julien gave into that need and hit Nathan in the face. The fight ended with shouts and screams in the air and Julien's fist throbbing painfully from punching Nathan in the jaw.
They were pulled apart by Victor and Patrick who stood between them, pushing them away from each other. Nathan tried attacking Julien in retaliation, but security entered right before Nathan could avenge himself. He was pushed and shoved out the entrances double doors.
Julien stood in his office looking down behind the privacy windows of his private club. He felt like the weight of the world was stacked heavily against his chest.
Duncan paced behind him, firing questions, "Why did you and Nathan fight? What happened?"
"He insulted Angelica." Julien replied absentmindedly with an added shrug, turning to face his old friend.
And he would do it all over again.
"What?" Duncan looked confused "What do ya mean mate?"
"He had his hand around her arm in a vice grip, wouldn't release her after several attempts, insulted her verbally. I couldn't just stand there and allow him to get away with it. I was defending the lady's honor." Clenching and unclenching his fist. It was a dull throb now but nothing unbearable.
"Did you get your memory back? You're acting like you care for the lass." Duncan asked with hope.
"What does my memory have anything to do with any of this? However, I do get small bits and pieces, flashbacks, you could say. Why?" Duncan's tone sounded like he was withholding something.
Duncan looked away, uncertainty furrowed his brow. Julien narrowed his eyes suspiciously.
"What are you implying by your question Duncan?"
He did not answer.
"Tell me dammit! I have a right to know!" He roared.
"Do you feel anythin' toward the lass?" He asked Julien in all seriousness.
He witnessed how detached Annie looked. As much as she tried concealing her emotions, Duncan could not help but catch the sorrow in her eyes. She was a woman scorned, betrayed, hurt. He suspected Julien's renewed interest and needed to acknowledge the face before informing Julien of his past missing memories. It needed to be done before more damage occurred. The girl did not deserve to live in misery and suffering and his beloved friend needed to know regardless of his missing memories.
Julien hesitated, raking a hand through his hair. What was Duncan implying? He did not knowing if he should voice his feelings out loud. But something inside took over when he blurted, "Yes." Before he could stop himself. The confession spilled out of his lips, releasing the biggest secret he's ever kept to himself.
Duncan was the one he would go to confide his troubles and worries most times. Ever since he first laid eyes on her at Sonny's wedding, an instant attraction formed, like two magnets coming together and he never uttered his burning interest.
All this time he's kept his feelings bottled up inside. Julien never asked about her to anyone of his family, learning all he could by observation. He did not understand why he felt the need to keep silent but he stubbornly did. He never told a living soul.
The kiss he forced upon her awoke something inside of him he's never admitted feeling before. It was more then an attraction, it was on a deeper, more emotional level.
Many moments since that evening, Julien imagined kidnapping her, whisking her away and having his way with her to appease his need. Her soft willing body wrapped around his, kissing every inch of skin on her body. He imagined taking her over and over all night until he appeased this obsession of her. It made his muscles tighten and bunch and his arousal sprang to life, throbbing painfully against his pants.
What he could not make a reality, his mind conjured up during his sleep. He dreamt of her every night. Countless times he awoke in a cold sweat, breathing hard after dreaming of the enchanted beauty. The constant bombardment of her image tattooed in his mind, anywhere he went.
Duncan sighed in relief and smiled, shaking Julien out of his thoughts. He found a armchair in the corner of his office to sit in and started. "Then it's time you learned about your past ....You were once in love with her....before the accident. You told me she was a challenge. Not giving you the time of day, pushing you every step of the way while you fought to get closer to her. One day while we were on a trip to Hawaii, you spoke to her father, asking his permission to pursue her. You concluded by boldly asking for the girls hand in marriage...and you did this all without the lasses knowledge. You never once expressed your feelings about the lass to me until the night after we left Hawaii–"
"...Remember who you are...do not succumb to the weakness... " The gypsy's far away voice echoed in his ears.
Julien felt like someone took a bucket full of ice water and emptied it on him. The shock coursed through him like a lightning bolt. His his body locked down refusing any movement. The black cloud that hovered above him all this time lifted slowly. The oxygen started to feely flow back into his lungs as he took forceful, ragged deep breaths. It was like he was breathing fresh clean air for the first time.
A stream of memories flooded his brain like a open floodgate. What once were locked away, trapped, obstructed finally burst like a dam overflowing from the water pressure.
The accident.
Seeing her again on the sidewalk.
Annie falling into his lap.
Catching her in his arms as she fainted in the hospital.
The first passionate kiss they shared in his office.
Their first rendezvous.
Hawaii.
The ring.
Her birthday.
The dress.
The fortune tellers warning rang in his ears...Your love will be threatened by natural causes. You will break her heart...
Julien blinked away the haze, staggering, then falling to his knees clutching his head as it throbbed from the overload of information. A high pitched ringing sounded in his ears.
It all came back so swiftly. It all made sense.
An epiphany of understanding washed over him.
Julien's head felt like it was spinning with the unbearable burden of emotions. Anger, regret, pain, longing were just a few of the many things he felt. The heavy burden that once weighed him down since the accident evaporated, replaced with an overwhelming sense of guilt and loss.
Duncan stood in alarm, helping Julien stand, seating him in the armchair he previously occupied. "Are you alright man? Do ya' need a doctor? What happened?"
Julien kept a hold of his head, propping his elbows on his thighs. He intentionally destroyed the best thing that had ever happened to him right before his very eyes. Life was truly unfair and unjust.
He lost her. Just like the gypsy said he would.
"Why didn't any of you tell me about her? I would have remembered sooner!" He yelled out in frustration. The pull–the electricity between himself and Annie was their and he selfishly denied his happiness with his lack of good sense and judgement. He was the biggest of fools. Wishing he had listened to his feelings—the flashbacks. The bits and pieces he remembered were in fact memories.
Standing up abruptly, the pounding in his head did not stop nor dissipate as it pulsed in his ears. Duncan moved back allowing him some breathing space. Julien wanted to lash out and destroy his office with his bare hands, clenching and unclenching his fists.
"Julien, calm down your temper. Annie asked us not to inform you about the relationship. The lass thought it was the last thing you needed in such a difficult time. Losing your memory—not remembering even coming here yet. She did not exist to you..." He trailed off. "You both made such a beautiful couple before, all of us assumed once you saw her you would naturally be attracted to her again." Duncan said from behind him cautiously watching his next move.
Julien's whole body tensed. It looked like an inferno was building inside of him and Duncan feared the outcome of his confession was the tipping point.
Julien closed his eyes, leaning his hands against his polished mahogany desk, head bent, shoulders stiff. A thick haze of rage encompassed him taking over reason, as he flipped his large heavy desk with incredible strength without consequence. Glass broke, leaving hundreds of pieces scattered, his laptop was left with a broken screen. Papers scattered all over the floor. The chair behind his desk turned over, crushed by the heavy weight of his desk.
But it wasn't enough to satisfy his rage. He turned swiftly, moving to pick up the chair he once occupied and threw it against the wall leaving a large gaping hole. What was left of the chair lay deformed and broken in a pile.
Duncan yelled in protest somewhere in the background. Julien faintly heard him, the only sound that stood out was his heavy breathing sounding in his own ears. His only concern was to unleash his fury as he continued destroying paintings and decor scattered around his office.
A pulse beat in his aching head while loathing and disgust washed over him as his hands fisted tightly along his sides. Julien shuddered, his eyes closed as he struggled to maintain control of his body. But the only thing that stood out was the pure rage which boiled hotly in his blood.
Duncan touched his shoulder, making Julien spin, clutching his lapels of his suit in his bare hands, pulling Duncan threateningly close to his face.
Duncan held up his hands in surrender, "Julien, please calm down mate! I meant not harm!" Julien released him roughly making him stagger back.
"Just go Duncan. I'm not myself, I can't think straight, I might inflict harm and hurt you...LEAVE ME!" Julien shouted raking a hand through his hair in frustration. "I don't know what do to..." He murmured shrugging his suit jacket off his shoulders and loosening his tie. He was choked up. The suffocating confines of his clothing did nothing to elevate the growing pressure building in his body.
"What just happened?" Duncan asked reluctantly, ignoring his warning.
Julien inhaled and exhaled loudly, his body slumping against the wall. "I remember everything...and now I don't know how to fix what I've done." Closing his eyes, trying to reign in his anger and frustration.
"That's wonderful. It's about time. Had I known this would have happen I wish I would have said something sooner! It's not too late. Fight for her, don't give up." Duncan encouraged.
Julien shook his head sadly. It was easier said than done. Now that he remembered everything, he did not know how to righten all the wrongs he's done for the last three months since his amnesia. It felt like years went by, not months. All that time wasted.
Julien was clenching his jaw so hard it felt as if his teeth were ready to shatter.
He pushed the love of his life away. She has lost so much weight, the sunken look under her eyes, the hollowness in her cheeks. The bones in her arms and legs stood out against her pale skin. The pain and emptiness in her eyes. She was so fragile it looked like she could not handle any more pressure.
Without her, his life meant nothing.
It was all his fault. He was slowly killing her and he never had a clue he was the reason, feeling his heart shattering.
Julien wanted to go, find her, and embrace her in his arms and never let go. His heart ached for her, his fingers itched to touch her. He ached to comfort her, hold her, but he had a feeling it wasn't going to be so easy this time.
Annie had a lot of pride, she wasn't going to give in so easily to his advances, even if he explained he had his memories back. The walls he broke down before were most likely up and harder to penetrate after all the damage that been done to her emotionally. There was no excuse he could say that would erase everything that's happened.
It cut him deeply like a hundred knives piercing his heart recalling the forceful kiss during Sonny's wedding and than pushing her away. Although, he now recognized the glimpse of hope shine from her beautiful eyes. How he wished he gave into the emotional pull and attraction towards her. But he didn't, intentionally pushing her away.
Julien's naive and unaware self never realized that she felt the same as he did. That she needed him. Loved him. Desperately waiting for him to remember her. Julien stupidly thought he was doing something wrong. Like he was forcing himself on her person.
That evening he now recalled the end of the hope she held on to. It was when she completely detached herself from him, the strings which bound them together snapped.
If only he listened to his feelings, believed the images that resurfaced in his mind giving him little clues. Always priding himself on his sharp senses, they disappointed him when he relied on them the most. He was paying the price of his ignorance and denial.
Although it was first time seeing her after the accident, Julien sensed the solid steel wall she built to cocoon herself.
The dinners and get togethers their families organized that she avoided.
Never looking him in the eye when they passed each other in the hallways at work.
Shame coursed inside of him knowing he was the reason. He misunderstood her reaction. He thought it was because of his forceful kiss that she put so much distance, aside from her personal dilemma that he was clueless to.
Disgusted with himself at the countless times he was with Caitlin and she had seen them together around the T-building. The hurt and broken look in her eyes unhinged him.
"Damn it!" He hissed.
The guilt was greedily eating his insides making him feel like the biggest scoundrel. Disgusted with himself, sickened with his actions, he felt numb, desensitized, but whatever he felt he knew without a doubt, Annie felt a hundred times worse.
"What have I done?" Julien asked shaking his head devastated. Before his accident he was going to ask her to marry him.
Make her his.
Make her his wife.
He sealed their fate with his own doing.
"What. Have. I. Done...?"
*****
"That son of a bîtch! He said that to you!" Cici exclaimed, sitting on Annie's couch still wearing her black evening gown. She barged into her bedroom a few minutes ago finding Annie in her pajamas reading a book, looking like she had been crying.
Cici forced Annie to tell her, not giving up until she confessed what Nathan Diam said making her leave the party without any warning.
Annie shrugged, "I guess I deserved it, I wasn't very nice to him anyway." Resting the open book across her abdomen.
"That's bull. Nobody deserves what he said to you. That mother fu-" Cici stopped when Annie covered her mouth.
"Please stop. I have such a bad headache and you're not making it any better with your ranting." Annie said to her in a pleading voice. Cici clutched Annie's cold fingers from her mouth.
"I'm sorry. But he deserved the punch he got...now it makes sense..." Cici murmured in realization, her delicate eyebrows raised.
Annie frowned, sitting up from her slouched position. "What do you mean?" She asked quietly.
"Julien kicked his arrogant áss, that's what it means! He punched him square in the face. None of us knew why, we figured it was something to do with them being business rivals and all, but it was you! You're the reason!" Cici concluded with a smile, pointing to Annie.
Annie's eyes widened in disbelief. Julien had seen her struggling with Nathan. "When did this happen?" She asked worriedly. Don't feel, don't feel she chanted in her head. She was her own personal motivator and coach. It was the only way to get by, to stay emotionally strong, conceal—don't feel.
"I just received your text and the next thing I know dad and Victor where pulling the two of them apart. The fight would have turned out nasty and bloody had they not intervened." Cici said in a smug voice.
"What makes you think it was because of me? It could have been about business..."
"Angie, I spotted Julien looking at you from across the room watching you and that bastard while I waited for dad to finish his conversation. From where I stood I thought you were just talking, I couldn't see that he was forcing you stand close to him and insulting you!"
"I doubt it. Julien can't even stand the sight of me, let alone stand up for me." Annie said. "He's made it crystal clear he wants nothing to do with me." With determined effort to not show her eyes mist with renewed tears, she averted her gaze to her hands
"As soon as you left he must have confronted him. Where's your head? I was watching the whole time! I'm not making this up. Julien came closer to the both of you and likely heard what that nasty man said."
"I didn't see him." Shaking her head in denial, her eyebrows furrowed.
"You were too pissed off to notice. The next thing I saw was you speed walking to the entrance, you never bothered to look around. I thought it was weird, but when I got a good look at your face I knew something was wrong. I interrupted dad's conversation as soon as you exited and than all hell broke lose a minute later." Cici explained.
Annie met his eyes across the room, remembering the last few moments before she left. Julien did have a good view from the position he stood, although far. But why confront Nathan? He did not care about her. Why?
"I know that look. I can see the wheels spinning in that head of yours. Never doubt your worth. You are worth protecting and defending. Julien did the right thing. It makes my blood boil to think about it. I wish I heard him, I would have loved to kick that bastard in the balls!" Cici declared with conviction.
Not since Sonny's wedding had she laughed full heartedly, giggling at the mental image of Cici doing what she said. Cici was never one for violence, she was all bark—no bite.
The feeling of her face conform as her muscles adjusted felt foreign. Annie momentarily forget her worries as she covered her mouth in embarrassment, trying to suppress her laughter. The sound was so contagious, Cici soon joined her, embracing her in a hug, the book she was reading earlier laid open between them.
"I'm sorry! I couldn't help myself imagining you doing that without laughing. But thank you. I don't know what I would do without you." Annie said sincerely.
Cici removed the book from between them, gently placing it on the table and held Annie against her once again, stroking her hair lovingly.
"I love you. You're my sister. My rock." Kissing Annie's forehead lovingly. "I'm glad I made you laugh, it's rare these days to hear that sweet sound, it feels like it's been forever." Cici sighed. "Deep down, somewhere inside of that man he recognizes you. Actions speak louder than words...I've never seen someone so. . . so. . . enraged."
Annie closed her eyes wanting to believe Cici's words. She gave up on Julien a long time ago.
"What happened after the fight?" Annie asked instead.
"Julien was panting heavily, and looked ready to kill with the murderous look in his eyes. It even freaked me out. He stormed off, Duncan hot on his trail. I have no clue where they went. Nathan got hauled off by the security. That air-head, Caitlin, was flirting like a slut to some random guy before the fight. She was left standing there like a dumb áss in the corner of the room, forgotten..." The way Cici said it, with all seriousness made a rumble of laughter erupt from Annie's lips again, shaking her body uncontrollably.
"Stop being mean Cici!" Annie admonished when her laughter eased.
"What? It's making you laugh! Besides it's true. What does he see in her? Seriously some men don't have any taste...it must be the head injury, his memories weren't the only things missing."
Annie wished Cici didn't speak of Julien and Caitlin. It was just a depressing reminder of what she'll never have.
Before Annie could stop herself, she yawned loudly making her eyes tear up as they slipped from the corners of her eyes. It was a long day. So much happened leaving her to feel exhausted and overwhelmed. Wiping them away hastily, Annie grabbed a tissue out of the box on the coffee table dabbing her eyes.
Cici quickly noticed and stood helping Annie to her feet. "Get to bed. I'll see you tomorrow."
Standing, Annie dragged her legs across her room toward her soft welcoming bed. She slid between the covers and shivered against her cold sheets. Cici kissed her forehead one last time and turned off her bedroom light, silently closing the door behind her.
....That night Annie unconsciously dreamt of Julien and their baby again, savoring the love and comfort...
"I love you Julien." She murmured into the darkness of her room as she dreamt.
___________________________________________________________
Big chapter! Bigger events coming up in the next few chapters.
My voters: Your generosity reflects your personality, I thank you more then words could ever express. This chapter is solely dedicated for you (past, present and future ones).
Thanks again all...
-Shaz