I spent the rest of the night with Jason's arm around my waist and tried not to speak too much to Tyler, which was killing me. Every time he would come near and smile at me, or I would have to say something to him-Jason's grip would tighten around my waist and his hand would dig into my side, I tried as best as I could to hide his actions but I think Tyler caught a grimace here and there. He would give me weird looks and then his eyes would dart between me and Jason, though he never bothered to say anything.
Least to say, the night couldn't seem to go any faster, it was perfectly content with dragging everything out for me. I was psyched to see Tyler again after all this time, and all I was wanted to run into his arms. But I couldn't.
When Jason finally decided that we were going to leave, he grabbed me by the arm and started to lead me out of the house. I tried to keep a smile on my face and not wince from how tight his grip on my arm was but it was a strain. I heard someone call my name and turned my head to see Tyler waving, he carefully made his way through the crowd as he tried to catch up.
Jason either didn't notice or didn't care, my money was on the later of it, but he kept pulling me along till we got out of the crowd. His speed even gained as he heard Tyler calling my name, and his grip tightened on me arm. I could even see his jaw clench tighter, making my stomach sick as I knew what was going to happen when I got home.
"Kota, wait!" Tyler called again as he finally made it out of the house. Jason finally gave up with a huff and dropped his hand from my arm down to my hand really quick, then turned to Ty with a fake, happy grin on his face. He gave off the impression that he just realized Tyler was there, and it seemed that Tyler bought it, and I gave him a small smile when he reached us. "So you're just leaving, not even going to say goodbye?" Tyler's voice held confusion, his green eye's swirling with hurt. "I mean, we haven't seen each other in 4 years," he said with a sad smile on his face.
"I was going to, I just didn't see you and thought you had left." I lied quickly with a smile still on my face, though just that small white lie made my stomach turn. Jason squeezed my hand and I knew he wanted me to try better, that it was a sorry excuse for a lie. But nonetheless I had to keep anything from my face, especially because I wanted to wince and hiss in pain.
"Well I'm still here. So, do I get a hug?" he opened his arms ever so slightly. When I stayed still and didn't say anything, Jason squeezed my hand really hard, almost making me break my mask. Then he suddenly let go, and I caught him flicker his eye's towards me annoyed, letting me know I could hug him but that I was still in trouble.
"Of coarse!" I smiled widely and took a couple steps forwards into his awaiting arms. He must of known something was wrong, right? I never hesitate... But when he didn't say anything, I sighed in relief.
Tyler's arms quickly closed in on me and crushed me into him. It was in no way painful though, it was warm and caring, comforting... it was home. I let out a breath as I relaxed into the hug and wished I could stay in his arms forever, it was safe in his arms. Even so, I stepped back before I could get into any more trouble with Jason. His eyes were raging silently, even though his face was still pleasant. Anyone could easily just suspect that as jealousy though, not hatred.
"It was great seeing you again Ty, I'm glad you're back." my words were genuine, as was my smile. I had been waiting so long for Tyler to return to me... but I couldn't have him. He was my best friend, my rock... but with Jason here, I wasn't sure what would happen with him. If I would ever be able to have the same relationship with Tyler as I used to, if I could even have one at all.
"Me too, maybe we could catch up sometime soon?" he asked hopefully, a sparkle in his green eyes danced in the moonlight, his normal playful smile back on his lips.
"Yeah, sure." I gave him the best answer I could with Jason there, and one last smile as I squeezed his hand gently and warmly. Out of the safety of his arms, I was back in the cold, iron grip of Jason in what seemed like a flash. He had quickly grabbed me around the waist with one hand and the other encased mine in a death grip, then he turned and marched us to the car, not giving me any way to glance back at the green eyes that watched my retreat.
~
"You little tramp!" His voice boomed at me as soon as we entered the privacy of my house. "You were screwing him before he left, I just knew it." The backside of his hand made contact with my face and I felt my vision go black for a second, my head having whipped around from impact and it caused me to stumble. I didn't dare to put my hand to my blood rushed cheek, or let the tears fall that were threatening to, stinging the corners of my eyes. He hated when I showed fear or weakness, it would only make him try to teach me not to be afraid of him, to not be weak.
"No." I choked out, fear in the pit of my stomach that shook me down to my feet. "I swear, I never did, nor do I want to. You're the only one I want, baby." I tried to calm him down, wanting to punch myself for lying through my teeth. I was such a coward. My stomached turned and clenched with disgust at my words I made myself say to him.
"Liar!" his voice roared through the house, the intensity had me wanting to crawl into a corner. "You're lying again." he pointed an accusing finger at me as he came closer, I didn't dare move or look away from him though. "You think I can forget the way you just threw yourself at him, and right in front of me too?!" he was enraged. I needed to cool the situation as quickly as I could. The last time he was this angry was when he found a small stash of letters I had hid from him, marked with Tyler's name.
"I promise-" I was cut off by his arm pushing into my throat and banging my head against the wall. My throat burned under the pressure and my vision had this weird bright blur to it, air was barely able to get through.
"Why should I believe you?" he shouted in my face, his face showing nothing but anger, even in my state I could see the swirling hate, frustration, jealousy, and an unknown emotion in them.
I couldn't say anything in reply to him though, it was hard enough to try to breath. I couldn't get any words out even if I wanted to. My hands were grabbing at his arm, my fingers tried to pry him off of me, tried to pull it away just enough. It was no use, I was too weak. Finally, he dropped his arm and the pressure was relieved from my throat as I took a raspy gasping breath. It was too early to be relieved though. His hand found my head a split second later, his fingers tangled into my curls tight enough to make me cry out, and slammed me back into the wall. My vision danced with swirls of black and red, I could hear my blood rushing through my ears and my stomach clenched. I wanted to vomit.
"Tell me a reason why I should believe you!" he bellowed.
"I wouldn't lie to you Jason!" I cried out, "You know I wouldn't!" tears finally escaped and fell down my chest, sobs coming from me in loud gasp as I still tried to catch my breath. It was too much to be strong through. I tried not focus on the pain that shot through my body, or on the burning in my throat that felt like knifes scraping down every time I took a breath. It was a losing battle.
"How do I know that?" he voice rattled through my pounding head. He pulled me away from the wall by my hair, then threw me from the living room into the kitchen.
I felt my feet trip over each other, everything rushed before my eyes, and i caught myself just in time to stay upright, though I still ran into the counter with a lot of force. Icy hot needles shot through my side from the impact with the stone, my voice shot past my throat without my permission as I cried out, the sound was came out with so much force of air that it was practically silent. I doubt anyone heard it. I turned and looked up at Jason, his hands clenching and releasing as he tried to calm.
He was still waiting on my answer, I realized. Fighting through the gasping sobs I tried to keep at bay, I choked out my words as best as I could, hoping it would stop this.
"Be-Because I love y-you," I tried to hold in the pain and tears as best as I could. Being strong, even though I knew I wasn't. I just wanted this to be over. After a minute of silence from Jason, the only sound being heard was both of our panting breaths, he ran his hands through his hair and squeezed his eyes shut with a growl.
"You know what? I need some air, I'm leaving." He stormed out of the house and slammed the door behind him.
After he had left, I finally let it all out and crashed to the floor in pain. I let out all my pain and frustration I had built up, and all the tears I was holding in. Sobs racked my body as I lay there, and tears stained my face with streams of makeup trailing with it. My throat burned but I didn't care. I was a coward that couldn't stand up for herself. I was weak. I was broken.
After a good few minutes of letting it all out, I finally pulled myself to my feet. My legs almost gave out and my side burned, almost causing me to cry again, I was determined though to pick myself up. I turned on the hot water and stripped, not once did I bother to look at my body as I peeled the dress off. I didn't care where it ended up, I just wanted to feel the warm water cascade over my aching body. I wanted the steaming warm water to hide my tears and wash away my memories of tonight.
When I finally had enough of the heat, and burning sensation of the water on my bruised body, I turned off the water and stepped out of the shower. My eyes landed on the mirror first thing, and I was disgusted. My body was disgusting, and the big bruise that started to form on my hip didn't help at all. I couldn't stand to look at myself.
Digging under my cabinet, I grabbed my creme from the very back and applied some to the bruises, and my sore, slightly dark-tinted throat. Then glancing back in the mirror, I carefully applied it to my face and just hopped that it would all go away when I slept. Though I knew that wouldn't be the case. Judging from the bruise on my hip, it would last about two weeks or longer and tomorrow it would only hurt worse. Though, the worst of everything else should be over in a day or two. If only I could say that about the memories of tonight and all the other times this happened.
I quickly threw on a tank and shorts, not looking at myself again for the night so I wouldn't have to see my disgusting body, then crawled into bed very carefully. My blankets were bundled up around me for comfort, trying to do what I could to make myself fall asleep. I couldn't. My mind kept thinking about what tomorrow would bring. I knew Jason would come back tomorrow, even if I didn't want him to. He always did. My eyes stared at the walls of my room, looking all around at the blank spaces that would be filled with pictures of Tyler and myself, though they could never be put up. In its place is just open space and blue walls, empty spaces that just stared back at me until I was able to fall asleep.
~
I woke up to the sound of knocking on my front door and I Immediately knew who it was, dread filled my stomach as I got out of bed to answer the door. Icy hot needles went up my side when I put pressure on my hip and my face screwed up in pain, my breath hissed through my teeth at the action.
I quickly tied my hair back as I ran downstairs to the door, ignoring the pain in my moments, and soon as I opened it I came face to face with Jason. His short brown hair was slightly disheveled and he had dark rings under his slightly red eyes, though he barely looked at me as he pushed through the door. As soon as I had shut the door behind him, I was pushed up against it with his hands on my waist, the pressure made me hiss in pain and he quickly noticed and released me as if he touched burning coals. Hesitantly his eyes drifted down to my waist, his fingers carefully lifted up the side of my shirt and his face immediately winced before pulling it back down. His hands went carefully away from my bruised skin and gently caressed my cheek instead, almost like he was handling a porcelain doll. His touch always became gentle and soft like this after every fight, like the one we had last night. It was almost just like when we first started dating.
"Babe, I'm sorry" he apologized and rested his forehead against mine. "I was just being stupid and jealous last night and wasn't thinking. I over stepped this time, can you forgive me?" He pleaded, looking into my eyes with a deep sadness. I wanted to feel glad he was apologizing, though I knew it was only a matter of time till this gentle phase of his wore off.
Occasionally Jason would realize when he overstepped, or that he shouldn't have done something that he did and he would apologize, like he was doing now. One time I didn't forgive him, that was the second time I tried to break up with him. It went fine at first. I learned my lesson that day though. Slowly I nodded my head, keeping my eyes closed, though on the inside I wanted to scream at him to leave and never come back. Once again suppressed those thoughts, knowing what would happen if I did do that. I was trapped, I was stuck, and I didn't know how to escape. I almost let myself tear up but I quickly forced it away before he would notice.
A soft and gentle pressure on my forehead caused me to open my eyes, I saw him smile at me as he pulled away from the kiss, before he rested his forehead against mine.
"You know I love you, right?" he asked. My eyes opened to see his boring into mine. I didn't know in what way but I knew there was something there, I just would never call it love that he felt.
"Yes, Jason. I know you love me," I nodded, his eyes were pleading with me and I knew I had to say it too. "I love you too." my lips curved into a light smile, though it didn't reach my eyes.
"Come on, let's have a movie day." he said, his hands intertwining with mine as he pulled me to the living room.
He put on a movie and then sat down on the couch, pulling me with him. He put his arm around me and pulled me onto his side. His hand moved to rest on my hip and I hissed slightly, he quickly gave me an apologetic look and moved his hand further up instead. I rested my head on his shoulder and sat there with him as we watched the TV.
A few minutes later I was shivering because it was really cold and I was sitting here in shorts and a tank top, Jason noticed and had me sit up really quick.
"Here, that should help," he said after shrugging out of his sweatshirt then pulled it over my head. I slipped my arms through and snuggled into the warmth that was still inside from it being on him not moments ago.
"Thanks." I gave him a smile, it was only times like these that he was ever really nice. But that was from guilt that he acted this way, and I knew he would be back to normal soon. I was stuck with him, so I knew I should enjoy whenever he would be like this, but the price to pay for him to be like this... it would never allow me to enjoy it. I would never want to enjoy it.
After about an hour more into the movie, there was a knock at the door, I looked over at it confused and then to Jason. His eyebrows furrowed as he also glanced to the door, when whoever was there knocked again, he lifted his arm off of me and looked at me expectantly.
"Hurry up" he sighed, a little agitated.
I got up off his lap and walked to answer the door. I took a glance in the mirror before I got there to make sure my redone-makeup was still on my face from last night, that you couldn't see the bruise on my cheek that I knew was there. I sighed in relief and grabbed the door handle, opened the door, then froze. My eyes widened with disbelief and a smile took over my face.
"Ty," I said happily, but then remembered that Jason was here too and shut the door some so he couldn't see past. "What are you doing here?" I asked, my voice more neutral than a second ago.
"Is that any way to greet your best friend?" He mocked, crossing his arms over his broad chest.
"I guess not." I laughed and crossed my arms over my chest as well, glad that I was in Jason hoodie for several reason right about now. "But really, what's up?" I asked again.
"I was wanting to see if you wanted to hang out today?'' He asked, his face really eager and a twinkle in his green eyes. My stomach tightened at the sight of him, I missed my best friend. He's back but he's still so far out of reach.
"We-" I was about go tell him I couldn't, then a hand went around my waist which caused me to stiffen up a bit. Right as the sentence started to come out of my mouth, Jason cut me off.
"We were already going to spend the day together." Jason said, his arm still around me possessively.
"Oh, alright then. Maybe later?" Ty asked, his face fallen a little bit and the twinkle that was in his eyes now dull.
"Sure, whatever. Now leave, we were kinda watching a movie," Jason says not to nicely, I shot him a look that he ignored and kept looking at Ty. I also noticed the way Tyler reacted to the way he was talking to him, his fist clenched and his jaw tightened as he stood there.
"Yeah. I'll see you around, Kota," Ty said in a stiff voice but flashed me a smile, though it didn't reach his eyes all the way.
He glanced down at Jason's arm around me one more time before turning around and walking down the steps. When he was gone, Jason pulled me inside and shut the door. He looked mad, though he handled me gently. No doubt about his guilt overriding his anger because of last night but you could tell he was going to bring it up later.
~
The weekend was finally over and it was back to school, the last day before the holidays too. I don't even get why we're having school if it's only for one day this week. I walk to the courtyard and sat down at one of the tables, waiting on Jamie and Carrie to get here. When the finally do, the rush over squealing and tackle me into a hug.
"Hey to you too" I chuckled while being squished by them both so hard that I can barely breath. "Guys. Air," I choked out, ignoring the slight sting that was still there underneath the layers i was wearing .
"Sorry," they both squealed and jump back, smiles still plastered on their faces. "We're just so excited! Today is the last day before break!" Jamie squealed.
"We're going to have so much fun! We're going to go skiing, snowmobiling, sledding and ice skating!" Carrie stared off into the distance.
"And drinking hot chocolate, sitting by the warm fire!" Jamie added. "This is going to be so much fun!" they both said together with equal amounts of happiness and giddiness.
"So you sure your parents are going to be all right with us using the cabin for 2 weeks?" I asked, double-checking.
"Yeah, Totally! They're just jealous that they don't get to come with us," Jamie giggled.
"Who's jealous?" I heard a familiar voice from behind me, I turned around, and a smile took over my face.
"Ty!" I threw my arms around his neck on natural reaction.
"Hey there, Kota-bear." he chuckled, wrapping his arms around my waist and hugging me back, My stomach tighten from the warm, familiar feeling and I sighed before pulling away.
"We were just talking about Christmas vacation. We're all going up to the twins parents cabin for a couple weeks." I said, looking back at the twins who smiled goofily in my direction before they looked at each other.
"That sounds like fun!" Ty grinned down at me, still sitting close to me. My hand was itching to move and grab his like I used to do but I knew I couldn't do that now, definitely not now.
"Oh-my-gosh, Tyler! You should come with us!" Carrie suggested, my eyes jerked over towards her with surprise.
"Yeah! Jason, Damien and Matt are already going, you should totally come too! It would be just like old times with you there!" Jamie said.
"Sure, I would love to," Ty grinned at them then back looked down at me with that sparkle back in his eyes.
I wanted to smile back just as big but it got me worried when they invited him because Jason was going to be there. If we're all going to be hanging around each other for those whole two weeks, he wouldn't be able to do anything to me. I would be fine, safe from any of his anger. Sure I may get a few harsh words, but he wouldn't be able to lay a hand on me. though it still worried me because I knew how he would react to Ty coming, how he would be stuck to my side the whole time because of it.
"So when are we leaving?" Ty asked, which pulled me from my worrying thoughts and pushed them away from me.
"Tomorrow night. So pack up, we are meeting at the twins house, you remember how to get there right?" I asked him, a really big smile now on my face that I just couldn't seem to wipe off.
"Sure do, so are we all riding in one car?" He asked.
"Yep! Damien is borrowing his friends van." Jamie said with a grin on her face, which made me realize something.
"Wait a minute, since when is Damien coming?" I raised an eyebrow at her, crossing my arms over my chest, I could see the blush appearing on her face to where she almost match her hair.
"Um- well, since I invited h-him," she nervously said, tucking some hair behind her ear.
"Wait, my Damien?" Ty asked, looking at her curiously, a smirk in his eyes.
"Y-yeah" she stuttered, her face even redder now.
"Awe! When did this happen?" I asked and clapped my hands together with a giddy smile on my face.
"Well, after he showed up that one day, he got my number... we have sorta been talking and hanging out since," she blushed.
"Well it's about time that boy settled down." Tyler said with a big grin.
"We're just friends," she mumbled in protest, but the look in her eyes said different.
"That what they all say, then the next thing you know, y'all are off getting married in Vegas." I kidded, causing her eyes to go wide and the blush that was starting to disappear to come back.
"Shut up!" she whined, slapping my arm playfully.
"Aw come on twinsy, we're just messing around. We know you and Damien are only friends," Carrie said and Jamie smiled at her. "for now." she then added in which made Jamie turn red once again, then slapped her twins arm too.
We all laughed and joked around some more, making Jamie stay red as a tomato. It was great, it felt just like old times. Sadly it was short lived because we had to go to our class and Ty had to leave, though I didn't get too sad because tomorrow we would all be heading out to the cabin. This week just got a whole lot better, and to think it was only Monday.
________________________________________________________________________
yay! another chapter!! sorry it took so long for me to get it up:/
next chapter, cabin vacation time! what will happen? will Ty and Jason be able to get along? will Jason be able to restrain himself while he's there with Dakota?
until next update!
thanks for all the comments and votes!!
*Edited*
-KenZ_Dizzy95