Lauren couldn't believe what had happened. The feeling of Landon's hand still lingered on hers. She couldn't quite understand what was happening. She decided to talk to Emileigh about it later, but right now she couldn't focus on anything else except for Landon. There had been so much sadness in his voice as he told his story.
What would I have done, she thought. It takes a lot of strength, tons of courage and just a real will to live.
This only added to the admiration that Lauren felt towards him. She couldn't really explain it. And she thought about the last thing she had said to him.
I told him that he wouldn't be lonely ever again, Lauren thought. What the hell was I thinking?!
'You were thinking that he deserved to have someone in his life.' her heart told her.
Well, he does. After all he's been through, he needs someone to lean on, she answered back, sure of her answer.
'Then there's your answer. Landon's not a bad guy, Lauren. I think you of all people should know that by now. Let Landon break your walls. You know that he would do it. He has the power to do it. And he slowly is.'
No. I don't want him to.
'That's what you say now. But I'm your heart. I know what you really want.'
Lauren stopped responding after this. If it was one thing she knew, it was that the heart always knew what you wanted even before the mind had registered it. There was always truth in that. And that was what scared her the most. Lauren was already becoming attached to Landon. She felt like she wanted to protect him, to be there for him. But with attachment, comes the possibility of being hurt. Thinking about that fact, she felt her walls strengthen once again. But when she saw, or even thought about Landon, there would always be a smile plastered on her face. It wasn't the fake smiles most people saw on her face, the smile that reached her lips was a genuine one. That fact out of all these is what scared the crap out of her.
She needed to clear her mind, so she began to gather the materials to paint another canvas. When they were all gathered, Lauren began to paint. It was more of an automatic action. This time, she paid less attention on what she was actually painting than on forgetting that the whole situation was scaring her to death.
Lauren was so focused on forgetting and on painting that she didn't notice the footsteps that were clearly audible to everyone else. Lauren hadn't noticed that Emileigh was standing right behind her, yet there was no interruption on behalf of Emileigh.
Emileigh was very interested in her niece's gift to paint. Emileigh knew that Lauren had talent, but watching her paint in real life, was amazing. There was so much passion on her face. And Emileigh loved watching the picture on the canvas come alive in front of her.
As soon as she finished, Lauren looked at the painting. She was satisfied. It showed the sky between the treetops. It showed the colors and the outline of the trees. But what she realized was that when she looked at it, it reminded her of her hand in Landon's and how right that had felt.
Emileigh cleared her throat and Lauren spun around. "Aunt Emileigh. What are you doing here?"
"I was just watching you paint. It's amazing how the canvas transforms into a beautiful painting at the end." Emileigh answered innocently. Emileigh could tell there was something bothering Lauren.
"May I talk to you Aunt Emileigh? I need to get something off my chest. I need to know what to do." Lauren stood up and closed the door, making sure that it had been locked.
"What is it, sweetheart?" Emileigh said compassionately.
"Something happened today at the park."
"Oh?"
"I went to the park because, well, I just felt like going today. So I get there and I go to my usual place."
"Yes. Keep going."
"Well, I sat there for a few minutes, thinking, spacing out, looking around." Lauren paused.
"Yes, keep going." Emileigh said a little annoyed this time.
"Well, I got tired of just sitting there so I stood up to walk around."
"Sweetie? Honey, just get to the point."
"Fine...I saw Landon."
Emileigh squealed like a little girl. She had really liked Landon. She didn't know him that well, but he seemed like a very nice guy. Lauren would talk a lot about him and she knew that he had to be a good guy, since Lauren hates jerks or guys with a bad attitude and personality. "And....what happened?" Emileigh asked eagerly.
"Well, he was lying on the grass. So I laid down right next to him."
Emileigh gasped. "You did?"
"Mhmm."
"And...what happened next?"
"We talked."
"About."
"Stuff."
"Lauren, don't be silly. Tell me what you talked about."
"We talked about his dad, how he became blind and about-"
"About who?"
"About my brother."
Emileigh gasped again. If it was one thing she knew about Lauren was that she didn't talk to anyone else about Brett. Especially to someone that she didn't know very well. Brett had always been a sensitive topic for Lauren and if you were lucky she would tell you about him if you had passed many trust tests. It surprised Emileigh more than it probably should have.
"What?!" Emileigh exclaimed. "You talked about Brett with him?"
"Yes. He talked about his dad, how he was in the military so it automatically slipped out of my mouth."
"Hmmm...okay. Keep going."
"We just talked."
"Oh come on. We both know there's more to it than that."
Lauren looked at Emileigh and it was at moments like these when she hated that Emileigh knew her so well. She sighed and she finished. "We held hands, and I loved every second of it. And then I promised him that he was never ever going to be lonely again."
Lauren looked up at Emileigh. Emileigh looked shocked but there was also a mischievous smile on her face.
"What?!" Emileigh practically screamed. "You held hands and you liked it?!"
Lauren stood up with great haste. "Shhhh! You're being super loud. It wasn't a big deal, but yes."
"My baby is growing up." Emileigh squealed out as she pulled Lauren into a hug.
"Auntie, come on, now."
Emileigh let go of her, looking slightly embarrassed. But she managed to speak. "Tell me everything. Tell me what you felt."
Lauren sighed and closed her eyes. She knew she had to tell someone about this. And Emileigh was the only one who actually had seen Landon in person. "Well, when he held my hand I felt a warmth spread throughout my body. I can't really explain it but that's what happened. It first started through my hand and pretty soon I felt it spread through my whole body. I can't explain it. I honestly don't know how."
"And then when I talked to him about Brett he told me that he would be back whenever he had gotten over whatever it was that made him leave in the first place or just when he received help. And for the first time in forever, I felt like everything was going to be okay. Do you see what's wrong? I felt like everything was going to be okay! Nobody has ever made me feel like that! I know it sounds stupid but it's true. I don't know if there's something wrong with me."
"And then after he finished telling me his story of how he became blind, I felt so bad for him. But that's not really how to describe what I felt. I felt his pain, and I wanted so bad to make it better. I wanted to fix whatever it was that had hurt him. So that's why I told him that he would never be lonely again. I don't know why because I honestly don't know how I will do that? I....I don't know what happened to me."
Emileigh stayed quiet for a few minutes, taking in everything that Lauren had just told her. Emileigh smiled knowing what was wrong with her, if you could call it that. "Sweetie...you like him."
Lauren's eyes grew wide. "No. No, I don't."
"Look, Lauren. You have to forget all of what happened to you at the hands of those two. You deserve to trust again, to trust that not everyone is the same as those two bastards. You have to let your walls come down and let yourself be free to like someone again. If you don't do this now, you'll never be happy."
Hoping that that would sink in, Emileigh smiled at Lauren and turned to leave. Lauren was left there thinking about what she had just heard. It's not true, she thought. It can't be.
'Are you sure?' her heart answered back.
~~~~~~~~~~
Landon went home and saw that his mom wasn't inside the house. He had a good idea of where she was, but he didn't want to disturb her. Lance was at work again. That meant that the only person that was home was Bryan.
Landon walked up to his room and opened the door. He went to sit on his bed. He touched his left hand with his other hand. The warmth that was once there still lingered. He couldn't explain it, but he liked the feeling.
For once he actually held a deep conversation with someone. He had actually talked to Lauren about how he actually felt. It felt good to actually do that. He couldn't tell that to his mom or even to Lance. He trusted both his mother and his brother but he couldn't tell them how he actually felt. It would make them worry and then they would just feel sad about the whole thing.
And Lauren had told him something about her. She had told him that she had a brother. It had really surprised him because she never talked about him or even mentioned that she had a brother. Until now, he thought. I wonder what else she hasn't told me.
Landon shook the thought out of his head. It didn't really matter since he hadn't told her everything about him. He hadn't told her how kids had bullied him throughout elementary school and how even now he still was. He was glad that this was going to be his last year in high school. Then he'd be able to get out of Sacramento, maybe even get out of California.
He thought back to the conversation that he had had with Lauren. It felt right lying next to her. He didn't know why but he felt that he was getting attached to Lauren. Actually scratch that, he did know why. It was because she actually was talking to him. It was because she hadn't run away the first time that she knew he was blind; it was because she hadn't insulted him in the same way many others had; she had actually accepted him and no one he ever knew had done that.
Bryan walked into Landon's room only to see Landon lost in thought. Bryan cleared his throat.
Landon looked up, distracted from his thoughts as he looked up. He knew that Bryan was standing there. "What's up Uncle?"
Bryan looked at Landon, trying to figure out what he was thinking about, but he failed. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing. I just....I don't know."
"What happened?"
"I went to the park to think."
"The same place where you and your dad always used to go?"
Landon smiled, knowing well that Bryan had always wanted to know where it was, but Liam had made him promise never to tell him. "Yes. Just to think and well....I met Lauren there."
Bryan was surprised but he liked what he had heard. "Okay. So what happened?"
"I was just lying in the grass. I was thinking, like I said I was going to be."
Bryan chuckled. "Yeah, you said that. So what happened?"
"Well I was lying there and I was thinking."
"You said that like three times already!!"
"Okay, okay. I was lying there, thinking." At these words Bryan rolled his eyes, but stayed watching him. "And then I heard someone saying hi to me. I was suspicious at first, but then I realized it was Lauren."
"Yes. And?"
"We talked."
"Okay. What about?"
"Stuff."
Bryan looked at him with annoyance in his eyes. "What did you talk about?"
Landon sighed and he looked at Bryan. "We talked about me, the story behind my blindness, and her brother."
Bryan looked at him. "She has a brother?"
"Yep. It's a long story."
"Hmmmm...okay and that's it?"
"No." He looked at Bryan. "We...we kind of held hands."
Bryan's eyes grew wide. "What?!" he exclaimed. "What?!"
"Yeah. We held hands and I felt this warm feelings coursing through my body. The warmth is still there. I can't explain it. But she also promised me that I would never ever be along again, Uncle. She promised me that and I felt like everything was going to be okay. I haven't felt that since I was four. I can't explain it, Uncle. I don't know if it's something wrong."
Bryan chuckled and said, "Dude, you like her."
"What?! No....I don't like her."
"Dude everything you've told me sounds like you like her."
"But I don't. I guess it seems like that because she's the first person who has actually taken the time to get to know me. But I don't know whether or not she'll hurt me in the future. I always end up getting hurt one way or the other."
"And that's exactly why you like her. And that's nonsense."
"Uncle Bryan-" Landon started but he was interrupted by Bryan's voice.
"Look Landon. I know that it's been hard for you. That you think that everyone is bound to hurt you, but it's not true. You have to leave that fear behind and actually take a risk. If you don't take the risk, you won't ever be happy." With that, Bryan smiled, hoping it would sink in and then walked away and out of Landon's room, leaving Landon behind.
As soon as Bryan left, Landon thought to himself. I don't like her.
'Are you sure?' His heart replied.