Next destination: Cardiff. We always have a good time in Cardiff, people are really nice here and really loud, so the gigs are always memorable. Yet, I’m not in the mood for anything. I just had a terrible dream —nightmare would be more accurate— and I’m grumpier than ever. Yes, that is possible. You haven’t seen the worst of me, yet.
In my dream, nightmare, whatever; I was happy in my old flat. Oh beautiful and comfortable place, but then the door burst opened and someone walked in. Confused, I looked up and my jaw hit the floor when I saw Eleanor walking hand in hand with a guy, a tall guy that allowed her to wear high heels, with broad shoulders, dark straight hair in a natural mess, sharp features and dark clothes. He didn’t seem the kind of guy interested in fashion, the one that would go with her to the Top Shop Fashion Week, yet she was holding his hand and smiling brightly.
“Hey, Lou. This is Eric, my new boyfriend,” Eleanor said in my dream and my jaw reached the flat under mine. “I just came here for a few things I forgot. I hope you don’t mind.”
Was she for real? She had to be fucking kidding me.
“Of course I mind! You were supposed to take all your stuff long ago!” I shouted in the dream, rising to my feet and approaching her, but the brunette only dismissed me with a wave of her hand.
“Oh, please. Don’t be a drama queen again. It doesn’t suit you anymore, you know?” she replied letting go of Eric’s hand and walking past me, as if I hadn’t said a single thing. “I’ll just pick up my stuff and you won’t see me again. It’s not like I want to see you again, either.”
I don’t love her anymore, not a single bit, but in the dream, her words hurt me more than they should have. They felt like real daggers through my chest.
“You never made her happy,” Eric said and I hated that he was taller than me for a whole head so much. I utterly despised him.
“No one asked you for your opinion!” I snapped pushing him hard, but the bloke barely moved.
“Now I see why she left you. You’re like a girl.” There was so much arrogance in his voice and I just wanted to hurt him until no one could recognise him.
“Don’t say that!” Another feminine voice said and I turned around surprised to find Kay in my apartment.
What the actual fuck?
“Eleanor didn’t appreciate him, but I will. He is my baby now,” she said with a sweet tone as she approached me. She stopped only when she was next to my body, her arm wrapped around my waist. She stood on her tiptoes and pecked my lips and I again didn’t do anything to stop her!
“I’m not yours. What the fuck are you doing here?” I shouted and she giggled.
“I don’t know why you seem so upset with me when you moved on pretty fast, too.” Eleanor said coming back with a bag with stuff. “You two look cute together.”
“We don’t look cute, we look like nothing, we’re nothing! There’s no we!” I cried out and not only Kay but Eleanor also laughed at me. “Stop this! Stop it now!”
But they didn’t stop laughing at me and that’s when I woke up from that horrible nightmare. I don’t know what that dream means, I don’t want to know, I don’t even know if Eric does actually look like that or not, I only know I don’t want to live something like that, ever. I don’t want to see Eleanor being happy with Eric, I don’t want Kay calling me her baby or anything like that. I just want to be left alone.
So that’s why when I leave my bunk and I join the lads on the sofa of the bus where they are playing FIFA, but I’m not even in the mood for a match. Liam is on twitter or maybe YouTube. I don’t know. Maybe he is even on tumblr, reading fan fictions about him, the narcissist bastard. Harry is oblivious to everything with his thumbs flying over the screen of his iPhone, and something tells me he is texting Hannah, again. Zayn and Niall are the only ones playing and the blond is crushing the dark-haired one. Alex is not around, and I’m thankful for that. Now she and the other crewmembers have a different bus, Kay is also there, with Peter, Lou and Lux. The band has another bus. Being in a boy band of five lads requires a lot of buses.
“I don’t know why you even bother to text her,” I tell Harry and only then he looks up and acknowledges my presence there. Even Liam looks up at me. “You’re still away and busy. And now that she is better, I bet many blokes are after her. It’s a matter of time until she finds a guy that doesn’t have to go on tour all the time.”
“Louis,” Liam says carefully, pleading me to stop but I won’t.
If I’m miserable, if I have to feel like this… why do they have to be happy? Why can Niall, Zayn and Harry be happy whilst the girl I loved found someone better? It’s better for them if I open their eyes now.
“What? Are you telling me that it’s not possible? What about that Max guy? She won’t push him away anymore, why couldn’t she fall for a guy that is always around?”
I see the doubt in Harry’s eyes, I see his fears and I wish someone had told me this before, I wish someone had prepared me for what Eleanor did to me.
“She wouldn’t…” he mumbles but I laugh.
“Why wouldn’t she? You’re not a perfect ten, Harry, but maybe that Max guy is and she’ll pick him over you.”
“No,” he says but his voice is weak.
“Louis, stop,” Zayn asks, pausing the game. “It’s not funny.”
“Of course it’s not!” I shout. “But it’s the truth. It’s what happened to me and no one can say this can’t happen to you all too. Mila has a job now, she is successful, she meets hundreds of fans every day. Maybe one of them loves literature as much as she does, maybe someone can talk about all the books she likes with her and he can be there, a guy that has a normal life and who doesn’t have anyone making up rumours that he cheated on her. Again!” Zayn looks hurt but I’m not lying, I’m just saying the truth.
As Zayn tends to disappear from the radar of paparazzi every time we have a break, the media loves to make up even more rumours about him and his unfaithful life. Of course Mila doesn’t believe those, but it’s a matter of time until she gets tired of all the rumours and manips of his boyfriend with other girls.
“And you?” I point at Niall. “You think Alex will bear being with you forever? She has never dated a guy like you, you’re not her type. She’ll meet someone like her, with her same taste in music, someone who doesn’t bring millions of people along that will judge her for the way she dresses. He may even be in the same bus with her now while you play FIFA here!”
“Louis, stop,” Liam asks, his laptop aside and he tries to reach me.
“Why? Why should I stop? I’m making you a huge favour. You’re all here now while your girlfriends are away, meeting new people, people better suited for them. What makes you all think you are the ones for them? Because we’re famous? Let me tell you something: That only makes things worse!”
“Stop!” Harry shouts, standing up and looking at me dead serious. “Hannah would never do that.”
“Why not, uh?” I retort folding my arms. “Because you’re Harry Styles? C’mon, call her now. Ask her where she is? I bet she’s seen Max already, or any of her classmates. Ask her how many guys she’s met that can stay with her all the time.”
Harry doesn’t say anything as fear attack him. I see how his hands tremble as he pictures what I’ve told him. It’s the truth. I’m not lying just to make him feel bad. I’m telling him what is bound to happen to all of us. Being in One Direction is our blessing and our curse.
“Call Mila,” I tell Zayn now. “Ask her how many writers and fans she has met today. Ask her how many editors that work in that publishing house are inviting her for a coffee. Go, I dare you.”
Zayn looks away, knowing I’m right.
“And go and ask Alex right now if she is tired of people always telling her she is an outlaw, that she shouldn’t be with a guy like you. Ask her whether she is tired of people threatening her to leave you alone because she is not for you. You think she doesn’t get tired of people telling her she doesn’t belong with you?”
“But we do belong together!” he shouts back and I laugh.
“People don’t care about that. They only care about what they see and people don’t fight hard forever. People get tired, people look for an easy way out and Alex is no exception!”
“Louis, please stop!” Liam grabs my arms and I shove him off.
“Hannah wouldn’t do that…” Harry mutters and I see his eyes getting teary. For a moment I feel a shot of guilt, but I push it away. This is the best for him. I’m just helping my best mates.
“I thought the same of Eleanor, and look at me now.”
And with that, I break him. He looks away and runs for his phone. “Hannah,” he says in a rush at the same time that Zayn leaves with his phone against his ear, calling Mila for sure. Niall can’t meet my eyes. “You don’t like Max, do you? You don’t think he is better than me?” Harry asks next and I roll my eyes. As if she is going to tell him now.
I turn around, ignoring Liam’s piercing eyes on me and the disappointment in his expression. I did my duty, I did what I had to do.
“What did you do now, Louis?” Paul asks. I didn’t even know he was here. “Why is Niall about to cry?”
I look at Niall but he avoids my glance again, but I can get a glimpse of his teary eyes.
“I just told them the truth. No woman can be trusted. I don’t even understand why you’re married. Why? You spend so much time here, I’m sure she’ll—”
“Don’t even try,” Paul cuts me off. “Say one of those things again and I’ll feed you to the fans.”
My eyes shoot wide open at his words, images of the fans mobbing me until everyone gets a piece of me flood my mind and I’m officially terrified.
“Your wife is lovely. She is the exception. Good day!” I run before Paul can hurt me. I hide in my bunk, listening to music so I don’t have to think of anything until we finally arrive to Cardiff. Maybe I went too far with the lads, but someone had to tell them that they are not safe, that anyone can take their place and steal their girls from them. They need to be prepared for when that happens.
It happened to me, it will happen to them.