Chapter 13
Binding bonds.
Shyna's pov
Helpless!!!!! Absolute helpless am I feeling right now...
Not the kind of helpless that you feel physically.
I am feeling emotionally helpless.
On one side I wanted to kick him hard on his groin...
The other part of me wants me to hug him back. Hug him tight. Relieve him from all his stress.
His eyes blood shot red like he had actually drunk blood, his body- I mean his body language which is always active and full of life looked pale and tired which I had never ever seen even after a long and tiring match of his that I had witnessed so far. His face that usually had a smiling smirk was now replaced by a sympatric frown. He looked so vulnerable, so lost, tired and confused.
I was scared when the bell rang at 5 in the morning. I hadn't slept the whole night too. I waited for the bell to subside but the instincts inside me pushed me to open the door.
And it was him...
The first instant that reflexed upon me was to shout at him, hit him, and punch him for coming at my place early in the morning for his damn notes.
But again the way he stayed spaced out looking at nothing standing in silence softened me a bit. His silence was speaking a millions of emotions that yelled that he wanted touch; a physical reverence which I am sure is nothing about lust. It is something different, may be he'd been cheated or had witnessed something that had shattered his perception about life.
I could tell that because I was learning human behaviour in my psycho class. Also these athletes they work so hard that they have strong bodies but have soft hearts and are easily vulnerable. They are emotional too.
WAIT!!!! Wait!!!! Wait!!!! Am I expecting emotions from a guy!!!
Not Possible!!! With what I had been through, tortured and tormented by those guys I can hardly trust any breed of males.
But why am I getting easy on this one. WHY!!! On heavens earth am I letting him hug me????? Why am I not pushing him? Why is he having that effect? Why does his pain reflect something?
I stay still, let his body pressed with mine and I am not feeling sick or frustrated. Infact I want to return him the hug, anything at the moment that could return back his same friendly and blabbering self back.
"I am sorry" he muttered feeling embarrassed all of a sudden.
I did not reply may be keeping a straight face would be better. That's how I have become, a heartless bitch and I am actually happy with it.
A lonely bitch!!!!!
He was quivering his lips such that hundreds of words like popcorns on a burning stove jumping out of the heated vicinity to speak what is running in his head and he wanted to pop them all.
He wanted an ear that would listen to him.
He hesitated looking down at his feet then looked at distant place thinking, gauging something terrible and again nodding his head dismissively.
When he saw me staring at his bare torso, my main attraction being his blue denims which till his hip bones was stained red. I wondered why I didn't notice it earlier.
It wasn't just red, it was gloated with blood. A little wet too.
'WAIT!!!! Did he kill someone? Maybe by mistake...' I shouted to my innerself without uttering a single word. This surely might have got horrid expression on my face.
Next he too drifted his attention at himself
"Oh shit" he muttered moving his hands through his ruffled hair like they were attacked by waves of electric shock and fell on the ground sitting butt first folding his knees and looking at the stain of blood on his jeans.
I guess he was again visualizing the entire incidence that had led to him being soaked in the blood as a series of pained expression caused his face leaving him emptier. It was like on a dry and dull day when a blow of breeze sways for couple of seconds and leaving you back with same dryness..
I was also calculating in my mind what the red stains were all about? Was it actually blood?
Did he do something wrong? Why was he here? May be he was into some crime and the last place that any body would expect him to be is my place.
He likely understood the delirious thoughts gushing in my mind and spoke like a small kid of Montessori "I swear I did not do anything. I swear. I only wanted to help her" and then was the eruption of a thing which every guy especially a jock like Davidson would never do.
He cried>>>>>.
I walked past him. There was very little I could do to help his hurt, I am hurt so bad inside and I believe only way I can bear that deep hurt of mine is me and my loneliness. So I thought of giving some lone time to him.
Maybe shedding of some tears will let the worst in him out.
I went to the kitchen and returned after some time, not able to resist myself. Hell! I was seeing a boy/man cry for the first time.
I bent down to him offering him the glass of water.
He stared at me and then the glass of the water for some time, his sobbing had stopped by now. Drops of tears still adorning his grays which were pouted due to the reddishness in the orbits.
He took the water with gratitude though he did not utter a word but his body was screaming the words of gratitude.
He played with the rim of the glass that still had some water which felt like if he intook a bit more he'd puke it all so he lowered his head, his fingers moving on the rim of the glass.
"She was so badly hurt" he said his eyes fixated on the blood "she was mutilated, her shrieks and pains unbearable and my dad MY Dad wants me to forget about her"
He paused choking his saliva retrieving from the bile on his throat and continued "Those paparazzi they only wanted to her cover story"
My hands on their own destiny went to land on his arms "Its okay!!! She'll be fine"
I said if it would ease him a bit.
"How!!! She was f##kingly r@ped!!! That b@stard" he screamed "Damn how will she be okay and how will I know she'll be okay"
I was stale shocked at his outburst where his words were going 'he witnessed a rape'
I stood up in complete understanding what upset him sooo much. He'd now been a part of my pain.
What I had been through, he'd witnessed with his live eyes and he being a good humanbeing was largely affected by what he tends to see.
I went to my room and got him one of my loose t shirt that I knew would fit him and a pair of oversized tracks which I hadn't ever worn but had it with me. I remember buying it from one of the malls when I recently shifted to this city. I wanted to shop for my wardrobe, a complete different one that would change a beautiful and delicate teenage girl into a feisty nerd. I accidentally got suck in the mens department where few guys were trying some boxers. Embarrassed I tried to get rid of their obnoxious glares as if I am a zombie, my big specs, scar and huge hoodie always gets negative attraction from people around so I picked the first thing on the rack and covered myself with it running out of the department. Never thought that I'd ever use it...
I passed it to him. I also directed him to the restroom besides the living room so that he could shower himself.
His body seemed to relax after that shower but his eyes were still sore like he was still lost in those memories of the girl.
I offered him strong black coffee which he took more shockingly and less surprisingly.
My sudden change of behavior perhaps or my first positive gesture might have shocked him.
"I was at the hills" he was about to start and my eyes bulged out...
I knew it!! I knew about it as 'angel had uploaded the entire incident on her site. How another girl was saved from a r@pe. So what has he seen to be so upset?
Before he could complete, his phone buzzed.
He was referring to where the 'angel saved another girl. He WAS there!!!
His sudden outburst on the phone grabbed my undivided attention "NOW you mean today" he said and then moved his hands through his hair disturbed by the conversation going on the phone.
I couldn't help but hear eavesdropping.
"But you should have informed me atleast a night before" he begged.
"Okay !!okay !!! no offenses. I'll be there" he said and then continued "its difficult but I have to try. I need it more than anything" he was talking to himself more than anybody else.
He then ended the conversation.
He started pacing here and there making circles in the corner of my huge living room. I simply watched him not disturbing him to ask any questions. I knew he and his blabbering mouth would soon emit it all to me and if I could I'll surely help him with whatever it is.
I don't know why I have this urge to help him. I am such a bitch, selfcentric person yet with him I am indifferent.
"Shyna" he called me moving his hands through his hair, his face oozing stress and discomfort "Thanks for everything"
I simply shrugged.
"I think I should leave." He said and was leaving as he turned towards the main door.
"Is there anything I can do to help?" I offered, out of my own belief, against the sanity of my yelling brain I still offered to help.
"Well there's nothing much you can do to help. It's just my fitness test today. They'd select few top performers in the university. This is sort of second level and if I clear this test I'd be selected for the national team followed by sponsors, matches, opportunities and so on...." He said not very excited about it.
It was a strange display of reaction coming from him because he was a kind of person who'd get excited even if the chicken pops out from the egg. Then why he is not taking it energetically???
"You will make it" I said or I tried to cheer him.
"I doubt" he replied pouting his lips smugly.
"You are a regular trainer. I have seen you play. You will crack it." I tried to encourage him.
"Thanks" he murmured.
"Where is the cocky overconfident tee shirt number 10? I expected a bit of confidence from you" I remarked.
"Confidence my foot! What do you expect from a person who hasn't slept overnight, witnessed a girl completely naked crying to herself, a body dipped in pool of blood. Apart from that the person ME freaking me who tried to help is been suspected as the r@pist and murderer!!!!! My father wants me to be away from all this!!! Media who is supposed to f##k their asses and help the poor victim girl is only hungry for the story and the audience they'd get for the story. With all this and an unstable mind, you damn f##kingly expect me to be confident and crack the tests" he spoke in a voice louder and harsher than he ever used before.
Never ever in the premises was he famous for his high pitched language. He rather even forgave those guys who had attacked him before the finals, neither did he complain about them to the officials. Even when I behaved as a bitch last time when he was goody-goody bringing breakfast for me and being extremely nice, he got angry and left but never lost the pitch of his voice. This incident should have really affected him bad. I can understand because.....
"The girl was not r@ped David." I spat. At the moment looking at his sad and vulnerable state I could have done anything to make him feel better.
"What???'" he asked as if I spoke some alien language.
"The person who killed the attempting r@pist is ~Angel and the same person who saved the girl before she was umm..." I said casually looking into his eyes and then stopped when I thought he was more confused than anything.
The question in his eyes made me continue "there is this officially unofficial site in which there were latest news about how a victim was saved by this 'angel is posted. I visit this site often so I kind of know..."
"Really... the girl is fine. But... she... kind... looked... so pale and was screaming" he asked a bit happy about the whole saving thing and more confused about where all of that came from.
"you can assume that the behavior of the girl was a part of her aftershock" I offered my point.
He kept to himself thinking and analyzing deeply as his pointer moved to and fro and his other fist clenched tightly indecisively.
"can I see the site?" he asked like a kid asking to watch stars from his new telescope.
His eyes widened when he went through the entire site, mixed bag of emotions displaying his crumpled face hurt, pain, shock, and a bit of relief that the girl was fine. He was a bit confused too why did the female inspector suspect him if this site was that famous that even Shyna is aware of it.
"Shyna why are you visiting this site?" he asked, his eyes still fixed on the screen trying to study as much as possible.
"You should concentrate on your test." I changed his direction of thoughts.
"I haven't slept whole night and am tired too..." he mentioned giving a puppy dog face that can even melt a stone kept under refrigeration. He then murmured "I need to clear this." I could feel the sob in his tone which he quickly composed.
He believed in the boys don't cry notion I guess...
"We can work that out." The words erupted from my mouth. Though I am not the kind of person who is always ready to help. I used to be a helping person earlier, most loved, blessed by elders; sweet cheery girl but after that night. The last party, my world ended up in a doom.
"We... Work.." he muttered not believing in what he was hearing.
Voww!!!! I really have The Bitch! Rappo.
"Remember I am a sport psychology student. And you are my first live assignment." I smirked. Strange but true I smirked.
"Is it practically possible to clear a fitness test if I am not physically fit or sound?" he asked. I could see a glint of hope in his eyes. "I am even mentally transfixed"
"Not impossible either. We can always try." I turned into my professional mode. And performers do not talk.
"Have you heard about meditation?" I asked as I passed the Reebok yoga mat to him.
"Yeah when you close your eyes and sit like a fool doing nothing." He stated sarcastically but I did not budge.
"Not fooling nor are you doing nothing. You'll try and focus on a point between your nose. Just sit with folded legs. If not comfortable, sit straight. Close your eyes and focus on a point between your eyes and on your nose." I was trying to sit and demonstrate.
He sat in front of me keeping his finger on the edge of the forehead where the nose began and looked at his finger. His eyes immediately went in the centre.
"Like this?" he asked. "But don't your eyes get eccentric when you do this?" he asked again, he knew what he was doing. He was trying to be funny so that I'd laugh but I was trying to help him when he was trying to not take things seriously.
YESSSS!!!!! I did find it funny and I did press my urge to laugh which I am used to doing all these years since my life has become dead and pale. I want to keep all my emotions in my control. He however felt relaxed now and was back to his usual self so that was a good sign.
I kept my straight face. I am used to it. It helps me in survival against those memories. Earlier whenever I used to remember the first time I was bared of my dress with that knife, blood dripping slowly from my body and that green eyed f##ker sucking that blood I'd faint and lay unconscious for hours together.
I am a strong person now. I try to dismiss those thoughts and come to the work in hand.
David still in same pose with his finger on the bridge of his nose and his eyes both at a point in centre.
"David. You really want to give a try?" I said pissed off with his attitude.
I stood up frustrated again.
He held my wrist and spoke with sincerity " I swear I want. I am sorry. Please... I promise"
"So close your eyes." I ordered.
"I can't" he denied.
"Ummmphh.... You are not cooperating" I said utterly disgusted with his lack of participation.
"I didn't mean to disappoint you. Every time I close my eyes I get haunted by the memories of that girl." He said feeling low of himself.
"I told you she is safe." I repeated
"Okay I'll try." He said as if he was trying not to infuriate me any further.
He closed his eyes and I made his palms rest on his laps. He did not fold his legs like me but let them straight. He took a sudden jerk and opened his eyes which were full of fear.
"Now what did you see?" I asked sympathetically.
"Red... blood. Body dipped in blood....." He answered palely.