" I never thought our friendship would end like this, I never thought it would end at all." -Amara Abdullahi, FH.
CHAPTER TENTY TWO: Love, Heart Break and Trouble
Zubair Hassan
That night I couldn't sleep at all no matter how hard I tried. And trust me, I tried but just the thought of getting married to Amara was enough to keep me up all night. What will she say? Will she say no? Will she reject me? Just thinking of it makes my head hurt. "Hey, bro." My younger brother Harun said as he walked into my room. "What's up?" I responded as I got up off of my bed. "So I heard about it. You're getting married?" He questioned with raised eyebrows.
I let out a sigh as I ran a hand through my hair. "No, well not for a while at least and that is if she agrees to it." I really hope she does. Of course I wouldn't want to get immediately but if it's with her I'd be okay with getting married right away. "You love her, don't you? It's written all over your face." Harun stated as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Am I really that readable? "How does it feel?" He asked, sounding genuinely curious.
I don't know how to explain it, I thought to myself. I simply got up and patted his back. "You'll know it once you feel it." I tried to put in simple words. There's really no way to describe how being in love feels like. I just know that I'm in it. Man what is wrong with me? I was never this cheesy! In fact, I used to make fun of couples who were. What is happening to me? I honestly think I'm losing my mind.
Amara Abdullahi
Even though life was never simple for me ,it was also never this complicated and confusing. Right now I have no idea what I'm even supposed to do with this whole situation. My father told me not to do anything but I can't stop urge to react and do something. I can't just wait for things to clear up on its own. I've always been the kind of person who makes things happen rather than sit around and not do anything at all.
I feel so useless right now. "Hey what's wrong?" Amelia sighed as she looked at me. I grabbed the purple bean bag that was in her room and sat closer to her. "Can I ask you something?" I said, changing the subject.
"Shoot." She replied turning to face me.
"If something bad is happening to someone you care for, you would try to help them in anyway possible right? But what would you do if that person is telling you to back off? Even though you know you can't not do anything. What would you do?" I looked at her in wonder. She seemed thrown off by my question by the look on her face. "Of course I'd help them no matter how many times they'd tell me not to." She replied hesitantly.
"What's this about?" She gave me a worried look.
"Just, someone I know is going through something but he won't let me help." At least I'm telling half of the truth. You see I never really kept anything from Amelia before so it's hard for me told this in and not spill my guts. "It's okay In Shaa Allah everything will be fine. How are you by the way? Your dad being back must be a shock. I'm sorry I'm a horrible best friend for not being there for you." She looked at me with guilt in her eyes.
"You're not a horrible best friend! Okay? Truthfully I didn't want to let anyone in. There's just too much going on you know? With my dad, my mom and even Zubair and Ahmed. Did you know they fought? I wonder why though..." I said truthfully. You're fighting over a girl, those words that Jamal said that day just couldn't stop replaying in my head.
Fighting over a girl? What could that mean? Were they fighting over me? Why? All these question kept rushing through my mind yet I didn't have an answer for any of them. "Yeah, I know. Ahmed came home that day upset so I asked him what was wrong. All I could say is... just talk to him. You guys need to sort this out before things get worse." She gave me one of her I'm serious Mara, looks.
The thing is I haven't talked to either him or Zubair since that day and I'd like to stay that way. Lately I don't know what's wrong with me but when I see Zubair, I get butterflies in my stomach. And when I see Ahmed I feel nothing... I don't know what suddenly changed but I don't like Ahmed the way I used to. Before whenever I saw him I'd feel a spark you know? But now there's nothing. I mean, I knew my little crush wouldn't last forever but I didn't think it would go away this fast. I continued to sit there quietly, immersed in my thought but that was quickly interrupted when Amelia's door to her room opened.
Ahmed stood there awkwardly as he stared directly at me. Uh oh, I thought he wouldn't be here today! That's the only reason I came. "Hey, can I talk to you Amara?" He asked as he fidgeted with his fingers. "I'll be going now." Amelia gave me a smirk as she walked away. What is she doing? Talk about I've always got your back, yeah right. He still continued to stand by the door staring at me. This is so awkward and it's never been awkward between us. I mean we're Amara and Ahmed, best friends since we were five! How could things change this drastically?
"Look," He started off as he continued to fidget with his fingers. "I'm sorry for everything. I know ever since that day you've been feeling awkward around me and I get it. Although it hurts like hell... I get it. I shouldn't have done what I did I just... I don't know. I'm not thinking straight. Can we just move past this?" He looked at me with hope in his eyes.
That's the thing, I don't know if I can. Seeing him like that reminded me back to that incident. The day he got into that huge fight with Zak, said he didn't want anything to do with me and our friendship and then... left. I always tried not to think about it but that thing with Zubair was a big reminder.
"Say something please, I can't handle the silence." He looked at me nervously. No matter how much I tried to speak, I just couldn't. It's like the words just can't come out of me. This happens a lot when I'm flustered. I get all tongue tied and I can't form words. After a couple of seconds the hope in his eyes disappeared and was replaced with sadness. "Okay, I guess I got my answer." He said as he started to walk away from the door. I quickly got up and chased after him.
"Wait, Ahmed!" I exclaimed . He turned around and gave me a look I hadn't seen in a very long time. A look that I can't bear to see. "What? Your silence was enough for me." He replied harshly. To say that hurt, would be a big understatement. This guy has been one of my best friends for years...I care about him. I just can't believe that our friendship has turned into this! I never thought our friendship would end like this, I never thought it would end at all.
"Don't hate me..." I whispered in a small voice. Suddenly he did something I never thought he would do, he grabbed my hand and clung unto it as if the moment he'd let it go, I'd disappear into thin air. This is haram, I can't do this. "I could never hate you Amara. I-I love you." He confessed as his eyes stared back at mine intently.
I wish I felt the same way about him so I didn't have to see him heartbroken.
I gently pulled my hand away from him and took a couple of steps back. He looked shocked at the words that came out of his mouth. If only he would've told me this sooner everything would've changed. If he told me this when he first came back I would've been happy. But now I feel the complete opposite. I don't feel happy, I'm devastated because of the words that are about to come out of my mouth. Is everything really is going to end up like this? "Ahmed-" I was shortly cut off.
"Don't Amara. I know the next words that are about to come out of your mouth. I was too late wasn't I? I feel so stupid!" He quickly looked away. "Please," I said in a soft voice. "Please don't hate me. I care about you so much Ahmed. If I didn't have you in my life I don't know what I would do. I just need you to not hate me..." I was desperate. I never wanted our friendship to end like this. If he hated me I don't know what I would do. "I don't hate you. I could never hate you. Mara. I just need to be alone." He replied as his back still faced towards me. I slowly started to walk away, leaving him standing there. I never thought that I could ever feel this horrible.
Because of me, everything has changed forever.
* * *
The next day at school Ahmed kept on dodging me as if I had a contagious disease. He wouldn't talk with me in class or whenever he was around Hamid and me. I hate that we can't even have a normal conversation or even make eye contact. As I was on the side walk, I couldn't help but start to hear footsteps behind me. Amara, don't freak about...you're imagining the worst, I thought to myself as I tried to relax. I just need to hurry up and get to where I parked the car. Ever since I got that threatening phone call, I've been on edge. I quickly turned around and noticed that no one was there.
"That's weird..." I whispered to myself. I began to walk faster than my normal pace and that's when I heard the footsteps speed up. "Get her!" A deep voice shouted from behind me. I began to run as fast as my two feet can take and tried to grab my cellphone. "Gotcha!" A man in a mask exclaimed as he wrapped his arms around me. I tried screaming for help but it was no use, they had put duck tape on my mouth. Think Amara! I commanded to myself. I started kicking and punching the incredibly strong man who was holding me.
"Ooh we got a feisty one, don't we? Here, let's put her to sleep." The man got out a huge syringe and pocked me in the arm. Ya Allah please help me. And before I knew it, everything went black.
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