The rest of the day was incredibly uneventful. To be honest, I was unconvinced that they we were going to once again pounce onto the trio, but after PJ shouted 'Teacher!', the conflicts between the two groups died down today. My first day was actually okay, I was accepted for the first time in years. Even though I was told by the head teacher to keep my distance from Alfie, I'm not going to. He can really help me with my popularity.
When I got home however, I was interrogated by my parents about school, which I kind of expected being as it was my first day. Normally, in my old schools, I was never asked, it's like they never cared because when I would return some days with bruises, my Dad used to think it was love bites.
Not even my parents know why I'm not accepted, they don't know my secret. As a family as a whole, we're quite distance so with this slight conversation which naturally sparked, it got me wondering.
After walking through my front door and being asked three questions about my day, I kicked off my shoes, wandered down the corridor, passing my younger brother Adam's room, and hiding from the world under my covers, not even bothering to get changed.
Adam and I got on most of the time, but his problem is he's naturally an ass. He's out partying pretty much every weekend, hooking up with any sluts he can find. I think his personality has really helped me turn into the twat I'm pretending to be because when we aren't getting along nicely, he's a prick.
Recently however, we have been getting on together really well. I think the main reason this is because I let him sneak out when he was grounded as he came in home really late on a Saturday completely pissed. My parents don't even ground me because it's literally not worth it, I don't leave the house anyway.
Mum calls us down for dinner, of course I left my room first, made it half way down the stairs before deciding it would be a nice thing to do to get Adam before he got into deeper shit with our parents.
Of course, Adam being Adam, he moans and tells me to 'piss off' and that he is coming, so I run down the stairs to avoid him at all costs.
Dinner was awkward, Dad came in slightly later than the usual, saying he had 'important business related things to manage'.
My Mum and Dad have their own business, managing well but are constantly stressed, I try to help them, offering my intelligence to them but never succeeding and being told to 'shut up'. My Dad never means those things to me, it's just when he's stressed.
I was once again asked the quintessential things about my day and my new school, Adam laughed when I said that I actually made friends, he was shouted at and simply left his dinner, rang someone, probably one of his slutty girlfriends and left the house.
I finished my dinner, helped my parents out for a while before disappearing into the dark abyss which I called my bedroom before going on my laptop doing nothing substantial.
MINOR TRIGGER WARNING
I was extremely exhausted from today's events, so I decided an early night would be for the best. I got changed, went into the bathroom brushed my teeth before my eyes glanced down to a shining silver object lying carelessly across the shelf. Who left it there? I once again picked up the weapon and left it in the bathroom, but I'm pretty sure it has moved? I'm tempted, but I can't. I was once teased about it as a 'weakness'. I can't let anyone at this school find out about this. I chose to move it after wiping off an residue so people wouldn't be suspicious and put it back in the container.
END OF TRIGGER WARNING
I climbed into bed, putting my laptop on my lap on top of the covers, and putting on some music, this always allowed slumber to take me easily and really calmed me down.
I put some Green Day 'American Idiot' on, listening to 'Wake Me Up When September Ends', thinking how relevant this song actually is right now. It was the start of a new year, new term and I just can't cope with the stress another school year will bring to me. Being toured round the school was like an intimate tour of Hell on Earth yet alone sitting in the lessons.
The music allowed the darkness of sleep to once again take over me.
-
It was lunch the next day, and things today had really kicked off. Tyler had Phil pressed against the lockers whilst Chris was doubled over on the floor.
I was late coming out of my lesson so I had missed whatever had kicked off this ambush. My existence was unknown for about one minute until Troye had to ruin it. Fucking fantastic.
"Hey, Dan! Come join in the fun, mate, you're really missing out on beating the shit out of this prick!" What? I can't just beat him, come one PJ, just come round the corner, where are you?
"Yeah come on Dan, take over from Troye and take a punch." Alfie chimed.
I couldn't risk being called a 'pussy' again by various members of the school. I have to beat the shit out of someone I have to work on a project of someone. This will not go well.
I took him gently by the collar and looking to the floor. Some of the jocks where starting to get pissed and shouting things like 'do it already'. I had no choice. PJ hadn't come, I was actually going to do this.
I brought my left fist up and held Phil by his collar with my right, mouthing a rapid 'I'm sorry' to him, that hopefully no one else could see, I brought my fist to his jaw.
My world came caving in, I had hit him, my fist still tingling from the impact, he was sure to have a mark. The jocks came round and patted my back, congratulating me. The wave of guilt continuously washing over me came into realisation. I had to get away. Now.
"Yeah, aha," I awkwardly laughed, "Sorry lads, gotta go, I told, erm, Lucy that I would meet her." I thought of the first slut that would do literally anything, anywhere, that I would meet her. They bought it and I ran. Ran faster that I have ever run before. My legs taking me places my mind never thought of, I ran to the toilets. I can just wait here for an hour, that's the time remaining of this Hell. I realised I would be missing important but that can wait. I felt guilt and more panic when I realised I had Art first thing in the morning with Phil. This literally couldn't get any worse, fuck.
I slid down to ground level with self-delectation and with my body as the shock of what I had just done continued to play in my mind. I am such a dick, I beat the crap out of someone I hardly knew.
-
I had ran out of the school after the final bell and crawled straight into bed, trying to forget the world. Music wouldn't even calm me down right now, I was a mess. I hate this so much, I don't know if I can do this for the next few years of my life. What am I doing? Why does society have to mess with people, change who they are, just so one more person can reach delectation. This person who I am now, shouldn't deserve to be alive, I'm not suited for this. I just need to make my parents happy, the wouldn't want a failure of a son, like I am, the love Adam because of how he is, he's like this sincerely, unlike I, who am acting. If they can love Adam for the prick is, they can love me, right?
I woke up the next morning and instantly remembered the thing I did yesterday. I must continue. People will like me when I am like this, no, they will love me, and that's all I need. I did the usual routine and made the walk to school, avoiding everyone and everything. I missed form because I couldn't of got there because there was too many people there who had seen me do what despicable thing I did yesterday and I couldn't be arsed to the interrogation and more congratulations.
What is seriously wrong with this world? Thinking that it is acceptable to do such depraved acts of humanity and get away with it and be congratulated. I just don't understand.
I walked into Art late, not really caring before smiling to Alfie and Marcus who laughed in return and sat down next to Phil.
The teacher was mid registration, I decided this would be the best time to apologise. I knew that Phil wasn't going to take this well, I don't blame him, but I need to do this, I can't take this any longer.
"Look Phil, I'm really sorry okay? Can we just forget about it, I wasn't myself yesterday I'm sorry." That's true, I wasn't and never will I be again.
Silence.
"Phil, please don't ignor-"
"Boys at the back, Dan and Phil, please stop talking." Alfie and Marcus laughed. Pricks.
To me, and I am sure him, this was not a satisfactory apology, but now I couldn't talk.
Deciding that this was the best thing that I could do, I got some scrap paper from my sketchbook and once again wrote the same apology.
He glanced at it before returning back to the front. Crap, he wasn't going to take this well at all.
I pressured him again but this time he accepted it. He took in his hands, whilst I was smiling he had accepted it. He looked at it before his glanced turned to my direction. Phil then ripped it.
This is going to be the hardest term for a very long time...