Gee had tried her best to avoid all contact with her parents since the incident involving her grandmother and Mikey, well, breaking the illusion of being the 'perfect child', which was, of course, entirely her fault, as things tended to be.
And as Frank found himself busy, with something Gee sincerely hoped didn't involve his drug dealer, or really anything illegal, and Lindsey out with some girl she'd met last week who she definitely had absolutely zero feelings for, Gee found herself sat out in Alicia Simmons' back garden, with Alicia herself, and Alicia's dog.
Alicia's dog was certainly something special, the dog was still insanely cute despite being the dumbest thing in existence and with one those weird messed up crazy dog faces, that made her very unique.
Alicia said she loved her dog more than anything but she was a fucking gross looking idiot; she also said that was precisely why she'd called her dog Jessicka. Jessicka, however, didn't quite agree with Alicia's reasoning there, but Gee, much like everyone else, found it rather amusing.
"I really should get another dog." Alicia seemed to think aloud, focusing upon the sky: in that odd stage where the sun had pretty much set, but the sky wasn't quite dark yet - just an odd shade of dark blue grey. "I mean, who needs a boyfriend, or a girlfriend, or anyone, when you have a dog?"
Gee nodded, scarlet lips parting into a smile, "I should get a dog."
"Yeah, I mean, I'm pretty sure you could count on your dog not to get addicted to cocaine." Alicia had no chill whatsoever, and Gee found herself utterly taken aback each time she was reminded of the aforementioned.
"Yeah..." She let out a sigh, "I could," because yeah, Alicia had a point - there was no way around that, "can't count on a dog to understand me and what it's like being trans - that's something only Frank can do, I reckon."
"You also can't fuck a dog- well you can, but you really shouldn't." Alicia burst into laughter, leaning forward to rub Jessicka's head, Jessicka as in the dog, and not the person.
"Me and Frank haven't fucked yet." Gee added, sighing a little.
"So you can't fuck Frank either! Do you think maybe your boyfriend is actually a dog-"
"It's not him with the fucking thing," Gee interrupted her with a sigh, biting down on her lip and smudging her lipstick in the process, but it was dark, so whatever, "it's me. I really, I'm really fucking uncomfortable with my body, like naked."
"So you're giving up sex because you're scared of what someone who's in love with you is gonna think, like seriously when you're fucking someone, it's far more focused upon the actual fucking than exactly how good you look naked, or how good you think you look naked-"
"I get that, Alicia, I just..." Gee cursed a little as she leaned back against the wall, "it's the whole trans thing, I look like a dude when I take my clothes off. I have a cock, no boobs, no curves, and I can't hide that without clothes."
"I'm pretty sure Frank knows that, and I'm pretty sure he doesn't care, and if he did, he probably would have let you know by now, and anyway, surely, he'd get the same about his body, like you're in it together?" Alicia brought up a good point, as she often did, but Gee shrugged it off, continuing to blush.
"I'm not comfortable with myself at all - I can't look myself in the mirror naked, let alone let someone else look at me naked, and for like a long amount of time, and then there's the logistics of things, like I'm the one with a dick here, so I have to fuck him, and I-"
"Hey, hey, hey, penetrative sex is not the only way to have sex. Also strap ons, also oral sex. There's a million ways around it, and hey who says you have to have typical sex - it's just about having fun and orgasms, and you do that however you feel best." Alicia paused for a moment, "it's not really about the positions thing, is it? You just... you can't bare to see yourself naked, or let him see you naked."
Gee nodded, "and it's fucking stupid, and I fucking know it, and I feel so fucking stupid because I'm still a virgin, and at this rate I feel like I'm gonna be a virgin forever, and not that there's anything wrong with that, I just-"
"You overthink things." Alicia finished for her with a small smile.
"Everything." Gee corrected her with that an odd kind of self-deprecating smile.
"You've gotta get comfortable with your own body first, before you're gonna be comfortable with him seeing it. It sounds stupid, but you're gonna have to stop hiding from your naked self - embrace nudity, so to speak."
Gee cringed a little, "fuck I can't do that, I-"
"You can't take your clothes off and sit there alone for maybe an hour? Like not even looking at yourself, just being naked?" Alicia asked, finding herself determined to help Gee with this, because hell, Gee was great company and she really had nothing better to do.
"I have a little brother - I can't just sit in my room naked, casually." Gee rolled her eyes, cringing at the notion of Mikey seeing her naked, even of anyone doing so.
"You're making excuses." Alicia noted, "hate to say it, but you are, even if only subconsciously, but yeah. You could sit naked for an hour somewhere else if you're really never home alone."
"What? With Frank? Because that kind of defeats the point of this all? Because if I'm not at home, I'm with Frank." Gee shook her head, trying to shake the idea of this all off completely, but Alicia was deadly stubborn and there was simply no chance in hell that that was happening.
"Where are you now? Because I'm pretty sure you don't live here, and I'm pretty sure neither me nor Jessicka are your boyfriend." Alicia raised her eyebrows, smiling a little.
"You want me to get naked in front of you?" Gee exclaimed, unable to focus properly, "I can't, I- isn't that weird, I mean, I-"
"I'd get naked in front of you. I mean, we're just friends, Gee, it's nothing weird. You have Frank, and I have my dog, so like. And I mean, it's a whole new level of friendship and trust, like Lindsey's seen me naked millions of times and I only made out with her once."
"It's easy for you, though, you're confident, and you look how you want to-"
"Gee, hate to break it to you, honey, but you're not just automatically confident - I had to get comfortable with myself, I had teach myself confidence, and no, I don't look exactly how I want to, but it's unrealistic for me to be perfect - we always find something we don't like about ourselves."
"Stop making this sound like a good idea." Gee let out a sigh, shaking her head.
"Why not? It is one."
-
"I cannot believe you, Mikeyway, that's fucking legendary, oh my god!" Pete exclaimed, finding himself unable to shut up about just what Mikey had yelled at his parents in response to the whole grandmother argument with Gee, ever since he'd first heard about it, in fact, Mikey was getting pretty sick of it by now, but Pete looked so beautiful when he was smiling, even if he was smiling like an idiot - a beautiful idiot, Mikey's beautiful idiot.
"Yeah..." Mikey rolled his eyes, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips; the two sat in Pete's bedroom with some terribly cheesy playlist on in the background, which Pete insisted that he hadn't put together himself, but by this point, nothing was easier for Mikey than figuring out when Pete was lying.
"You don't sound quite so enthusiastic." Pete noted, fixating his gaze upon Mikey's with an unnecessarily high level of concern. "Is something wrong, come on, Mikeyway-"
"Well, Pete..." Mikey let out a sigh, laughing a little as he did so, "it was fucking great the first time you said it, but now I'm kind of tired of hearing you scream on about how great I am, and well, I never really thought I'd say that, but it's true."
"Oh my god!" Pete gushed, leaning into Mikey's side, "stop being so fucking modest, you're like a fucking hero, god your dad's face though, I would have paid like serious fucking money to see that- like a million dollars-"
"Pete, you're thirteen, I seriously doubt you have a million dollars hanging around just to throw in the face of time travel or whatever." Mikey let out a sigh, but felt himself unable to stop smiling; there was something addictive about that idiotic smile of Pete's, he reckoned, not that he'd ever tell him so.
"You don't know me, Mikeyway, what if I do?" Pete raised his eyebrows a little, his expression growing a little sterner as if he actually believed that he could get Mikey to believe him. "What if I do have a million dollars?"
"If you do have a million dollars then I'm really going to complain about that shitty card you made me last week - with all the goddamn glitter, man, I think I still have glitter all over my bedroom." Mikey exclaimed, shuddering a little as he remembered the card Pete had made for him at like eleven at night because he 'cared so much about him'.
"It's the thought that counts, not how much money I put into that card, anyway, not like I had to make you it-"
"You were bored." Mikey narrowed his eyes, hitting Pete with what was indeed the truth.
"Well, yes, but that wasn't the only reason, I also made it because you're Mikeyway, and I like you a hell of a lot, and also because I really fucking love glitter-"
"You know what?" Mikey let out a sigh, running a hand back through his hair, and of course, finding a little bit of fucking purple glitter as he did so, "I don't, not anymore at least. I'm beginning to think that glitter's actually even more annoying than you."
Pete pouted a little in response, before continuing to laugh, "didn't think that was possible, Mikeyway. Then again, didn't think it was possible for someone to be genuinely perfect, but then I met you, didn't I?"
"Pete, you're such an ass." Mikey shook his head, failing to listen to a single word Pete was saying, and realistically, that was doing him some good.
"Oh, but you love ass, don't you?" Pete laughed his head off, leaving Mikey bemused, more than anything, but still feeling horrifically blessed just to be in Pete's presence.
"God, you're vile." Mikey rolled his eyes, "and no, I don't love vile-"
"Mmm... okay..." Pete let out a sigh, leaning back against his bedroom wall as he considered suitable puns to use in his current situation.
"I think something's going on with Gee." Mikey said out of nowhere, after barely a minute and a half of silence had passed.
Pete jolted up immediately at that moment, meeting Mikey's gaze with a whole new level of concern, "why?"
Mikey shrugged a little, biting his lip, "more of a feeling than anything logical, I mean, instinct I don't know. I know her well though, and just something's off."
"Off how?" Pete continued to ask, biting his lip as he rid all thoughts of puns in order to help Mikey through this; he reckoned it was probably nothing - Mikey had this habit of overworrying, but still, he was going to be there for him.
"I just..." Mikey shrugged again, blushing as he found himself unable to form any kind of explanation, "there's something weird going on, like that night, you know that night- like I mean, I know I overreacted, but she just wouldn't do that, and now she's spending hardly any time at home and I just, she's pissed off all the time too-"
"Maybe she's on her period?" Pete suggested.
"Pete, she doesn't..." Mikey blushed a little, "she doesn't have a period."
"Oh fuck, sorry, I mean, I forget sometimes, but that's not necessarily bad, is it?" Pete exclaimed, speaking entirely too fast, rendering himself nothing short of an apologetic mess, but he meant well, fuck, Pete always meant well, and Mikey didn't know what he'd done to deserve a boyfriend like him.
"It's fine." Mikey smiled, reaching out for Pete's hand.
"Maybe it's the trans thing, like I mean, I don't know exactly what's going on in her head and I can't relate, but I mean with your parents and the whole grandma thing, and well, do you think she's gonna be happy and want to spend much time around them?" Pete brought up what was a surprisingly valid point.
"Yeah, but it started before that." Mikey sighed a little, "I mean I could just ask her, but I doubt she's gonna want to answer me - she's been weird like that lately, like she's purposefully hiding something."
"You could ask Frank, I mean, I don't think there's anyone in this world closer to Gee than Frank." Pete again came up with a perfectly valid suggestion, shocking Mikey.
"I thought myself, I mean, I'm her brother." Mikey let out a sigh, "I'm just worried - it's okay to be worried, isn't it?"
"Course it is." Pete nodded, "I'd be worried about you."
Mikey smiled, leaning into Pete's side as he grabbed his cellphone, sending Frank some sort of casual text message, that vaguely conveyed the meaning of what the fuck is going on with my sister, without sounding too weird, or causing alarm if Gee looked at his phone or something.
"You're such a good brother, you know?" Pete added, running his fingers through Mikey's hair, "I'd be a fucking shit brother."
"Yeah, you'd be giving people fucking glitter all the time. Your hypothetical sibling would probably behead you." Mikey laughed a little, leaving Pete to pout in a state of insanely overemphasised protest.
-
Frank was wondering if he was perhaps spending too much time around Ray.
The thing was, Ray had this odd kind of grounding effect upon him, for a start, Ray was generally just a really fucking calm person, and Frank was in dire need of those kinds of vibes right now, but it had occurred to him, even if only recently, that Ray had a life of his own, and perhaps didn't entirely appreciate Frank spending all of his time around him.
Frank just couldn't sit at home, sit in his bedroom, sit at home, in his bedroom, and think, because it was the act of thinking that usually gave him the stupid kind of ideas that went and fucked his entire life up, and Frank really wasn't quite so much of a fan of those anymore.
And there was also the fact that his mum had found this guy who she insisted wasn't her boyfriend, just a friend, this is Eric, he's a sweetheart, what a lovely best friend, don't you think my friend Eric has a lovely figure- yeah, Frank wanted to get the fuck away from that, and 'Eric' and whoever the fuck he thinks he is.
Frank also spent a lot of time with Gee, but Gee had fucking demon parents and a little brother to look after, and well other friends, and they didn't spend really as much time together as they used to, of course they still texted a lot, but maybe Frank thought this was in some way for the better, especially after the initial head over heels mess feeling had dissipated a little, and he found himself seeing Gee as more of a person and less of this angelic being who had blessed Earth with her ethereal presence and taste in short skirts.
And well, Frank wasn't even that accustomed to being fully conscious for so much of his day, fuck, for literally all of his day, because the small amounts of weed he'd managed to smoke when he'd had some time to do so hadn't nearly had the same effect as the coke had had. But, being off the coke was for the better, and Freddie could hate him for all he fucking cared - perhaps he was better off without him too, fuck perhaps Frank didn't know.
But what he did know was that he was getting severely fucking twitchy, all the time, on edge - sober wasn't fun, and Ray wasn't even the kind of person that was down for getting shitfaced drunk at every opportunity, but Ray actually still had some form of patience for him, which Frank definitely reckoned was some form of modern miracle, because he was even beginning to annoy himself.
Needless to say, he'd gotten through about seven packs of cigarettes in the past two days.
"Dude, seriously, calm down with the smoking," Ray laughed a little as he made his way back into his bedroom to find Frank curled up: knees to his chest, on the windowsill, with the window slightly open at the end opposite to the one he was curled up against, cigarette in hand, and one leg from the knee down dangling out of the window in a way that really wasn't safe at all, but by this point, Ray had entirely given up when it came to getting Frank to act like someone without a death wish.
Frank made a sound akin to that of a dying cat as he narrowed his eyes at Ray, exhaling a puff of smoke as he locked eyes with him, "I think I'll die if I stop smoking-"
"I think you'll die if you don't." Ray added, raising his eyebrows a little as he attempted to move some of the mess from his bed, in order to have somewhere to sit as he grabbed his laptop.
"Hey, so then it's good, I die either way, I'd rather smoke, thanks for the advice, though!" Frank exclaimed, leaving Ray to roll his eyes a little.
"There's definitely something up with you." Ray noted, having come to such a conclusion at least three days ago, but Frank hadn't really stopped talking long enough for him to actually voice it.
"Hmm..." Frank let out a sigh, raising his eyebrows slightly, "perhaps. What kind of thing were you thinking?"
"I don't know, man, you're on edge as hell." Ray pointed out the blatantly obvious as he started his laptop up, "did something happen with you and Gee or-"
"No, nothing really, it's just fuck, I'm fucking pissed off at everything, man, my mum, fucking 'Eric', Gee, Freddie, fucking Lindsey motherfucking Ballato-"
"Lindsey Ballato?" Ray laughed a little at that - everyone had heard of Lindsey Ballato. "What the fuck did you do?"
"I didn't do anything, she just fucking seems to think that I'm a bad boyfriend, and it's like excuse me, I'm dating Gee, and just because she's your best friend, does not mean she's you." Frank rolled his eyes in disbelief.
"Your girlfriend's best friend is Lindsey Ballato?" Ray fucking laughed at that, "good thing you don't have balls, dude, because if you did, the moment you even so much of thought of fucking up, she'd come over and chop them off."
"Very fucking helpful." Frank narrowed his eyes, finishing his cigarette, and of course, immediately lighting another, "Gee's not like Lindsey, though, she's just... fuck, I think she is becoming more and more like Lindsey... man. I love her like fuck, though," Frank sighed a little, "she told me she loves me, did I tell you that?"
"Only like seven times."
"And I think there's something up with all these fucking people, like man, maybe there's something up with, I mean, I'm kind of a difficult person, aren't I? But like, Eric has no right to come and fucking act like he's my mum's boyfriend or even knows her, and Lindsey has no right to act like she controls Gee's life, and Gee has no right to act like she controls mine, and Freddie..."
"Who actually is Freddie?" Ray asked.
Frank let out a sigh, "just some guy, some fucking guy. I don't know him anymore."
-
ok so i basically love this fic more than i love anything else in life ever tbh apart from november 1st i mean I'm trash as hell for november 1st as well as this fic tbh I'm trash as hell for all my fics and i need 2 calm tf down but i will not. vote and comment if u also dead as hell bc same !!!! lov u pals !!!