XX.
Trigger Warning - Mention of self harm
Camila rubbed her eyes, rolling over to a terrible pain in her side. When her vision cleared from the sleep, she was looking at the wall, an inch or two of the carpet covering the lower half of her view. When she scooted backwards to roll over, Camila felt a set of arms pull her the rest of the way, and her heart swelled from the memories of the previous night. "Lauren?" She asked slowly, wriggling her numb arm out from underneath her and flexing her fingers. The brunette then realized that the pain in her side was caused by the burrowing of her hipbone into the ground.
"That's me." Lauren's morning voice was groggy, muffled against the nape of Camila's neck.
"Why are we on the floor?"
"Because you refused to cooperate last night, remember?" Lauren replied again in her quiet alto. "The bed was too far."
"The bed was right there." Camila jerked her chin over to where the double sat only a few feet away. "You really couldn't have taken like, two more steps?"
"Careful." Lauren smiled as she spoke. "You're not in a very good position right now to be arguing with me, don't you think?"
The brunette immediately caught wind of Lauren's sentiments, her girlfriends hands were linked together directly on her stomach, fingers grazing the bare skin around her navel. It happened to be where she was the most ticklish. "Oh hell no. Not again thank you very much." Camila wiggled her body out of Lauren's grip, rolling across the ground and getting to her knees. "Come on, let's go upstairs. I'm hungry."
"You're always hungry." Lauren laughed, rolling onto her back and holding her good arm out above her. "Take my hand."
Camila did so, but not without an eye-roll. When Lauren was on her feet, she wrapped her arms around Camila's neck and brought their lips together. "Do we have to?" She mumbled when they disconnected.
"Have to what?"
"Have to go upstairs." Lauren clarified before leaning in for another kiss. "I just want to stay for as long as I can. In this world, where only you and I exist."
Camila grinned. "Come on, there are crazy people waiting for us up there." She took Lauren's hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze while leading the girl towards the entrance of the room. When they emerged upstairs, Camila wasn't surprised to see each of her roommates gathered around the kitchen table murmuring to each other. They stopped when the other two appeared, slowly turning and looking in their direction.
"I need a hug." Lauren spoke, loud enough for the others to hear and clear enough for them to understand. "This one made me sleep on the floor last night." Camila felt a hand squeeze her shoulder and she chuckled. Only seconds later, she was yanked out of the way and went stumbling away from Lauren. The other girls had wasted no time in wrapping the green eyed girl in a series of layered bear hugs.
"We missed you my dear." Ally said first.
"I need you like the air I breathe Lolo." Dinah added, her arms encircling the both of them.
Normani was at her back. There was a smile on her face, and her eyes were closed as if she was speaking to Lauren silently through the wavelength they shared. Camila just put on a playful scoff of disbelief before marching into the kitchen and pulling the fridge open.
"So, what's the deal with my lovely couple here?" Dinah asked, void of absolutely any shame in addressing such a personal issue.
It was something they hadn't quite discussed yet. Not that they needed to; through all the words and the kisses, there really wasn't much that needed to be said. Camila looked at Lauren hopefully, her lips curling into a soft smile. The expression Lauren held didn't need words either, it was as clear as day the twinkle of emotion that the two girls shared.
"Yay!" Dinah screeched, breaking into the harmony that had been previously established and glueing Lauren's arms to her body. "Okay, now no more of this not speaking to each other nonsense. We all love each other here. We're a family."
Camila glanced at Ally, who had one eyebrow lifted in her direction. She was smiling, and the younger girl couldn't help but do the same.
***
The drama began to recede for a second time that year, and all the girls found a way to pull themselves from the nightmarish few weeks, into a new, more focused mindset. Once the rest of the year wrapped itself up and final exams season rolled around, everyone found themselves far too busy to deal with any remaining memories from the hellish experience anyway.
While finishing up the last review class of the day, Lauren had her head propped on her knuckle, and was tapping her foot impatiently as the professor answered another round of questions from students who clearly hadn't been listening close enough to catch it the first time.
When the hands of the clock stood where they were needed the most, Lauren packed up her things and pulled her jacket on before melting into the large crowd that was bustling their way out of the building and into the warm night. She pulled her phone out of her pocket, jacking up the brightness and sending a quick text.
Lauren: Hey, just finished up. Where are you?
Only seconds later, she received a response.
Camila: The east hall. We're done too, meet me here
Lauren: Is there a reason you can't meet me at the busses?
Camila: Yep.
Lauren: And what would that be?
Camila: Its dark. The dark scaries me.
Lauren: It scaries you?
Camila: Yep.
Lauren sighed, pressing her phone back into her pocket and pulling her backpack strap up slightly so it would stop sagging. She began the lengthy walk across campus, stopping along the way to pick up a small box of two cupcakes from the newly opened gourmet shop.
When she arrived at her destination, Lauren pulled the large doors open and took to the first set of stairs to arrive at the lecture hall. When she entered, the entire area was empty, with the exception of the prof and a few students, one being her girlfriend. Camila's distinct voice was echoing softly off the walls.
"I'll get those to you tonight, sound good?" Camila was saying to a student Lauren didn't recognize.
"Thanks!" The girl replied. "You're the best."
Lauren wasn't exactly quiet while walking up behind Camila, but the girl was so invested in conversation that she didn't hear her at all. "She's always been the best." The green eyed girl grinned, using her wrapped up hand to give a gentle scuff to the small of Camila's back. The brunette gave a little jump, turning around with her hand over her heart.
"You scared me." The girl laughed. "Hi." The girl who had been previously talking to Camila was now headed off, a small wave in her direction.
"What was that all about?" Lauren asked, setting the package of cupcakes down on the table at her hip and taking the hem of Camila's shirt in her fingers.
"It was nothing." Camila shrugged. "I signed up to post some of my notes on this forum that helps out students who have trouble taking their own in class. Like ADD, or ADHD issues, you know?"
"That's cool."
"Yeah, so I have to run them by her before they're posted up there. Just to check for any spelling and grammar mistakes. Any simple math errors, stuff like that." Her brown eyes wandered over to the cupcakes, while her tongue poked from between her lips suggestively. "So what's new with you?"
"I'm thinking of getting another tattoo." Lauren said, letting the proverbial cat stroll casually out of the proverbial bag.
"You're what?!" Camila's voice was louder than Lauren had expected it to be, her large eyes flying wide. The professor at the front of the room turned to look at them, pausing the conversation he was having with a student regarding the material of the session. Lauren cracked a small smile, noticing that his glasses had slipped down on his face and he was peering at Camila like an annoyed librarian.
"Sorry." Camila squeaked, grabbing the cupcakes in one hand and Lauren's good wrist in the other, removing them both from the room. When they were safely outside and heading down the stairs to the exit of the musty building, Camila cleared her throat. "What exactly do you mean, you're thinking of getting another tattoo?" She asked, repeating what Lauren had said with an added essence of confusion.
"I really don't know how clearer I could have been."
"Ugh, shut up." Camila grumbled as she then fell in step beside Lauren as they made their way back to the south edge of campus. "Are you just going to go find any old tattoo parlour and ask them to give you another tattoo?" She asked. "What if you get some kind of hepatitis or something. New York can be a pretty disgusting place when you look at it in a certain light."
"I'll call around and find somewhere reliable. I'm willing to pay a fair amount, I've been saving tips for the entire year."
"Wow." Camila tossed the now empty box of cupcakes into the garbage by the side of the path. Lauren knew she was going to pay for that later in stomachaches, but it was well worth it. She then reached out and took Lauren's hand, their arms swinging in sync. "What are you going to get? And where are you going to get it?"
Lauren just shook her head. "You'll see when it happens."
"Wait what?" Camila's eyes flew wide again and she stopped walking. "You came all the way out here, tell me you're getting a new tattoo, then not tell me what or where?"
Lauren just laughed, pressing her fingers into Camila's side and getting her to surge forward with a shriek. "Don't worry Camz, I think you'll like it."
"But what if I don't?" The brunette asked playfully, turning around so she was walking backwards. "Then I have to spend the rest of our lives pretending that I like a tattoo you have even though it's hideous." She smirked. "Like what if you spell a word wrong, or you misquote someone." Lauren was giving her a look, so she just broke down and resorted to flat out begging. "Come on, please tell me!"
With an insistent eye-roll, Lauren shook her head. "No matter what it is you're going to have to love it. It's an obligation."
"Ugh." Camila turned on her heel and skipped away, her figure just visible through the shadow of the path. In the later hours, only a few students were still making their way two and from the dorms, most carrying containers filled to the brim with food. "Come on!" The brunette shouted, her voice bouncing around the quiet of the area. "Since when are you so slow?"
Lauren picked up the pace slightly, appearing behind Camila and grabbing her backpack to pull her in step once more. "Hey Camz?"
"Yup?"
"You really think we're going to be together for the rest of our lives?"
The question hung heavy in the air, and Lauren watched Camila's face twist in confusion, then straighten out when she realized she had implied the fact only moments earlier. Her eyes brightened, and Lauren could see the chestnut glow even in the evening darkness. "Is that what I said?"
"That is what you said."
Lauren felt her hand enveloped in Camila's seconds later, the brunette had their fingers linked together, and was giving her a hearty squeeze. "I mean..." She said, turning to Lauren. "Do you think we're going to be together for the rest of our lives?
Their conversation was interrupted when Normani came darting out of the shadows and scaring both girls clean out of their skin. Neither of them were phased by the intrusion, and the night progressed without further conversation on the topic. Normani explained she had just come from a seminar, while the two girls accompanied her on the walk home.
Lauren spent any moment where she wasn't locked in conversation to think about Camila's proposition, and was letting her gaze drift to the brunette across the sidewalk, despite their overtired diva of a roommate walking in between the couple. Camila's features had a tendency to light up into a myriad of expressions as she talked, and Lauren could hear the content in her voice clear in the air. Perhaps fairytale love came in more forms than she had thought.
***
Dinah Jane let out an audible groan, flinging her headphones off so they landed somewhere around her pillow. Doing homework on her bed came with the added bonus of a soft landing for all her precious devices. Dinah's finals weren't nearly as daunting as her other roommates, but the papers tended to take forever, even more so for a girl who's attention span ranged from poor to dirt poor.
She shut the music off, leaning back and letting the stressful silence settle around her.
"This is ridiculous, I know you're hiding something from me, and I want to know what it is. Don't you remember what happened in this family the last time we kept secrets from each other?"
Dinah frowned, sitting up and looking out the crack in her door. It was just around breakfast and she hadn't heard Camila come home from her early review period. It was surely her voice though. She sounded more stressed than usual.
"Mom, would you please just listen to me?" There were a few muffled Spanish words, her voice lined with frustration. "Fine, I was, but you can't hold that against me. You were talking about me, the guy on the other end was... yes... I understand that, but..."
Dinah didn't really believe in eavesdropping, so she got up to shut her door and block out the sound. Something stopped her though, something that Camila said that struck a particularly important nerve.
"Are you serious? You think I'm the one who's going to be ruining this summer? For gods sake, I'm not a child. I can run my life any way I want....Fine, then maybe I won't come home this summer, is that what you want? I haven't booked a flight yet, maybe I'll just stay here!" There was a moment of quiet. "Well it sure seems like it...for god's sake, I'm not being unreasonable, you're just being..."
Dinah closed the door audibly, causing Camila to do the same and her voice fade away. Something was up, and not knowing was making the girl's insides ache with concern. A few minutes later, she exited her room and padded over to Camila's, brushing past and hearing nothing. Knocking on the door, it swung open slowly to reveal a tear-stained roommate.
"Hey." Camila mumbled, opening it wider when she saw it was Dinah. "Come on in, I know you heard me crying."
Dinah lifted an eyebrow. "I heard you talking, but I didn't hear you crying. What's going on? Are you alright?"
"Just a fight with my mom." Camila sniffed, moving to the side as Dinah entered her room and sat down on the end of the bed and started using the sleeping dog as a footrest. The blonde haired girl was leaning forward, her elbows resting on her knees. "I just need to get my mind off of it. Do you want to watch a movie with me? I need to cuddle with someone, Lauren's on campus studying like a lunatic."
Dinah smiled, leaning over and handing Camila a tissue she had pulled from the box upon entering. "I'd love that."
***
The next few weeks passed quicker than expected. Ally wrapped up her exams much earlier than the others, and put all her time and effort in setting up the most elegant birthday party for Normani that she could. Dinah started sorting through her infamous double closet. Normani was busy juggling work, finals and a budding social life, yet still found time to take the edge off by paying the bars a visit.
Lauren and Camila had made themselves a home in Ally's library office, and spent endless nights shuffling their favourite playlists and cramming until striking green and smooth chestnut eyes were reflecting nothing but one chemical equation after another. Once all the testing was complete, and the household was ready to celebrate, the girls found time to do more things together, wrapping up what had to be one of the most eventful years of their university careers.
For Normani's dinner party, Camila had gone with Dinah and Lauren to pick out some options to wear. After three hours of being hauled through one store to the next, the exhausted brunette settled for a pale blue dress that stopped at her thighs and was void of straps. As she tried it on, Camila insisted that Lauren stay with her in the dressing room for fear of the mirror, while the green eyed girl muttered to herself about how they shouldn't have attended the midnight showing of Oculus on the wall of the campus pool the previous night.
"How do I look?" Camila peered behind the mirror, watching Lauren give her a scan from top to bottom multiple times. "This makes me feel like a fairy. Also a cone of cotton candy. Ugh,I could really go for some cotton candy right now. The kind that's layered pink, blue, then pink again."
"Camila and the Chocolate Factory." Lauren smiled, tucking her phone into her pocket and folding her arms. "You do look beautiful though. I love you in blue."
"Stop." Camila reached up and tied her hair into a half up half down style, pinning it at the back with a matching blue pin that featured a sparkly bow on the front. "Why do you have to say stuff like that? It makes me all blushy."
"Blushy?"
"I just made it up. Don't ask."
Camila then backed up, pulling her hair over one shoulder. "Can you unzip this? We should get going because I still need to go and pick up that loose leaf brewer I had ordered in for Mani."
Lauren reached up, grasping Camila's zipper and slowly pulling it down to expose the smaller girl's bronzed skin. "You got her a tea brewer?"
"If I have to pick up any more of her goddamn bits of foul smelling "get fit" tea in the sink, I will snap." Camila muttered pulling the dress off her torso so it sat around her hips. "I swear, that girl has a rock hard workout regime and abs to show, but even at gunpoint she wouldn't be able to pick up after herself."
"I'm familiar with Normani." Lauren grinned, watching as the dress landed in a clump on the floor and Camila stepped out of it. She now wore nothing but a bra and underwear, and Lauren was doing everything she could to not bite her lip. Instead she busied herself by retrieving the blue fabric and looping it around one of the dressing room wall pegs.
"What are you look at me like that for?" Camila asked teasingly. "You know, you really aren't all that subtle with your staring. And it's gotten worse."
Lauren placed on hand on her hip. "You can't blame me for that." She muttered, spinning Camila around so they were both looking at her reflection in the full length mirror. "Look at you. What kind of human being actually looks like this? You're an angel."
Camila tilted her head to the side, taking Lauren's hands. "I'm still waiting for you to see that in yourself."
"Camz, that's never going to happen."
"I don't believe you."
Lauren just ignored her. "You know, the last time I was in the situation, you were on a phone screen and I was on the other side of the mall staring like a lovestruck idiot."
"Oh yeah, I forgot about that." Camila turned around, grinning and sliding her arms around Lauren's hips. "And look at that, in a matter of a few months, you're now on this side of the mall staring like a lovestruck idiot."
"There may or may not be a few other things that have changed." Lauren replied happily, her hands on Camila's arms. "Come on, we should get out of here before Dinah decides to try on another pair of high heels."
Dinner went off without a hitch, although there were a few in Lauren's breath when she saw Camila. Her makeup, hair curled delicately and dress pulling at her slender frame stunned Lauren cold, and she could barely breathe when the girl planted a sweet kiss on the side of her face, leaving a faint trace of lip stick against her cheekbone. In her own black, tight fitting dinner piece, Lauren giggled, fiddling with the charms that hung on Camila's bracelet before leading them both out the door.
The birthday girl herself was plenty happy with the celebration presented to her, and Dinah had even bought her a tiara to add a splash of pizzaz to the evening. Normani squealed with glee at Ally's gift, a brand new set of watercolour paints she had been grovelling over for months. Dinah had chosen a particularly risqué outfit for the next time they went to a strip club, while Lauren had found it in her to forgive herself for her mistakes and present to Normani a sparkling bottle of fine champagne.
The Texas native couldn't help but roll her eyes and offer a crushing hug to Camila when she was acquainted with her new method of brewing tea. It seemed like everything that had happened was nothing but water under the bridge.
***
"Please?" Camila asked as she followed Dinah and Lauren from the top floor down the steps. The day marked a few weeks after Lauren's tattoo news and she was on her way for the appointment. With her broken bones healed, her cast removed and skin healing well, she was ready to get the new ink up and happening.
"I said no." Lauren lifted her newly mended hand, setting it down on Camila's head and keeping her elbow extended to hold the girl back. The trick had always worked when her younger siblings got too close without washing their hands, therefore it would likely work for her smaller than average girlfriend. Camila pouted, her bottom lip sticking out and lips curling down in a comic book styled frown. "You stay here. Dinah has Ally's keys, she's going to take me there and back, we'll be done in a few hours."
"Pleeease?" Camila pleaded further. "Come on. How about if I go with you and wait outside? I'll be patient, I promise."
"Camila." Lauren watched Dinah grab her girlfriend's arm and haul her back into the living room. "Sit."
Camila sat, folding her legs up on the couch and her arms over her chest.
"Let's go before she gets up." Dinah then had Lauren's hand, and was barreling out the front door. They nearly crashed into Normani, who had a smile so big on her face that she looked like the Gotham's clown prince.
"Hey girls! Look, I bought Riley some easter bunny ears, isn't she the cutest? You know, I think I'm really warming up to this little fuzzball. It's going to be a shame when she has to go home with Camila."
"Can't stop, can't talk, we have a tattoo to get." Dinah didn't even stop walking as she spoke, and Lauren just let herself get dragged down the driveway and into Ally's car.
Upon arrival, Lauren went in alone for her consultation, to talk to the artist and agree on the design. She was dead set on what she wanted, and the man who sat across from her in a tank top covered in tattoos was very understanding. When the inking process began, she had one hand in Dinah's who was trying her hardest not to watch the needle pierce her roommate's skin. "Have you always been squeamish like this?" Lauren asked, turning her head so her tied up hair swung like a pendulum behind her head. "Or is this a new thing?"
"Always." Dinah muttered. "Ever since I had to dissect that frog in high school, poking and probing into something wearing a pair of gloves has really never been my thing." She looked away again. "Flu season is the worst thing ever."
"We're all done." The man told her. Lauren looked down at her wrist, and couldn't help but smile. "It looks real good, just be sure to take good care of it so it doesn't get infected." He began listing the protocols and applying a healing ointment, while Lauren nodded through it and Dinah craned her neck to get a better look to no avail. "Leave this bandage on for just around two hours, make sure your hands are clean before removing it, then clean the area with anti-bacterial soap, preferably unscented. You should be all good to go, and give us a call if anything happens."
"Sounds great, thanks very much." Lauren lifted her hand, the white bandage plastered across her forearm with the sterile pad.
Unable to see the new ink for the next two hours, Lauren and Dinah stopped for coffee before the green eyed girl insisted that they sit outside at playground down the street. Perched on the swings and sipping away at their drinks, Lauren agreed to remove the bandages and show her friend the new tattoo. Dinah was sparkling with excitement as the white cloth was peeled away from her inner arm.
"Oh my god, that's so awesome!" The Polynesian girl exclaimed when she saw the ink. "Oh, its so simple and so perfect for you!"
"Thanks."
"Holy shit, and Camila's going to love it so much, I promise you this kind of thing is right up her alley."
"You think?"
"Honey, I know."
Lauren grinned, thankful for Dinah's support anytime she needed it. A few moments passed, and she fiddling with the sand that was now sifting between her toes. "You know it's crazy, the fact that this year is almost over. I feel like it just started, and now we're all packing to move back home for the summer."
"Yeah..." Dinah reached down and buried the bottom of her now empty cup in the sand. "Remember back in the fall when we decided to go and crash a party that some freshmen had planned out for frosh week?" She asked with a massive grin on her face.
"Oh my god, and Camila would not stop trying to convince us that it was a bad idea..." Lauren laughed. "And she ended up throwing the first pie."
"Or when Normani tried making pot brownies."
"And now we can't use the bottom rack of the oven without our pizzas smelling like weed." Lauren chuckled again. "This year has been crazy."
Dinah looked at her; brown eyes turning a gentle amber under the sun that streamed through the thin layer of cloud. "It has. And for you more than all of us Lo."
Lauren sighed, her arms curling around her knees. She felt her body teeter on the swing, before she took deep breath to steady herself. "And now it's coming to an end. God I'm going to miss all you guys."
A squeak next to her signalled that Dinah had pumped her legs on the swing, and was now floating back and forth on the seat. The old mechanics of the playground meant that everything around them creaked and heaved no matter who it was using them. "Do you have plans for the summer yet?" She asked.
"Not yet."
Dinah sighed. "You know, I really don't know whether I should be telling you this, but I might have overheard Camila the other morning, and she sounded pretty stressed. More stressed than usual." Dinah stopped for a moment to pick her to-go cup up once more.
"Really?" Lauren lifted an eyebrow. "What did she say?"
"She was talking to her mom, saying something about ruining the summer.... Keeping secrets... Not being welcome home. She just sounded really distressed, I know there's more to the story, but from what I heard it seemed awful serious." Dinah sighed. "I don't know, you're really good for her Lo, you've really changed her this year. And I know you two will spend time together this summer, I'm just worried about her."
"I know what you mean." Lauren curled up her legs so her entire body swayed in time with the swing. "Maybe I should talk to her."
"You should." Dinah hopped off the swing before looking up at the sky. "Come on, let's go back home. I think it's just about to rain out here, there's a reason all the kids just went inside."
Lauren looked up. Clouds had gathered just above them, a bundle of grey and white that threatened precipitation fairly soon. It hadn't been long since they arrived, but whatever sun that had been there before was now gone. "Tell Camila to meet me here." She told Dinah. "Don't worry about the rain, we'll be fine."
"Will do." Dinah said as she got back into the car with just a hint of a wink.
Camila was right where she had been when they left, curled up like a cat in the small patch of sun that was streaming through the window with a book in her hands. When Dinah walked in, she first saw Riley, sitting in the kitchen with a pair of large white ears strapped to her head. The blonde rolled her eyes, then headed forward and scooped her up, grinning at what had to be the cutest thing ever. "Hey Mila, Lauren's all done. She wanted to meet you over at the playground down the street. You know, the one just outside of the elementary sch...-"
The Latina was out the door before Dinah could even finish.
"Lauren!"
Camila bounded toward the playground. She had her green jacket on, the same one they had worn to their first date, and the curls in her hair were just now falling out from the previous night. Scampering up the slide and nearly losing her balance multiple times, Lauren reached forward and grabbed had her arm in a solid grip, pulling her the rest of the way. When Camila was safely on the play-structure, and they were both shielded by a large plastic dome, she knew that Camila was seeing nothing but pure adrenaline on her face. "What did you get? Where did you get it? Can I see? Did it go alright?"
"It went fine." Lauren had her inked arm still hidden with the sleeve of her jacket.
"Lauren, show meee" Camila begged before cracking each of her knuckles in a line. "Please?"
Lauren made the same face she always had when Camila performed the habit. "Oh my god, did you put extra sugar on your breakfast cereal this morning or something? What's gotten into you?"
"I'm excited." Camila sat back on her knees, her finger drumming on her lap impatiently. "You know I've always wanted a tattoo as well? I never really say it, but I do." She waited as Lauren pulled her sleeve up and held her hand, with her palm down and fist closed, out to Camila. The brunette took it in her hands, turning it over carefully. Her eyes widened when she saw the tattoo.
On the inside of Lauren's forearm, just below where the inner crease of her elbow met her bicep were two lines. Perfectly straight, scientifically crafted heartbeat lines, identical to the ones Camila had seen run across the monitor in the hospital. They weren't the exact same; small changes in width and height made them different, yet complimentary. She had placed them right at the base of the white scar, the white lines curved, and continued into the tattoo. "Oh my god." Tears rushed to her eyes the moment she saw the ink, and she clutched Lauren's hand. "This is so beautiful."
"You actually inspired me." Lauren said to her, just as Camila reached up and brushed her fingers over the skin gently. The tattoo was still outlined in red, and she felt Lauren wince under her. "When you told me the machine flatlined... and I told myself I wouldn't let that happen again." Camila watched Lauren gaze down at her arm. "I want this to be a reminder of that. And a reminder of you."
Camila lurched forward without a sound, pushing Lauren back against the metal bars of the playground and dampening the girls shoulders with her tears. Whether it was the emotion from the night in the hospital, the way their relationship had been so magical over the past few weeks, or Lauren's compassion she didn't know, but it made her cry like a baby. "It's so beautiful." Camila mumbled, just as Lauren held her back and began brushing away the tears. "You're so beautiful, I love it."
"I'm happy you love it." Lauren cracked a small smile, waiting for Camila to clear her eyes and mirror it.
"I'm a little surprised you didn't tattoo over the scars." Camila's voice became hushed, despite there being no one else around them. The sound of the rain began to drown her voice out. "You know, so that no one could see them anymore."
I thought about that." Lauren admitted, turning her arm up again so they could both see the tattoo and the scars. I get that some people may want to cover it all up. Forget and move on... but I don't think I want that."
"Really?"
Lauren nodded slowly. "When I look at my arm like this, I go back to the time it all happened. I think about how terrified I was, how awful it must have been for the people who were helping me, how badly it hurt. I got through it all without my parents even knowing... I didn't do it alone. This is such an important part of who I am. My life, my issues, this endless uphill battle. I'm not hiding any of it." Lauren said, looking at her girlfriend lovingly. "You can't mask your demons Camz, no matter how hard you try."
Camila reached out and ran the pad of her thumb over the white, ridged skin. It blended so well with Lauren's fair complexion, yet when she looked for it, it was always there. "I understand." She nodded. "That makes sense... you are as brave as I made you out to be."
Lauren's eyes glowed. "I thought we had established that wasn't the case." She said tentatively.
"I never established that." Camila countered with a smile, wiping her eyes.
Shaking her head with a smile, Lauren knew that this was as good a time as any to address her girlfriend. "Hey, I've been thinking..."
"About?"
"About this summer."
Camila shrunk back, noticing that the rain was now down at a steady rate, and making a fair tapping sound on the plastic above them. She took Lauren's wrists and pulled her away from the edge so she wouldn't get wet. "I've been thinking about it too." Camila admitted. "And I promise, whatever you want to do is good with me. Absolutely anything. I don't care what end of the country I end up in for the summer, as long as it's with you."
She watched Lauren's face twist in concern right as she finished.
"There's something I want to talk to you about." Lauren told her carefully. As the capacity of rain increased, so did Camila's nerves.
"Sure. Anything."
"Okay." Lauren took a deep breath. "You remember when we weren't talking, and I was really sad and messed up?"
"I recall the feeling."
"Well I was talking to a lot of my friends though those few weeks. After grad, a lot of us scattered all over the country. One of my friends... Lucy, suggested that her and I as well as a few others take a trip down south. Her dad is in the music industry down there, and he could get us a place for free... Cabo to be specific. In Mexico."
Camila bit her lip. "Mexico?"
The minute she opened her mouth, Lauren had propped herself up as well and grabbed her hands. "Camz, I don't have to go. I know things are weird with you and your family right now, I can tell Lucy that I have to cancel, and just give my ticket to someone else. There have to be a million people I know that could use a ticket down south."
The brunette was conflicted. On one hand, she wanted Lauren to be happy, and she needed her girlfriend to take the time for herself. On the other hand, Camila knew she was going to need Lauren by her side to get through the impending hurricane that was her life. It was times like this when the Latina knew that putting the people she loved before her was the most important thing. She had done it before, and she could do it now.
"No." She said, her mind going completely blank, with the exception of her love for Lauren.
"No?"
"No." Camila said again; more sure of herself this time around. "I want you to go."
Lauren looked at her with a set of big, curious eyes. "Camila, are you serious?"
"I'm so serious." Camila nodded, completely sure of herself the third time around. "This year... actually this semester has been so crazy for you. You need some time away, and I think this'll be the perfect time to take it. You need time away from school, away from this city, away from your parents. Just time to let go, and enjoy yourself with your friends. You know I'll be waiting on your doorstep the moment you get back."
Lauren looked down. "But you'll be at home."
Camila shivered. "Maybe not." She admitted. "There's actually something I wanted to tell you as well." The brunette almost saw Lauren's eyes flicker, but figured she must have imagined it. "I talked to my mom a few days ago." Camila began. "I confronted her about the whole phone call thing, and it didn't go well."
"Are you alright?"
"I figured I'm going to have to be." Camila muttered. "But all it means is that I might need to spend a little more time here this summer. I might end up even looking for work. I— I just don't know if I can handle being back there right now."
"But what about Sofi? She told me about how excited she was to have you home at the end of the year..."
"Sofi is a strong girl. She always has been. She'll understand." Camila felt a pang of sickness when she thought about her little sister, but forced it down as far as it would go. "Maybe it won't be the entire summer. Maybe a little more time may make it go away."
Lauren looked her straight in the eye. "You've been saying that for a long time now, haven't you? A little more time makes things go away..."
Camila felt her shoulders grow heavy with shame. "I have. It's just... that's the way I was wired. You know that about me... I hate confrontation more than anything."
"I know you do." Camila watched Lauren cross her legs, and she did the same. They only sat a few inches away from each other, and Camila was still fiddling with Lauren's freshly inked arm in her hands. "Trust me, that's not something you have to explain to me anymore than you already have. I saw it with Austin, I saw it with your father's gift... I've seen it lots of times before. But I want this to be different for you." Lauren's voice held nothing but sincerity.
"When I refused to leave my room, you taught me that sitting around and waiting for your problems to go away isn't a quick fix. You forced me to talk to you... and I wouldn't ever have done it if you didn't snap at me like that." She smiled. "I don't have to go to Mexico... I want to be with you, and stand behind you when you figure all this out."
"Hey." Camila's voice was a playful stern. "I love that you care so much about me, but remember what you said back in the park?"
"What?"
"You told me that you would try not to coddle me." Camila grinned. "You said you would try to be less protective."
"I said I would try." Lauren emphasized.
"Then try." Camila went up on her knees and linked her arms behind her girlfriend's neck, leaning towards her. "Please. I want this to be a time when you try." She stopped for a moment. "And you're right. I need to stop running from my problems, and this is the perfect chance for me to do just that."
"So does this mean you're going home?" Lauren asked up at her.
"If it means you'll go to Mexico and have an amazing time."
There was a moment of quiet, and the girls both caught themselves staring at each other, the air crackling with a tension infused with love. "I'll do it." Lauren nodded. "I said I'd try. So I will."
"And if you try, then I will too." Camila smiled. The rain came down in sheets now, and she had to flip up the hood of her jacket, leaving her curled brown hair tumbling out and down her shoulders. She then felt Lauren's hand, removing itself from hers and pressing warm against her cheek.
"You're so beautiful." Lauren murmured, pulling Camila down to her and planting a soft kiss to her lips. "Have I ever told you that?"
"Every single day." Camila said back, trailing her lips from Lauren's over to her cheekbones. She snuggled against the other girl's body, Lauren's weight fully supporting her. "You tell me every single day."
Lauren lifted an eyebrow. "Well I mean it every single day."
"Do you?"
"I do."
The second Lauren's lips met Camila's, the brunette was pulling away and getting to her feet. The rain around them didn't seem to want to let up anytime soon, so she took Lauren's hand and gave it a squeeze. "You told me you wanted a fairytale relationship... didn't you? Like something you only see in the movies? A perfect love story?" The girl asked as Lauren stared at her with a look of confusion mixed with desire.
"Yeah, I think I did... but what are you going to do?"
"Come with me."
Camila didn't think twice before yanking Lauren off the playground structure and onto the damp sand. Her heart was pounding, and just as Lauren landed swiftly beside her, she pulled the girl straight into the rain.
"Camila, why aren't we waiting out this storm?" Lauren asked, pulling her own hood over her head. "Are we trying to get sick again?"
"Kiss me."
Lauren's clothes were soaked through in a heartbeat, and she only kept her hood up to shield her hair from the merciless torrent of freezing water. When Camila demanded the kiss, Lauren laughed, understanding immediately what the smaller girl was getting at. In three swift beats, Lauren removed her own hood, took Camila's down off her head and cupped the girl's cheeks in her hands.
Their lips met in a heated kiss, the warmth of the contact creating a stark contrast with the chill from the wind induced rain. Camila's lips parted before hers as well, and Lauren wasted no time in intruding upon the brunette's mouth with her own. After ages of nipping, tugging, and bathing in the taste of raspberry gloss on her lips, Lauren sighed. This was where she needed to be.
Camila felt her breathing increase when Lauren removed her hood, cold water beginning to soak though her hair and run down the back of her neck. Her arms slid through the opening in Lauren's jacket, gripping the back of her t-shirt underneath and balling her fists with lustful desire. Their mouths clashed, and the heat from her lips radiated into her chest, shoulders, then spine.
She remembered their first kiss. The way Camila had laid drunkenly on the counter of Ariana's house, Lauren hovering over her as nothing but a blind promise of the love that was to come. She remembered when she had laid drunkenly in an unfamiliar bedroom; eyes that burned with vendetta gazing down at her, claiming her in a fit of misogyny and immaturity. Through all the chaos, she knew that Lauren was standing not far away, a blur of feral eyes and hateful snarls.
"I do." Camila said the moment they disconnected. Both girls were soaked through, clothes, hair and bodies completely taken by the rain.
"You do what?" Lauren replied, threading a hand through her damp hair and pulling the matted mess to the side.
"I do think we're going to be together for the rest of our lives." Camila then clarified, leading Lauren's eyes to brighten instantly. "I don't think there's anyone else in this world that I could ever be with after being with you. No one."
And those words were the words that made Lauren Jauregui's heart speak the dreams she had only ever envisioned in her mind.
***
"Oh my god this is insane!" Ally had both hands clasped to the side of her head. She was staring down at the living room, which was now covered in clothes of every colour that had seemingly exploded from Dinah's room. The blonde girl was seated right in the middle of the clutter, folding one bra after another.
Meanwhile on the other side of the room, Lauren and Camila sat in a cuddly pile on the couch, and Normani was in the kitchen, finishing up her third cup of tea in the last hour.
"DJ, are you literally going to haul all this crap back to Santa Ana?" Ally asked Dinah. "I mean do you really need all these clothes? You're only going to be away for a few months."
"A few months?" Dinah asked incredulously. "A few months needs clothes Ally, some of us just can't be seen at the gym wearing the same tank top two mornings in a row."
Camila groaned from where she lay splayed atop of Lauren. "Dinah, you don't even go to the gym." She teased playfully. "And the last time you did, you wore that ugly Christmas sweater. Face it, you can say what you want, but you really don't care about how you look to others, do you?"
Dinah shrugged. "I try to set a good example for my little siblings; we learn from each other. I mean if Regina can go around wearing a pair of electric green butterfly wings to the most expensive restaurant in town, then I think I can go to the gym with an ugly Christmas sweater."
"You're such a sweetheart." Lauren replied with a grin.
"As sweet as she is..." Normani mumbled, poking her head into the living room. "This room looks like the set from the Wizard of Oz... after the tornado that whipped up poor little Otis."
Ally turned to her roommate. "You mean Toto?"
"Toto, Otis, same thing."
"Isn't Otis the dog from Garfield?" Camila asked, stretching out and purposely whacking Lauren in the neck. The green eyed girl caught her hand, lacing their fingers together and pulling her just a little closer. "You know, the one that looked like it had some kind of mouth issue, and hops around instead of walking?"
"That's Odie." Lauren clarified, chuckling underneath the girl.
"I wonder if at Christmas time, everyone in that household sings Odie to Joy." Ally giggled, leaning against the wall and watching Dinah fumble around and fold a sweater that was marked with a high school insignia.
"I'm going to miss you girls." Dinah sighed from the ground. "I know it's only going to be a few months, but we all better call each other all the time okay? Lauren and Ally, for your birthdays we're going to have to do a group Skype session again, so clear your calendars."
"And what about your birthday Dinah?" Ally asked, grinning.
"Oh, I'll be expecting your gifts in the mail within the span of five to seven business days around it." Dinah laughed, flipping her hair back behind her shoulder dramatically. "No skimping out now ladies."
"Are you two going to be together for Lauren's birthday?" Normani asked as she looked over at Camila while grabbing a spoon and stirring the steam around her cup. "You should find a way to meet halfway across the country. Like one of the Carolinas."
"Ooh, maybe we could all go road-tripping to Miami!" Dinah exclaimed from the ground. "We could all hang by the beach, maybe spend a week sipping alcohol from a swim-up bar!"
"Ugh, I would love that." Ally gushed. "I went on a vacation to Miami when I was really little, it was for my older brother's graduation."
While the other three began rattling off all the things they were going to do when visiting the sunshine state, Camila turned to Lauren and pulled out her phone. "My mom called me a few hours ago." She told her girlfriend. "She says Riley's adjusting well, she did a really good job on the drive over and is settling in at home."
"That's good to hear." Lauren gave Camila's shoulder a little squeeze. The brunette had been freaking out over getting the dog to Michigan for the past few days. She couldn't believe that her mother, who rarely had the time to do favours, had offered to road trip down and pick up most of her things as well as the rambunctious puppy. Now all Camila needed to do was jump on a plane home. "I bet that's a relief for you."
"It is." Camila nodded, cuddling against Lauren's chest. "It'll be good to see her when I get home."
"Is she going to stay there next year?" Lauren asked tentatively. A part of her was going to miss having the mildly tempered german shepherd that brought an air of sunshine and happiness to the house.
"I'll find a way to bring her back." Camila replied. "Wherever I go, that dog is going to go. I promise."
"I think the girls will be happy to hear that." Lauren grinned, gripping Camila's waist and brushing at the skin under her shirt. "They love her."
A shriek broke their conversation, and both head whipped around to see Normani draining her cup and Ally jogging her way upstairs. "Shit, Mani, we have to go! Is your car in the garage?"
"Yeah, it's all good. Hey Camren, can one of you call a taxi?"
Camila shuffled up off Lauren, her phone already out of her pocket a second time. She dialled quickly, just as Lauren got up and helped both girls haul their suitcases down the stairs and to the front door. When Camila finished up, Dinah was on her feet as well, and every member of the house was gathered.
"Have a safe flight, call me when you get there, okay?" Lauren was telling Normani, just before a long, silent hug. They began murmuring to each other softly, the words inaudible to the others.
"I'm never going to fucking forget this semester." Camila said to Ally, whom she quickly bundled in her arms. "I love you, I couldn't have done any of this without you."
"You were incredible." Ally replied quietly, her eyes catching Dinah's only seconds later. "I've seen you grow so much this year, it's amazing." When they pulled away, Ally addressed everyone at once. "I've seen you all grow this year, and I couldn't be prouder of my girls."
"Aw Ally." Dinah threw herself at the older girl, who had to catch her balanced before returning the hug. Normani stepped over to Camila, her eyes moist from the conversation with Lauren.
"Take care of her, okay?" She said to the brunette, one hand on her shoulder. "Make sure she doesn't get away again."
"I will." Camila nodded before Normani pulled her into a fierce hug. "Thank you for everything."
Dinah and Normani exchanged lengthy, tearful goodbyes, while Lauren and Ally finished up as well. When everything was said and done, and the luggage was all loaded into the taxi, Dinah Lauren and Camila gave the girls one final round of shouting and waving before watching the car vanish into the mild traffic.
"Wow..." Dinah was wiping her eyes. "I don't know what I'm going to without you guys..."
"The time is going to fly by." Lauren smiled, a hand on the blonde girl's shoulder. "I promise, soon enough you're going to be sick and tired of us all over again."
Camila jumped on Dinah's back, forcing the girl to carry her back to the house and finish up her packing. A day later, she too was at the front door and ready for her ride to the airport.
"Whatever you ladies end up doing, you better do it together, okay?" Dinah asked the two of them, her voice serious. "If not, I will walk across this damn country and glue you together by the hips."
"I feel like you're serious..." Lauren had a sly smile on her face, while Camila was barely holding it together.
"I'm so serious."
"I hate goodbyes, I can't do this." Camila bounded forward and threw herself into Dinah's arms. "Please don't leave me."
"I love you." Dinah began squeezing the life out of her roommate just as the taxi let out a beep of the horn. She grabbed Lauren by the collar and pulled her into the hug as well, curling them both close. "I've worked hard on this damn relationship, so you two better be together when I see you again, understood?"
"Understood." Lauren separated first, her hand on Camila's shoulder trying to pull her away. "You too alright? Call me the minute you land."
"I will." Dinah smiled, looking down at Camila, who was nestled against her chest with a death grip around her torso.
"Camz, she needs to go or she'll miss her flight." Lauren tugged a little harder, her hands on the girl's tiny waist.
"Don't go." Was all that Camila could murmur.
"Camila, come on." Lauren smiled at Dinah, who was looking down lovingly. "You'll see her as soon as you know it. We can both call her when she lands in California."
The taxi beeped a second time, and Lauren took Camila's shoulders while Dinah ruffled the top of her head. "Camz, release." She commanded softly, a little more urgency in her voice. Camila's grip increased, and Lauren had to yank her off the blonde so she went tumbling into her arms.
Camila stood with a sad look on her face as the second taxi took off. She felt Lauren's lips on her temple and chilling voice in her ear.
"And then there were two."
***
The next day consisted of nothing but packing, deciding which articles of clothing would be best for a week spend down south, and doing a thorough clean of the house. Lauren's plan was to fly to Miami, connect to Mexico with her friends, then do a direct back to New York to retrieve the rest of her belongings. Once that was done, she would figure out what the next steps were. Meanwhile, Camila had a two hour flight home later on the same day, and her luggage only consisted of one carry-on and a small backpack.
The girls spent the last night in New York reminiscing, watching corny TV shows and kissing until their lips were swollen. Twenty four hours passed, and Lauren's taxi was only minutes from arriving.
"Are you sure?" Lauren asked, taking the girl's hands after her backpack was securely on her back, and her one suitcase was sitting on the front steps. "I can still back out of this, I want to make sure you're completely alright with going home on your own."
"I'm going to miss you, but I'll be alright." Camila nodded. "I will, I promise." She walked Lauren out to the car, her heart beating like mad with every step she took away from the empty house. "You'll give me a call when you land alright?"
"Every day Camila." Lauren reached up and pressed a warm palm against her cheek. The wind picked up around them, and Camila felt a chill rock though her body at the sudden drop in temperature. "Whatever happens, whenever you need to talk - I want you to call me. No hesitation."
"No hesitation." The brunette promised. "And you do the same."
Lauren nodded, dipping down and planting a firm kiss to Camila's lips. The touch wasn't anything further than a reassuring peck, but it spoke to both of them for miles. The taste of salted tears were on Lauren's tongue when she pulled away, and melted into embrace so strong it had her lifting the heels of Camila's feet off the ground.
Wrapping her arms around Lauren's neck and brushing at her tattoo, Camila couldn't help but let loose a few tears of her own, her eyes squeezed shut against Lauren's neck. Holding each other for only a few short moments, Lauren broke away and dipped into the backseat of the taxi. Camila had to breathe deeply as it vanished in the same direction as the others.
She returned to the house quietly, closing all the blinds, organizing her things and writing a quick, professional letter to the landlords to notify them of any repairs that needed to be done. Leaving the note near the microwave, Camila gathered everything she needed and turned off the lights, then sequentially locked each girl's bedroom door. When her taxi had arrived and Lauren had texted that she was just waiting at the gate, Camila directed the driver to her terminal, pressed her earbuds into her ears and made her way to the gates of her own tornado.
Lauren watched the house fade away, waiting out the ride to the airport while scrolling through the numerous selfies that Camila had taken on her phone before they parted ways. There was something about the situation that made her sick. Something was wrong, and Lauren could only think of attributing it only to nerves before flying. Arriving at the airport, the Latina collected her boarding pass and went to grab a quick drink before checking her luggage.
As she sat in the small airport cafe and sipped at a green tea latte, Lauren propped her feet up on her four-wheeled suitcase and just stared idly at the logo. After observing two families with screaming children, one couple that was huddled in conversation, and another who just couldn't stop sucking face, Lauren nearly slapped herself. What the hell am I doing? The girl asked her mind angrily as she got up and tossed her empty cup into the nearby trash. She checked the clock on the wall, praising a deity momentarily before taking off to a whole other airline. A new ticket in one hand, her luggage safely checked, and phone in the other, Lauren breezed through security and made her way to the gate.
Camila had her hands stuffed in her pockets and her head down as she focused on the lyrics in her head. After squeezing her way through the crowds, and jumping on every moving sidewalk she could find, the brunette arrived at her gate. It was a familiar scene; the girl was a veteran on this particular flight, and she knew that the plane boarded at the exact same gate every time. Descending the final escalator, a flash of familiarity caught her eye. Before she knew it, her feet were carrying her straight across the open area and gravitating towards something her mind could barely comprehend.
Lauren was sitting on the floor, her knapsack just by her feet and back leaning up against the window. She had her earphones in, and her attention was taken by the phone in her hand. The patter of converse on squeaky floor had her looking up, and getting up only milliseconds later. Camila jumped into her arms, legs wrapping around her hips and arms linked behind her neck. Lauren took her weight comfortably, her own features buried against the smaller girls hair and arms linked underneath her backpack.
"You're here." Camila mumbled. "Why are you here?"
"I couldn't do it Camz, I don't care what you say." Lauren murmured in response. Her lower voice was breaking multiple times, wavering as if she was dancing on the verge of tears. "You can tell me to go wherever you want. You can yell at me, and snap at me, and insist that I need to relax... but in the end, I'm going to do what my stupid heart is telling me to. I'm going to go wherever you go. I don't care where that might be."
Lauren was afraid for a moment that Camila was going to end up being angry. That she wouldn't be welcome, and that she had made another colossal mistake due to poor judgement. But when the smaller girl moved away, planting her feet on the floor and rushing forward a second time so she was curled in Lauren's arms, the Miami native knew that things were different this time. She brought her arm up, cupping the back of Camila's head and muffling the girl's uneven breathing into her shoulder.
"Thank you." Camila whispered. Her body was shaking, her mind only just able to comprehend just what it meant for Lauren to be here. "I know I'm going to need you here with me. Now more than ever." She sniffed a few times, lifting her head and looking into Lauren's shimmering eyes, alive with colour. "I love your stupid heart."
***
A/N: Son of a bitch the fluff is real. Also we're officially at Chapter 20. That's a crap load of chapters considering the lengths, so thank you to those of you who have put up with this story. All of your messages and such are wonderful, and it's so flattering to know that people are actually reading this junk.
Thanks for reading guys, love you lots.
~Rory
P.s. #WorthitVMA - lets finish it off strong (: