[Ch. 59] Tying Up Loose Ends (Part 1)
// Ayanna's Point of View
I probably ended one of the truest friendships anyone could have in a lifetime the moment I decided to shut Jiro out. But that was the consequence I had to pay. Ayaw ko nang saktan pa siya. I didn't want to drag him with my issues anymore. He never deserved this.
Alam ko na dapat ay magalit ako sa kaniya. He didn't tell me that one thing that would have changed so many mistakes two years ago, but I couldn't make myself hate him. Nagbabadya pa lang ang pamumuo ng galit sa dibdib ko ay agad nawawala iyon sa tuwing naalala ko ang mga ginawa niya para sa akin. A single mistake could never equate for the refuge and the friendship he had given me. That, I'd never forget.
I was lost in my thoughts as I was on my way home, few blocks from our street, when I heard a familiar voice calling my name. Sa iilang saglit ay akala ko nahihibang na ako at kung ano-ano ang naririnig ko ngunit nang lumingon ako ako ay makita ko siya roon... Si Paolo.
Tinignan ko siya at nanlumo ako. Alam kong sobrang hirap ng pinagdaanan niya at sa tuwing naalala ko na pinagdaanan niya iyon nang mag-isa ay mas lalo akong nanlulumo. I wish I was there. I might not have made things better for him, but I definitely would not have made things harder for him. I didn't hold on enough when he tried to push me away.
Hinintay kong lumapit siya sa akin dahil nanghihina ang mga tuhod ko. The sight of him makes me weak.
"Aya," he said with a small smile. Napalunok ako. Why was he like this? Mas lalo lang sumisikip ang dibdib ko. Mas okay pa kung magalit siya sa akin o 'di kaya ay sumbatan niya ako at ipaalala lahat ng beses na hindi ako nakinig sa kaniya, lahat ng pagkakataong tinalikuran ko siya... but no, this guy was smiling at me like I was the biggest relief he had for years.
"A-anong ginagawa mo rito? Alam ba ni Tita na nandito ka?" I said, worrying. Iginiya ko siya sa malapit na bench at naupo kami roon.
Umiling siya. "Aalis din ako agad," he said. "Today's the day we'd meet my mom, my real mom. Si Tita Lorraine." I saw him smile a bit as he said her name. In that moment, I wanted to hug him tight, but I didn't. Malapit siya kay Tita Lorraine at isang araw ay bigla na lang niya nalaman na ito ang tunay niya ina. How devastating it could have been for him? Gaano kalakas na sampal iyon para sa kanila, na nariyan sila't magkasama ngunit pinagkaitan sila ng katotohanan? Napapikit na lang ako upang pigilan ang sarili ko. How could Tita Lorraine handle it? Ano na lang ang sasabihin ni Don Fortunato 'pag nalaman niyang may anak sa pagkadalaga ang asawa niya? Matatanggap ba niya si Paolo? Everything was a lie for him. And this lie has tarnished this family I used to love so dearly.
"W-will you be all right?" I asked him. "I wish I could be there for you, but..." Gusto kong punan ang mga naging pagkukulang ko sa kaniya. Gusto kong makabawi. Ngunit alam kong malabong mangari iyon sa sitwasiyon ngayon. Our family wouldn't let me stay by his side. This stolen moment of ours was so much for a reward... hearing his voice, seeing him right in front of me.
"I'd be okay." He looked away and said, "pero natatakot ako. Natatakot akong harapin si Tita Lorraine. What would I even call her? Ma? Mom? Tita? I don't even know if she'd even accept me."
I held the top of his hand, kaya napatingin siya sa akin. "If there's one person who'd understand you perfectly, it would be Tita Lorraine. Above anyone else, she'd know... she'd feel what you've gone through. She'd be shocked, sure, but there's no way she wouldn't accept you."
"Thank you," he squeezed my hand. "But there's one reason I went all the way here."
Napakunot ang noo ko. "Ano 'yun?"
"Can you relinquish everything for me?"
"Paolo..."
"Aya," his voice is low. "Can you relinquish everything for me? Can we escape this together? Pwede ba nating tuparin ang mga pangarap natin nang tayong dalawa lang? Nang walang magdidikta sa atin kung ano ang tama at mali."
"Anong ibig mong sabihin?"
"Sabado. Sa bus station. 5 AM."
// Lorraine's Point of View
Naghahanda ako ng hapunan nang lapitan ako ni manang upang sabihing dumating daw si Pao. Nagulat nga ako dahil hindi naman nagpa-abiso ang inaanak kong iyon na pupunta siya. Sobrang tagal na nang huli siyang mapunta rito. Sa tuwing iniimbitahan ko kasi siya ay sinasabing may pinagkaka-abalahan siya.
Agad akong nagpunas ng kamay at dumiretso sa sala. Nakita kong nandoon si Pao at seryoso ang ekspresyon niya sa mukha. I almost remembered someone as I was looking at him, someone my heart already chose to forget.
"Tita," tawag niya sa akin. Bumeso ako sa kaniya. "C-can we talk? I'm... I'm j-just feeling down l-lately."
"What's the matter?" nag-aalala kong tanong sa kaniya. Sinipat-sipat ko ang kaniyang mukha.
"Can we talk?" muli niyang sabi.
"Of course." I guided him towards the garden at naupo kami roon. This kid never opened up on me. I just know he had a bad day, but he'd never tell me. Hinawakan ko siya sa balikat. Siguro ay seryoso ang pinagdadaanan niya ngayon kaya he had no choice but to tell me... but, to be honest, it made me glad, that he chose to go here. To my side.
"Tita... Didn't you ever think of having a child?" he asked.
Napakunot ang noo ko. What's with him? Tinignan ko siya nang maigi. Part of me started getting worried, but I answered him anyway. "We tried, but it's just not for me and Ato."
Tumingin siya sa akin at may kung anong gustong ipahiwatig ang mga mata niya na hindi ko lubos maintindihan. Every time my eyes met his, his eyes would waver and look away. What was wrong with him?
"Being a mother... did you ever wanted it?" Nakabuntis ba siya? Nabuntis ba ang girlfriend niya ng iba? Does he even have a gilfriend in the first place? Why was he talking about this all of a sudden?
"I am Rod, Knave and Alicia's mother. I might not have given birth to them, but they are likes sons and a daughter to me. But if you're talking about a biological child... well, I had it, Paolo." Napaangat siya ng ulo upang titigan ako. Napangisi na lang ako. They wouldn't want my nieces and nephews knowing about how I, their ever loving aunt, am the black sheep of the Romagozas. Disgrasiyada. "Siguro ay hindi mo 'to alam, it's not a secret but my family refuses to talk about it. But I am proud to say that I had a child out of wedlock... but out of love."
I saw him bit his lips, as if he was stopping them to tremble. I said, "They know about it, your parents know about this, even Ato knows about it... it's a part of my past that they could never take away." Even before I was engaged to Ato, he knew about my pregnancy. He was a family friend, and at some point he was a close friend of mine too... not until he proposed to my family a marriage they couldn't reject. Of course, the Villafuertes was one of the most influential families in our place... and they said they wanted the best for me.
"The child... the father..." I couldn't comprehend what Paolo was thinking. Hindi ko siya mabasa. I didn't even know why he was asking such things, but part of me just spills out the answers. It had been a long time since these things came out of my mouth.
"The father knew it years after. Hindi na niya iyon dapat nalaman pa but he confronted me on the day of my engagement. I was so mad, I blurted it out... I blamed it on him. Doon lang yata ako nakahinga nang maayos sa loob ng mahabang panahon..." Huminga ako nang malalim, "my child, my son? He gave up. He was not even given the chance to experience how it was like to live... to have friends, to play, to love, to dream, he died just like that." Nanginig ang boses ko. "He didn't make it. My son didn't make it."
He was looking directly in my eyes. "H-he m-made it. Your s-son made it." Hinawakan niya ang braso ko, "I made it, m-mom." Tears started pouring down his cheeks and I didn't know what to do.
My forehead cringed, unable to register to my system what he has just said. "Y-yes, of course, you are like a son to me."
"I am your son," he said as tears continued flowing down his cheeks. It was the first time after so long that I've seen Paolo cry... Nakatulala lang ako sa kaniya nang bigla niyang sinabing, "J-Jaime. Jaime Romualde."
That name... that name no one ever dared to speak of for more than a decade to me. That name. That man.
Napatakip ako sa aking bibig nang marinig ko ang pangalang iyon. Naramdaman kong hinawakan niya ang magkabila kong braso. He was gentle, but I could sense frustration in his touch.
"I'm sorry, Lors," rinig kong sabi ng boses ni Kuya Enrique. Naka-awang pa rin ang bibig ko nang lingunin ko siya.
I stood up and Pao's hands fell to his side. "Your son Patrick didn't die. Gusto ni Dad na dalhin ko sa ampunan si Patrick pero hindi ko iyon magawa. I wanted to see him grow up. I wanted you to at least be with him. Pero hindi ko kayang baliin ang desisyon ni Dad..."
Nanikip ang dibdib ko. I couldn't breath. Napa-upo na lamang ulit ako sa bench, sa tabi ni Pao.
"When Dad passed away, I wanted to tell you the truth. Pero nakita kong masaya na ang pamilya ni Jay. You were happy with Ato. Your son was happy too. Ayaw ko nang magulo pa ang lahat. I was hoping this secret is something I could just... just forget."
"You gave my son to Carissa and Jay," wala sa sarili kong banggit.
At halos magunaw ang mundo ko nang tumango si Kuya sa akin. "I am sorry, Lors. Ginawa ko lang ang tingin kong tama. I am sorry for deceiving you." His expression was dark, serious. That look in him I rarely see.
Napatingin naman ako sa gilid ko. At naroroon si Paolo. Hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko at tila nanigas na lang ang katawan ko sa pwesto nito nang bigla niya akong yakapin nang mahigpit. It was a warm, gentle embrace with a sense of longing. And as if it was a cue, tears started pouring down my cheeks.
Hindi ako makapagsalita. Ni hindi ko siya mayakap pabalik. Ang tanging tumatakbo lang sa isip ko ay ang mga nangyari noon. Everything was rushing back to me.
"Kuya, iwan mo muna kami," sabi ko nang makalma ko na ang sarili ko. Walang imik namang umalis si Kuya ay pumasok sa bahay.
I looked at Paolo. I reached for his face and wiped the tears on his cheeks. Tinitigan ko ang mga features ng kaniyang mukha. I should have known. I should have noticed.
"H-how did you know?"
"Pinuntahan po ako ni P-papa." Parang nag-aalangan pa ang pagbanggit niya ng "papa."
"Nagkita na kayo ni Jeym-- Jaime?"
"Siya po 'yung nakahanap sa akin. He found out Tito Enrique's transaction with the orphanage. It took him years to find the kid, pero hindi nag-match. Hanggang napagtatni-tagni na niya nang malaman niya na may anak daw si... si mama kahit alam niyang hindi naman 'to nagbuntis."
"May nagawa rin pala siyang tama?" I let out a bitter laugh.
"Whatever happened in the past... he regrets it," mahina niyang sabi. "Hindi siya nagmalinis, ni hindi nga niya itinanggi 'yong nagawa niya. I just know he regrets it."
Hindi ako naka-imik kaya iniba ko na lang ang usapan. "How long have you known?"
"Two years."
Napapikit ako. Two years. It had been two years since he last visited me. How hard it could have been for him? Was it too much to the point it took him two years to have the guts to see me and accept the reality that I am his mother?
I hugged him.
"I haven't seen you in two years."
Humiwalay ako sa pagkakayakap sa kaniya. "I was afraid I'd break down if I see you. At alam kong hindi pa namin pwedeng sabihin ang totoo no'n dahil may inaayos pa si... si..."
"You can freely call him papa, I don't have issues with that." I smiled at him.
He cleared his throat. "May inaayos pa si papa sa p-pamilya niya."
"Do you have half-brothers and half-sisters?" Hindi ko napigilang magtanong.
Pao nodded. "A brother and a sister. Yumi's even studying at JMU, too."
"You met them?"
"They a-accepted me... Matatanggap din po ba ako ni Don Fortunato?" he asked, his voice careful, as if he was afraid to ask that question.
"He would. I know he would."
Hindi ko alam kung ilang oras kaming naroroon, basta't tinanong ko siya nang tinanong tungkol sa kaniya. His first day sa school, his first crush, first medal, first girlfriend, first achievement. Lahat ng mga importanteng araw sa buhay niya na sana ay nasaksihan ko.
"Do you have a girlfriend right now?" out of the blue kong tanong sa kaniya.
"Sa totoo lang, Tita..."
"I am your mom." He pursed his lips. "I'd let you call me Tita though. I'll let you adjust... but I am hoping you can call me mom sooner."
"Thank you po." I asked him to continue what he was saying then he said, "I am in love with Aya."
Parang nagloading bigla ang utak ko. He was speaking in such a way it seemed like a know the girl... then it crossed my mind.
"You don't mean Aya Salvatorre, right?"
Bago pa man makapapagsalita si Paolo ay dumating si manang upang sabihing, "Excuse me, ma'am, may bisita po kayo sa labas."
I wasn't expecting anybody. Ato's not around right now as well as the kids.
"Sino raw?"
"Mr. Romualde raw po, ma'am." Napatayo si Pao nang marinig niya iyon.
Nilingon niya ako, "You don't have to meet him. Wala sa usapan 'yung pagpunta niya rito. I am sorry for causing this ruckus, Tita. Sorry po talaga."
Napalunok ako. I appreciated that he cared for me, but this was something I needed too. "It's okay. It's been long."
Pumasok kami sa receiving area.
And right then and there I was lost in the dimension of time.
My past. My present. My future. It collapsed all at once. And I am now going to patch the broken pieces of me. It's about time.
I have my son now. And that's all that matters.
***
A/N:
Hello! I know I said HMC's up to Ch. 65, but it's ending sooner than I expected. After this, I'll upload a Part 2 of 59, 60 then Epilogue. Thank you for reading