Chapter Five
One Year Later
Journal Entry:
Dear Portia,
I passed you in the hallway today at school, something you don't know I occasionally go out of my way to do so I can hear the things running through your head. I often feel like I live for those few moments. Even though I could, I try not to listen the rest of the time; though it's hard not to. Your energy envelops me. It's an incredible feeling. I don't want to invade the privacy of your mind; but when you see me, you think of me, and it's a treat I can't seem to make myself walk away from. I hope you'll forgive me for that someday.
Today I noticed it's becoming increasingly harder to pretend I don't recognize you. I want to stare—drink you in from the top of your pretty black-haired head, to the tips of your cutely painted toenails. You're so beautiful, so young, and full of life, so untainted by the evils of the world. When you smile the whole room lights up like the sun just moved out from behind the clouds. It almost makes me believe there still are good things to live for. Looking at you makes me wish for days filled with happiness and a life that could be normal. I don't know if that will ever be a possibility for me, but for one minute, I'd love to live in your carefree world.
I almost laughed out loud at what I heard in your head this morning when I passed by. You thought I looked "hot today, as usual," and wondered what I'd do if you gave into your baser instincts and pushed me against a locker and kissed me. Please, baby, give into that baser instinct! You might be surprised at what you get back! I'm not as indifferent as I've led you to believe.
Your ponderings monopolized mine for the rest of the day. All I could think of was how I'd react if you ever actually did do something like that. Portia, you've had me tied in knots for months now, and you don't even know it.
My first thought was I should grab you and slam you against the lockers, while I devoured your plump lips. But then I figured we might draw a pretty big crowd with our hallway display, so I decided maybe I'd simply scoop you up and kidnap you for the rest of the day, perhaps take you to my favorite spot in the canyon. It's beautiful there, and then I could lay you on the ground and kiss you for hours, taking my time about it, like I really want to.
Now, as I sit here tonight, I'm wondering how you would react to my reaction. I wish I could ask you. Would you be surprised? Would you trust me enough to let me whisk you away without any warning? Or would it scare you to find out I want you so badly?
That's right, Portia baby. I want you more than you could possibly know. Everyday I'm tempted to give in, to show you exactly how I feel, but I gave my word that I wouldn't. If I'd have known at the time who you were and how I'd connect with you, I'd have never spoken such a vow. But I did, so I'll honor that promise because doing so will keep you safer from the evils that taint my life for that much longer. For now, I'll be content to bask in your innocence and to watch you from afar. But only for now, Portia . . .
***
Restlessly, I tossed in my bed, trying to find a comfortable spot where my thoughts wouldn't plague me so badly. Week after week, it was the same thing. Hearing her. Longing for her. Wanting to be with her, somehow, in any way, just to have her as a part of my life.
She was driving me crazy. The more I learned about her, the harder I fell. It was insane—impossible. We'd never even spoken to each other. I continued to act like she didn't exist when, in reality, everything inside me had become hyper-aware of her. I'd forced myself to shift away from her, erecting defensive walls to try and keep her personal musings out of my head. It was difficult to be so intimately connected with someone all the time. It took awhile, but I finally mastered some control over it. Now, I could put barriers up or take them down at will, unless she was having a very powerful emotion.
Her sudden cry caused me to leap from my bed. Quickly, I threw some shoes on, grabbing my jacket as I bolted out the door. I easily found my bike in the moonlight and I jumped on, started the engine, and took off down the road.
Something was wrong. I knew moments of surprise would break through—fear and attraction. Usually the attraction was geared toward me, but there had been thoughts of others that snuck in here and there. It annoyed me when it happened, because I'm competitive, but I couldn't fault her—it wasn't like she had any clue I was into her at all.
The night air whipped heavily across my face, causing me to squint as I drove, watery tears leaking out the corners of my eyes from the force. I didn't slow down. Her fear raced through me, causing my own heart rate to accelerate.
"Hang on! I'm coming!" I replied mentally to her call, even though she couldn't hear me. Yet, strangely, I felt her nerves calm a bit, almost in response. "Don't be afraid," I said again.
The few short minutes it took for me to get to her street seemed like ages. I parked around the corner from her house, shutting off my motorcycle. Creeping around from behind, her home was dark and everything appeared as it should for the middle of the night. I'd been here a few times before to meet with her dad, when she hadn't been home. I knew exactly where her bedroom window was.
Using magic, I noiselessly scaled the wall surrounding their adobe-style home, landing easily inside the well-manicured yard with its rock landscaping, shady trees, barbeque pit, and sitting area bordered by flowerbeds. I used my powers again to climb the wall and grab the sill, peering into her bedroom.
My heart rate calmed significantly when I saw her asleep, tangled in her covers. She was all right—only having a nightmare.
Lowering myself down to the ground, I made my way to one of the benches and slouched down on it. Running a hand across my face, I sighed heavily.
"What are you doing here?" I asked myself. What if something had been going on? Me, rushing into her room from outside her house, would terrify her. I couldn't barge in without any warning. She knew nothing about me, even though I knew her so well.
Remnants of her nightmare flashed in my head—bits of fog, labored breathing as she ran, casting terrified glances over her shoulder.
"Portia," I called out her. "Relax. It's just a dream."
"A dream," her breathy sigh responded and I instantly straightened, feeling her mind immediately become calm.
"Can you hear me?" I asked, fingers curling heavily around the metal bench. I waited, with bated breath, for some sort of response and then suddenly realized I was bending the metal with my heated grip. Immediately, I released it, commanding my glowing hands to return to normal; before allowing a small flame to dance at the end of my index finger, illuminating the area so I could survey the damage. Thankfully, it didn't look too bad. Hopefully no one would notice.
My attention turned back to her window.
"Can you hear me?" I asked again, but there was nothing—not a thought or emotion. She appeared to be fast asleep.
It was obvious everything was fine. There was no reason for me to stay—even though I wished I could—even though I silently hoped she'd catch me by surprise and I'd be forced to explain my presence. Reluctantly, I made my way back over the wall and headed home.
---
There were a few weeks of peace before her screams began shattering my nights again. After the first time, I was prepared, having researched and coming up with several spells to help with nightmares. I wasn't sure exactly how big of an effect they'd have on her, since the lines regarding her identity were a bit blurry. A human mind, without any magical gift, was much easier to affect than the mind of a witch. Technically, Portia was a witch—or at least she would be soon. I didn't know what that meant right now, though. Would her mind be easier to manipulate because she hadn't come into her powers yet? Or would it be even harder to influence due to her heritage? There was only one way to find out.
It wasn't long before I was kneeling outside her window inside a circle of salt that I'd scattered around the entire circumference of her house to purify the area. This spell would've been much more effective if I had her involvement in it, but since that wasn't a possibility, I was going to have to adjust things as best I could. She needed to be inside the circle in order for it to work, so around the house it went. Lighting a pure white candle with my finger, I lifted it, holding it out to the moon.
"I humbly call upon the deities,
To help purify and relieve agony.
In the serene light of the moon,
Remove her from this trapped tomb.
Let Portia's nightmares cease,
And let her mind find peace.
This I ask, and this I bind.
So Mote It Be."
The salt circle burst into instantaneous flames before almost immediately burning out, leaving no trace of the circle behind. Immediately, I felt Portia's mind relax, her restlessness drifting away.
A small smile crossed my face. It appeared the spell had worked . . . at least for now. I made my way to the bench and sat, staring at her window. This girl was special. There was no doubt about it. I wasn't sure what the nightmares meant, or why we had the connection we did; but I was eager to find out. The more time I spent in her head, the more I fell for her and wanted to protect her.
I was fairly certain she would be interested in knowing me better as well. After all, I was able to hear her private thoughts concerning me, so that kind of took the fear out of asking her out. The answer would be yes. She daydreamed about it—and so did I.
Leaving the yard, I strapped my belongings into one of the pouches on my bike. Now, if there were only someway to speed up time. I thought about the calendar on the wall in my bedroom, each day filled with a giant X, as I slowly crossed them off one by one, counting down to her birthday.
I'd keep my word to her dad until then, but after that, all bets were off.