XxXWeAsHumanXxX: Okie! A short chappy, yes, but it's a chapter! I was going to make this A LOT longer, but I'm currently overwhelmed with schoolwork. *bows* sowwy!
Dedicated to my forever senpaiiiii: hentaianimemaniac101
**TRIGGER WARNING FOR COCKASHI'S POV**
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Naruto's POV:
"Don't you have anything better to do?" I crossed my arms stubbornly and glared daggers out of the window. The clouds were a dark grey, nearly black in color, yet the rain refused to fall.
"No. Not really." The red haired man sat in the plastic seat at the foot of the bed, crossing his legs.
"Really?" I made a sarcastic grunt and turned to face him, my eyebrow raised in a cocky fashion. "You couldn't be protecting the village like you're suppose to do? Or do paperwork? Anything?"
"I've completed my paperwork in advance, and I left Temari in charge, while Kankuro is handling affairs." I rolled my eyes and turned to the glass again. "Naruto. What's up with you?" I huffed and clenched my teeth from a wave of pain.
"Nothing important. Just laying in bed, wasting away." My callous, bitter tone made him flinch.
"Come on! This isn't like you. I'm sure they'll find a cure for... whatever this is. Soon. you'll be getting your clean bill of health." I shook my head slowly and turned to face him yet again, my face blank of emotion.
"No. Soon, I'll be dead.
"I always pictured myself going out in a blaze of glory. A hail of Kunai... Blades piercing my vitals...
"But this kind of death... This slow, invisible... disappearing into nothing... It's terrifying." I tilted my head down, making my bangs shadow my face. "I'm going to sleep." I sagged into the pillow and pulled the covers over my head like a child; hiding from him.
"Naruto." I closed my eyes tight, and pretended to snore softly. "Idiot..." Suddenly, the blanket was ripped from my grasp and tossed to the side. "I'm not done speaking with you." My eyes were wide, and I nodded obediently; too shocked to protest.
"Now," Gaara returned to his seat. "where were we." He gave me a grin, if a slightly predatory one.
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Kakashi's POV:
I've found it easier to keep busy... To keep my mind off everything. To not think.
B class, A class, A class, C class.... Over and over. I don't want to think. I don't want to think. I have to keep busy. I don't want to think about Him. Him dying, him not achieving his goal. Him never becoming Hoka--
I attempted to stop my train of thoughts after I nearly tripped on a branch. Pull yourself together. You're on a mission.
My Client gazed over, worry evident on his features.
"Are you sure that you're a Jounin?" My eyes flashed to him momentarily, before I returned my gaze ahead.
"Positive." My deadpanned tone seemed to catch him off guard as he faltered, nearly stumbling. Yoshibe, my client, grumbled slightly before he fell silent once more.
I've come to dread silence. The silence gives you too much time to think. To think about becoming Hokage shortly because He's not able too. To think about these bastards that are taking advantage of His condition. His terminal illness. About the night His illness became known. Seeing Sakura cry... Seeing Sasuke's eyes glaze over in despair...
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Sakura was kneeled over the tiled floor of the waiting room. Her palm over her mouth to stifle her heaving sobs. Sasuke was still in the metallic chair. His back straight and his eyes seeing nothing and everything at the same time. I stood in the corner, clenching my jaw so tight, my teeth ached. My knuckles ached from punching the wall, which now had a gaping hole to the outside.
The weather seemed to mock everyone. The sky a perfect blue, completely cloudless. Wind gently caressing the grass, while children played in the park. Their parents close by, quietly whispering and giggling to themselves, completely unaware that the village hero was dying. My pupil is dying. How can they act so... Joyful and carefree while I'm suffering?!
Sasuke stood shakily from his position. His bangs shrouding his eyes, before he flicked them back. His onyx eyes were glazed.
"I'll be back." Sakura continued to weep, not paying him any mind.
"Where are you going?" I didn't need to ask. I knew where he was going. Sasuke seemed to know that as well, as he continued, not giving me a glance as I trailed behind him. The scenery passed quickly in our brisk pace. In less than three minutes, we stood in front of his door. Less than ten seconds, Sasuke had slammed the door open, making the blond nearly jump out of his skin.
"Geez Sasuke teme! You scared me." The Uchiha ignored him.
"Is it true?" His voice sounded like he knew, just didn't want to believe it. Naruto's smile faltered, his form stiffening.
"Y-yeah, but don't worry! I'll be better in no time! Then we can train and eat ramen together!" This made my heart skip a beat; I could taste bile while I leaned on the wall to support myself.
"You don't seem to understand." Sasuke's voice was cold, seemingly uncaring. "You're dying. You can't go on missions, you can't train, you can't--- y-ou can't become Hokage." This seemed to outrage the blue eyed patient as he shot up, gripping the Uchiha's collar as he slammed him into the wall.
"Shut the hell up?! What do you know?! You--!" Naruto hunched over, retracting his arms from Sasuke's shirt, to instead cover his mouth as he burst into a coughing fit. Naruto removed his hands, trembling at the sight of blood dripping from his palms, to the white tiles. Tears seemed to brim in his eyes as he stumbled back, tripping into the floor in a heap, frantically trying to push himself away from the blood as he smeared the blood on his hands onto the white linoleum.
"What's going on in here?!" A nurse had burst into the door, quickly assessing the situation as she practically threw us out of the room. Before the door shut behind her, I could see her comforting Naruto, whispering soothing words as she eased him off the floor and towards the restroom.
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In my apartment, trash was tossed every which way as I huddled on my bed. Trembling and pulling at my hair, scratching at my face and punching holes in the walls. Silently screaming with tears staining my cheeks. Thinking, oh how I hate thinking.
It's all my fault. It's all my fault. I could have done something. Anything. I could've been there for him. Maybe take care of him and his health. He lived alone, so no one knew how he was. He always looked so strong. If I had done something, he wouldn't be dying. It's all my fault.
My hand clawed at my eye.
Why did Obito trust me enough to give me his eye? I killed Rin, and I practically killed Obito. I wasn't there for them. I could've done something! It's all my fault.
My form rocked forward and back. Scenes from the past, from the present, feelings I had thought had passed long ago had resurfaced. I scratched at my arms, quickly drawing blood, relishing in the pain. Pain distracted me. It helped me not think. I clawed at my face, the pain stinging, but not enough for me to stop.
I remembered the feeling of my hand through Rin's chest. How warm and sticky the blood felt. Feeling her heart beat and her lungs sputter as I retracted my hand. The guilt. The lifelessness in her eyes as she said her final words. Obito's final words echoing in my head. My promise.
It's all my fault.
Obito's form under the bolder. Him returning and hating me. Him trusting me yet again. Me breaking my promise again.
I couldn't feel the pain anymore. My senses were alive. Adrenaline coursing through my veins. It's wasn't enough.
I sprung up in a desperate rage, tearing my room up even more until I found what I was looking for...
It was a rusted Kunai. It was the same Kunai that Naruto used to mark his progress on the tree back in the land of the Waves. I had kept in previously for memories sake then, maybe to give to Naruto when he was older... That can't happen anymore....
Shakily, my eyes still blurry from tears, I hovered the Kunai over my jugular. Naruto's suffering because of me. Slowly dying because I'm careless. I didn't take care of him.
Gasping for the breath I didn't know I was holding, I brought the Kunai to my wrist instead. Burning hot pain made my senses go haywire. Naruto's suffering. I should suffer too. Again and again, I brought the rusted blade to my skin, tearing slices in my flesh. Gritting my teeth to hold in my cries of pain.
It's all my fault.
I vaguely recall someone banging on the door as I tipped to the side, collapsing in the puddle of my own blood. Watching in fascination as the blood absorbed into my green top, staining it a dark brown.
Through my fuzzy vision, a person clad in green broke the door to my apartment down, tumbling to the floor and abandoning his crutches as he fretted over me, screaming something I couldn't understand. I laughed, making him freeze. He pulled me up, ignoring my pleas to just leave me, to let me go, to let me die. Why didn't he listen?! I want this. It's all my fault! Everyone can see that?! Why don't you hate me?!
My vision blackened, my form falling limp in his arms as I smirked. Maybe I'd get what I want after all...
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When I had come to, Gai was furious. He screamed profanities, sobbed, and only just refrained from beating me to death. He demanded answers, and I wouldn't give them. He wanted to punch me, that was certain, but he didn't. I screamed at him until my throat was raw. Screaming at him for not letting me die. For not letting me pay for my crimes. For him to kill me. I was strapped down, preventing me from doing the one thing I wanted.
My eyes snapped back to the present. Choosing to block everything out and focus on the mission.
Gai made me promise not to kill myself. To not purposely die. I'm keeping that promise. Only because I didn't want to break anymore. He said I couldn't kill myself, but he didn't say that I couldn't be killed by someone else. Other than distracting me, missions were an attempt to get someone to kill me. Anyone.
Nothing has changed.
It's still my fault.
I still can't look Him in the eyes.
I still don't want to live.
But still, I press forward. Hoping against hope that this would be the one day. The fatal day that would finally end my misery.
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XxXWeAsHumanXxX: Tanks for reading, and sorry for the confusion!