By the end of HMC, I promise Jiro gets his girl, whoever that will be huhuhu
[Ch.58] Best Man
// Ayanna's Point of View
"Paano kung malaman ni Lorraine ang ginagawa ko noon?" tanong ni Tito Enrique sa asawa habang natuturete. "I lied to her... I made her believe she lost her son. Mapapatawad ba ako ni Lors?" he was asking frantically.
Tita Joanne, his wife, comforted him, "You had to do such thing to save her son. You did the right thing."
"Aya, hija," mahinahong banggit ni Tito Jay sa pangalan ko kaya napalingon ako sa kaniya. Nailabas na si Paolo sa bahay namin at ang mga magulang ko naman ay kinakalma si Tito Enrique. Ate Sunshine came and picked Paolo up with his known mother, Tita Carissa.
"T-tito," I said as I swallowed the invisible lump in my throat. Hindi ko kayang makatingin sa kaniya nang diretso sa mata. I still couldn't comprehend the fact that Paolo was not a Salvatorre and the relationship between us was technically not wrong... but still, I couldn't help but to feel guilty for hiding the truth from them.
Iginiya niya ako sa sofa. "It's true that Paolo isn't a Salvatorre by blood, but in my eyes, he is my son no matter what." Narinig ko ang buntong hininga niya habang nakatingin lang ako sa lamesita sa gilid ko. "I want my son's happiness, Aya, but I can't jeopardize my wife's," he said. Napatingin ako sa kaniya. "Hindi na natin maitatama ang nangyari noon pero pwede pa nating itama ang mga mangyayari pa lang. I want you to choose what's right, hija."
"In my eyes, fighting for him is the right thing to do, Tito," lakas loob kong sinabi. "But I don't know... I don't know what may happen. Ayoko nang iwan sa ere si Paolo, pero ayoko rin pong manira ng pamilya. Tito... I..." I didn't know what to say anymore.
"I understand," sabi niya ngunit hindi ko alam kung tunay ba niyang naiintindihan iyon. "And I'm sorry that you had to hear such words from Carissa. Nadala lang siya ng mga nangyari."
"I deserve it."
Umiling si Tito Jay. "I'm not sure."
Umalis din siya agad. They said they'll settle their issues on their own. Nagkulong lang ako sa kwarto ko nang mga sumunod na araw hanggang sa dumating na naman ang araw na kailangan kong pumasok.
Sa totoo lang ay gusto ko na lang na magkulong sa kwarto ko. For a day, I wanted to shut myself out of everybody. But I knew I couldn't do that.
Sakto nang paglabas ko nang college namin nang break na ay naroroon si Ella. I didn't know what to do. Her eyes were red, even worse than mine. Dahan-dahan siyang lumapit sa akin and as if it was a reflex, I walked away from her.
"Aya, wait," she said. "Let me explain."
Nilingon ko siya. "Wala ka nang dapat ipaliwanag, Mikaella. We did what was believed a taboo, and you, being a righteous person..." I stopped because it didn't matter anymore. Ayoko nang makipagtalo dahil wala na kaming dapat pag-usapan pa. She was my best friend. Best friend. Kahit konti lang, umasa ako sa pag-intindi niya. I was not asking her to tolerate my actions, just a bit of her understanding. That was all I needed. At iyon ang ipinagkait niya sa akin.
"I didn't do it," she said. Napahalakhak na lang ako.
"Mikaella, stop this. Hindi nakakatawa 'yang ginagawa mo at mas lalong hindi ako tanga," nangagalaiti kong sabi sa kaniya. Baka mapatawad ko pa siya sa nagawa niya kung simpleng mag-sorrt siya pero itong pagtatanggi ro'n?
"Aya, please, paniwalaan mo ako," she said, her voice unstable. "They knew it before I came. Aya, believe me." Hinawakan niya ako sa braso ngunit agad akong kumawala. I didn't know what to say. Umabot na ako sa punto kung saan hindi na mahalaga kung magka-ayos pa kami o hindi na. I had accepted the fact that maybe I treated the wrong person to be my best friend. Maybe she qas never the best friend I thought I had.
"You wanted it anyway," was what I told her. It wasn't like I was believing it wasn't her. I didn't want a dragging conversation with her. It will just make me despise her even more.
"I thought I did... pero no'ng nando'n na ako ay hindi ko magawang sabihin," she said as tears were about to flow down her cheeks. "Kasi kahit ano pa lang pilit kong sabihin sa sarili ko na iyon ang tama, ayaw ko pa ring mapahamak ka. But they know it, Aya. When I couldn't find the words I should tell them, they blurted it out and asked if it was true. I am telling you this not because I am even expecting forgiveness from you... I just want you to be careful on whom you'll trust."
Napasinghap ako. "Fine, thanks," I said and left her there. It was wrong to trust you, Ella. Iyon lang ang alam ko.
I fished my phone out of my pocket and texted Jiro. I had questions I knew he had answers. "Nasaan ka?"
I needed answers. Ayaw ko na nang may tinatago pa. I wanted to know everything. I wanted to know the whole story.
Few minutes later, he replied, "COE garden. Bakit? Nasaan ka?" I didn't reply and went straight to the College of Engineering.
"Jiro," I said as I saw him.
Iniwas niya ang tingin sa akin. "Aya..."
"I just want to know something," I said. Nakita kong napapikit siya. Umupo ako sa kaniyang tabi. "How long have you known?" tanong ko habang inaalala ang sinabi niya bago sabihin ni Paolo ang totoo. Jiro knew something even before anyone else did. I demand the truth from him. I at least deserve to know that.
"I don't know what..."
"You knew something. You definitely knew something," I said helplessly. I was losing it. "You knew he was not a Salvatorre!" Tinignan ko siya sa mata and his eyes gave him away. I was right.
"I'm sorry," was what he said. "Paolo needed time. He didn't want to tell it to you then. May mga bagay pa siyang dapat ayusin."
"Why," my voice trembled. "Why didn't you tell me?" His lips trembled as if he was battling on what words should come out of his mouth.
"You should have told me! I wouldn't come running back to Paolo even if I knew... but I could have been nicer to him. Jiro, you just watched me ruin him! You..." Napahinto ako nang maalala ko iyong gabi sa The Dungeon. "Was that the reason why you always ask what Paolo told me every after I meet him?"
Terror took over his face. "A-aya, he had all the rights to tell you whatever had happened about him, it was not something I could ever control."
"You had all the chance in the world to tell it to me. I had the right to know."
"He was settling matters with his real father back then, Aya. He needed time." Napangiwi ako sa sinabi niya. He never liked Paolo, and him sounding concerned for him almost made me want to puke.
I have been with Jiro for years at hindi ko lubos maisip na nakaya niyang itago sa akin ang ganitong klaseng sikreto sa loob ng mga taong iyon. Didn't it bother him every time we were together? Just once, did he ever think of telling the truth to me? Hinanap ko ang nga mata niya, "But why you? Why not Riyuji or Ate Sky or Ate Abby or Scarlet? Why you, whom he barely knows?"
"Because he perfectly knows that I won't ever disclose his secret to you." Napapikit siya.
Nanginig ang mga kamay ko.
"Hindi 'yon dahil natakot ako na bumalik ka sa kaniya." He held my arms and I was too weak to get away from him. "Hindi ako maghuhugas kamay tatanggi sa kung ano man ang gusto mong isipin. He took a deep breath, "But all I wanted was to wait for things to fall to their places. I wanted the time to come where you could choose and I wanted you to choose me. I wanna come out clean. Pero alam kong nandaya ako nang sinabi ko sa'yo ang nararamdaman ko. You know how desparate a person who loves could be." He held me tighter.
I found it hard to breath. "Ayokong guluhin ang mga plano niya, Aya, dahil gusto kong dumating ang araw na patas na kami sa panahong dapat 'yon mangyari," he continued.
"Why...."
"Because I love you, and I am still hoping that you could see me the way I see you." His voice was low. "And now, I guess this is where the fair fight begins."
"Jiro..." He looked at me and my eyes wavered. He almost looked pained when realizations dawned to him.
"Why did I ever forget that it wasn't even a fair fight from the very start?" he said with an empty laugh.
All the times I've spent with Jiro flashed in my mind. He was my strength; he was my savior. If he wasn't there two years ago, I don't know if I'd be able to get over those things that happened in the past.
"I almost loved you, Jiro," I found myself saying. That was the truth I have just realized, and I knew I owe to let him know that.
If only I wasn't all fucked up and in love with my cousin, if I had met him earlier, if things didn't end up this way... I would have loved Jiro the way he says he feels for me. He was everything I could ask for, except my heart belongs to somebody else.
He looked straight in my eyes, "And that's the most cruel thing you could ever do-- letting me know you almost loved me, Aya. Almost loved me, almost had a happy ending with me, almost became your endpoint, almost spent your lifetime with me... Almost, Aya, but never good enough." Pinakawalan niya ang kamay ko.
"I-am sorry." Narinig ko na lang ang mahina kong mga hikbi. Napasapo ako sa aking bibig upang pigilan ang sarili ko.
I saw his lips trembled. "Dito pa rin pala tayo babagsak."
"J-jiro..."
"You have been Girl #3 ever since you asked me if I were Mang Roger back in San Fabian, when you borrowed my laptop," his voice was trembling as he shook his head. "But there was never a Girl #3 before you, never, it was just Leigh and mama... No one. No one else, then there was you."
"You are the best man I've ever met," I found myself saying.
He let out a tired smile, "Brides don't end up with the best man."