Anna in the picture above.
Kathleen
She sat silent. Staring at the wall with fear deep in her eyes. I held my stomach as I watched her. It's been about two months since the incident. We've been home for two weeks. She hasn't even uttered a word. She stayed frozen in her place, except for the constant tremble of her fingers and her chin.
"Do you want to talk, today?" The psychiatrist asked. She didn't budge. Not once. Like every other day.
"Anna?" I asked, softly. She turned to look at me. Her mouth opened, but then shut. She looked down, tears streaming down her face.
"Baby, talk to us. It's okay." I whispered, grasping her hand.
"I feel like you won't believe me." She whispered. That's the first words she's uttered since waking up from whatever she was in. I blinked rapidly, taken aback by her response.
"We aren't here to judge you. I'm not here to judge you." I replied. She nodded, an unsure look on her face.
"All I remember is...light. Warmth. Like I was free. A person in a white robe walked in front of me and grabbed my hand and we walked into the light. I didn't question it. I didn't have the urge to.." She sniffed.
"U-um we walked into this large room with white walls. There was voices singing. Like angels. The most beautiful voice. Like a wind chime told me that I'm okay now, and that I'll be okay, and that I won't get hurt ever again. Then he told me if I step over the line that I'll die and stay here forever. I didn't want to leave I really didn't. But then I heard your voice. Crying, and talking about our baby. So then He told me to go back to earth and fulfill God's main purpose of me being on earth. And then darkness took over me and now I'm here." She finished. I stared at her in shock.
"Heaven?" I asked. She nodded.
"It was more real than anything. People laughing, enjoying themselves. It was beautiful. Too beautiful." She cried. I rubbed her back, looking up at the psychiatrist.
"I didn't want to leave. I wanted to die." She sobbed into her hands. Tears welled into my eyes and I looked down.
"But I have to be here for you and the baby. He said that while touching m-my hand. He-" She continued to cry and I watched her.
"Excuse me for a second." The psychiatrist said as his phone rang. He left the room and I looked at her face.
"Who touched your hand?" I asked as I watched her trace her palm.
"I think it was Jesus. No, I'm positive. He didn't even mention about being gay or anything. He just welcomed me. I felt like I was home." She whispered, her eyes becoming lost. I believed her. I believed her so much.
"That's amazing." I whispered. She shook her head.
"More than that. Heaven is real. So real. With a touch of his palm I feel like he's healed me from all the pain and hurting I was feeling. He reminded me that he's there every step of the way." She preached. I nodded, sitting back in my seat, trying to take in what she's saying.
"Maybe you should talk to your mother. She thought she lost you. " I sighed. Anna nodded.
"I also thought this would be some Lazarus effect shit." I added, honestly. She laughed loudly.
"No, ma'am. It wasn't evil at all. It just made me feel...weird. A bit out of place. " Anna answered. I nodded. Bob, the psychiatrist walked back in here and took his seat on the couch.
"I'm so glad you've decided to open up to us today, Annamarie. If you don't mind, I would like to change the subject to your father." Bob, stated. Anna looked down and nodded.
"I have to give it to you. You coped with that for how many years? All by yourself. That's impressive." He complimented. Anna shrugged and I smiled, before wincing slightly at the kick that our son has delivered.
"Woah, you okay?" Anna asked. I nodded.
"Yeah. Continue." I exhaled. Hang in there, bambino. Just a few more days. Wait until your mommy is better. Please.
Anna and the psychiatrist continued to talk and I listened to how much pain was in her voice. The doctor gave her an assignment and then left the house.
"You hungry?" Anna asked. I nodded.
"It's a little late, so we can order something if you want. Why does he make our sessions so late? It's after eight. And it's cold." She suggested. I shrugged, the discomfort spreading around my body. Come on, Salix. Not today.
"Kate? Are you alright?" She asked me.
"Ahhhh...not really." I breathed out as he kicked the shit out of my stomach. I moaned, pulling up my shirt.
"What's going on?" She asked as she kneeled in front of me. Thank the fucking lord she got out that catatonic state today because, FUCK. I might just be going into labor, and I was so tempted to smack the shit out of her.
"Nothing nothing." I exhaled, staring at my stomach. He kicked hard, the imprint of his little foot on my stomach. I yelped.
"I-I think I'm having contractions." And with that, my house door swung open and I saw my mother in law, Sara and my niece and nephew, Sofie, and Dana walk through the door.
"Surprise!" Laurie yelled. I gave her a shaky smile and tried standing up. Good fucking timing, guys. Dana already had her arms wrapped around Anna and I greeted everyone with as much stamina as I could. He kicked again and I groaned lowly. He doctor said over the weekend. Come on, man.
"Oh Anna. How are you!?" Her mother asked her. I felt myself become sweaty and as Dana hugged me, he kicked again.
"Oh my.. I felt that." Dana giggled.
"I missed you so much." I panted.
"I missed you more. I made you a painting." She skipped over to her bag and as she walked back toward me a huuuuuuge contraction hit me and all the air in my lungs left my body as I bent over. Then I felt it.
My fucking water broke.
"Kate?" Anna asked from the kitchen.
"Uh, Anna." I said, shakily. My voice trembled.
"What's wrong?" She asked as she walked toward me. Tears streamed down my face as I looked at the ground, then back up to her face.
"M-m-my water broke." I clenched my teeth as it hit me again.
"Oh my fuck.." Her eyes widened and my mother in law ran toward me.
"Get the baby bag! Go! It's in the nursery." Our nursery is a light blue and pastel pink color. It has airplanes painted on the walls. The cutest thing eve--
"FUCK!" I screamed, gripping Laurie's hand. They guided me out the apartment, walking me down the steps instead of taking the elevator. My neighbor looked at me and smiled.
"Aw congratulations." He cooed. What a fucking fruit.
"Thanks." I spat. We finally got to the truck and they helped me into the front seat. I cried and groaned as my baby kicked like a fucking soccer player. Anna hopped in the car and sped off.
"Hurry the fuck up!" I snapped. She drove faster, catching a few lights. Then we heard sirens.
"ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS!?" I screamed at the top of my lungs. Anna didn't pull over, but drove faster toward the hospital. Another contraction hit and I cried out.
"Almost there. Almost there." She repeated to herself. She was acting as if she was driving stick shift in fucking Tokyo drift. She literally drifted into the hospitals parking lot and pulled the keys out, before throwing them at the chauffeur. She grabbed the bags and slipped through the emergency room.
"My fiancée is in labor!" She yelled at the top of her lungs. As if on cue, Salix hit me hard and I bent over, squatting down. I inhaled and exhaled as I felt myself being sat on a wheel chair. Anna followed behind the nurses and I. I was put in a hospital gown and sat in the bed. Anna paced up and down the room as the doctors set up.
I. Am. In. Pain.
"Epidural?" The nurse asked.
"No!" Both Anna and I yelled. That shit can hurt my baby, and myself. Even though I've been suffering for a few hours. The nurse eyeballed us like we were crazy but I didn't care. Just get him out, already!
"So you're about five centimeters dilated, sweetie. Is that the father?" She pointed to Anna.
"Yes." I answered, cackling. She nodded, completely unbothered. She literally is the father, for her stem cells were used.
"Five more centimeters and then we'll start." She sighed. I nodded, looking up at Anna. I moaned in pain, rubbing my stomach.
"Why did I agree to this?" I cringed as I got hit with another contraction. Anna laughed and I glared at her.
"It's not fucking funny!" I yelled, causing the nurse to giggle.
"Almost there. A few more centimeters." The nurse chimed. I panted as Anna blew air into my face.
"This shit hurts." I sobbed, tears running down my face.
"Alright. It's time." The nurse announced. Anna let out a breath of air and looked into my eyes.
Five fucking hours. It took five fucking hours. The doctors walked and set everything up.
"Okay, now I'm going to need you to push when I say so okay?" The doctor asked from in between my legs. I nodded, my eyes clenched shut.
"Push!" He demanded. I obeyed, screaming as I squeezed the life out of Anna's hand. Anna told me to breathe in and out, though she looks like she's about to pass out.
"One...two...push!" I pushed hard, groaning loudly. Anna wanted to be a dickhead and looked between my legs. Her eyes widened and she covered her mouth as she moved her head.
"I didn't even know it could stretch so much...Jesus." She looked nauseous and I rolled my eyes, before pushing again.
"Alright, he's almost out. You're gonna have to push as hard as you can now, okay?" The doctor said. I hummed.
"Push!" He demanded and I pushed with all my strength, before panting. I heard no crying.
"W-what's going on?" Anna asked. I looked up in horror. The nurse tapped Salix's butt softly and he started to cry.
"Oh my.." I gasped, tears running down my face as I watched Anna cut the umbilical cord.
"Hey.. Sh." I watched as she held the dark skinned child. They wrapped him in a little blanket and handed him to me.
"Well hello." I cried, holding my baby to my chest.
"Beautiful." Anna cooed. The baby yawned, and opened his eyes and I gasped.
"Holy shit." Anna shook. Salix's eyes are identical to mine. The shape and my silver and blue color, but right around the pupil I see a little bit of green. I've never seen this before in my life. His eyes are wide open and bright, a head full of hair. Anna's nose and my mouth.
"Let's get you both cleaned up and then invite your family in. May you please step out?" The nurse asked Anna kindly. Anna kissed my forehead and our baby, before walking out the room. I looked down at my child and I've never been so in love.
After we got cleaned up and evaluated, I sat up on the bed and fed him. I watched as he drank from my breast and I smiled softly. After he finished he started to become sleepy and that's when everyone walked in. My mother and father, Anna's mom, Sofie, Dana, Sara. My family is here, and I've never been happier..
Anna:
My son is in my arms. My child. Our baby. Tears streamed down my face as I held him. He looked up at me with wide eyes. He has Kathleen's exact eye color, except for the hazel that sits around his pupil. His head has soft curls and his dark skin has the new baby smell. I've never felt so much love for such a little thing. I just never want to let him go.
"My turn." My mom whispered. I handed her Salix and she gasped as he opened his eyes.
"Wow.." My mother was mesmerized. Everyone huddled over him, which caused him to become fussy.
"You both have created the most beautiful child that I have ever seen." The nurse whispered as she cleaned up the room. We both smiled at her.
"M-may I ask...how?" She asked as she looked at Kathleen and I. We gave her a short summary of what we did and her eyes widened.
"Well, shit." She giggled. I laughed lowly. Salix was slowly passed around the family, and once it reached Delores, someone finally asked.
"Have you both figured out a name yet?" Sofie asked. I looked at Kathleen.
"Well, I was playing around right? And I decided that I would name him after my favorite tree. The Willow tree, but Willow is too girly. So I gave him the scientific name for a willow tree." She explained.
"Salix?" Sofie asked.
"Yes, ma'am. He's gonna have one hell of a long name, though. Salix Blue Lara- Symoné." She answered. My mom gasped and looked at me.
"You're changing your last name?" She asked. I nodded.
"I wouldn't blame you." Sara, sighed. I looked away and blinked back some tears.
"That kid is gonna get made fu-- ow!" I heard Sofie get cut short as Sara flicked her on the forehead. I giggled, and grabbed Salix who was fast asleep. I put him in his little crib and sat down next to Kathleen. We all talked and laughed quietly. Kathleen became tired so everyone started to depart. The doctors moved us to a new room. I offered to push her wheel chair as she held Salix and they let me. We got in the room and set up and I sat on the couch next to Kate's bed and leaned back, watching my son in his crib. Whatever state I was in before was scary. I've never experienced something like that before. Near death experiences. It gave me hope to keep going and to take care of my fiancée and my son, and to take care of myself and to keep pushing.
"You know what I could really go for, right now?" Kate whispered, turning her head slightly so she can look at me.
"What, baby?" I asked.
"A fucking milkshake." She laughed.
"Like vanilla?" I asked her. She nodded.
"I'm not blaming you." I laughed. She hummed.
"Im so glad you're back." She whispered. I nodded, looking down at my hands.
"I was so temped to smack the shit out of you. And then I went into labor." She stated causing me to snort loudly.
"I'm here now. Man. There's been so much shit this year. It's December. There's been pain, I've been arrested at least twice, so many hospital visits. I think Salix here is our little miracle." I babbled. Kate hummed in agreement.
"We've been together for over a year, Anna, and we've gone through so much. Damn. When you love someone, you really do feel their pain." She whispered. I stood up and looked straight into her eyes.
"I love you more than anyone can imagine. And I can't wait to spend forever with you and our children." I whispered, honesty and love in the air. She leaned up and kissed me softly, groaning as she slumped down.
"Does six weeks count for lesbians?" She asked. I trembled with laughter.
"Ask the doctor, sweetie. Not me." I replied.
"At least make out with me, damn. A few months without it really doesn't work well for me." She pouted. I chuckled and leaned down to press my lips against hers. We kissed slowly, passionately, before pulling away from each other. She pecked me again, and pushed me away. I laughed.
"How am I gonna keep my hands off you?" She giggled. I flashed her a smile and she rolled her eyes.
"What a stud!"
After a couple of days, Kathleen and Salix got checked out the hospital. He whined as I put him in his car seat and I sighed.
"We're going home to see your new family now, Blue." I've decided to call him Blue because of his eyes. He seems very alert, looking around when he could. He stared me dead in the eye as I spoke to him. I kissed his forehead, and made sure he was secure in his seat, before going up front. Kathleen strolled to her seat, and I smirked at her.
"Still hurts?" I asked her. She nodded, wincing as she sat down.
"The stitches down there are still raw. And cramps." She huffed. I sat in the drivers seat and started the car, driving off.
"They didn't give you meds?" I asked her, looking at her from the corner of my eye.
"They did, yes. I want to pump first, so I can be extra safe." She replied. I nodded. Better safe than sorry. I kept a smile on my face as I drove home. Since we didn't have a baby shower due to my state. I felt bad because I know she wanted one. So while she was in the hospital I've decided to plan a welcome party. I've invited some of her friends and coworkers, and our family of course. It was last minute, but I know it will make her happy. I drove home and we got out the car. I texted my mom before I got out and helped Kathleen out, before going in the back for Salix. He yawned and looked at me and wiggled his fingers. I grabbed him out his car seat and held him to my chest, and grabbed the baby bag, swinging it over my shoulder. We walked inside and went into the elevator.
"He's so sleepy." Kathleen cooed, touching his nose.
"You are too. I can tell." I whispered. We got out the elevator and walked to our door. Kathleen pulled out the key, and pushed the door open and I smiled widely as her face widened.
"WELCOME HOME!" Everyone exclaimed. I looked down at her and her face was filled with surprise. There was a homemade banner on our wall and blue balloons floating in the air. We walked in and we were greeted by coworkers, and our family.
"This is for the new mommies." Sara squealed as she handed us both a cup, taking her nephew into her hands. Kathleen sipped and moaned. I sipped it too. A vanilla milkshake. I love my family.
"Titi!" I heard my niece squeal, waddling toward me.
"Hey, babygirl." I lifted her up and hugged her. I looked down and saw austin hiding behind his mother's leg. He was diagnosed with severe separation anxiety.
"It's okay, Austin." I whispered to him. His little body crawled toward me and he wrapped his arms around my neck and I smiled. Success. I set them both down and Annabelle grabbed her brothers and they waddled around together.
"Anna." I heard David say. I twisted around and gave him a large hug. My mom smiled, letting go of his hand.
"How are you?" He asked as we pulled back.
"I'm okay I'm okay. How are you?" I asked him.
"I'm good. I'm glad you're okay. Do I get to hold my grandson?" He asked and I froze.
"Don't look so shocked. I see you as a daughter I thought I'd never had, and dating your mother, I've grown close with your family and consider you as my own no matter what. So yes, that is my grandson." David preached. My heart melted and I wrapped my arms around him. He embraced me back, making me feel loved and warmth.
"Come. Come meet him." I sniffed. Everyone was scattered and Kathleen was placed in a large chair with balloons around it. My sister was holding my son and David and I walked toward her. David took my son into his arms and I swear he melted. His eyes softened and Salix looked up at him and his little finger wrapped around David's big one.
"His eyes hold both his mother's souls." David whispered. I looked away, pushing away the hurt that was sneaking on me. My father will never see his grandchild. I see the way David is holding my son, as if it was his grandchild. Not even. As if it was his child. Is it too late to try and fill the empty void that my father has caused with the man that my mother has fallen in love with? My boss? The man that sees me as a daughter?
I felt someone touch my shoulder and I snapped out my daze.
"Hey, you okay?" My mom asked me as she rubbed my arm. I nodded, swallowing the lump in my throat. Salix started to cry and I grabbed him, swaying him softly.
"Hey hey, little boy. It's okay." I cooed, holding him. My mom handed me his bottle and I fed him. After burping him, he became drowsy and I walked upstairs into his room. I closed the door and looked around. It's quiet with just him and I. I took a seat on the rocking chair next to his crib and I started to rock back and fourth as I held him.
"You know.." I started, looking up at the Mobil above his bed.
"There's a picture of my father holding me just like this. In my beige and magenta room after your grandma had me. It reminded me of all the good times we used to have when I was younger. Way younger. He changed up on me, though." I sniffed, tears falling down my chin.
"You'll probably meet him when I feel that the time is right, but.." I breathed out as my voice became shaky and high pitch.
"I don't want to be like him. I don't. You don't have a father, or a grandfather. And you're gonna be so confused when you get older. You're going to experience so much.." I cried as I cradled him to my chest. He looked up at me sleepily, his eyes drooping and I sobbed at the cuteness.
"God, I love you so much. I'll never do anything to hurt you. I'll be the best mother, father figure ever. I swear on my fathers grave I will. I'll cry with you and hold you no matter how old you are. Show you how to shave. Play basketball with you. Help you ask a girl out on a date...I'll take care of you and your mama." I sniffed, wiping my face. I took off his little hat and heard him start to whine. I lifted him up, before laying his head on my shoulder and I rocked back and forth. His breathing slowed and I ran my fingers through his silky hair. I kissed his forehead before putting him in his bed, watching as he snuggled in. I wiped my face and opened the door to see my mom standing there, tears running down her face.
"I heard what you were saying to him." She whispered. I wiped her tears as she held me in her arms.
"Everything is okay, now. He's gone." She whispered. I nodded.
Everything will be okay.