"I need to tell you something." I finally broke the silence.
Luke Dashiel removed his eyes from the flat screen television and transferred it to me. His eyes were filled with adoration and a warm smile covered his lips. "Ano yon?"
I was always straightforward. I never hesitated speaking my mind and saying what I want to say. I never cared about what they would feel for my bluntness. But right now, I couldn't even find it in me to move my lips.
It's been exactly two weeks and I'm very much running out of time. I should have done this weeks ago. It's what I'm supposed to do. I need to tell him, but I can't. I don't want to, but I must.
Seeing him looking at me like I'm everything to him is one of the reasons why I couldn't bring myself to get it over with. It makes my heart swell with both happiness and pain. It sends a hardcore pinch on my heart.
Sa nakaraang dalawang linggo ay wala akong ginawa kundi ang subukan sabihin sa kanya ang matagal ko nang dapat sabihin pero sa tuwing tatangkain ko nang ibuka ang bibig ko ay walang lumalabas mula doon. Kapag nakikita ko na ang mga mata niya na masinsin na nakatingin sa akin ay nanghihina na ako.
He unravels me everytime he looks at me with his expressive eyes. I always drown whenever I see the depth of his stares.
Aside from trying to grow some guts, I was busy for the past days too. Ngayon lang ulit kami nakapunta sa unit niya. He sent me a text, asking if I want to watch some movies in his condo. He also said that he was going to give me something. I agreed, thinking that I'd be ready to tell him about it today, I wanted to be ready. But...
Hinigpitan ko ang pagkakapulupot ng braso ko sa gilid ng bewang ni Luke Dashiel. Isiniksik ko ang mukha ko sa dibdib niya. My hand fisted his shirt as my jaw clenched.
"Avis?" tawag sa akin ng maamong boses niya. Inangat ko ang mukha ko bago pa siya mag-alala at ngumiti para sa kanya.
"Savion and I have a night out this Friday." I wanted to cringe as soon as the words escaped my mouth.
Ibinalik ko ang mukha ko sa dibdib ni Luke Dashiel at mariin na isinara ang nga mata. Kinagat ko ang ibabang labi ko.
I still can't do it.
"With?" his chest rumbled against my face. I moved my face and flattened my cheek on his chest to look at him. He was giving me n inquisitive look.
"Just us two." kaswal na sagot ko.
"Can I come?" inosenteng tanong niya. Napangiti ako. Luke Dashiel is very clingy. Hindi niya sinasadyang maging overbearing. He's possessive and he doesn't know it. By nature na sa kanya ang dalawang qualities na iyon. It made him cute.
I shook my head, pursing my lips to hide my smile. "Hindi pwede. Girl time yon and you're obviously not a girl."
Sadness filled his face. He didn't even bother to hide his disappointment. Nakita ko na gusto niyang umangal pero hindi na lang niya itinuloy. Damn it, this kid is so cute. I'll never be immune.
Hindi na ako nakapigil at inabot na ang labi niya para halikan. His body slight jumped in surprise but later on softened. His hand placed on my waist moved to gently caress my skin. I smiled when his tongue slipped inside my mouth. I sucked his upper lip before breaking the kiss.
I didn't move away from him. Our faces were a few inches apart and I could smell his sweet and minty breath. I stared at his parted lips that were slightly red from the kiss then looked at his eyes when I had the urge to kiss him again.
He was already staring at me when I transferred my eyes to his. I love and hate looking directly at Luke Dashiel. It makes me feel lost and the worse part is that I don't mind not being found.
The remaining two days passed without me even realizing. I can hardly remember the things that happened. It felt like just two of my average days. Breakfast and dinner with my family, classes with Savion, and stolen moments with Luke Dashiel. It felt normal but not really.
My parents were in good terms again. I instantly knew that they're okay the moment they came home together, my mom holding a bouquet of tulips and my dad smiling with his eyes. What happened that night was never brought up again. It was like it never even happened.
Natigilan ako sa pag-iisip nang may pumalakpak na dalawang kamay malapit sa mukha ko. Inangat ko ang mga mata at nakita si Savion na nakangiti. Galing siya bar para bumili ng drinks namin. I noticed the small tray of shooter glasses filled with liquor on our table.
Tonight's our last hurrah, at least that's what Savion calls it. She's the one who coerced me into going out for a few drinks. Pumayag lang ako sa kanya dahil sa dami ng iniisip ko. I needed tonight. The diversion. The temporary amnesia. The fake courage.
"What's that?" tinuro niya ang kamay ko. Napatingin ako doon at nagulat pa nang makita ang hawak-hawak na susi. Hindi ko namalayan na pinaglalaruan ko na pala iyon. Napabuntong hininga ako at ibinaba ang susi sa ibabaw ng lamesa.
"A key." simpleng sagot ko.
Umirap si Savion at iritadong inabot ang shooter glass. "Natural. But for what?" nakatingin pa rin siya sa akin habang iniinom ang laman ng baso.
Napatingin ako sa susi. "Luke Dashiel's condo."
Bumalik ang mga mata ko kay Savion nang bigla siyang nasamid sa iniinom. I grimaced at her and chose to watch while she coughed herself to death.
Nang makabawi na siya sa pagkakasamid ay nanlalaki ang mga mata na tinitigan niya ako. "What?!"
The way she reacted made me feel uneasy. I squirmed on my seat and reached for a shooter glass to drink. She gave me a horrified look as I drank the liquor in one shot.
"You haven't..." hindi ko na siya pinatapos at tipid na umiling-iling. Suminghap si Savion sa naging sagot ko.
"God, Avis!" iritadong sabi sa akin ni Savion. Napapikit ako at naramdaman ang kirot sa dibdib ko. Nagiging regular na ang kirot na iyon sa puso ko nitong mga nakaraang araw kaya hindi na ako nagtataka sa tuwing nararamdaman ko iyon.
"Don't." I quietly murmured. That was enough to shut Savion up. She's frustrated but she won't say anything. Kung ano man ang sasabihin niya sa akin ay naisip ko na iyon. I've nagged myself enough, I don't need her to rub it in my face.
Savion obviously didn't want to spoil our night. She never brought it up again after that. Pagkatapos maubos ang alak na nasa mga shooter glasses ay bumili si Savion ng isang bucket ng may bottled smirnoff.
Kahit naubos ko na ang pangalawang bote ay matino pa rin ang pag-iisip ko. I can feel the slight effect of alcohol but not like my cousin who's already on her way to getting wasted. She's a giggling drunk.
"Maybe we should call it a night." sabi ko at parang baliw na nakangisi lang sa akin ang pinsan ko. The look she was giving me was creepy.
Tumango siya at lasing na may kinuha sa sling bag na dala niya. She shove her car keys near my face. Kung hindi ko iyon haharangin ay malamang tumama na iyon sa mukha ko.
"You drive." nakangiti niyang sabi at umirap ako. We brought her car because Savion will never want to be seen riding in my car. Maarte siya.
"Nope. I'm gonna call your boyfriend. Nakainom din ako. I don't wanna risk it." inagaw ko ang sling bag niya at hinanap ang kanyang phone. I don't have Zion's number.
Pangalawang ring pa lang ay sumagot na agad si Zion. It almost felt like he'd been waiting for this call. Nang ipinaliwanag ko na kailangan namin ng driver ay hindi siya nagdalawang isip sa pagpayag.
I was silent on my seat the whole ride but my mind wasn't at ease. Walang tigil ang paglipad ng utak ko patungo sa isang particular na condo unit. It felt like something was pulling me, a strong force that's pushing me in a certain direction.
"Zion, can you drop me off somewhere?" bago ko pa mapag-isipan ay lumabas na agad ang mga salitang iyon mula sa bibig ko.
Napatingin sa akin si Zion na may kunot sa kanyang noo. "Sure. Saan ba?"
I told him the name of the condo building and gave him the directions. Zion didn't ask why, he just said okay to everything. He didn't question my impulsive decision which comforted me and made me feel like I was doing the right thing.
Sa harap na lang ng building huminto si Zion. I unbuckled my seatbelt and throw him a glance before opening the door.
"Ikaw na bahala kay Savion?" I raised a brow and he gave me a one sided smile. His signature panty dropping smile, according to Savion.
"Yup." tumango siya. Hindi ako nag-aalala para sa pinsan ko. I know Zion's going to take care of her. I might not now if there are real feelings involved in their arrangement but I could tell that Zion genuinely cares for my cousin.
Hindi na ako sumagot pa at tumango na lang rin. I grabbed handle to open the door. Nakalabas na ako ng sasakyang nang tawagin ni Zion ang pangalan ko. I bowed my head down and looked at him with a questioning look.
"Take care." he casually said. Kumunot ang noo ko pero ilang segundo pa ay tumango rin nang maintindihan ang ibig sabihin niya.
"Thank you." I didn't wait for his reply. I pushed the door to close it and headed my way towards the building.
The guards must have recognized me because they didn't bother asking me to log in. Sa elevator agad ang deretso ko at halos hindi na makahinga habang paakyat ang platform sa floors.
The elevator chimed and it did something in my chest. I was frozen for a few seconds when the elevator doors opened. I gulped hard and took a deep breath before stepping out of the elevator.
I found myself turning left and walking past by several doors before halting in front of a familiar one. I stared at the door, thinking if I'm still convinced that this is a good idea.
I unclenched my fist and acknowledged the small metal on the top of my palm. I breathe in and out again before sliding in the key to unlock the door. It was already few minutes past midnight, I expect Luke Dashiel to be sleeping on his bed.
I quietly opened the door and slid in the unit. I made sure not to make a sound when I closed the door behind me. I walked towards his bedroom. My heart was beating wildly inside my chest. I couldn't hold it in.
I held my breath and opened the door. I prepared my eyes to see him topless on bed because he prefers to sleep that way. He wasn't there.
I let out the air that I sucked in earlier. There were lines on my forehead as I scanned the whole place. There's no Luke Dashiel in sight, not even a sign of him. It was quiet inside the room that I could even hear my own mind.
Where is he?
I was about to take a step when I heard a noise coming from the bathroom. It was the shower head spraying. My heart started to beat wildly again. He's taking a shower.
Visuals of Luke Dashiel naked from top to bottom flashed in my mind. His head was tipped back, eyes closed as droplets of water roll down on every part of his body. His jaw, his lean but muscled arms, his chest...
I was enthralled. Dazed with the images playing on mind, I walked towards the bathroom door. My breath was turning rag with need when I opened the door knob as quiet as I could. It wasn't locked. Luke Dashiel didn't have the need to lock it, thinking he's alone.
The shower head was still on and I took a sharp inhale when the images from my head earlier came alive. Luke Dashiel was stripped naked under the shower head, with his head tipped back. Water was running down his skin. From his face, his jaw, his chest... He's wet with water everywhere and I wanted to lick him dry.
I didn't remove my eyes from him as I reached for the zipper in my back and pulled it down. That quiet sound echoed in the bathroom tiles.
Luke Dashiel's body stiffened at the noise, his eyes were immediately on me when he opened it. His eyes widened when he saw me standing near the shower stall.
"Avis?" he blinked, still staring at me with confusion and surprise. "What are you doing he-"
Luke Dashiel stopped from finishing his question when I reached for the hem of my dress and pulled it down to my feet until it hit the floor. My eyes were on him as I stood up properly again. Luke Dashiel's attention dropped to my chest, my breasts were free from any barrier. I saw how he gulped, his eyes darkening at the sight. I caught from my peripherals how his length twitched. I wanted to smirk. He's turned on nd very much seduced.
His eyes lifted away from my chest when I moved my arms and hooked both sides of my lacy black underwear with my finger and slowly pulled it down, my eyes locked on him as I did it.
The shower head was still running but Luke Dashiel remained frozen. He was unmoving even when I made my way to him.
I stepped in the stall and closed our distance. I tiptoed to inch my face closer to him and covered his lips with mine.
I reached for his nape and clasped my hands to pull him down, and pressed my body against his. My muscles clenched at the coldness of his skin. I delved my fingers on his wet hair and swiped his bottom lip with my tongue, urging him to kiss me back.
My tensed body relaxed when his arms finally slid on my lower back and settled his hands on either side of my hips. He parted his lips and I swiftly slipped my tongue to play with his.
I can feel his length hardening against my stomach. I wanted him. I want him in my mouth, in me. I want to taste him. I want to feel him plunge deep in my core, to feel him pulsing and throbbing around my walls.
The heaviness that I was feeling in my chest eased when Luke Dashiel covered my breasts with his hands. I moaned against his lips when he pinched my nipple with his fingers. He broke the kiss and took my aching nipple on his mouth. I moaned again.
His tongue twirled hard on the tip of my left breast then sucked it hard while his other hand fondled with my other. My head tipped back in pleasure. A strong desire was awakened in my body. I parted my legs, pressing my center on his thigh and rubbed myself hard against him. I moaned harder.
Luke Dashiel freed my right breast. His hand began to travel down my stomach. Knowing what he was about to do, I opened my eyes and took a step back from him.
His eyes were darkened and wild when it opened, searching my face for something. He's confused and wanted to know why I stopped.
I bit my lip. I want his fingers on me but I also have plans for us tonight. Tonight, I'm going to take him. "Bed," I explained, my voice thick and laced with carnal need.
Luke Dashiel didn't say a word. His hands gripped on my hips and he straddled me against him. I secure myself by wrapping my legs around his waist. I brought down my face and reached for his lips.
He walked and never stumbled, even with me kissing the air out of him. Luke Dashiel broke the kiss again and gently dropped me on the bed. He placed his hands on either side of my body and leaned down to kiss me again but I flattened my hands on his chest to stop him.
"No." I sternly mumbled. His forehead creased. I pulled him down on the bed beside me. I rolled over and sat on his hard stomach.
Luke Dashiel was silently watching me. I gave him a wicked smirk before leaning down to fuse our lips again. Our tongues fumbled. He tried to slide his hands on my body but I grabbed it and locked it on the bed.
"Avis..." he helplessly protested and I just tightened my hold on his wrists. I sucked his upper lip before trailing wet kisses on his jaw, then his neck. Luke Dashiel groaned when I kissed a certain spot. I settled on that part of his neck and began sucking hard enough to leave a mark.
When his body was lax, I released his hands. Luke Dashiel finally realized that I wanted to be the one who'll do the worshiping this time because he didn't make a move to touch me again.
I licked his chest, then popped his nipple in my mouth. Luke Dashiel took a sharp breath when I twirled my tongue. He gasped my name, pained with need. I released his nipple and continued trailing kisses down to his stomach.
I stopped, excitement bloomed inside my chest when I finally reached his thick length. He was already hard but gotten even harder when I took him in my mouth. Luke Dashiel moaned, gripping on the bed sheet because he knows I didn't want him touch me.
I circled the tip of his hardness and he called out my name. I popped him in my mouth, taking all that I could take. I placed my hand on the part that doesn't reach my mouth. I squeezed and sucked at the same time.
I bobbed my head up and dow with my hand continuously squeezing him.
"Oh, fuck... Avis," Luke Dashiel's rasped voice intensified my need for him. I could feel the liquid dripping from my core. God, I want him so bad.
I licked his entire length, tasting him one last time before taking him inside me. I lifted my head and fixed my body to position myself on top of him.
Luke Dashiel's eyes were now open. He was watching me again. I could see the frustration on his face. I know how much he wants to touch me and I'm depraving him of it.
I held his length and raised myself. I looked at Luke Dashiel again. His eyes were still on me. I bit my lip and stared back at him as I slowly sink down.
Luke Dashiel hissed. My eyes closed at the feeling of having him in me. I stopped from making any movements when I finally had all of him inside me. I stared at his lips, wanting a kiss. Luke Dashiel must have wanted that too because he raised his upper body to kiss my lips.
He cupped my face and made me drunk with his kisses. The need to move clicked in my brain so I did. I slowly hoisted myself up before slowly plunging down. My body was shaking at the building pleasure inside me.
I removed my lips on him and watched him as I move. Luke Dashiel's eyes were open and watched me watch him. A doze of pleasure made us close our eyes. I buried my nose at the side of his head. Luke Dashiel placed his face on my neck as I ceaselessly rolled my hips.
I knew Luke Dashiel's control broke when I felt his hands grabbing my breast. He squeezed it hard, massaging it against his palm. As the pleasure amplified, the urgency to move faster increased.
I was making sounds that I never heard from myself before, bouncing up and down on top of Luke Dashiel with speed and precision. His hands dropped to my back to hold me as I moved. He removed his face from my neck.
"Look at me," he rasped. I did what he wanted and looked at him, still moving on top without delay. His eyes were intense, hard, and blazing with emotion.
Another loud moan escaped my lips. His eyes flared with doubled desire. I raise my hips up and plunge hard everytime I go down. I did it fast and continuous, my energy not dwindling as I reached for the high that I wanted us to feel.
"Avis, I'm about to..." he groaned as I murmured his name at the same time.
Luke Dashiel wrapped his arms on my upper back, pressing his face against my chest. He sucked on my breast as his hands pulled me down while he raises his own hips to meet with my every thrusts. I gasped when I finally hit the peak of my orgasm.
Luke Dashiel let out an animalistic growl, thrusting hard again for one last time. His entire muscles tensed, his body shaking as he came with me. My head tipped back, my eyes rolling at the back of my head as I drowned in pleasure. I moved my hips, riding the waves of gratification that we were both swimming in.
Luke Dashiel hugged my body hard as he came harder. I convulsed as hard and joined his guttural groans with my unbarred moans.
The waves ended and we both stopped moving. The room suddenly blared with silence, our ragged and hard breaths echoing inside the four corners of the enclosed space.
Luke Dashiel raised his head. A sated smile formed on his lips as he looked at me with adoration. He cupped my cheeks and pulled my face down to kiss him. The kiss was passionate, slow, and unrushed.
Our hearts were beating hard against our chests. I could feel his and I bet he could feel mine. I was shaken by what we just shared. It was intense. It was earth-shattering. A lone tear escaped from my eye. Luke Dashiel must have felt it because he broke our kiss to swipe it off my cheek and kissed the eye that produced that tear. My heart clenched.
Luke Dashiel didn't say a word when he carried me off him. He lied down the bed and pulled me with him. He spooned me, trapping me against his chest and wrapping his arms around my waist.
"I love you." he whispered near my ear before kissing the side of my head. He moved in search for a comfortable position before he finally stayed still.
I never moved nor said a word. I waited for his even breathing. Luke Dashiel's arms loosened around my waist, his muscles and entire body lax. I wiped the tears that were falling down my cheeks before untangling myself from his hold.
I sat up, staring at his peaceful face one last time before slipping out of his bed. I pressed my lips against him, uttering the three words that he never heard from me before slipping out his life.