Without a clear goal ahead, James and I just sink in a normal routine. We go to college together, listen to the teachers, and I watch him work, too. As I have him I don't feel that need to ramble because I'm bored out of my mind, I just have to wait until we are alone to talk to him, and that is not hard when it's not me talking to myself the whole time. Having some feedback helps to tone it down a notch.
When we are alone I help him as much as I can with his college work, things I didn't do in so long because what was the purpose? I am dead, it doesn't count. But I get to do something productive with James, and that is really cool.
There's something magical about doing art with James, helping him with his sculptures, or even the dull task of organising his photographies, even more, tracking the progress of his work. It feels really good to be part of something, to add a bit of me on to something other people can see, even if they have no idea I was involved. Besides, it's my way to pay him back.
James has been so focused on helping me with my unfinished business, revenge, and all those things we've achieved already, that he was left behind with his college work. The least I can do is helping him to catch up with everything he missed for being busy with me. And I enjoy helping him, so it's a win-win situation.
It feels like a normal life, just the two of us, something I haven't had in so long. These days with James have made me feel more alive than ever, even when I was really alive. I don't have people tormenting me, and even if I don't have my family, I do have him, constantly reminding me he loves me. It's not always with words, sometimes it's with a tender touch when he brushes a lock of my hair away from my face, or the way he smiles lovingly, or how he insists to wrap me in blankets when we watch movies together, even if I don't get cold. Sometimes it's the way he holds my hand over the table when he's eating, just to make me part of what he's doing. And sometimes, it's just the way he says my name.
It's really nice. But also extremely heartbreaking because this is just temporary, until I learn my lesson and can cross over, to reunite with my mother. It makes me reluctant, so reluctant to actually do that. Every day I fall a bit more in love with James, discovering just how kind and caring he is with me, even if he is cold and even rude to other people, to me he shows a side no one else has seen.
Maybe it's wrong of me, but I kind of like that he doesn't let anyone else in, just me. I actually enjoy how he pushes other people away, because he has me. Like he did to Adeline the other day.
The girl grabbed his arm when he was leaving after Photography, making him wait until everyone left before smiling at him.
"Hi," she purred, surprising me. Until today, just thinking about it gives me the chills. "I thought we could talk for a bit. You're always the first to leave. I barely see you, lately."
"Hm," James only muttered, quickly turning to look at me, almost asking me to help him. I laughed, thinking of scaring Adeline, actually considering to give the girl a back hug.
"Roxy says that it's a matter of time you ask her out, but she's wrong, right?" Adeline asked next, clearly surprising James who stared at her wide-eyed.
"What?" James muttered. I had to press my lips tightly together not to laugh.
"I knew it," Adeline smiled, content with the kind of response she got from James. "I knew you wouldn't like a girl like her."
"Oh?" I still find extremely funny that James only gives her monosyllable answers, and Adeline is doing all the talk.
"I think you're just shy so I thought of helping you out a bit," she added, stepping closer, pissing me off in that occasion. I took a threatening step towards her, even if she couldn't see me doing so. "Why don't you and I go out? I'll let you take me on a date."
James couldn't even answer, he just looked dumbfounded, blinking his confusion away, even shaking his head ever so slightly.
"Uh?" His response, however, made me laugh.
"You know, let's go out. I think we'd match well together. You're cute in that mysterious kinda way," she tried explaining, winking and making me gag. Was she taking her lines from cliché chick flicks? "What do you say?"
"I uhm..." James began. Adeline smiled confidently, and for half second I felt sorry for her. Just half second. "I have a girlfriend."
"What?" Then it was Adeline using monosyllables. "No, you don't."
"Yes, he does," I intervened.
"Yes, her name is Paige," he explained and I couldn't help my huge grin when he said that.
"What is she taking? Do I know her? Why haven't I ever seen you with her?" she demanded, as if he owed her a sort of explanation.
"You don't know her, but I'm always with her. We live together," he shrugged.
"But... that's impossible. And your parents?" Adeline asked, her shocked expression was priceless. I walked up to James, wrapping my arms around his waist and giving him a back hug. I felt proud at that time, happy that he was actually telling someone about me... about us. I let him feel that.
I have to say I'm getting better at controlling my emotions. It's not about shutting out the ones I always carry with me, it's about letting the good emotions overflow, and in that way balance the pain so it's only cold for James.
"They don't care. I don't live with them, they are too busy travelling the world," he explained, shrugging but also leaning closer to me. Adeline didn't notice that, of course. "So it's only Paige and I."
"I— but you— I—" she mumbled, causing me to chuckle and James to smile, at me, not her, needless to say.
He didn't say anything else, he just walked out, leaving a very confused and shocked Adeline behind. I couldn't stop smiling for that whole day.
The rumour has spread, of course, now our whole group knows James is dating a girl named Paige, and that is why he doesn't bother to look at anyone. The rumour has twisted a bit, saying how we had been engaged since childhood and that's why we live together, or that he is forced to marry a girl he doesn't want. Some other are nicer, saying we've always been together and the like, but his parents opposed to our relationship so we ran away together and are living our romance in secret.
These kids, they have a lot of imagination.
But that is also how they comfort themselves, like Roxy and Adeline, saying that because James is a nice guy who can't be unfaithful he never gave her the time a day, which isn't entirely wrong but it isn't correct either.
"Did you hear what the kids were saying today?" I ask James after dinner, when we are working on the progress of his Photography project. I help him sort out and paste the photographies.
"What were they saying now?" he asks absentmindedly, too focused on his work to actually look at me.
"They said we are actually married because you knocked me up, and that's why you left your precious home, to stop people from talk about us or notice my pregnancy. We had a boy and his name is Clyde," I explain and James stop working for a second, just to burst out laughing the next at the absurdity of the rumours.
"Seriously, don't they get tired of talking about us? More things need to happen for them to change topics," James muses, going back to his work, but the smile still lingers on his lips.
I find this last version of the rumour a bit bittersweet, though, but I don't mention that to him. The truth is, those rumours are the closest we'll ever be to actually have that kind of future. It's not a matter of choice for us, it's just impossible. Whether we want it or not, we'll never be able to marry, or have kids. Those rumours the kids at college spread are all we'll ever have, because then I'll leave James here when I cross over. He'll form a family... with someone else.
I'd tell that to James, but I think it would only make him sad, and that is the last thing I want.
"I wish they could see you at least once and realise this isn't a Romeo and Juliet sort of story," James muses next.
"People are too obsessed with a story they don't even understand," I comment. "Besides, two barely-teenagers can't compete with a human and a ghost," I joke, even winking and making him laugh again. "If there was a contest for freaky couples we would win the first prize," I sing-song, standing up and spinning in a sort of pirouette.
"You're so cute," James mumbles next, smiling fondly.
"I'll never be grateful enough that I can't blush." He laughs again as if I had told a joke when I'm speaking the utmost true.
"I'll paint you, and when I do, I'll make sure your cheeks are very rosy, as if I just said something that made you blush," he almost challenges me, kind of forgetting his work.
"You think I can stay still enough for you to paint me?" I remind him. By now he is very aware I can't stay still, I'm always moving and talking.
"We'd have to try. I could even present that at some point and when they ask me who the model is, I can proudly say she's my girlfriend."
"Oh, you just want to brag you're not single," I laugh at my own words and how my voice sounds, so cheeky and playful.
"Of course I want to do that," he confirms, completely ignoring his work and walking up to me, stopping only when there's one step between us.
I stand straighter, rocking on the ball of my heels and raising my chin to meet his eyes, the grin still on my lips. His blue eyes sparkle with amusement and love, I can see it so clearly. James' hands tangle behind his back and he also rocks his weight, following my lead, and it almost looks like we're dancing. I even mimic his posture, causing my grin to widen.
"I want everyone to know how pretty you are, and how lucky I am for having you. I also want to to rub in their faces that I'm the lucky one who can see you."
"That certainly helps with jealousy, doesn't it?" I ask teasingly, he just shrugs, trying to keep his smile at bay. "You don't have to worry another guy will hit on me."
"It's one of the perks," he admits, leaning closer, and in a heartbeat, pecking my lips before I can even realise he's done that. "It comes with many others."
"Is that so?" I ask.
You know how it is by the end of a romance film? When everything is solved and the couple are just in this blissful happiness? Being cheesy and enjoying every second? That is how this feels and how it probably looks. It's not like everything is solved, but isn't life like that? You can't fix everything because as soon as you deal with something, a new issue comes out, so it's never-ending. But as of right now, it feels like it's time for the credits to roll down.
"Paint me like one your French models!" I exclaim, overly dramatic, even striking a pose, stealing his beanie to help me, but then I realise that quote has another meaning. "On a second thought," I add in a higher voice, exactly remembering the scene of that film. "Never mind. You don't have to do that. Forget I said it. Forget it, forget it!" I cry out, feeling so embarrassed and self conscious.
James seems utterly confused, though, and he's watching me with a frown. When I pull his beanie lower, covering my face that should be blushing if I were human, he connects the dots. His response is an explosive laughing fit.
"Oh my God," I groan, turning around and running away, locking myself in his room.
"Oh, come on, Paige! That was funny!" James says from the other side. Of course he followed me, but I locked the door. I'm too embarrassed to meet his eyes.
"I'm never coming out of this room!" I shout. I can't believe I suggested him to paint me naked. That's so humiliating.
I can only hear him laughing at the other side, having the time of his life at my expense. Not even as a ghost I can't stop being an awkward teenager.
>>>·<<<
I'm back! I survived! And I brought this cute chapter. I know it's kind of a filler, but necessary at the same time for what's to come. Bear with it for a little while.
Dedication to BookLoverMM
Bel, xx
NU: Monday