XVIII.
When Camila woke the next morning, she was alone. Panic seared through her instantly, and she sat up far too fast for the strain in her back. The girl looked around, hoping to god that whatever had happened the previous night wasn't a just a terribly unfair figment of her imagination. When Camila looked over to the bed, it was empty, and she didn't know whether to be relieved, or to start panicking even more.
"Hey there lazy bones. You're finally up." Camila looked to where the familiar voice was coming from, seeing Normani standing at the other side of the room. She was dressed like she had just come from a class, with her hair up in a messy bun and a set of comfy clothing on her body. "It looks like you might have been turned into a human question mark last night. Why didn't you sleep in the bed?"
"I... I don't know. I guess I just fell asleep here." Camila shrugged as she struggled to her feet to look around. "Where's Lauren? What are you doing here? Are the others here as well?"
"Relax." Normani stepped over, revealing she had a white paper bag in her hand. "Here, I brought you a little something for breakfast from the adorable cafe on campus. I figured you might be hungry."
"Thanks." Camila stretched the muscles of her back, wincing as a dull pain began to shiver through her spine. She took the bag, peering inside and removing the large blueberry muffin. "Ok, now my questions. Answer them."
"Lauren's doing just fine." Normani started, watching Camila sit down on the side of the cot and begin picking little pieces from the top of her muffin. "The nurses told me they came in this morning and were horrified to find her out of bed and literally in your arms."
Camila sighed in relief. "Good." She mumbled. "So I didn't just dream that."
"Nope." Normani smirked. "Apparently she tugged out the IV, and took off the heart rate monitor just to get to you. And she's feeling way better, although her hangover is going to take a few hours yet to subside. I got an email from her parents, apparently they decided not to fly down, and they're just going to give her a stern talking to over the phone, so that should be fun for her."
"Mmm..." Camila agreed as she chewed.
"And she's with the doctors right now just to make sure that the level of toxin in her body is manageable, and to get a cast moulded for her hand. Her wrist is broken, but she has no idea how it happened... obviously."
"Oh." Camila looked down at her muffin. "That's terrible."
"Yeah." Normani agreed. "But the good thing is that she's safe. One of the doctors was telling her that if she had spent any more time with that high a level of blood alcohol in her body, she may not have been so lucky. We got her here just in time."
"Wow..." Camila couldn't believe how fast her life had gone from one to one hundred over the events of a few hours. "And what about the others? Are they here as well?"
"Ally was here earlier, but she had to head to the clinic, and Dinah should be back any minute from a coffee run. I heard that you had a pretty traumatic night last night... I'm sorry we all couldn't be there for you." Normani continued with a sympathetic look.
"No, don't be." Camila smiled up at her roommate. "Honestly, there was just so much going on... things happened right when I didn't expect them to happen... everything turned out okay." She said, focusing carefully on her words.
"I bet." Normani hesitated, biting her lip as she looked down at the floor. "Mila, there is one more thing you probably should know about Lauren."
"What's that?"
"She's— god I don't know how to put this." Normani met Camila's eyes. "She's very... shaken up right now. The doctor told her what happened from start to finish. All the events of the ambulance, then how things went down here and in the ER."
"Right." Camila nodded.
"I don't really think she's taking it very well. I mean she's relieved that everything ended up okay, and she's safe now— but I think she's half embarrassed, half ashamed of herself. She lost control last night, and when I talked to her this morning, I got the feeling that this may not have been the only time that she's experienced binge drinking."
"It's not." Camila confirmed, knowing she couldn't say anything further.
"Ok." Normani nodded. "So that makes sense. It's just that she might not... want to talk to you right now. When she finished talking to all the nurses, she could barely look me or Dinah in the eye."
Camila felt her heart fall.
"She's going to need some time." Normani continued. "To come to grips with what happened, to endure the scolding from her parents, to realize that everyone has slip ups. She doesn't have to make this her fault, and we all make mistakes sometimes."
Camila finished up the muffin, and Normani took both the crumb covered wrapper and the paper bag from her so she could crumple it up and toss it into the trashcan by the door. "She's going to need space to get back into the routine of things... class, learning, assignments. I have a feeling that it's going to take her some time to heal."
"I understand." The Latina got to her feet. "I won't pressure her into anything, I promise." She looked at her roommate sincerely. "But can we at least go and see her?"
"Of course." Normani took Camila's hand, leading her out of the room and down the hall. Turning the first corner, Camila was nearly covered in scalding beverage as the squeak of running shoes on shiny floor caused her to stop in her tracks. She let her arms fly in front of her, while a flustered Dinah had to teeter on her feet to prevent coffee from flying everywhere.
"Wow. That could have been a funeral for both of us." Dinah remarked as she handed the tray of to-go cups to Normani and instantly wrapped Camila into a hug. "Hey you."
"Hi." Camila smiled, closing her eyes and letting Dinah's familiar embrace really top off the happiness of the morning. "What did you get me?"
"They didn't have any two percent milk for coffee, so I just got you a large hot chocolate. Is that alright?"
"That's perfect." Camila plucked the cup Dinah had gestured to and took a long happy sip. "Thank you."
"No worries." Dinah smiled down at her. "Did Mani give you the rundown on everything that's happened while you've been napping?"
"She did." Camila acknowledged as Normani led them down to a specific room at the end of the hallway. "I really just need to see her."
***
"Alright, everything looks good here. You're all set." The doctor who's name Lauren couldn't remember let go of her wrist and put down the black tape. "You'll need to be back in a few weeks so we can remove that and give you some exercises that should help strengthen the bone. Until then, no heavy lifting or strain of any kind, sound good?"
"Yeah." Lauren nodded kindly, letting her wrist lie gently in her lap. The pain was in the process of ebbing away, and it was definitely coming as a massive relief. "And thank you for everything you've done."
"Oh no, the pleasure's all ours." The man smiled as he rolled his chair over to the counter on the other side of the room. "It's good to see you up on your feet this morning, although you gave my nurses quite a scare when they entered your room and saw you weren't in bed."
"Oh yeah, sorry about that. I really didn't mean to cause anyone concern. Everything was pretty confusing last night."
The man smiled as he packed away the plaster and coloured tape into the drawers. "I'm sure it was. It's always a little unnerving to wake up hurting in a strange place." He spoke sympathetically. "Luckily your friend there had chosen to stay the night. She was quite persistent."
"She was?"
"Indeed." He chuckled. "One of the department heads ended up giving her personal clearance to remain in your room. And even before that she put up quite the fight."
Lauren looked down at her cast. "She's pretty special."
The doctor nodded knowingly before clapping his hands together and getting to his feet. "So, it looks like everything with your recovery is going swimmingly. If you need them, you can use over the counter painkillers for your hand, sound good?"
"Sounds perfect." Lauren nodded.
"Great." The man smiled again . I'll be right back with your papers, and we can get you discharged and on your way home in no time... oh." He stopped after pulling the door open to reveal three girls. "Looks like you have company again. I'll leave you guys alone."
"Hey." Dinah spoke first, heading over to where Lauren was still sitting in the large reclining chair that was often used in dentist offices. "So I went out and got us all a little pick-me-up." She said softly. "I wasn't sure how coffee was going to do on your stomach, so I just picked up green tea. I know you're big into it at the Japanese places we go to."
Lauren gave her roommate a small smile, reaching over and taking the to-go cup from Dinah. The surface wasn't too hot, just warm enough to cup in her right hand, and balance against her cast on the left. Taking a tentative sip, relief washed over the girl as the hot liquid coursed down her throat and instantly settled the hangover grade stomach ache.
"Dinah Jane, did you go skipping class this morning?" Normani sparked a casual conversation much to Lauren's relief. She wanted to talk, to tell her roommates just how much she appreciated and loved them, but there was something caught in her throat. Lauren was becoming far too caught up in how much she hated herself for her actions.
"Yep." Dinah grinned as she found a seat next to Camila at the foot of the chair. "But it was my human sexuality class, so realistically attending all lectures are optional."
"Hey, so how about I go to your human sexuality lecture, and you can take notes in my analytical chem class. Sound good?" Camila asked playfully.
"Yeah that's a good one." Dinah chuckled. "And while I'm at it, I'll cover myself in garlic mayonnaise and wander into a wolf den, how does that sound?"
While Normani replied with some playfully snarky comment, Camila let her attention settle on Lauren. Normani had definitely been right. There was something off about the green eyed girl, she seemed ashamed of herself, definitely embarrassed.
"I'm so glad you're alright." Camila said when the others were busy arguing over whether wolves even preferred humans covered in condiments versus humans un-marinated. She then stood up, walking so she stood just behind Lauren, the girl's chair was unmoving. Camila's arms moved on their own, wrapping around Lauren's chest, and pulling her close, and pressing against her from behind. "I was so happy when I saw you last night, you have no idea." She could feel her roommate's heart beating against her wrists, while her own was hammering in her body like crazy.
Lauren leaned back against her, green eyes drifting closed as the warmth of the matching coloured tea turned soothingly in her stomach. Letting herself drink in the scent that was so characteristically Camila, Lauren's spine tingled. Head still spinning and hangover at it's peak, the Latina had little to no desire to ever open her eyes again.
***
When the girls returned home, Lauren immediately vanished downstairs to retrieve her shattered phone and deal with the upcoming conversation with her parents. She was nervous to say the least, trying to breathe deeply while she dialled.
"Lauren?"
"Yeah, it's me." Her voice was small and cracked.
"Oh thank god. Mike! I've got her on the phone!"
Lauren heard some rustling on the other end, and then her father's voice. "Lauren? Jesus honey, are you okay? Is everything okay?"
"Everything's fine." Lauren replied softly. "I'm okay Dad."
"Like hell you're okay." Mike's voice began to seethe. "You're in a lot of trouble young lady. We made a deal with you, and we're very clear with our terms."
"What happened Lauren?" Clara asked. "What could have possibly happened that was so horrible it drove you to do this to yourself?"
Lauren swallowed. "It doesn't matter to you. I'm okay now, so you don't need to worry about what happened."
"It very much matters to us." Mike's voice rose again. "You disobeyed us, and your mother and I are very close to taking you out of school and bringing you back home."
"Please don't!" Lauren nearly blurted out, causing her headache to intensify. "Please Dad, don't do that...I... I promise it won't happen again, never. I'll never drink again, just don't make me come home..."
"Lauren..." Clara tried to interject, but her daughter was on a roll.
"I'll do anything, anything at all." Lauren pleaded. She couldn't even begin to think about the consequences of having to leave New York. The most important consequence was sitting upstairs watching the Disney version of Hercules on their DVD player. "I'll get another job, I'll study harder, anything, please..."
"Lauren." Clara's voice was firm.
"Yes?"
"Can I speak please?"
"Yes."
"We're very disappointed in you." She began. The traces of her mother's Spanish accent were bleeding through the phone. It was a sensation of both comfort, and intense panic. "I hope you're aware of that."
"Of course I'm aware of that." Lauren shrunk back against the wall of her bedroom, sliding down to her butt on the carpet.
"But it has been pointed out to us, that perhaps forcing you to return to Miami might not be the wisest thing to do, for either of us."
Lauren felt her stomach flip.
"So we've made the decision to let you stay where you are for now. Keep doing what you're doing, but if there are any slip ups..."
"Any at all." Mike warned.
"Then you're going to be on the first flight back to Miami. You'll go to school in the city, and you'll live at home." Clara finished.
Lauren took a deep breath. "Okay." She agreed. "That's fair... I understand."
"Good." Her mother had a hint of relief in her voice. "Your father and I are very relieved to hear that you're alright Lauren. We don't want to have to get any calls from your roommates like the one we received last night ever again."
"You really scared us sweetie." Mike added.
"I'm sorry." Lauren managed to rasp as her stomach flips turned into a heavy pit. "I'm really really sorry, nothing like this is ever going to happen again, I promise."
"Good." Lauren could hear the satisfaction in her father's voice. "Now is there anything else that you'd like to tell us?"
"Um..." Lauren paused. "No, but I do have a question."
"Which is?"
"What was it that made you guys change your mind?"
There was a small chuckle on the other end. "We'll just say that you have quite the convincing defence squad." Mike replied. "You're lucky."
It took a minute before Lauren realized what her dad was talking about. She couldn't help but smile. "Right." She said, making mental note to herself to send a text or two when the conversation was over. "I guess I do."
As she finished up the call, said her goodbyes and hung up the phone, Lauren immediately scrolled across the broken glass to tap into an unused group chat and send a few texts.
Lauren: yo
Immediately, she received a series of replies.
Taylor: LAUREN YOU'RE AWAKE. ARE YOU OKAY? ARE YOU ALIVE?
Lauren: I'm fine yeah
Chris: you're so stupid man
Lauren: Why do I feel like you two had something to do with the fact that I don't have to be packing for Miami right now?
Chris: I believe the correct thing to say is thank you
Taylor: dude we had everything to do with it
Lauren: I love you guys <3
Chris: Ew don't get all mushy
"Lauren?"
The Latina jumped when she heard a real voice behind her. When she turned, her chest tightened when Camila's frame came into view. "Hey." The girl was holding a box of mini wheats in her arms, and hugging them shyly to her chest."Did it go alright?"
Lauren took a deep breath, nodding with a small smile.
"Good." She reciprocated gently. "Um..."
Lauren looked away. She didn't want to fight anymore. She was terrified that any conversation with Camila would just evolve into an argument, and she couldn't have everything that happened just loop around so the two of them would still be going absolutely nowhere. Lauren still had the cheque. It was still sitting wedged in one of her biology textbooks that was beginning to collect dust on her bookshelf.
"Hey, you don't have to talk alright? It might be better if you just listened anyways..." Camila bit her lip. "Lauren I'm sorry about what I said to you. You didn't deserve to hear any of that... I was being irrational, and I was panicking."
Camila searched carefully for what to say. "To be honest if I were you I would have done the exact same thing. I wouldn't have wanted to spend one more second with me either..." The brunette could feel tears bubbling in her eyes, and she knew it was only seconds until she lost it. "I... I'm just. so relieved to know that you're going to be okay. I know I said it before, and I honestly don't think I'm ever going to be able to stop."
Lauren met her eyes once more, her heart hammering out of her chest.
"Look, I don't know where our relationship is right now, but know that doesn't matter. I just want to see you up and on your feet again. I want to see you better, and happy, and over all this drama." She looked at Lauren sadly. "I hate seeing you like this... I swear Lauren Jauregui wasn't born to lie in a hospital bed with her hand in a cast. I need the old you back..."
Lauren looked down at her broken wrist. Just another thing she had to be ashamed of. Camila spoke again before she could really pull herself any further into her thoughts.
"Did you want to come upstairs with me? Ally just brought this home, and we're doing karaoke in the living room." Camila raised an eyebrow and offered a smile. "It's my turn up next. You always said you liked it when I sang."
Lauren took a deep breath, tossing her phone away and slowly getting to her feet. She felt Camila zip to her side and press her hands to Lauren's waist to steady her, and her nerves skyrocketed. She expected the brunette to let go at that point, but Camila's hand didn't leave her arm, and instead slid down to take her hand and give her a gentle tug towards the stairs. She followed, emerging from the basement to see that Ally was home, and all the girls had their eyes glued to the TV.
"Mila!" Normani put a Cheshire Cat grin on her face. "Come on, you're up next." She looked over at Lauren. "You won't say you're in love, right?"
Camila gave Lauren's had a squeeze and tucked the box of cereal in her arm before letting go with a smile.
Lauren seated herself on the empty couch opening the box with one hand and beginning to munch away at the dry cereal. Meanwhile, Camila tackled the soulful song while the other girls dealt with the animated background vocals. Lauren giggled as she watched, and as always, was completely blown away by Camila's voice.
Somewhere through the movie, the fatigue made Lauren's body heavy, and she couldn't help but let her eyelids flutter closed. When she woke again, the sky outside was nearly black, and speckled with the artificial light of the city that never slept. Her box of cereal had been tucked under her arm, a pillow nested under her head, and someone had even draped a blanket over her body. Lauren made a mental note to thank her roommates, that is if she could muster enough pride to speak again at all.
For some time, the girl found herself stuck where she lay. A combination of temporary laziness and sweaty skin on leather caused her to remain on the couch with a lost look trained on the floor.
When the Latina found it in herself to cut through the self-loathing and wearily make her way to two feet, she let her mind walk her body not to the entrance of her own bedroom, but up the stairs to another. Lauren rubbed a frown from her eyes when she noticed Camila's light was on, and her door was cracked open. She peered inside, her eyes landing on the smaller girl with her knees folded up and an unfamiliar novel in her hands. She had her brow furrowed in concentration, the front of her tongue just poking out between her lips.
When Camila noticed Lauren, her full attention was taken. "Hey." She said softly, being sure not to disturb the other girls who slumbered not far away. She tossed the book in her hands over to her night side table lazily, watching as it went skidding into an open bottle of Advil and knocking the entire contraption to the laminate below. "Oops." Camila added, biting her lip. "What's going on? Are you feeling alright?"
Nodding briskly, Lauren knelt to the floor and began collecting the painkillers, rounding up each pill save for the few that had rolled under the bed. After carefully funnelling the handful of white tablets safely into their bottle, Lauren slid down onto the bed and hid herself wordlessly into the fabric of Camila's sweater. She was feeling fine; her hangover had receded with sleep, as had her headache, and the girl was on her way to a seamless physical recovery.
Feeling a pressure on chest, Lauren registered the tightening of Camila's arms around her body, and she sighed softly.
"You really scared me you know." Camila's feathery voice was soft to touch Lauren's ears. "Never again okay? I don't want you to scare me like that ever again."
I'm sorry. Lauren's words may have been internal, but her motif was anything but. I love you Camila, and I'm so sorry.
***
Camila blinked into the darkness. It had to be a dream, though no matter how much she squinted, rubbed her eyes and cleared her head, her surroundings refused to show themselves. Thrusting her arms out, Camila's palms met cold iron, smooth and harsh on the skin of her hands. A wall? The Latina took a few steps, realizing that it wasn't sedentary. It was moving. Towards her. Fast.
Everyone has fears. General fears, specific fears, very detailed fears. Ever since she was small, Camila had two-very simple - very forward fears. A dark mass appearing underneath her while she was swimming in a large body of water, and being crushed by moving walls. Spinning around blindly, the girl knew that the latter only moments from becoming reality. When she crashed into the opposite wall, the brunette estimated only a few inches more than her wingspan remained. A few inches more and she'd be flattened like a waffle in its iron.
While her eyes took their time to adjust to the dark, Camila threw her arms out around her and pressed both palms to the cold surface a second time. Her elbows began to bend, and her stomach erupted in a combination of butterflies and pure nausea.
Camila shouted to herself silently as the walls around her became so close they touched the tips of her shoulders. She felt the compression on her body, and held her breath. Suddenly, a shadow passed over Camila's eyes. She looked up meekly, tears now making their way down her face as her chest was crushed under the pressure. A pair of eyes stared back at her, along with a slow command that echoed in her head.
Go.
Camila let out a series of shaking breaths as she met the colourful gaze. Only seconds later the voice sounded again. It was louder this time, more urgent. Both male and female, old and young, weathered and new.
Go. Now.
Camila looked around for some kind of clue as to where her mind was directing her, then noticed that the height of the walls had dropped, and they were just receding enough for her to wriggle her body through the top. Camila reached up, pressed down on the cold surface above, and hoisted herself up and out of danger. Looking over the side once more, the figure still stood, two walls pried apart by an act of sheer force.
"Hey!" The brunette shouted down to the figure, reaching a hand out. "Take my hand! Let me help you!" Something within her was determined to save this stranger who had done the same for her. Looking up into Camila's, the pair of eyes gazed at her with a sense of fierce longing, the colour of crystal blue-green. Almond shaped eyelids slipped closed slowly, and Camila's body went into panic.
"Hey!" She tried again. "Come on, I can get you out of there!" the brunette pleaded down to the shadowy figure. She closed her eyes, squeezing them tight when the person succumbed to the iron pressure and was crushed away.
Waking up, Camila found herself twisted in her blankets, lined with an uncomfortable layer of sweat, and very much alone. She got up, nudging the sleeping puppy at her feet before swapping pyjamas for running attire and tying her hair as high as it would go. After slipping her feet into a pair of black Nikes and linking Riley's leash to her collar, Camila pushed the front door open. A good jog will get rid of the nightmare. She figured as damp spring air swirled around her. Camila missed the days when there was so much snow layered on the ground that Ally instructed her not to run in fear of her safety.
The girl used her usual route to ponder just who her silent saviour had been the previous night. Those eyes. A colour as sea-foam as the Venetian canals or the Canadian lakes. Intense like the white coals of a campfire, and urgent like a single mom with children late for school. She meandered down the streets, passing a few pedestrians who reeked of alcohol and poor decisions.
Arriving at her usual corner cafe, Camila stopped to order her usual snack from her usual barista, then carried her goods over to an empty playground just a ways from home. Letting Riley do her business, Camila sat cross-legged on the lowest part of the slide and let both the sugary goodness of a bear claw and heat of the sun, warm her from the inside out.
With her brain still in wakeup mode and her dreams of the past night quickly fading, Camila realized that she wasn't likely to get answers anytime soon. The Latina resorted to tossing a chewed up tennis ball across the length of the park and watching the puppy blow off steam by returning it to her in an endless loop. When a small family appeared out of the corner of her eye, Camila called Riley back and had her sit obediently at her feet while they passed through.
It was a mother, herding two small daughters, towards a parked car on the other side of the grassy knoll. They looked similar, one slightly younger than the other, with their light brown hair pulled up in matching tight buns that indicated to Camila that they were likely going to a dance class.
"Mom! Paisley took my granola bar!" The older of the two was glaring down at her little sister, who was munching away on an unwrapped food item. "That was what I was supposed to have for breakfast!"
"Give Kenzie back her breakfast please Paisley." The mother instructed the girl as she pushed one large backpack up on her shoulder, and lifted a second smaller one off the ground. "That's enough, you've already eaten yours."
The girl frowned, then tossed the half eaten bar to the ground before turning to look in Camila's direction. The moment she spotted the Riley, she had taken off towards the slide as fast as her little legs would carry her. Camila braced herself, slightly nervous to be handling a German shepherd around a small child.
"Hi." She said as the girl slowed to a stop and dropped to the sand to peer at the dog. "What's your name?"
"Paisley."
"Hi Paisley, I'm Camila." The brunette smiled kindly, realizing that the girl was less interested in what her name was, and more interested in the canine at her feet. By this point the mother had realized her youngest had wandered off, and was scurrying over like a bolt of lightning.
"Oh I'm so sorry." She muttered, taking one look at the bear claw in Camila's hand and realizing her daughter was likely interrupting a stranger's quiet time.
"It's no problem at all." Camila assured the woman. "Riley here is pretty friendly."
She continued to flash Camila an apologetic look regardless. "Paisley, you need to come to the car now or we're going to be late for class again. Get up please."
"But there's a dog mommy!" Paisley protested, her hands already patting Riley's cheeks. Camila was thankful that the puppy was so calm, she had relinked the leash to her collar the moment someone else had appeared and had her leg pressed to the animal's side just to ensure she didn't move.
"I see the dog honey." The woman replied, kneeling down and taking her daughter's arm. "And maybe some other time you can come back here and play with the dog, but for now we really need to get going. Your sister's waiting."
Camila reached forward and hooked Riley's collar with her index and middle finger, surprised at how quiet she was being. Normally around strangers the puppy tended to act up, but there was something about this situation that was different.
"No!" Paisley cried out, folding her arms and crossing her legs under her with the world's cutest pout on her face. "I want to stay here! I don't want to go to dance!"
Dance. Camila had been right on the money with that one.
"Hey, how's about you feed her some treats? She gets a few a day, usually when she obeys, and she's been nice and calm for you." Camila suggested, her eyes drifting to the anxious mother, who was tapping her foot with impatience. An equally grateful look passed over her face when she heard Camila's proposition. The Latina then pressed one hand in the pocket of the light jacket she had brought along, and pulled out a small baggy of treats she always kept on hand. "Here."
Paisley happily accepted the treat that Camila held over Riley's nose, holding it her hand as Camila tugged the dog's leash towards her. "Easy." She coaxed. "Be gentle."
The young girl grinned, holding the small bone shaped biscuit out as the dog lapped it from her hand happily, and began gnawing with her back teeth. "Good doggy." The younger girl smiled, watching Riley go to town on the treat. "She's so cute... Mom, can we get a dog?"
"You know Daddy's allergic." Her mother replied. "Now come on sweetie. Tell this nice lady thank you, and let's go."
"Okay." Paisley stood up, brushing the sand from her legs and patting Riley's head. The puppy was busy sniffing her hands for more. "Thank you Camila." She said politely, her warm brown eyes appearing larger in the gentle golden sun. "For letting me give your dog a treat."
Camila raised one eyebrow. She didn't realize the girl had actually remembered her name. "No problem sweetie." The woman mouthed a sincere thank you before taking her daughter's arm and leading her out of the sandpit.
As she watched the two of them disappear back to their car, Camila leaned one cheek on her fist, and elbow on her knee as the smaller girl skipped through the grass. Mothers. As she used her other hand to give Riley a thorough scratch behind the ears, Camila wondered how amazing it would feel to one day be one.
***
"Hey you." Dinah was busy poking at a bowl of cereal when Camila returned and filled the kettle for tea. "Are you headed to school?"
"In a bit, yeah." Camila replied as she let her hair down and gave it a flip. "You're up early. Are you actually going to class today?"
"Guest lecturer." Dinah mumbled through a mouthful of Cheerios. "I figured I'd go just this once."
"Let me know how it goes." Camila watched her friend multitask through finishing off her breakfast and pulling in her boots. She smiled, truly loving how last-minute Dinah lived her life. It was refreshing. "But please don't go pull a Mani and bring home another stupid love experiment."
"Speaking of that, how's our green eyed showstopper doing down there? Did the two of you spent the night together?" Dinah asked as she fumbled around her deep pockets for her set of keys.
"Not really." Camila lied. The jog had erased a lot of residual Lauren-stress from Camila's mind, and the only thing she was focusing on now was how great a hot shower sounded.
"Oh well." Dinah shrugged. "She needs a little time. Things will work themselves out." The blonde girl added as she turned around, looked into the powder room mirror to fluff her hair up a few times and straighten her jacket. Dinah was the girl on campus that everyone hated because she didn't show up in sweatpants and a ripped flannel with makeup smeared on every inch of her face.
"I guess." Camila sighed, leaning on the side of the wall and smiling as Dinah turned to reach out and brush her jawline gently.
"Shower; you stink real bad." Was all Dinah replied with before giving her roommate a grin and disappearing out the door.
Camila refilled Riley's bowl, gave her a thorough scratch behind the ears and headed up to cover her body in what had to be the hottest shower she had taken in a while.
An hour or so later, she was filing into her lecture hall, sipping periodically from a travel mug of peppermint tea and running her fingers through her damp brown hair. Planting herself in her usual seat by the front left, Camila couldn't help but look around briefly, scanning the crowd around her for Lauren, but coming up with less than nothing. She moved on to pulling out her laptop and watching the bespectacled man at the front of the room rearrange some papers on the overhead projector.
Camila arranged a few black ink pens before her, and turned to a blank page to mark the date in the top right corner. As the prof explained the difference between t-tables and z-scores, she made sure to alternate between careful notes, margin diagrams and the occasional electric yellow highlight on the key points. Lauren will probably need the notes eventually. The girl figured as she checked the clock and realized they had gotten a measly ten minutes into class.
From the stuffy lecture hall to the cafeteria for a banana pecan muffin, Starbucks for a refill of tea, then the library, Camila found comfort in her daily habit. With one leg propped up on her plastic seat, she rested her chin on her knee as she scrolled haphazardly through Tumblr and prayed that none of the accounts that she followed decided to reblog porn. That would be a fun one to have to explain to the innocent passersby who happened to catch a glimpse of her laptop screen.
***
Porn. Dammit. Lauren slammed her laptop closed and rolled over in her covers. She had been patiently scrolling through her Tumblr dashboard, waiting for some quote that would lift her spirits. There was one rather uplifting one that Ally had said to her some time ago, for the eldest was often good with that kind of thing. Lauren however, couldn't for the life of her remember what it was, so she had been on the lookout for the past few days.
But at the current moment, no matter how wise Ally had been, the only thing Lauren was getting was pictures of one guy after another banging one girl after another against a plethora of creative surfaces. She groaned softly, plastering her arms over her eyes to block away the smidgen of sun that was peeking through the basement window.
Class would have to wait. Lauren had just received the email from her parents, explaining to the board of the school her circumstances. She was granted the weight shift of her midterms to her finals for each class, meaning that although the midterm was cancelled, there would be double the pressure when the end of the term drew nearer.
The official word was "when she's well enough to apply herself to her schoolwork without risk of further health complications." Lauren was ninety six percent sure that the negotiation was her parents doing, as a means of long distance punishment. No matter where they were, they were going to find a way to ground her, even if meant bombarding her with schoolwork.
Lauren hauled herself up and stripped the entire bed, removing everything down to the mattress cover and throwing it all into the laundry machine. She didn't need anything in the room to remind her of that night. Even the torn tank top that the hospital had so graciously apologized for still smelled faintly of vomit.
After the room was in a better state than it had been before, Lauren headed upstairs, opening her door and bumping the corner into something soft. She peeked behind to see Riley, sitting by the mountain of stray shoes with a sad look on her face. Camila must have left for class. Lauren knelt down and ran one hand from the top of her head to the tip of her tail as the puppy acknowledged her affection and began to trot happily behind her when she disappeared into the kitchen.
After a few cups of coffee and an apple, Lauren quickly realized that the dog needed to go out. She sighed, pausing to envelop the room in silence and confirm that there was absolutely no one else home before grabbing Riley's leash and heading outside. The day was as dreary as she was, and with her hands stuffed into her black windbreaker, Lauren watched emptily as the dog proceeded to sniff absolutely everything she could bump her nose against. It got interesting when they ran into another-slightly more enthusiastic-dog walker.
"Oh my, I'm very sorry." The man was middle aged, wearing a dark grey jacket and a collared shirt underneath. He looked like he might have been on a lunch break, or taking up a part time job as the neighbourhood dog walker, Lauren couldn't tell. His dog was considerably larger than Riley, a rottweiler that was definitely looking to tussle.
"No don't worry about it." Lauren's voice came out raspier than usual, likely due to the fact that she hadn't used it for quite some time. She pulled hard on the german shepherd's leash, holding her back as her snout curled into an unfamiliar snarl. "I'm sorry, she's usually quite docile. Riley, hey. Stop." Lauren knelt down and gripped her collar, low enough to get a look at the row of razor sharp teeth that lined the other dogs mouth. For the first time in a long time, Riley barked viscously.
"Tremmer, you too, now that's enough." The man instructed his canine, reaching forward and grabbing hold of the sharp studded collar. The Rottweiler snapped once at both the puppy and Lauren, before the man dragged him away, muttering a series of string-lined apologies. Lauren cupped Riley's cheeks, turning the dogs head so she was looking at her.
"Jesus, please tell me you're okay." Lauren asked, as the animal peered at her with a curious look. "If I let you get hurt, Camila would have my head." Brown glassy eyes stared back at her in understanding, and Riley gave her a little shake to signify all was fine before bouncing off down the sidewalk once more. Lauren finished the rest of the walk quickly, knowing she was likely unable to handle another growling confrontation.
It wasn't until Lauren was back home when she realized just how astronomical her mistake had been.
"I hate to admit it, but you're pretty much stuck with me. I'm not going anywhere Camila, I promise you"
Sequentially, Lauren had made a promise to Camila, then broken it only a few months later. She had said some pretty heavy stuff that night, then drank some pretty heavy stuff the next. Dragging herself downstairs and curling into bed, Lauren squeezed her eyes shut, bidding the memories away as hard as she could before she slipped into sleep. The green eyed girl could have slept for ten minutes, or ten days. She had absolutely no perception as to how long she spent balled up in oblivion.
***
And that was just the beginning. Camila understood what Dinah meant. She understood what needing space, and needing time felt like, but this was different. Minutes turned into hours, turned into days, then to a week. She hasn't seen Lauren in what felt like ages, and heard from her even less.
After countless nights of cramming her ass off for one midterm after another, Camila arrived home weary, and very much ready for a good sleep. Unlocking the door and smiling to herself as the sound of tiny paws scuffed over the top floor, she entered the house to see Ally, a cup of tea in her hand and a concerned look on her face. "Hey." Camila smiled at her roommate, tilting her head to the side in slight confusion. "What's up? Is everything okay?"
Ally stood up, carrying the tea to the sink and dumping out the remaining contents of the cup down the drain. "The others are upstairs, there's something they've asked me to talk to you about."
Camila frowned. Something was off.
"That sounds intense." She pulled her body up onto the counter, now holding one end of a chew toy that had the other end lodged between two powerful canine jaws. "Do I scare them or something? Why did they ask you to talk to me?"
Ally smiled. "How well have those two been known to deal with serious confrontation?" The eldest of the house asked with a hint of humour in her voice. "I figured if they did it we would all just break into song."
Camila chuckled, knowing very well that the spoke all kinds of truth. "What did they need? Was everything alright?"
"Yeah, unfortunately it's not them I'm worried about." Ally said slowly. "It's the fifth musketeer." Her eye floated over to the basement door, which Lauren now kept conveniently cracked open so the dog could come and go as she liked. "Lauren hasn't left her room in days, and she hasn't eaten for god knows how long either." The Texas native explained. "She hasn't been to class in a while, and has barely left her room. For the last few nights, Normani and I have periodically gone down there and left little snacks, but hasn't touched any of it." Ally's brow was furrowed. I'm worried. I've never seen her so shut away like this."
Camila took a deep breath. Lauren was healing. She needed time. In the flurry of studying physics equations and memorizing chemical reactions, the brunette hadn't been thinking much of their fifth roommate. She needed the work to keep her mind off her crumby personal life.
"She'll come up when she's ready" Camila replied softly, looking over to the door that sat ajar at the side of the room. "I don't think you need to be worried."
"Please just go down there and give it a shot. She might listen to you."
Camila nodded, sliding off the counter and heading over to the entrance to the basement. Maybe a little bit of time with Lauren wouldn't hurt. It had been a while regardless. The path on the way down was dark, and as she rounded the corner, Camila was met with the smell of warm shampoo and fresh shower steam.
At least Lauren was keeping up her impressive bill of hygiene. Her heart dropped when she set foot in the room and realized that the girl was curled up in bed with her knees tucked to her chest and her back to the room entrance. The position not only made Ally's concerns quite real but also meant that any chance at a decent conversation had been quickly eradicated. Unsure as to whether Lauren was asleep or not, Camila did notice a plate sitting on her clothing dresser. A small sandwich and an apple sat upon it, a bowl of dry cereal just at its side. Ally's was right. The food hadn't even been touched.
"Lauren?" Camila was tentative as she spoke. There was no motion on the bed, so Camila stepped forward slowly. "Hey, did you want to come up and grab something to eat? We can order from the Szechwan Dragon again, I know you really liked the egg-rolls last year, you ate like ten of them at once... Of course that's when you were drunk, but the sentiment should still carry over."
Camila paused, studying her roommate for a moment and noticing the steady rise and fall of her chest. Lauren was asleep, and she realized she had been discussing egg-rolls to a basement room that was very unlikely to respond. Sighing softly, Camila vanished back up the steps with a sad shake of the head in Ally's direction.
Thus began the next few days of a new routine. Instead of curling up for a well-deserved rest, Camila would creep downstairs, lie on the floor of Lauren's bedroom, and just talk. Whether she was awake or not the brunette had no idea, but it was well worth a shot, and it kept her other roommate's worries in check.
***
"I wrote the Chen midterm today." Camila shivered up at the ceiling as she spoke. "It was terrible... We had to memorize one of those equations where you balance with fractions. I'm pretty sure halfway through the test a girl got up and went to the bathroom just to puke the stress away." Camila grinned to herself. "The stress huh? It really gets to some people." The brunette thought for a moment, letting the small grey threads of the carpet bead through her fingers.
"You know, I missed having you as my study buddy." She said softly. "But you're so lucky that you get to miss them all. The profs are really bearing down on us this time."
***
Camila became increasingly worried about Lauren, and it wasn't long until she was sharing Ally's sentiments. "You should eat something." She said one afternoon as she leaned back against the wall and folded her knees up. "It would probably make you feel better... You need energy to recover properly."
A day later she stopped by the grocery store to get creative. "I have Oreos." Camila grinned down at the package in her hand. The blue foil brought back a stream of fresh childhood memories. "And a can of whipped cream. We can take out the centres of the cookies again and spray them with it." Lauren didn't respond, but Camila did it anyway. She left one of her towering creations on a paper plate by her roommates bed, then came down the next day to see that it was untouched, and melted into a white puddle.
***
"I should have said it when you asked me to Lauren." Camila spoke on one particularly grey day. "God, you have no idea how much I blame myself for this." She turned around on the carpet so their backs were facing each other. This was one of the times when she absolutely hated how she got so over-emotional about everything. "If I had just kept my fat mouth shut, you never would have had to feel this way. Everything would be fine. Things would be back the way they used to be. I miss you." She paused for a moment, sitting up abruptly when Lauren shifted where she lay. Getting to her feet, Camila stepped over and sat on the edge of the bed, causing the mattress to sag slightly.
With one hand, Camila slowly placed one hand on Lauren's shoulder, shaking her slightly. Apparently on this particular day she was feeing rather bold. "Please talk to me." The brunette coaxed softly. "Come on, you need to get up. Go outside. Have something to eat. I'm so worried about you."
She felt Lauren tense, then move away from her and go still. Camila just sighed, getting up and leaving the room in the exact same silence that was there when she entered.
***
A few days later, Normani dumped an untouched bowl of cold soup down the sink and tossed the remaining dishes into the accumulating pile. "I'm calling her parents." The Texan declared when Camila emerged with a disappointed look for what had to be the tenth time that weekend. She had the third untouched bowl of cereal in her hands, and a hint of frustration etched on her face. "This is starting to get ridiculous. I feel like we need to start being afraid for her health."
Camila walked up behind her roommate and yanked the phone out of her hand. "No." She countered sternly, watching as Normani turned around with a look of exasperation. "I can tell you for sure that Lauren's parents aren't going to be the solution to this."
"How do you know?" Normani had a look of honest curiosity on her face.
"She knows." Dinah was sitting on the couch and flipping through the channels on the TV. She seemed relatively out of it, and more distant from the situation than the rest. "Listen to her Mani. Camila knows Lauren better than all of us."
Camila handed Normani the phone with a pointed look, while the other girl just sighed in defeat. She was grateful that Dinah was there to back her up, and at the same time hated having Normani hesitant to her actions.
"I've gone over the side effects of the medication for her arm about a hundred times." Ally said as she jogged down the stairs. "The internet doesn't say anything about depression."
Camila looked over at her. "Do we think it's depression?" She asked with a hint of nervousness in her voice. "I mean that seems a little extreme, does it not?"
"She hasn't left her room, or gotten up in days." Ally shrugged. "I mean it's not like I'm an expert on the subject or anything, but this seems pretty severe."
Camila shuddered. Was there a chance Lauren was a danger to herself down there? The brunette shook the thought off only seconds after it hit her. She knew the answer was no. She needed to have more faith in Lauren.
"We need to just calm down. If the past few months had been an indication of anything, it was that freaking out over a situation never made it any better. Especially when it involves Lauren." She ran a hand through her hair as the room fell silent around her.
A soft scuffing upstairs had Normani rolling her eyes. "Ugh, is that dog poking at my beanbag chair again?" Camila smiled as Normani trudged up the stairs muttering something about animals.
"Let's order something for dinner." Ally proposed when Normani's complaining had turned into soft scolding. "It's been a day, and frankly I'm not in the mood to cook myself anything tonight."
"I second that." Dinah hopped up from the couch, flicking off the TV monitor and straightening her top. "Who's in the mood for a pizza?"
"And I second that." Ally repeated happily. She grabbed her cell phone, swiping to unlock and dialling a number. "Mila, are you alright with mushrooms, or no?"
Camila opened her mouth to give a confident yes, but stopped cold when the creak of a door silenced everyone in the room. Whirling around, the brunette saw Lauren, half her body still hidden by the door, the other peeking out with massive green eyes. She was wearing her black jacket with a grey hoodie underneath, and while her hair looked freshly washed, her face was makeup free.
"Whoa." Dinah squeaked from across the room, while Ally set her phone down on the dining room table slowly. Camila blinked a few times, unsure as to what her next move should be. They were treating Lauren like a scared deer, not wanting to make either a move or a sound for fear of frightening her.
It turned out however, that Camila didn't need to say a word. Lauren closed the door behind her swiftly, then advanced into the living room without meeting anyone's eyes. Passing Ally and Dinah, Lauren took a shaky breath in and pressed one hand into the inner part of her jacket. She stopped in front of Camila, meeting the brunettes eyes with a pleading, empty look.
"Lauren?" Camila's voice was tiny as she let her stare wander from where the green eyed girl was fumbling around in her jacket up to her face. "What are you— are you okay?"
When Lauren's hand moved away, within it was an object.
She held it out to Camila, who's eyes were locked down in disbelief. "Oh my god." The brunette murmured reaching up and grasping the object gently. In between her fingers sat a flower. With its soft white concentric petals, smooth thornless stem, and single protruding leaf, Camila immediately recalled where she had seen it before. A white rose. Before she could respond, Lauren was backing up, turning around and heading towards the front door. "Wait!" Camila stepped forward, the stem of the flower leaving a satisfying burn on her fingers. "Lauren, please don't leave."
She was gone before Camila could reach her, off and disappeared out the door and closing it behind her. The brown eyed girl swore under her breath, just as Normani was jogging back downstairs. "What's going on?" The girl asked, scanning the room that reeked heavily of disbelief. "What did I miss?"
"Lauren." Ally murmured picking her phone up just as slow as she had put it down, watching Camila closely.
"Lauren!?" Normani's head whipped around to Camila. "Lauren where!? What happened?"
"She came upstairs, gave Camila a flower... And left." Dinah explained to her stunned roommate. The Latina nodded meekly. She was looking down at the rose, her mind lost in the memory of what had been one of the most amazing days of her life. "You know, nowadays the white rose isn't a symbol of love like the red. It's actually used in lots of bridal ceremonies because it's the symbol of innocence, loyalty and purity. The white really shows respect for a new start, and hope for the future."
"She left!?!?" Normani's screech cut through the low murmurs of the room, and the girl had promptly ignored Dinah's knowledge of rose colours and their symbolism. "Fuck, where are my keys." Normani scurried down the rest of the steps, darting into the kitchen and grabbing the cluster of keys from the counter by the sink.
"Wait." Dinah was at Normani's side in a flash, a hand on her arm. The other girl whipped her head around frantically, her short, layered hair swinging around her head and whipping her in the face. "Think about this for a minute. Do you really think chasing after Lauren right now is a good idea? She hasn't spoken to us in forever, it doesn't seem like she wants to be followed. She might just need some space."
Normani's eyes flashed. "She's had plenty of space Dinah. She's been walled up in that room for days now without seeing or talking to as much as a soul. Do you remember what happened the last time she stormed out of this house because she needed space? I'm going after her."
"No." Dinah's voice was firm. "Camila needs to. Mila only."
"What? Why?" Normani asked, eying her roommate in confusion.
Camila looked up from where she still stood by the front door. Her fingers were still clasped around the flower, and she was clutching it to her body like a child with a beloved stuffed animal. "I'll do it." The Latina nodded. "She'll talk to me. She has no choice now."
Normani looked from Dinah to Ally, then over to Camila. She wriggled free, then stepped over to the brunette and clasped her wrist, holding it out and placing the set of jumbled keys firmly into her palm. "Alright." She said with a reluctant nod. "I trust you Mila."
While Dinah gave both Normani and Camila a tender smile, Ally walked over to the front door from where she stood. "I know you know what happened the last time she left this house alone." Ally said, referencing the way Normani had phrased the question earlier. "I know you're not going to let that happen a second time." She looked at the flower momentarily, then spoke two words that had Camila out the door and vanishing into the night.
"Find her."
***
A/N: Thank you for reading guys. I hope this was alright. Things will get a little more conclusive in the next chapter so we can put an end to this alcohol poisoning arc. Thanks again and sorry for any mistakes.
~ Rory