Yesterday is gone and you will be OK
Place your past into a book, burn the pages
Let 'em cook oh
Yesterday is dead and gone and so today
Place your past into a book, burn the pages
Let 'em cook
Eyes stinging from the black smoke, new hope
Loose rope, risen from the undertow
All is well
We welcome the cry, of the dark night sky
Swallow me peacefully, follow my heart back inside.
Burn the Pages- Sia
JustJensen is Offline
I stare at the news article in awe. I posted that video just a few days ago and now there's online articles on a handful of news websites and there's blogs and vlogs talking about it too like it's the end of the world or something. I didn't think that it'd be such a big deal, but it seems to be blowing up on the internet.
The article that I'm looking at now, on Friday right after school, is on Yahoo News which is a really big deal because a lot of people read Yahoo. I'd been informed of this by my friend, Maria, who is a YouTuber from California. She'd called me during my lunch hour today and told me that she went to check her email and my face was just there in one of the news stories.
The article is accompanied by a snapshot of me in one of my music videos and then under the article is the YouTube video where I announce that I'm taking a break for a little while. I haven't read the actual article yet though, because I'm kind of too nervous to do so. I don't really want to know what these people have to say about me because I don't take criticism well and I feel like they're going to criticize me.
I know that there are people out there who probably think that I did that just for the attention, but that doesn't make any sense because I didn't expect to get so much attention just for announcing that I'm going to take a break. I just stare at the article for a while, not reading it or anything, just staring at it until I'm shaken away from my computer screen by a loud knock on my front door.
Katy's at gymnastics and my parents are gone at work so that leaves me home alone, which means that I have to be the one to answer the door. I turn off my computer monitor and then hurry down the stairs to get to the front door. Looking through the peep hole, I see that it's Beckett and Sara standing outside, which is kind of weird.
I don't know why, but instinctively, I fix my hair a little bit before actually opening the door and offering them both a small smile. "Hello," I greet them. "Can I help you?"
"Yeah. We just came over to let you know that you're on the news. Which you probably already know," Beckett informs me.
"And he really wanted to see you," Sara pipes with a high pitched giggle.
"That's not true," Beckett says quickly as he shoves his little sister, only making her laugh some more. I too can't help but laugh just a little bit. "I just came over to make sure that you're doing okay, and Sara... I don't really know why she came with me."
"I just need to talk to Katy," Sara informs me.
I give her a strange look. "She's at gymnastics..." I say slowly, confused as to why she forgot that because she knows when Katy has gymnastics.
"Oh that's right, silly me. I guess that while I'm over here, we might as well take a selfie so that all of the people at my school know that I know you. For bragging purposes of course, now that you're on all of the big online news stations," She explains as she gets out her phone and steps closer to me before holding her phone up so that the camera is facing us. "Now smile!"
I barely have a chance to realize what's going on before she's snapping the picture and stepping away.
"Awesome. Thanks. Now I'll let you two love birds have your privacy and don't forget to use condoms," She warns us and I let out a shocked gasp but hide it behind an awkward coughing fit.
"You don't even know what that means, Sara," Beckett grumbles at his sister, who is now grinning at her older brother, who I think might be blushing.
"No, I don't," She agrees with him. "But it makes you all embarrassed and I think that's funny."
"Go away," He tells her.
She rolls her eyes at him and then looks at me and says, "Isn't he just so grumpy when he's in love?"
Beckett turns to his sister and glares before she's hopping off of the porch and sprinting toward her own house, leaving a fit of laughter behind her.
"Sorry about her," Beckett mumbles when she's completely gone.
"It's okay," I assure her but I can't hide a little bit of laughter. "I know how they can be. Do you want to come in?"
"Yeah, sure," He nods and I step away from the doorway to let him into the house. I haven't really talked to Beckett since Tuesday when I came to his house crying my brains out so this is a little bit awkward but I still want to be polite and invite him in and everything. I'm also not completely against the idea of hanging out with Beckett for a little while.
"So you saw the news stuff. Is it brutal?" I ask after I shut the door behind him and we both walk into the living room.
"No, it's not so bad. You haven't read any of it?"
"I haven't had time," I lie quickly as I sit down on the couch and he follows. "My friend told me about it just a little while ago but I never expected it to be such a big deal. I mean, I knew people would be unhappy about it on YouTube and Twitter but I never expected to get the attention of Yahoo or anything like that."
"You are pretty famous," He informs me.
"Yeah," I sigh. "I guess I just prefer to stay stuck in my little bubble of modesty so that I don't have to face that fact. It freaks me out too much. I just... I sing on the internet, I don't think that it's such a huge thing."
"You're a role model," Beckett says in return. "Not just a great singer."
"Right," I say with a loud scoff, leaning farther back in the couch. "Because my life is so put together."
"Nobody's perfect," He says with a shrug. "But you're still a really great role model for a lot of your fans- you've been through a lot and you came out alive, and that's what matters. Your life may not be so put together right now but the thing is that you'll put it together. And that's what makes you special."
I just stare at him for a minute, kind of surprised at what he just said because it was really nice but also incredibly unexpected. After a moment to process what he said, Beckett suddenly looks away from me and I feel like I really need to say something before this gets awkward again. "Uh. Thanks. I actually-"
I'm cut off when my phone starts ringing in my pocket, making both of us jump a little bit as I scramble to answer the phone, eager for an excuse to not have to think of something to say in response to that really generous statement from Beckett.
However, when I look down at the screen of my phone and see that it's Elliot that's calling me, I suddenly feel -1000% relieved. Before I can stop myself though, I look at Beckett and clear my throat. "Sorry, I have to take this."
"Sure, yeah," He confirms, nodding.
"Don't leave, okay? This won't take long and then we can... I don't know, hang out or something," I say quickly before I hurry out of the room to go into the kitchen to take the call. I don't want him to think that I think that what he just said was weird. I don't think that it's weird, I think that it's really sweet of him to say something like that. It was just so sweet that I had no idea how to respond to it is all.
Before giving myself time to panic, I answer the phone. "Hello?"
"Hey," Elliot sighs on the other end, sounding very relieved, and my breath catches in my throat because I haven't heard Elliot's voice since Tuesday and I really miss it and I miss him so much. I shouldn't have answered this call, it was such a bad idea but it's too late to turn back now. "I didn't think that you'd pick up."
"Well, I did. Is there something that you need?" I ask, trying to keep my voice as indifferent and monotonous as possible.
"I just... yeah. I..." He trails off, trying to figure out what to say and if we were still friends, I would laugh at how adorable he gets when he's nervous, how he loses the capability to use 90% of the English language. But we're not friends anymore so I don't laugh, I just listen to him babble for a minute on the other end until he finds his words again. "I wanted to let you know that you didn't have to go offline just because of what happened. I mean... if you don't want me to watch your videos, I won't. You love all of the YouTube stuff, Jen, you don't have to stop doing what you love because of me."
"I didn't do it because of you," I lie.
"Jensen, this is driving me crazy," He starts to rant. "I... I can't sleep at all and I can't stop thinking about what happened on Tuesday. I never meant to hurt you, I swear. You have to believe that. I love you to death and I know that you know that. This doesn't have to be a permanent thing. Just let Cara calm down for a little while and then everything can go back to normal. I just want everything to go back to normal."
"Nothing is ever going back to the way that it was," I say to him with a shake of my head even though he obviously can't see me. "And that's all bullshit because if she's going to make you choose now then she's going to make you choose forever. Deep down, you know that. And deep down, you chose her over me. Forever. That was your choice, so now you have to live with that. We all do."
"I don't want it to be like that though," He mumbles.
"That's not my problem!" I shriek into the phone. "I'm not the one who made it like this! I never made you choose, that was your bat shit girlfriend. So I'm not sure why you're whining to me about how things turned out because it's not my fault."
"Maybe if you talked to her, she'd realize that there's nothing going on between us," He offers up, sounding desperate now. "I tried to talk to her. I talked to her until my lungs were on fire but she wouldn't hear it from me but maybe she'll understand from you."
"I'm going to hang up now," I warn him, my voice shaking a little bit now. "And if you try to call me again, I'm going to block your number. I'm working very hard on getting over you, and you have no idea how hard that is because you're seriously the best thing that ever happened to me. But I'm doing it. And you calling me like this, it's making it so much harder. So goodbye, Elliot. I love you too."
I hang up the phone and wipe a few premature tears from my eyes before taking a few calming breaths and then returning to Beckett in the living room.
"Okay, sorry about that," I mumble, sitting back down on the couch and I turn on the TV so that we can watch something to give us something to do because I guess I'm hanging out with Beckett now. "Anyway, like I was saying, I really appreciate that."
Beckett looks over at me curiously and I can tell that he notices my dramatic change in mood from that stupid phone call. However, he does me a favor and he doesn't say anything about it. "Sure thing," He finally says.
"And I won't blame you if you ask for an autograph since I'm basically an A-Lister now, but it's going to cost you twenty dollars apiece," I warn him jokingly as an old episode of a cake decorating show plays on the TV.
"That's very generous, thank you," He chuckles, playing along with my joke. "I feel honored that you've even chosen to grace me with your presence."
"As you should," I respond, trying my best to forget about that conversation with Elliot. I think that maybe I was too harsh on him because he's really only trying to fall in love and to stay in love, which is something that he thinks won't happen again for him so if he loses Cara then he'll never get another chance again. Maybe I could go talk to Cara and tell her that nothing is happening between me and Elliot. But then I tell myself that it doesn't matter because I already hung up. It's over, so it doesn't matter if I made the wrong decision. There's no use in dwelling on it now.
"You alright?" Beckett wonders, shaking me out of my day dreaming.
"Oh. Um, yeah. I was just thinking," I say, trying to shrug to make it seem like no big deal.
"About what?" He asks me with his eyebrows raised curiously.
I shrug again. "I was just wondering if you have plans tomorrow," I state and when he raises his eyebrows at me again, I realize how flirty that sounds. "I mean... because I want to go to the beach. You don't have to if you don't want to, I can find somebody else to go with me, I've just decided that I want to go to the beach tomorrow."
"The beach sounds nice," Beckett says with a nod. "Kind of random though."
"I need a mental health day and I think that a day trip to the beach sounds so amazing," I explain with a small shrug. "We can bring Sara and Katy so that our moms don't start thinking that it's not just friendly."
"So we're friends now?"
I don't know why that makes me laugh because what he just said isn't funny and laughing kind of makes me feel like a lunatic but I still answer him with, "That is a very strong possibility. But you don't have to be my friend out of pity."
"Oh, well then never mind then," He says teasingly. "Because I really only ever talk to you out of pity."
"I am pretty sad-looking."
"It's incredibly depressing," He says and I laugh before rolling my eyes at him. "But I don't pity you, believe it or not."
"Good to know," I say with a small chuckle just as I hear the front door start to unlock from across the living room, telling me that my mother is probably home but she's a little early so I haven't been expecting her home for another hour or so.
"Jen, can you-" She starts talking once the door is open but when she steps into the house and notices that Beckett is also sitting on the couch with me. "Oh. You two are freaking me out."
"Why?" I wonder with raised eyebrows. "I thought that you wanted us to be friends."
"I do," She insists, walking past the living room and then into the kitchen to put down her keys and work stuff. "I think that it's great that you guys are getting along but it's just so random and weird and it's freaking me out. It's freaking Margaret out too."
"We actually started listening to you guys- it's a miracle," I reply sarcastically as my mom grabs a bag of her weird pretzel things and walks back into the living room, nibbling on the crunchy pretzels.
"Yeah right," She scoffs. "I don't buy that for a second. You guys are up to something."
"You're staring conspiracy theories now?" I wonder with raised eyebrows.
"Not a conspiracy," She insists. "Anyway, as I was saying, I'm home early because I have a doctor's appointment tonight- that one where they shove crap up where the sun don't shine- and I need you to pick up your sister from gymnastics."
"Yeah, fine. Speaking of Katy, I'm taking her to the beach tomorrow," I pipe.
"Really. Why is that?"
I just shrug innocently and lean over to take some of her pretzels. She gives me a dirty look but I just ignore it and eat her food anyway. "I just feel like the beach sounds like fun and I want to go. You and Dad have work though, so I didn't plan on inviting you."
"I don't have to work tomorrow," She tells me with a confused frown.
"Oh. Well, I'm still not inviting you."
My mother gives me a weird look before glancing over at Beckett and then back to me and then she grins and then laughs at something that probably isn't funny at all. "Oh, jeez, Jensen. You kill me. You just absolutely kill me."
"I didn't do anything," I remind her.
"Yeah, yeah," She sighs, standing up from the couch and she pulls her keys out of her purse to head back out the door to make her appointment. "Just, you know, don't get pregnant. I'm way too attractive to be a grandmother."
I know that she's joking, even though my mom is really pretty she isn't that vain, so I laugh and pretend like I haven't heard that joke a thousand times before. "Sure, Mom, I'll be sure to remember that while I'm completely single."
She laughs again and tosses a pretzel at me, causing it to bounce off of my shoulder and land on the soft carpet. "You're a dirty liar, Jen."
"I'm not lying, Mom," I insist honestly. "I'm pretty sure I've grown a gnome down there."
"Wouldn't the gyno just love that," She mutters, leaning down and kissing the top of my head from behind the couch as she starts to finally head toward the door again. "It's nice seeing you Beckett."
"Uh, you too, Mrs. Cane," Beckett says, looking like he feels pretty awkward about the conversation and really, I don't blame him because that is a pretty awkward conversation.
"And you two be careful at the beach tomorrow, and bring me back some fresh shrimp while you're there," My mom says just before opening the front door and then she disappears, finally leaving Beckett and I alone again.
"Why are our parents so weird?" I wonder, pretty much hypothetically as I turn my attention back to the TV.
Beckett laughs and then leans back into the couch some more. "The world will never know."
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Hey! So I submitted this story for the Wattys, as you probably noticed the title change, so I'm going to just rapidly update the rest of the story so that I can get it finished before the end of August.
With that being said, pleeaaasseeee vote and comment and vote some more and tell your friends to vote and just please love me. Alright, that is all.
Thank you and I love you guys so much, thanks for reading! <3