I wake up too late. It's 10 minutes until my first class starts. I throw my hair up and slip into leggings and a t shirt.
Brenn is already gone and I roll my eyes at the fact that she didn't wake me up.
Last night after Stoned Makeout Session Behind Pizza Restaurant Extravaganza; We went to another place and got spaghetti. I barely remember. I think Nick kept throwing bread at me. There was also something about spitting soda at each other through straws I think we almost got kicked out for that one.
I slip my shoes on and grab my backpack rushing to class. I'm the last person there but I'm not late. I don't even know if they care if you're late but I'm not one to test that theory.
The rest of the day is me running around, eating granola bars in between classes and making sure I have all the homework I need done written down. I don't feel stressed from it but if I keep staying out until 2 am giggling with Nick about cracks in the sidewalk then I'm gonna have an issue.
I really liked Nick. He was this party boy but also this total smart and genuine sweetheart? Who also happened to be a fucking amazing kisser?
When I get back to my dorm room, Brenn is there lying on her stomach doing homework.
"Thanks for waking me up," I bite out but add a light smile after since I sounded too pissed.
"I tried," Brenn sits up, a pen behind her ear. "You sleep a lot when you're stoned."
"It makes me feel heavy," I shrug.
"Are you still baked?"
"What? No," I pause. "Why? Do look baked?"
"Maybe a little," Brenn squints.
"Jesus," I lay back on my bed. I'm exhausted.
........................
A few days pass where I don't see Nick at all. We text a lot though and I figure out he's stoned about 90% because he starts communicating in emojis in a way I don't understand at all.
One day he sends the guy snowboarding emoji over and over again. He says later it's because he wants to take me snowboarding. Another time he sends me the tomato emoji and a ton of arrows. He wanted a grilled cheese sandwich.
Friday finally rolls around and the frat boys on campus are throwing a party of course. Brenn and I get ready together swapping clothes and makeup.
She's really grown on me, we get along well, we're close but we aren't like share secrets late at night type of close.
Pretty soon after we get there, Friday night, Saturday and Sunday just blur together. I spend the whole weekend in Nick's bed but we don't have sex, don't even get close. Unless some good ol' dry humping while making out counts.
The weekend is drink, smoke, sleep a little, kiss Nick, talk to Nick about something weird, drink, smoke repeat. There's like 3 weekends in one.
It's difficult getting to know someone when you're baked as hell but somehow I manage it. Nick likes holding hands, hickeys, the color dark blue, dried mango, making me giggle, sometimes he tastes like salt and mint other times beer.
I lost Brenn at some point during the weekend but I stayed next to Nick. Nicholas.
Nicholas John Robinson, beer drinking, giggly, snapback wearing, intelligent frat boy with a smile that makes my knees weak.
Friday
I'm wearing knee socks with my white keds (they're getting kind of dirty), a tiny black dress and a mess of bracelets. Brenn wears a jean mini skirt thats mine and a loose tank top. We get to the frat house around 10 and the party is in full swing.
Nick greets me with a hug. He smells like beer and laundry soap.
"Hey, gorgeous," He gives me a wide grin. He's already drunk. I stand on my toes and peck him on the cheek. His skin is soft. "May I get you a drink?"
"You may," I smile up at Nick and he places his arm on my shoulder. I look at Brenn as we walk away towards the kitchen. She gives me a thumbs up.
The kitchen looks more or less the same. Nick is wearing a black snapback and a black long sleeve shirt. He looks cozy.
Nick leaves my side and grabs two bottles of beer, cracking them open and handing one to me before sipping his.
"We text too much for me to ask what's up right?" He taps his knuckles on the countertop lightly.
"Probably," I step forward, closer to Nick so someone can step behind me.
"Little crowded in here don't you think?" He says it while smiling.
"Agreed," I say.
Nick slips his hand into mine and pulls me downstairs to the couch, the night where we first fell asleep.
He sits down his legs and arms stretching out. Noodley limbs.
I wanna get to know him better. I wanna know what his voice sounds like in the morning, how he feels about bees, I wanna know his favorite color and the way he sleeps and his middle name and how he kisses when he's sleepy.
"What's your full name?" I sit beside Nick, sitting with my legs criss cross applesauce (That's what they called it in second grade) so i can face him.
"Why?" He sips his beer.
"You know my full name, I don't know yours," I say.
"Nicholas John Robinson."
"Nicholas," I smile.
"Shut up," He smiles, bites his lip.
"Favorite color?"
"Dark blue or black."
"Tell me something not many people know," I take a drink.
"Uh," He pauses and looks at his shoes for a moment. "I like dried mango when i'm stoned."
I laugh a little and he smiles at me. Goddamn, how does he manage to make me feel like i'm dying and feel more alive at the same time?
We keep talking until both our beers are gone. There's more people downstairs now.
"Do you wanna go do something stupid?"
"It depends. I'm not really that drunk for anything stupid," My hands start sweating.
"Come on, babe," He stands up and holds his hand out. He just called me babe. Red alert.
I take it and he leads me back upstairs into the kitchen.
"Alright here we go," He's focused on the task at hand, grabbing two shot glasses and a bottle of something.
"There you are," Brenn comes up behind me, hugging me.
"Hey," I say, still looking at Nick. "We're gonna do something stupid, apparently."
Nick hands me a shot glass and we face each other. Brenn watches standing next to Ryan or maybe it's James.
"Together okay?" He nods to at me and I nod back. "1, 2 , 3, go!"
I tilt my head back and take it all at once. The liquid burns my throat and then my chest. I think it's vodka.
Nick hands me another one and we both take another shot. Brenn cheers.
"Is the stupid thing getting drunk?" I ask, Nick. I try not to cough.
"Nah, this is just before the stupid thing."
"What's the stupid thing?" Ryan or James asks.
"You'll see, come on," Nick looks super excited and pulls me from the kitchen. My throat still kind of burns.
He pulls me outside and i'm dizzy from it. He's like an excited kid suddenly, bouncing and clutching my hand.
I think Ryan or James and Brenn are behind us. We make our way onto the sidewalk, leaving the people and music behind so the dark can swallow us.
We walk around campus, it's dark, dim lights. It's past midnight for sure but i don't have my phone on me to check. Nick leads us to the administrative building. I'm sort of drunk.
"Oh boy," I blurt.
"You ever been in the dean's office?" Nick sticks his tongue out and raises his eyebrows.
"Nicholas."
"Shut up, come on," He keeps pulling my hand with his. "James! Brenn! You nerds come here."
So, it's James then.
"You remember which door they keep unlocked?" Nick asks James.
"Yeah, follow me," We now follow James, my hand in Nick's and Brenn has her arm around James' waist.
We wonder around the building for a bit. I'm getting cold. Nick's hand is warm.
James tries a door on the side of the brick building and it opens.
"No, way," Brenn says.
We go inside and it's so quiet I swear i can hear the building breathe.
Nick leads us to stairs and we keep walking until i'm dizzy and then finally after another hallway we go into an office.
There's a huge window behind a desk and Nick lets go of my hand to press his head on the glass. I follow him and do the same. All you can see is tiny lights and tiny buildings with classrooms and if there were people awake you could see tiny people.
"Isn't it cool?" Nick says, fascinated by it.
"Yeah," I step back to look at him and he does the same.
"You are really different from how i thought you were," I mumble.
"I hope you're not disappointed," He shurgs.
"No," I shake my head. I have no idea where James and Brenn have gone. I'm alone with Nicholas and the moon outside the window and the tiny little lights.
I sort of throw myself at Nick but he's prepared for it. He grabs me by the waist pulling my closer to his lips so i can kiss him. He tastes warm.
I'm spinning and spinning and spinning like a carousal, up and down.
I just keep spinning until I dizzy and all I can feel his is his soft mouth on mine.
Saturday
I wake up in his bed, our legs tangled. We kissed and found Brenn and James (they had sex on one of the desks it was obvious) and then came back to the house.
Nick and me ended up falling asleep while kissing I think. I don't know how that happened.
Saturday blurs and I blur and there's bubble blowing and dried mango and smoking and Nick's hands on my hips and everything feels like the color yellow. Bright and beautiful and the smell of sunshine.
Sunday
I don't remember. I wore one of Nick's t shirts and it was soft and smelled like home. Pills and a frat boy and me and faded colors.
Monday
I didn't think it was actually Monday when it was Monday. I slept all day. I wake up, rubbing my eyes, smearing more makeup that's already ruined.
My bones are achy and my lips dry and cracked. I can taste my own breathe which is actual garbage and my head feels like it's been through a blender. Multiple times.
The room is dim, Brenn is gone. I cheek the time on my phone 4:34 PM.
I slept through all my classes. I had a test today and I don't think I even bothered studying for it. I'm slightrly pissed at Brenn for not waking me up even I have a feeling I wouldn't have.
I'm pissed at myself too for letting my stupid ass get wrapped up in Nick and the way his shampoo smells and his lips and his hands and-
I run my fingers through my tangled hair. How could I be so stupid? I shouldn't have gotten so enveloped in Nicholas but I couldn't help it, he makes me feel like I'm falling and I never want to hit the ground.
My anger bubbles up and I kick the side of my bed with my foot. I probably just bruised my toe. It hurts.
I go shower and I spend a lot time washing my hair. There's too many tangles from Nick running his hands through the strands. I shiver even though the water is warm.
It was okay to like Nick and it was okay to maybe go to a party but I missed a whole day. A whole weekend. It was like somebody threw me forhead into time and I just have scattered memories of Nick's hands and laugh and minty beer breathe on my neck.
I liked him too much. I was too distracted I couldn't keep doing this all the time and yeah it was just one weekend and one day of missing classes but you know what they say. Slippery Slope.