!!TRIGGER WARNING!!
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(Louis' POV)
I can't take this. I can't do this. I did something wrong. As usual. I always mess up. I can't believe I messed up this... This... It was perfect, what did I do? Is Harry okay? God, I hope he's okay. Cause I sure as hell am NOT okay. I'll never be okay.
A little over 3 weeks. Haven't heard from my Hazza... My knee... My knee kills, this stress is only putting my knee in more pain.
Not the kind of pain I need.
School... It's so hard. I'm falling behind again. It... It's getting bad again.
I don't want it to get bad again...
Football, half of the guys now won't even get dressed infront of me anymore since they found out about Harry and I.
Some people at school give me dirty looks now... I used to be popular, people used to love me... But, ever since I met Harry... Everything has changed. Some good... Some bad...
I used to be an outcast in High school... I thought It was all getting better once I got into Uni. Then I met Harry. Life was perfect for once... Then he came to my stupid game and everyone found out I was gay...
Am I gay..?
Before Harry... I liked girls... Right..?
Why do I feel wrong...? It's okay to like boys right..? Maybe I can like both..?
Some people at school call me a fag... Everything is falling apart again... I don't know what to do...
I'm too stressed over everything...
I need a release.
Football was my release... But, now that's gone...
The only thing I have left is... Is... My blades...
My only friends...
But, I promise Liam... I wouldn't... But, I've been starving myself again and not sleeping... So, why not just start cutting again... I'm already half way there...
One more couldn't hurt... Right..? It's just a release. It helps...
With that in mind, I got off my bed and got onto my knees. Pushing up the mattress some and pulling out a small black box from under. I let my mattress go and got back onto my bed.
I pulled down my shorts I was wearing, so I could get easy access to my thighs. That were already littered in scars. Scars... Different shapes and sizes... All with a story behind them... Some are hurtful words. Others are burns. But, most are just lines... Small lines, long lines, ones that raise higher then the others, some that you can barely even see... My little mistakes...
I open my black box and pull out a silver blade. Holding it between my fingers and setting it where I want to cut.
I push against my skin semi-hard and drag the blade across my skin. Wincing at the slight pain, but then releasing a breath of relief once I see the red slowly come out. I give myself a small smile just as my tears start running down my cheeks.
One cut, two cut, three cut, four. More, more, more.
My sheets are covered in blood. My body is shaking, eye sight slightly blurry from loss of blood. I look down at my thighs, blood still oozing out of the cuts on both thighs.
Look what you've done Tommo... You're a mess.
Pathetic.