Chapter 13
“Of course not. Don’t say that!”
“Claire…you were the only one who came back. Why?”
“Because I asked him to let me go and he did.”
“It’s because he loved you back.”
“Don’t say that!” I covered my ears. “Stop it.” I burst into tears yet again trying to smother the sobbing with the hem of my dress.
“Don’t act like a child, Claire. Open the door. Just admit it, you love him. He wouldn’t have let you go if he didn’t to you too. What happened, Claire? Why did you through it all away?”
I got to my feet and ripped open the door. “Stop it!” I said firmly. “Stop. It.”
Caroline was surprised at my stubbornness. “You can’t run away from it,” she said eventually. “You can’t give it up.”
“He has a bride now, they’re happy.”
“The King was originally with you, why did you give him up so he could have someone else?”
“He tortured me and my mother! It was so hard to look the person I love in the eye and hate them. I couldn’t handle it. But when I forgave him it seemed to disappear but I couldn’t risk it. It isn’t my place.” It hurt me even more to admit that I had feelings for him. It hurt to explain why I left and why I could never go back. The castle wasn't the place for me, it was meant for a polite, loyal girl who would forever stand by her King. That wasn't me...it was never going to be me... "Delron doesn't need me, it's best if we both move on with our lives. He hurt me...even though that was a long time ago. Mother only just woke. I need to take care of her now; she is my blood. Mother will always come first, and she needs to get as far away from the King as possible. It’s best for all of us, Caroline.”
She nodded her head, her eyes full of pity and sadness. I hated it. “Think hard and answer me one thing. If you hadn’t have left, would he loved you with all his heart? Would he have never lay another finder on you? Would he have treated you right? Would he have adored the children that you bore? Answer me that…”
My lip trembled. “Yes, he would have.” I knew it to be so. Delron was a fierce tempered man with a strong pride but underneath all that he was so good. “It still doesn’t change anything, Caroline.” I wiped my eyes and put on a brave face. “It’s all in the past now.”
“Okay, Claire.” She backed away and I retreated back to my room.
~*~*~
The sky was black as night. The warm days were gone and replaced by cold chill and sickness. Rain dropped like a waterfall. From my window I could see it flow down the street just missing doorsteps. It was early afternoon, and I had to use candles to light the house. Nothing cheered up the mood placed in the house yesterday. When I woke this morning I felt worse, like a hole had opened in my chest. I could never leave, people would stare and point because was somebody the King used to know.
I needed to accept that. I needed to move on, heal my mother and then find someone to spend the rest of my life with, someone who wasn’t the King, or anyone like him for that matter.
I had dressed myself in one of my plain old dresses. I couldn’t even look at the other ones without feeling bad. I wasn’t beautiful or important enough to wear them. I wrapped up all the jewelry and placed them in boxes with the dresses to be sent back to the castle. All except one, the sapphire necklace, the one the King gave me. It seemed so long go but it wasn’t. I couldn’t bear to part with it; it was so beautiful and now I could imagine a better King than the one I originally thought he was. I was wearing it now, feeling the heavy weight it held on the hollow of my throat. So beautiful but so painful.
“Claire? Are you sure you want to return all these gifts?” my mother asked stroking one of the dresses.
“Yes. They all go back.”
“But they’re all so beautiful.”
“They are, but I don’t believe I am worthy of them.” I gave her a soft smile to show I wasn’t depressed. I was more worried about other things. My mother wasn’t looking so well. I had believe that she would be healthier at least, with more strength but she looked weaker that when she woke. I was afraid she would relapse. I went over to her and lowered her onto the couch. “Can I get you anything to eat?”
“No,” she sighed. “I’m not hungry.” I frowned. Mother had already skipped one meal today even though I pestered her. “I think I’ll lie down for a while.” She got up and shuffled slowly to her room.
I wish Caroline were here, she would scold my mother until she ate a whole plateful of food, but I wasn’t strong enough—I was too distracted. So I let her walk out. I sighed and rubbed my forehead. It’s all too much to handle all at once.
I went to the wall by the overhanging plants and took out a book. The plants still hadn’t bloomed green yet and I felt as bad as it looked. I once again sighed and pulled a few candles off the table. I stuck them in a few lanterns and left the house with a thick blanket.
The rain was so loud in my ears it was deafening. I just wanted some fresh air; I just wanted to breathe without something suffocating me. I sat myself down on the rocking chair and wrapped the blanket around placing the lanterns on the wooden bracket. I didn’t touch my book; I couldn’t even open it. It was heavy on my lap so I left it.
~*~*~
I woke after hours of restless sleep. The chair was sore on my back and half my side had fallen asleep. When I opened my eyes I made no move to get up, because I was no longer alone. My hands gripped the blanket and I thought hard on what to do. The stranger was male from his build and stood in the rain with his hands clenched at his sides. I couldn’t see his face from the darkness, only his silhouette
“Who are you?” He approached and stood into the glow of the candlelit that still flickered. Delron. “What are you doing here?”
I rose to my feet and collected the blanket around my shoulders. Water fell off him fast and his hair was matted to his face. “I came to see you.”
“Why?”
“I saw you earlier…”
“And you wanted to rub it in?” I shrugged feeling hurt. “Of course, that’s what you would do.”
“No,” he said sternly stepping onto the porch and out of the downpour. “I would never want to do that.”
“Then why are you here?”
“Can I come in?”
I clenched my teeth. My mother was asleep, what she doesn’t know won’t hurt her. “For only a short while. Just until the rain stops.” I allowed him to enter first before I followed regretting letting him in already. The fire still raged in the fireplace keeping the house warm. It had to be late now and I knew because my stomach was rumbling like crazy. Delron didn’t talk while I boiled the water over the fire and poured us cups of tea. I cut up some slices of bread as well as some cheese. I placed them on the table and sat down across from Delron. I opened my mouth to say something but I couldn’t form anything.
“I…” my eyes rose to look at him. He looked back. “Does your bride-to-be know you’re here?”
“No. I didn’t want to come to town today…she insisted.”
“To show you off, Your Majesty?”
“Please, don’t call me that.”
“Delron.” He nodded with a soft smile. “It’s hard to handle this, it was hard to handle seeing you so soon. I hadn’t expected it.”
“I understand. I didn’t think I would see you.” I took a sip of my tea and warmed my hands with them. “What’s in all the boxes?”
I sighed guiltily. “The dresses you gave me. And the jewelry.”
“You’re giving them back?”
“Yes.”
“Except the necklace you’re wearing.”
My fingers touched the stone. “Yes. I couldn’t give it back.” My stomach churned. Only a short while longer and he can leave. “You gave it to me as a gift.”
“I gave the dresses to you as well, Claire. I want you to have them.”
“I can’t have them.” I sighed. “Please understand that.” My chest was constricting and all I wanted to do was curl up into a ball and cry. I partly wanted my mother to intrude and make him leave, but I also wanted him to stay. Delron had played a big part in my life and I couldn’t just forget that, no matter how much I wanted to. I took a sip of my tea try and remove the obstruction in my throat. “Not to be rude but…why are you here—and please don’t avoid the question?”
He sighed, his beautiful eyes wandering down to the cup and bread he hadn’t touched. I was scared to what he might say. Was it bad news? Did he want me back? Did he lie to me about Amy? I honestly didn’t know what to expect. And then he looked at me. It was like every emotion shone through, it overwhelmed and scared me. I didn’t which to believe and which to discard. Every moment made me more confused, and more in love.
Instead, he pulled out a parchment and slid it across the desk. Delron looked at it with regret. With shaky fingers I took it and slipped the seal open. My stomach lurched and something caught in my throat. My lips pursed so they didn’t tremble. I rose.
“Excuse for a moment.”
I disappeared round the corner and held onto the wall trying to keep myself upright. My head swarmed and so much sadness filled up in my throat it made it hard to keep down. I wanted to cry but it would be obvious when I returned. It would be anyway; I left after seeing it—one of the most painful shocks. I hadn’t prepared myself for a wedding invitation, not so early anyway. I smothered a sob with my palms as my shoulders shook. No tears, I blinked them back and they did not fall. I can’t handle this, I can’t look at him—it hurts way too much to say anything.
No! I can’t keep thinking like this. He’s getting married. Delron is in love with a woman, a woman who is not me. I shouldn’t focus on the past; I need to focus on my mother and her wellbeing. So I patted the wrinkles from my dress and stood out from the cover of the wall.
“My apologies,” I stammered. “I was caught of guard. This is a wonderful occasion, its unfortunate that I don’t have anything to drink other than tea.”
“You’re too generous,” he whispered. In a flash he was on his feet. “Claire, I can stop this…for you. I would do anything for you—anything in the world I would give to you.” He meant every word, I could see it clearly on his face.
I broke down. My shoulders heaved and tears flew down my cheeks. I covered my face in shame and turned away from him. It hurt my heart worse than saying goodbye to him. “Don’t say that. Please, don’t say that.”
“But I would, Claire, you mean everything to me.”
“Stop.”
“I love you, Claire.”
I sobbed harder. “No, Delron, don’t say that.” I wiped my eyes but wouldn’t look at him. “You need to marry your fiancé…you need to forget me.”
Delron lifted my face and made me look at him. His kiss was slow and sweet, and made my head stop and my heart hurt. “But we don’t have to do that. I don’t have to forget you. I want to see you every moment of every day. I want to wake in the morn to your beauty and your kindness. You make me a better man and a better king, Claire.”
“You need to leave. I’m sorry.” I forced the words from my mouth. It was unbelievable how much self-control I had, and it was horrible too. I just wanted to melt in his arms and kiss him forever, but that would never happen. “I don’t love you.”
The look on his face was heartbreaking and I sobbed in a fit of sorrow. I did love him, I really did but I had to let him go, I couldn’t love him any longer. My heart felt crushed, like a fist had clenched around the muscle and squeezed until I died.
He nodded and smiled. “Then I apologize for the intrusion. I’d be grateful if you could come but I understand if you don’t.” He released his hold on me and took several steps back. “Thank you for the tea.”
I fell to my knees when he left. I couldn’t keep myself up. I was the worst person who ever existed. How could deny the one person who loved me the deepest? Why would I throw him away? When would it stop hurting?
_______________________________
I AM SO SORRY TO EVERYONE FOR NOT UPLOADING SOONER. I HAVE HAD THE WORST WRITERS BLOCK AND FORTUNATELY I WAS ABLE TO BUDGE IT.
Thank you to all my fans and I apologise again for not updating. :)
COMMENT
FAN
VOTE!!
Love you all
from Hayley Clark xx