Recommended song: love you goodbye
A week later
I haven't heard from Harry since I last saw him in the street a week ago, and it's probably for the best. I haven't heard from the boys either, they seem to be mad at me for my behaviour but I don't blame them for that.
Today is the first Sunday of July, it's very sunny and very hot outside so we decide to spend the day in the park with Cassie, Nathan, Nick, Rosie and Ben.
"I can't bear the heat" Rosalie whines, fanning her hand in front of her face to try to make some wind. Without hesitating, Nathan opens his bottle of water and pours it on her.
"Nathan ! I'm soaked"
She rushes towards him and they start a water fight. We join them and splash Water everywhere for the next ten minutes, laughing so hard.
"Kids" an elderly man grumbles which makes us laugh even more.
"Char' !" Cassie warns me and I don't even have time to realise what's happening because Ben has already pushed me and I'm falling on the floor, him on the top of me. He grabs my wrists and holds them above my head, preventing me from struggling as he pours all of the bottle on me.
"I hate you" I laugh and spit all the water in his face. He chuckles and throws his empty bottle away, my wrists still grasped in his hands.
"Lemme go"
"No" he smirks. Then he leans towards me slowly. My heart beats faster, knowing exactly what he's about to do. His lips are only a few inches from mine. I close my eyes, waiting for him to kiss me. But it doesn't happen. When I open my eyes, he's looking behind me, his eyebrows drawn in a frown.
"What's wrong ?"
"Harry's here" He states, his gaze still behind me. I stand up at once, making him fall. I quickly apologise and take a deep breath before turning to face Harry.
--
Harry's point of view
"Sorry for interrupting but can I talk to you for a second ?"
She glances at the guy who was about to kiss her and gives him a little smile before walking away with me. We walk until a deserted place, without saying a word.
"You're soaked" I interrupt the silence.
"Yeah we had a water fight"
"I saw"
My eyes meet hers and we stare at each other for a few seconds. She looks incredibly beautiful, her long and wavy thin hair falling on her shoulders, her eyes bluer than ever, and her skin is shining under the sun and looks so tanned because of her white shirt.
"I know everything"
She furrows her eyebrows and I run my hand through my hair, taking a deep breath before continuing. "I.. Hum.. I went to your flat to drop some stuff you had left in my house. You weren't home and I didn't really want to see you so I used the spare key you had given to me. When I entered, I dropped everything on the table and there was your diary open on it..."
She sighs and closes her eyes as if she knows exactly what would happen next. When she peers up at me, I look down embarrassed.
"I didn't want to read it but it was open and something caught my eyes: the date. It was written 22nd of July 2016, which was the day when you started to act weird with me and suddenly became a...-"
"A bitch, you can say it"
Her eyes meet mine and I blush. "Yeah... So I couldn't help reading it. I needed to know what happened"
"Until when did you read ?" She snaps.
"Well, there was nothing after that day."
"Oh right, I haven't written anything since then"
"I'm sorry Charlotte that this shit is happening to you. We'll go to the police and you'll get through this, I promise" I take her hand in mine and put the other one under her chin to raise her head towards me.
"Don't go to the police, it's useless and this bitch could hurt my friends and my family before she even gets arrested"
"We can try"
"No Harry, we won't try" she jerks away.
"Then I'll do it alone, so no one is hurt and you can be with me. I can't stand being away from you baby girl"
She freezes at the nickname and takes a few seconds before answering.
"Harry, do it or not, I won't be with you. But you can either risk everyone's life including mine and the boys', ok you can keep everyone safe. But in both cases I won't end up with you. You won't have anything to gain if you go to the police except increasing the risk of putting everyone in danger. You won't have me back." Her tone is harsh but calm and her eyes are focused on the floor.
"I don't believe you. You're only saying this to persuade me from not telling the cops because you know that the only thing that makes me want to go to the police is the possibility to have you back and because you're scared that my ex would hurt your friends and your family"
I run my hand through my hair, one of my habits when I'm nervous. I know she's lying to protect the others.
"No Harry, I'm saying this because risking everyone's life for a relationship that I don't want isn't worth it"
"A relationship that you don't want ? Bullshit !" I snap, pissed off by her attitude.
"Yes that I don't want ! I'm sorry Harry but these last two weeks we spent separated made me realise that I don't love you as much as I thought. I didn't miss you actually. I went to see my friends and I met that guy, Ben, who's really cool and I really like him. It was nice to have some time like a normal student and being able to have fun and hang out without 20 paparazzi on your back."
Her eyes drop into mine and I want to look away, even to run away and forget what she has just told me. I don't want to believe it, it can't be true. No it can't. It's not true, she's lying to protect the ones she loves, I know her better than anyone.
"You don't love me anymore then ?" I raise my eyebrow at her.
"I... You know I've loved you for so long and I've always hoped that one day you'd love me back. This day happened and I spent the best days of my life with you. But when I had to stay away from you, I realised that my love for you wasn't real. It was just some kind of love I had for my idol, some kind of admiration that made me stay with you but it's wasn't real love. I've never actually been properly in love with you." she raises her head towards me, looking terrified by what she had just said.
"Stop your bullshit Charlotte." I snap. She can't be serious, she's just acting, I know for sure. But at the same time what she's said makes so much sense and seems so plausible. I saw how she was having fun with her new friends, I know she kissed that Ben guy and she likes him, I saw how she was looking at him. I shake my head, refusing to admit she's actually better off without me.
"I'm not lying..." Her voice is low and she looks down, embarrassed.
"Loot at me in the eyes, tell me you don't feel anything for me and I'll leave you alone. I won't even call the police because you don't want me anyway. " My tone is harsh and I search for her eyes but they don't meet mine. I'm scared, I wish that I didn't just say that so I wouldn't have to hear her say the words that I dread. She keeps looking at the floor, biting nervously at the inside of her cheek.
"Charlotte look at me"
Shyly, she raises her eyes towards me.
"Say it or I won't believe you. What do you feel for me ?"
Our gazes drop into each other's. Her eyes are so empty and her face is so pale, it looks like she's seen a ghost. But then, suddenly, all the colours come back to her face and her gaze becomes harsh and piercing. She straightens up and takes a deep breath before saying what I hoped she would never say.
"Nothing. I don't feel anything for you Harry. I thought that I loved you but I don't. I don't want you Harry, stop coming after me." Her words are harsh and hurt me like hell. She says them with so much confidence that my mouth falls open and I feel my eyes watering. She has always been a very bad liar so I know she's not lying.
I step back while she keeps looking at me with that horrible harsh look.
"Is everything alright here ?" Ben steps towards us and rests his hand on Charlotte's shoulder. I glare at him and he frowns.
"Yes don't worry, I'll be right back" she smiles at him and he walks away.
"Do you love him ?" I ask and clench my jaw, hoping the answer won't be "yes".
"Ben ? Well... Maybe yes" she admits, looking at him walking towards her group of friends.
"Ok, well... I guess I won't see you again"
"I'm sorry Harry. I've never meant to hurt you, you know that right ? You're a good person and I hope one day you'll find someone that deserves you and offers you all the love and happiness I couldn't give you."
"But you did give me love and happiness Charlotte" I actually had never been so happy in years.
She closes her eyes and sighs. "Don't. It's over, ok ?"
Then she looks at me straight in the eyes and walks away.
And that was it, I had just lost the girl that I love. I wipe away the tears that are now running down my face and sit on the grass, thinking about everything we've been through. We actually didn't have a simple relationship. I feel so bad because this whole time she wasn't in this relationship as much as I was. Did she ever really love me or was it only this kind of admiration because I'm Harry Styles from One Direction ? What I know for sure is that I've loved her since that car accident, when I saw her leant against her car, in the rain, soaked and so weak. She was shaking and crying and it made me realise how much I care about her and that I had felt for her. And I think I will never feel something like this ever again. What I feel for her is unique, everything about her was keeping me deeply in love: the way she was laughing at every single stupid joke I made, the way her eyes dropped into mine with so much softness every time I was playing the guitar for her, the way she was singing under the shower, the way she was slipping into my bed and wrapped her little arms around my chest.
But she never loved me the way I love her, and now I know for sure.