Dedicated to TheReadingAngel for the beautiful Story Ad on the side. Thank you!
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(Unedited)
Feel the rain on your skin,
No one else can feel it for you,
Only you can let it in.
No one else, no one else,
Can speak the words on your lips.
~Unwritten- Natasha Bedingfield
"Alright, we're done for the day," Brett called tiredly when another muffled yell came from down the hall. I ducked into my change room and pulled off the dress they had put me in for filming. I took a tissue and wiped off the light makeup and pulled my hair into a loose ponytail.
By the time I came back out, everyone was gone, except Kallie, Brett and Clark. Oh, and of course Clark and Bells. I could still hear them screaming at each other. For a moment, the rest of us stared at each other, then turned to look down the hallway that the yelling was coming from. "Should we...?" Kallie asked hesitantly, not needing to finish since it was evident she was talking about interrupting their fight.
Before any of us could even open our mouths to reply, a door slammed open and Bells stormed out. She froze when she saw us. When Clark stepped out and walked up behind her, though, she snapped out of it. "Ready to go?" she asked me, her voice steady, but it fooled none of us.
"Yeah, let's go." I debated asking her if she was okay and what had happened, but decided to leave that for when we were alone. I waved a quick goodbye to Kallie, Brett, Clark and Kaden before chasing after Bells, almost having to run to catch up with her. She shoved through the front door, keeping her speedy pace as she walked across the parking lot to her car.
"You okay?" I asked once we were both in the car.
She simply shook her head and pulled the car into reverse.
"What happened?"
"Can we not talk about it?" she asked, her voice a little weak. Her tone wasn't exactly tense, but she did take a right turn a bit too sharply. "I'm driving and I don't really want to crash into another car because I didn't see it." For a moment I was pretty confused. Then I saw the tears in her eyes. Aw, poor Bells. I mean, she and Clark had been doing pretty well, and they had been happy together, I think. I didn't know what the fight was about, but it had to be something big. I don't think I've ever heard them scream at each other for as long as they did today. I mean, like, in the bad way. I had accidentally heard them- actually, I don't think I'll go there.
The car ride back was pretty silent, except for the occasional sniffle or sigh from Bells. She put on a neutral expression as we walked down the hall of our apartment building, but I could tell she was about to crack from the way her hands were shaking. My suspicions were confirmed when tears starting streaming down her face as soon as we entered our apartment.
I quickly shut the door and grabbed a box of tissues before gently pushing her to sit on the couch. "Do you want to talk about it?"
Bells sighed and took a tissue, clenching it in her hand instead of really using it. "I don't even know how the fight started," she said.
"What do you mean?" I asked, even though I had a feeling I already knew exactly how the fight went.
"Just everything, every little mistake was brought up." Just like the fights my parents always had. I shook my head slightly, clearing my thoughts. This is about Clark and Bells, I told myself. Luckily, Bells had been too distracted by the fight to notice the random shaking of my head. "I don't know what to think. I mean, just..." she trailed off, leaving me to try and guess what she meant.
After a moment of failing at figuring it out, I decided to focus on something else. "Every mistake? You and Clark never really... Had problems though."
She shook her head. "We did. We weren't some kind of perfect couple." Right. Well. Okay, I feel a little stupid, but Bells and Clark had seemed so together. In sync. Fairytale perfect. "We just didn't show it. We tried not to let them last long." She frowned. "Sometimes it almost felt like we were dating for everyone else."
"But you loved each, didn't you?" I asked hesitantly, not wanting to make her more upset than she already was.
"We did. Or, at least, I did. It just always felt like we had put up a perfect front because that's what everyone was expecting," Bells told me quietly. "It felt like any fight we had, had to remain a secret."
I simply pulled her into a hug since I had no clue what to say. I was stunned, speechless. Was that why Clark and Bells had been so quiet, reluctant to really talk about their relationship even though they had been together for so long? It couldn't have all be fake, though. I had known them for most of my life, and I had seen the way their eyes had lit up when they saw each other. They had to have been in love at some point in their relationship. If not, then they were the ones who belonged on the screen, not me and Kaden.
"It's just- It was like a bucket of cold water. I don't know if I can do that again," she said, in an almost broken tone.
"Then don't." It was the best advice I could give. I was good with love -my track record with guys certainly showed that- but I wanted to help Bells, somehow.
"It just... It felt different this time. Not really real, it was always real, but honest, I guess. Easy. I don't know how to say it," she told me, pulling away slightly.
I shook my head. "You don't have to explain." I would never admit this, but I don't think I could've ever understood. I mean, I got hiding certain things, bad things, that happened in your relationship, but not the small fights. Maybe it was because every time I had ever had a fight with a guy I was dating, I had always just avoided them, instead of pretending. I didn't know why Clark and Bells did that, but I don't think I will ever really understand, no matter how much she explains it to me.
"I think I'm going to call Blake," Bells suddenly declared after a long bit of silence. I blinked rapidly, almost not understanding what she had said. Blake? Where had that come from? I mean, yeah, he was interested in her, but I thought she wouldn't think of him like that since she was with Clark. Oh god, I didn't want to think this, but what if Bells was using Blake as a rebound? Bells wasn't that kind of person, but love and heartbreak can make people act out of character.
"Why?" I asked slowly, foolishly hoping it was for some reason like just wanting to ask for a book back, though that wouldn't make sense since it was summer, and they didn't go to the same college or study the same major. I didn't want to see Bells do something like this, because of a fight with Clark, I knew that she wouldn't normally. I couldn't really stop her, though. I knew Blake liked her and if Bells called him, there wasn't really anything stopping them from going out.
Maybe they'll be happy. Maybe Bells will be able to see him as something more than a rebound, I tried to convince myself. If she's even using him as a rebound in the first place. You don't know if she is for sure.
Except that the moment she chooses to call him just so happens to be after a fight with Clark, A voice in the back of my mind nagged.
I wasn't exactly friends with Blake, but I didn't want to see him get hurt if Bells went back to Clark. And I didn't want to see Bells feeling guilty for using Blake like that. But I also didn't want to see them both upset when being together could make them really happy.
"Because," Bells said, pulling me out of my thoughts. "I want a chance at a normal relationship. One that doesn't need to appear so perfect all the time. I can't keep going back to Clark. I need to move on, and I had fun with Blake last week." When I didn't reply, she sighed and stood up. "I know you might not approve, and I know maybe this isn't right, but I need some kind of closure from all of that." Then she walked to her room and shut the door, leaving one word ringing through my mind.
Closure.
It wasn't hard to guess that while Clark made her happy, he also tore her down. That they're past was hurting her. I got that she wanted to move on, and I guess, I was glad that she was trying. Maybe it is best to move on from the past.
I sighed and pulled my phone from my pocket, along with a napkin that had been given to me two days ago. I slowly entered the numbers written on it and tried to talk myself out of it as a ringing filled my ear. I didn't really want to do this. But if refusing to talk about it, preventing closure was hurting him as much as Clark and the past was hurting Bells, well, then I had to.
"Hello?" Too late to back out now.
I gulped. "Jared? I think I'm ready to talk."
***
If Kaden or Devon knew what I was doing, they'd probably kill me. After killing Jared. I was meeting up with him at his hotel. I know, I know, the guy kidnapped me and did bad things that I won't mention, but he was with Hayley now, and he had a kid. People change. Hopefully.
I walked into the lobby, pulling my hat further down when I realized it was full of people. I didn't really believe anyone would recognize- I had only been around for a month or so, and I had came out of nowhere- but I didn't want to risk. After receiving multiple weird looks as I dashed towards the elevators, I entered the elevator and waited for the doors to shut. I wasn't the only one in the elevator, so I was still receiving some questioning stares, but luckily, no one asked about it or recognized me.
Let's see, he said 808. I got off at the eighth floor and turned to the right, where a sign said all the rooms below 810 were. His room was down near the end, by the fire escape.
Well, at least if something happens, I'll be close to an escape.
Immediately, I scolded myself for the thought. People change. Jared's not going to do anything.
Hopefully.
I sighed. I give up.
I nervously tapped my fingers against my leg as I raised my other hand to knock. He opened the door way before I finished prepping myself. "Hey, come on in," he said, stepping back. "Thanks for coming to talk." He shut the door after I walked in. It was a little awkward since it was just a small, simple hotel room with only a bed and a desk pushed in the corner. He took a seat on the bed and gestured for me to sit down. I still didn't completely trust him so I chose to sit in the armchair by the desk instead of beside him on the bed. I pulled off my hat and sunglasses, setting them on my lap.
"So, how's this going to work?" I asked, after a long stretch of silence and me looking around the room enough times to almost have it memorized.
He scratched his neck awkwardly. "I don't actually really know." He sighed. "I'm sorry. I know what I did isn't forgivable, and I know it was probably scarring and that it was wrong and that sorry can't possibly make up for it." He paused. "I didn't really think about what it might do to anyone else. I was so dead set on revenge." Another pause. "I know it's not any excuse for what I did, though."
"I get it." He raised an eyebrow skeptically. "Sort of," I added, since that was more of the truth. I kind of understood, I guess, I mean, if someone had treated me like Jared's mother had treated him, I would want revenge too. Except kidnapping was a little extreme.
Silence. Well this is totally going somewhere.
"Can we talk about something else? I just need to process everything," I said. I wasn't quite ready to forgive him, but I didn't want to keep him hurting by not forgiving him.
"Yeah sure," he replied quickly.
"How's Hayley, and your daughter, Melissa, I think you said her name was?" I asked hesitantly, not knowing anything else to talk about.
Immediately, his eyes lit up. "They're good. Hayley accepts her and Melissa loves Hayley."
"Are you going to tell her?" Another hesitant question. "I mean, are you going to tell Melissa that her real mother..." I tried to clarify when he shot me a confused look. It probably didn't really help, though, since I had trailed off.
He understood anyway and nodded. "Someday, when she's ready, I'll show her this." He reached back to the nightstand beside the bed and grabbed his wallet. He pulled out a small rectangular card-like thing and held it up for me to see. I got up and stepped a little closer to get a better look. It was a picture of a girl with reddish-blonde hair holding a small baby with bright blue eyes.
"I thought you said she told you then left her with you. How'd you get the picture?" I asked, taking a step back, just a little freaked out. I mean, it's a bit weird to keep a picture of your ex in your wallet, even if they're with your daughter.
"After she left for college I visited her mom, who gave me the photo." Whoa, okay, that's kind of borderline stalker-ish. "I know it's kind of creepy. But I want to have something for when I tell Melissa the truth," he said, almost as if he had read my mind.
Weird. Then again, maybe the reason I found all these things a little scary was because I didn't fully trust Jared. I didn't think he would do anything bad, he seemed genuinely happy about his new life. It's just kind of hard to trust a guy who kidnapped you, you know? Even with how nice he was acting, I found it a little uncomfortable being in the same room as him.
There was another awkward silence. I think this is my cue to leave. "I should get going," I said, starting towards the door. His shoulders sagged a little, reminding me of the real reason I was here. Closure. Can I, really, though? I thought about the way his eyes had lit up when I asked about his new life. I was already opening the door when I finally made my decision. I turned back slightly to look at him. "By the way, Jared, I forgive you," I choked out, then shut the door and walked down the hall before he could reply.
Surprisingly, it did help. Even though I had been lying a little bit when I said I forgave him, it felt a bit like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I guess, maybe it was because forgiving Jared for what he did, or at least saying I forgave him, helped with getting over what had happened.
As I waited for the elevator, I slipped on my sunglasses and hat again. Time for more weird stares. Thankfully, like on my way up, no one asked about my disguise or recognized me. I really didn't need people asking why I looked like I had stepped out of some old fashioned spy movie right now.
As I walked out of the hotel, my phone buzzed against my hip. I pulled it out and panicked a little. The screen showed the number of Dad's cell. Usually it was mom that called to check in every now and then. Dad calling meant one of two things; one: he and mom had a fight and he found out something big I told mom through a source other than mom, or two: bad news that made mom too upset to call. The former was unlikely since I hadn't talked to mom for a while and nothing big had really happened.
Maybe it's nothing, maybe you're just on the edge because you saw and forgave Jared or something.
I hit the 'answer' button, but finger shaking slightly. "Hey, what's wrong?"
"Why do you automatically assume something happened?" Dad joked, though it fell flat since he sounded more tired and wary than humorous.
"Just a gut feeling," I lied, not wanting to hurt his feelings.
"You remember Avril, right?" What? Avril? Yeah, I remembered her, of course, but no one had spoken of her since she... Left.
I nodded, then realized he couldn't see me. "Yeah."
"And her brother?"
For a moment, my mind was blank. I hadn't really been close to Avril's brother, since he was four or so year older than me. I knew Avril really loved him though, she talked about him highly. What was his name, though? I wracked my brian, trying to remember those conversations I had only slightly paid attented to. "Owen, right?" I asked, hoping it was right, since if it wasn't it'd be just a little awkward, sicne he was my cousin.
"He hired a private detective to find her."
"What? Why now?" I blurted out, earning some weird looks at my loud tone. I blushed as I remembered I was in public. I sped up my walking and ducked into a quiet alley, so I could focus more on the conversation.
"He said it's the first time he had enough money to."
"Have they found anything?" I asked hesitantly, uncertain of whether or not I really wanted to know the answer. I had given up pretty much all hope on ever seeing Avril again.
He must have paused for a moment, because it was silent from his end. "He said she was seen in New York City last week."
In New York? But she had left. I mean, it wasn't like I didn't like her, or that New York was where we had lived before, it's just... When she ran away, I didn't think we would ever see her again. The first couple of months after she ran away, I had imagined her coming back, happy, with everything she ever wanted. But when a year passed and there had been no sign of her, I had figured she was gone for good. Sometimes, I could imagine her, sitting in a group of friends, smiling mischievously while instructing them on how to play one of her endless games. I could see her being happy, being loved.
I wanted to see her again, but I knew I probably wouldn't.
Avril's favourite game when we had been younger had been hide and seek, mostly because she had been so good at it. She had always known the best places to hide and the best ways to stay hidden. The only times we had ever found her had been when she got bored and came out of her hiding spot, which didn't really count.
If Avril didn't want to be found, she wouldn't be.
-READ ME-
Who remembers Avril? She was mentioned briefly in Chapter 11 of SaS. She's Raine's cousin who gave Raine the purity ring. :3
For the characters thing, theb4ndit character will be Xavier's girlfriend. Two people chose my random number (3), so I drew names out of a hat (well, box, really), and so yeah... Thank you so much to everyone who submitted a form! I don't know if I'll be able to use any later in this book, but if it ever does come to a point where I need a new character, I'll most probably select a character from the ones you guys submitted. :)
A little iffy about that chapter, but I don't really know what else to do with it.
Vote, if you understand Jared a bit better.
Comment, if you feel kind of bad for Bells, Blake or Clark.
Fan, if you want to know more about Avril.
Teaser: "You're dating, and you're locked in a room with a bed. I'm sure you can figure out something to do!"
Update: Aiming for Tuesday. Latest Friday,
Question: Would it be better if I did shorter (3 pages-ish), more frequent updates, or kept it like this (a week, long-ish updates)?
~JJ :)