Beware there are so graphic themes in this chapter so do not read if you do not wish to view.
Chapter Seven:
“Today, we are getting the results of the bone marrow biopsy,” Bailey told me. I was sitting on a cold, uncomfortable hospital chair, holding onto her hand. We had been in here for close to an hour, sitting mainly in silence. Neither of us knew what to say, but it was a comfortable silence.
“What will that say?” I asked, not recognizing what she said.
“How sick I am,” Bailey said. I gave her hand a comforting squeeze. Well, it was more comfort for me than her. She smiled up at me. “What have I missed at school?” Sensing her need for a conversation change and my need too, I dove right in.
“Softball is going good. Coach E is being crazy like always,” I said, rolling my eyes. “Oh and remember that girl, Katie?”
“Peppermint Patty?” Bailey asked, smirking. I chuckled.
“Yeah,” I nodded and then told her the story about her walking me home.
“You sure know how to attract them, don’t ya?” Bailey teased.
“I do what I can,” I smiled. I missed her so much this past week, I thought to myself. “On Thursday, an Army recruiting guy came into our English class, who had recently gotten married and Tara was cheesin’ all over him.”
“Cheesin’?” Bailey asked, laughing. I nodded, laughing along with her. We were both in tears by the time we finished. Bailey’s laughing fit turned into a coughing fit. I helped her sit up and held onto her.
“I’m sorry,” I said as she finished. “I shouldn’t of made you laugh.”
“Why not?” she asked, confused.
“Because you’re sick. Laughing on a day that could possibly be the worst day of our lives isn’t right.”
“Dezzy, that is the worst excuse not to laugh in history. Anyways, no matter what results I get today, it will be the best day of my life,” Bailey said, annoyed.
“How do you figure?” I asked, skeptically.
“You told me that you loved me and that is all that matters.” She held onto my hand tighter. I blushed at her words. I leaned in and kissed her lightly on the lips. Then there was a knock on the door. We pulled apart.
Fear filled the pit of my stomach. It was probably the doctor with results. I felt like I couldn’t breathe. What if he said Bailey was going…? I couldn’t go there, not even in my head. I looked at Bailey, regaining my composure. She nodded. I gave her a comforting smile before saying, “Come in.”
A middle aged, white doctor came in. He had short neat, brown hair and friendly, hazel eyes. He wore nice pants, a blue striped button down shirt, and a lab coat. His appearance was trivial to me, but any distraction was good enough for me. Then my eyes narrowed in on his clip board that would dictate the rest of Bailey’s life.
“Hello, Bailey,” the doctor said, warmly. Then he turned to me. I studied his face to see what the news would be, but he held a clear, calm expression. “I’m Dr. Fields,” he extended his hand. I took it.
“I’m Dezzy.” I said, politely.
“Nice to meet you,” Dr. Fields said, smiling. I nodded, unable to think clearly enough to say something appropriate. He sat on the edge of the hospital bed, facing Bailey.
“I have the results of your bone marrow biopsy,” Dr. Fields said, flipping to a page on his clipboard. My stomach clenched.
“What’s the news?” Bailey said, trying to sound light, but I could tell how scared she was.
“You have high risk Acute Lymphatic Leukemia.” Dr. Fields’ voice was somber and regretful. I barely registered it. All I could see was Bailey’s face. That overpowered all my other senses. Her tired face remained blank, but her eyes filled with dread, sadness. I gripped her hand even tighter. I felt like I was going to throw up. I had no idea what he meant, but I knew it was bad. I could see it in Bailey’s face. I could hear it in his voice.
“What does that mean?” I asked, not able to stand not knowing.
“It means that there are too many lymphocytes, a type of white blood cell. They don’t fight infection off very well. It decreases room for other healthy blood cells and platelets. The high risk means that the leukemia has progressed quickly and may spread to other areas of her body.” It was silent for a moment. I just stared at Bailey, scared. I just found out she loved me not even two hours ago. Now this.
“What are my options?” Bailey asked. Her voice was calm, making me feel even more weak.
“There is intense chemotherapy that we have patients go through for a month to send the cancer into remission. The success rates are very high for standard and low risk patients and with high risk, they go down. You will have to stay at the hospital for long periods of time for this treatment since it several doses throughout the day. You will have to take L-asparaginase, vincristine, dexamethasone, and daunorubicin during this time.” None of us said anything. Chemotherapy was rough. It made people sick, sometimes more sick than what they started out with. Would Bailey be one of those people? Or would she pull through even stronger? I didn’t know and that scared the hell out of me. It scared her too. She kept looking at me, terrified. I had no answers to give her. I was just as scared as she was.
“What do you think I should doctor?” Bailey asked.
“The chemotherapy is going to give you the fighting chance you need. I already talked to your parents so you all can discuss whether or not you want to start the chemo,” Dr. Fields said.
“Thank you,” Bailey said. He nodded, getting up and left.
“Are you okay?” I asked, stupidly as the door closed shut.
“I don’t know,” she whispered. “I love you.”
“I love you too, Bay,” I whispered back, feeling warmth flood into heart again. The door knocked again.
“Come in,” Bay said this time. Lisa and Bailey’s foster dad, Mark came in. Both looked like they aged a few years since the last time that I saw them both. Mark’s green eyes held a sadness that I had never seen before. Lisa looked like she was seconds away from crying. Even though they had only been her foster parents for two years, they loved her as much as they loved their own flesh and blood children.
“How are you guys?” Bailey asked, concerned. Lisa started crying.
“You’re such a sweet girl, Bailey,” Lisa said, coming over and hugging her. I stood up to move out of their way with all the strength my shaky knees had. I wanted to cry, but Bailey needed me not to. I knew it was killing her to see Lisa cry over her. She didn’t need to see me cry either. Mark pulled Lisa off of Bailey and held her, comforting his wife.
“We talked to the doctor before he came in here,” Mark said, starting the inevitable conversation. I didn’t want to be part of this decision, but I stayed put for Bailey’s sake.
“He told us,” Bailey said.
“Do you want the chemotherapy?”
“I don’t know,” Bailey said, truthfully. “I heard how bad it is from other patients, but it is my only option now. I have to do it if I want a chance.”
“Is that your decision?” I asked her. She looked up at me and nodded. I walked over to her and kissed her on the lips. “I’ll be with you every step of the way.” Bailey beamed. She didn’t look so sick when she smiled. She looked like the healthy Bailey again. That was the only thing that gave me enough confidence to smile back at her.
“We’ll tell Dr. Fields that then,” Mark said.
“Thank you.” Then he took Lisa with him to find the Dr. Fields and tell them Bailey’s decision.
Once Dr. Fields was found and informed, we had to set up for Monday, the first day of Bailey’s treatment. I stood there besides her, holding her hand, trying to figure out how all this happened. How did Bailey get cancer? How it that it already progressed so much that our options were so narrow? Why Bailey? It wasn’t fair that it had to happen to her. She was only sixteen. How did God think that was right? It wasn’t right. No reasoning or logic would make it right. We just told each other how we felt, now our time was threatened to be cut way too short. I was so angry, but I held it in.
After everything was scheduled, we were allowed to take her home. They said it was going to be her last time home for a while. She had to stay at the hospital to prevent infections. Hopefully, the cancer wasn’t as bad as they said and she would be able to get home quickly. I held on tightly to that hope. I wanted Bailey to be better. She didn’t deserve to be so sick. No one did.
All of her brothers and sisters were waiting for us at home. It was clear that they all heard the news. You could see it in their eyes, but they all put on a façade for her.
“Hey, little sis,” Blake said, hugging her tightly. I was surprised to see him here. Blake was twenty one and in college so he wasn’t around much.
“Hey, Blake!” Bailey exclaimed. Allison, Garret, Joseph, and Kathryn greeted her, hugging her tightly. Allison, Garret and Joseph were all younger than Bailey. Kathryn was only a year older than her. She went to a different high school though.
“What do you want to do? We have a bunch of food, cake, and there is that dance game you like so much,” Joseph asked.
“Just Dance, then cake,” Bailey smiled. “Me and Dezzy get first dibs on the game!” She grabbed my arm and pulled me over to the game system. She put in the disk. As we set up the game I could someone moving the round coffee table over to make room for us to dance. We did a dance battle and of course Bailey beat me. She spent all her time playing this game and I had the rhythm of a turtle on crutches. All of us took turns playing. Bailey had to take more breaks because she got tired more quickly. My heart ached to see her look so tired, but she kept pushing through.
“Don’t wear yourself out, Bay,” I whispered after she called going next.
“I’m fine, Dezzy,” Bailey said, brushing me off. I nodded, not believing her. After a while we ate. I held Bailey’s hand. I loved the feel of her hand against mine. It was like nothing else in the world.
The rest of day went smoothly. We watched movies and talked. Nobody mentioned Bailey’s cancer, but it was the elephant in the room. I kept expecting someone to bring it but no one did. I had to call my mom after dinner to explain to her what was going on and hopefully get permission to stay with Bailey tonight.
“Is she okay? Are you okay?” Mom asked, sounding concern. I didn’t understand what was going on with my mom, but she was acting like she actually cared the last couple of weeks.
“Umm…she’s being strong. I’m okay, Mom,” I said, not knowing what to say.
“Alright, call me if you need anything. You can stay with her tonight. Just text me when you need to be picked up,” She said.
“I will,” I said, nodding to myself.
“I love you, Desiree,” Mom said. I started to tear up. I wiped my tears away furiously.
“I love you too, Mom,” I said and hung up. I went back to the living room. Bailey was lying on the couch. She was dozing off.
“Bay, you want to go upstairs?” I asked, gently waking her up. She wiped her eyes and looked around. It was just us now. Everybody else was in the kitchen.
“Yeah,” She nodded. I helped her up off the couch and up the stairs. Her room was very calming from the rest of the house. The walls were a deep purple. Like my room she had a strand of lights hanging over her full size bed. A dream catcher hung over there also. Pictures of us and her family hung all over the walls. Paper and books cluttered her desk. Everything was perfect in there. Bailey started taking off her clothes until she was just in her underwear and a bra.
She looked so beautiful. It didn’t matter that she had so many bruises and was so pale. It was Bailey and she was a goddess in my eyes. I told her so. Bailey blushed a deep red. That was the most color I had seen in her for a while.
“You’re beautiful too, Dezzy. I’ve always thought so,” Bailey said, coming closer to me.
I wrapped my arms around her, feeling the warmth of her lower back. Her skin sent shivers down my spine. Quietly, she pulled off my shirt and then my pants, leaving me as exposed as her. Bailey pulled me over to the bed, gently, staring up at me with those big, brown eyes of hers. I felt breathless. She kissed me as she leaned back on the bed; the whole time I was supporting her. I used all my arm strength to prevent me from crushing her.
I soaked in every moment of this embrace. Her lips were soft and sweet, tasting like the strawberry Chap Stick she always wore. Each breath out she took, I breathed in. Her chest rubbed against mine with each breath we took, sending thrills throughout me. I wanted to be closer to her than what I already was, but there was no room left between us. Her hair that my fingers were tangled with was soft and smooth like her porcelain skin. My lips moved over to her cheek, tasting her skin. I tasted every inch of her face. I nibbled on her ears, taking care to be gentle. The moans she made assured me I was doing the right thing. I worked my way back down to her neck. Kissing her neck sent shock waves throughout me.
“Dezzy,” Bailey moaned, rubbing her hands on my stomach. I felt myself turn to putty. I kept my lips there, resisting the urge to travel further down. I wanted to go slow and at her pace. I pulled away after a few agonizing minutes.
“What do you want me to do next, Bay?” I asked, breathing heavy.
“Go further,” She breathed. I looked deep into dark eyes. I saw the passion and love that emitted through those orbs and I didn’t feel scared or worried anymore. I smiled and kissed her again on the mouth, showing her the same amount of passion I saw in her eyes. I kissed her neck, then her shoulders, and all the way down her arms. The whole time she was sighing and moaning, making the sexiest sounds I have ever heard. I unclasped Bailey’s purple bra and let her loose. I cupped her breasts and massaged them, delicately, trying not to bruise her any further. Bailey moaned, encouraging me to go on. I kissed her breasts, loving her taste. After I gave my affection to her breasts, I moved down to her stomach. Most of the bruising was down here so I was careful.
“You’re beautiful,” I whispered after I kissed each bruise. I moved even further down to the boundary on her underwear. Her breathing became more labored and I became more excited.
“Keep going, Dezzy,” She said, gripping my hair tightly. I slid them down, exposing her completely. I continued to kiss her, making her moan louder. I moved down to her inner thighs. She shook underneath me. Then I moved my hand upwards and started massaging her sex with my fingers.
“Dezzy,” she whimpered. I kept going until she climaxed. I stopped and allowed her to regain her composure. “Dezzy, that was amazing.” She was still out of breath. I smiled at her and kissed her again.
“I’m glad,” I whispered.
“Roll onto your back,” she said with a grin.
“What? Why?” I asked, confused.
“I’m going to make you feel as amazing as you made me feel.”
“Are you sure?” I asked, concerned. I really wanted her, but I didn’t want to put her body under too much stress. Bailey laughed and rolled me over onto my back. Before I could protest her lips were on mine. Damn, that felt good. I kissed her back, hungrily. She took her time like I did. Every inch of my face, I surrendered to her lips. My neck. She made me arch my back and moan, wildly as she made love to my neck with her lips. I never wanted her to stop. Then she moved down the rest of me. My breathing picked up. Her hands moved all over my body, never stopping. I placed my hands on the back on her legs and held her there. She removed the rest of my clothes. Her fingers slipped into me. I couldn’t think coherently as she massaged me from the inside. It wasn’t long until I came.
“Bailey,” I sighed as I recovered.
“Yeah, me too,” Bailey smiled. I chuckled.
“I love you, Bailey,” I whispered.
“I love you too,” she whispered back. I wrapped her back into my arms. This was perfect. No moment in history could ever compare to the complete vulnerability, peacefulness, and complete love of this moment. I could feel every breath she made and every pulse her heart pumped out. The sweet, lavender scent of her hair filled my nose. I laced my fingers with hers. Bailey pulled a blanket up over us. I could have stayed like this forever. I thought about it for another moment. Yep, I would stay in this moment until the end of eternity and never wish for anything different.