Leaving Mexico, was like leaving a part of me. I had came here one way, and now I'm leaving another way. I would be lying if I said that I didn't want to stop myself from walking into the plane and going back to the hotel to fix everything, but I knew I couldn't.
It was the early hours of the day and I was sleepy as hell. For one, I was sleepy because I hadn't gotten much sleep and because well, I couldn't exactly let my mind rest. There was too much roaming in my head to just put it all to a stop. No matter what I did, he was always there.
I probably looked insane when I handed my plane ticket to the flight assistant. My eyes were beyond red and my under eye circles were to the max. I looked as if I was in the middle of an atrocious hangover, when in reality I was sober as can be. Alhough, as much as I looked like it, I also felt it because I had the worst, pounding headache.
For the whole plane ride back to San Diego, I did nothing. I had already finished the work that I had missed so there wasn't nothing else I could actually do. I needed some sort of distraction though. I couldn't risk the chance of letting my thoughts circle back to the person I love.
But at the same time, how could I stop it?
I never imagined things would head in this direction. I didn't want them to go that way, but I couldn't do anything about it. As much as I wanted to go back and say that I was wrong with breaking up with him, I couldn't because I knew that I was right.
I couldn't stay with someone that made it seem like they were my owner. Last time I checked, I'm a human and not some sort of house pet. I don't belong to anyone, and no one tells me what I can and can't do. I'm my own person and if Vic can't understand that, then we can't be together. Doesn't matter how much love I have for him, I can't do that - and will never do that.
The look of heartbreak in his eyes replays in my head all the time. I knew it hurt him, but it was all his fault in the end. His words also replay, but I try my best to drown them out.
I didn't get to see Vic after I left Mike's room. For a second, when there was a knock on the door I thought it was him, but it was actually his brother. He had come by to pick up Vic's things and we talked for a while.
He apologized for how his brother had acted, but he had nothing to be sorry about. This was between Vic and I. And Mike tried to change my mind, on maybe giving him a second chance, but I refused. This wasn't Vic's first time trying to control me, so I knew that if I got back with him, it wouldn't be his last.
Maybe I'm stubborn, maybe I'm not. The point is, I'm not easily going to just forgive him for what he did. Now I'm not saying that I will forgive him, but if he really wants me back, he'd have to really fight for it.
But people aren't really able to change their ways quickly, so I doubt Vic will.
-
Many hours later, I arrived at San Diego. I found my car and drove back home. I had texted Justin that I was back and he said that he was on his way back to my apartment. I told him that it wasn't necessary, although I did want to speak to my best friend. He replied with an 'idgaf' so I guess I would see him in a few.
When I got back to my place, I slumped down on my couch and kind of just sat there. I left my bags on the side of the door but I was in no mood to put my things away. So I sat there until I heard the familiar sound of my door being knocked on.
I walked to the door and opened it, revealing none other than Justin. He had a bag with him but he didn't hesitate to wrap his arms around me. Once he did, that's when I lost it again.
I felt everything overwhelm me just in that moment. I had been holding back all this time but now that my best friend is here, I need to just let it out.
"Hey, hey it's going to be okay, Kells."
"No, it won't."
"It will be. How about we go sit and talk about it? I got ice cream if that makes you feel any better."
I chuckled dryly at his comment but soon let go of him and let him in.
"Is it oreo ice cream?" I asked as we walked to my living room.
"I know you better than the back of my hand. Of course I got oreo."
Yes, Justin is the best person in the world.
I brought two spoons and opened my tub while Justin also opened his, which was Recess flavored. Once I was ready, I spilled everything from the beginning to the end. I didn't miss any detail any detail, and at the end of it all, I kind of felt better. I was still teary eyed but I felt. . .relieved. But maybe it was the ice cream, I don't know.
"So you don't want to give Vic another chance?"
"As of now, no." I said, stuffing my mouth with another full spoon of the delicious sweet.
"Good, because he doesn't deserve you. I'm fact, you deserve way better of a man than he is. Just speaking the truth."
"Well, Vic isn't that bad." I said, sadly defending him. "He's great, but it's just those possessive ways of his that ruin everything. I wish there was some way I could make him understand - which I thought I had - but I just, I don't know. I love him and it hurts to just let go of him because of that but what other choice do I have?"
"I know it hurts, but trust me, you're making the right decision. The way he thinks on this is totally wrong and if he can't accept a decision of yours like that, then he isn't worth it."
I couldn't help but laugh at how Justin was so anti-Vic right now. Everything he's saying was right, but oh how I wish this mess had never happened.
-
Days passed and I was slowly trying to get out of the sadness hole I was in. Even though I really tried to tell myself that I needed to get over it, I couldn't.
Justin didn't leave my side but I didn't really mind. He helped me so much and I actually found myself smiling and laughing at times.
Since we had finals all week, we studied together. It was way better than studying alone so I was more than grateful for his company. Once all my finals are done, then that means that Graduation is next - and I truly was excited for that.
One day though, in the middle of a studying session, something I never expected happened. We were just quizzing each other on the stupid material when there was a knock on my front door.
Justin being the best answered the door and I couldn't have been more thankful that it had been him and not me. The person on the other side had been him.
"What are you doing here?" Justin said in a stern voice and I inched myself closer to the wall so I could hear better. He couldn't see me but I just wanted to hear him.
"Look Justin, this is between Kellin and I so-"
"Well I'm his best friend. Besides, he doesn't want to talk to you."
"I just need to talk to him! Please, can't you just do that for me?" He said anxiously.
"Like I said, he doesn't want to talk to you."
"I'm not moving from here until I hear it from him." Vic challenged Justin.
They fought back and forth until I decided to finally move my body. I could do this.
"Vic, please just go." I said, stepping out from the living room. He stood there and when his eyes fell on me, they almost glistened. Vic tried pushing Justin away but he would not budge.
It felt as if I hadn't seen Vic in a long time when in reality it had only been less than a week. I could feel my heart fill with pain as I looked at his deep brown eyes. The ones I fell in love with. But now those beautiful eyes of his were filled with sorrow.
"Kellin, I just want to talk to you. I'm sorry about everything I did, but I can fix it. I can find another opening for-"
"No, Vic. I don't want another opening and that's my decision. Please just leave." I said, my heart breaking a litle more just looking at him that I had to look at the floor.
"But Kellin, I'm sorry-"
"Please just go." I said and walked away, not being able to handle this pathetic mess.
I had walked back to where we were studying and tried to drown out his voice. I remember Justin telling Vic to "Fuck off" before closing the door in front of him.
If it wouldn't have been for Justin, I don't know what I would've done. I might be overreacting, and I might not be but I'm not ready to speak to him about everything - if the opportunity ever rises again. I'm leaving to LA as soon as I graduate so it doesn't matter anyways.
Like I said, maybe I'm stubborn but maybe I'm not.
*
Okay so this is kinda crappy (very crappy tbfh)
BUT UGH SCHOOL STARTED AND IM SO DONE ALREADY.
so yeah I've been busy which is why I haven't updated even though I wanted to a long time ago. I'll try to update again this weekend.
Anyways, it's freaking Cray that just in the other chapter I was thanking ya'll for 24k when now I'M SO CLOSE TO 30K AHAHSHHDJFJFKEKJDKCBC
I know it's not a lot compared to other way better authors but this is still so huge for me so THANK YOU SO MUCH AHHHH