I love you and it's killing me -Unknown ☼
-Ny at the dock in the MM ☼
Nyzra,
I moved back into my old apartment and being lonely was something I had to get used to again. Honestly, I wasn't feeling well at all anymore. Since I left, my body instantly started to ache as well as my heart- I just didn't know he would throw all that shit at me.
I knew I messed up, and I'm living with that guilt.
Swinging my legs back and forth on the edge of the wooden dock, I sighed- he claims he had 4 bottles of beer and that he was drunk. The fact is, the amount of bottles was beyond me.
Before I left, I examined his bedroom, seeing approximately 20 bottles on his side of the bed.
A week, and I've been depressed as hell.
I dyed my hair to an orange-red, just wanting to try it out and I liked it. My administrator said I should take online classes until I get better and I made a new friend, Courtney- who is also Harper's girlfriend.
"How about pizza?" She inquired. We were choosing on what we should eat for the night, kind of having some difficulties
"With what toppings?"
"Girl, chicken and pineapples? Or green peppers with onions?"
"Or, bacon and ham with chicken?" I grinned
"Ooh, and lets have some Oreos and Mountain Dew-"
"No" I said quickly. Those snacks reminded me of Jahmiah too much, and I hated thinking about him
"Okay?" She looked at me suspiciously "Takis and Sprite?"
I nodded, "That sounds good. Where's Harper anyway?"
"At his brothers place," Courtney shrugged "But oh well- how's your leg? You need another pillow?"
"No, no, I'm fine" I chuckled
I fiddled with the necklace Jahmiah gave me a few weeks ago- tracing the J and N on it. Finally, I snatched it off, tossing it on the floor.
Jahmiah,
"So, wassup with you?" Hanson asked, sitting on Harper's lap
"We gon' fuck later?" Harper looked up at him
"Yeah, we gone fill the apartment with our groans, baby" Hanson tried kissing him
"No, no, no- ew. I know where your mouth been, fuckin' eating out my sister. Cheater"
"Y'know I love you"
"Mhm, I love you too"
"Our bond in undeniable" Hanson rubbed his chest
"This dick is undeniable"
"Okay, I can't do this anymore" Hanson got up and sat on the floor
"Nigga, you couldn't handle this dick anyway" Harper smacked his lips "What's goin' on wit' you though?"
I shrugged.
"What happened between you and Taj, Miah?" Hanson raised his eyebrow
"Nothin'"
"Then why she not answerin' nobody calls?" He questioned "What you do?"
"Somethin' fucked up because he ain't speakin'"
"I was drunk and did some shit, that's all" I put the blunt between my lips
"You cheat on her, fam?" Hanson glared at me
"No"
"Did you put any type of blame on her? Call her out her name?"
"What you mean by that?" I asked
"As in, you make her feel guilty or worse than she already was and call her a bitch or some shit like that" He explained
Scratching the side of my face, I ran my hand through my hair, "Yeah"
"About the baby, huh?" He cleared his throat. I sat there "Fuck was you thinkin', man?"
"I don't know.."
"Why was you drinkin' in the first place? Because when your ass is drunk, you speak what's on your mind- and drunken souls speak the truth" He huffed "Did you hit her?"
Shit.
"Did you hit her?" He stood up
"Aye, Hanson, back your ass up" Harper yelled at him
~○~
"Man, here" Harper threw both of us ice packs
This wasn't the first time I gotten into a fight with Hanson and it certainly won't be the last.
"Sorry, Miah" Hanson sighed
"Nah, it's cool. I deserved it anyway, so it don't matter" I tucked in my lips
As he was about to say something, his phone started ringing and he picked it up.
Hanson,
Zahlani had called me several minutes ago, sounding as if she was about to have a heart attack.
The only thing I could understand was cornerstore, gang, and some other shit I didn't like.
Right now, we sat in the car on the side of the road- the passenger seat on the side where the cars drove by, the driver's side near the woods.
"Why was you down there anyway?" I asked
"Mom needed something," She bit her lip
"You're lyin' to me. Why did you go down there?"
"Hanson, just-"
"No, why the fuck did you go down there?" I shouted "It's one in the fuckin' morning! What makes you think it's okay to go out to the damn corner store at this time, huh? You wanted some damn weed, that's why"
She put the side of her head against the window, her bottom lip trembling. I wasn't having it right now.
"I told you to stop because I knew something would happen and you went ahead and did it anyway. Don't you think that was some stupid shit, Lani?!"
"Hanson, I'm so-"
"Answer my question!"
She sat up, staring at me- not replying at all.
I frowned "You gon' ignore my question now? Nah, get out"
"What?!"
"Get out my fucking car!"
"I'm not getting out your damn car, Hanson!"
"Yes you are, Zahlani! You wanna act dumb as shit with me right now?! You wanna walk by yourself in the damn dark to a fucking corner store, then you can walk your ass home!" I yelled
Her face was wet with tears as her watery eyes looked at me, "I'm sorry"
"Get out the car"
She opened the door, "I'm sorry, Hanson"
"Out the fuckin' car!"
She stood on the ground and turned and faced me, "I'm-"
"Zahlani!" I instantly rushed out my seat when a car sped down the road, hitting her and and taking off the door that was open.
~○~
No one answered their phones and I left voicemails- they were asleep. I found it weird that the sisters from both of the families were hit by cars- it was just crazy.
I took her hand in mine, only listening to the heart monitor beep at a very slow pace. Tears were running down my cheeks as I bit my lip, gnawing on it, causing it to slightly bleed.
I'm blaming this on myself, I'm putting this on my shoulders, just keeping the weight there. I hate myself for this- yelling at her for her to get out the car, when I could've easily worked it out better.
Being angry wasn't going to solve my problems anymore in these types of situations. Being calm is what's best and was what I really needed to do.
"God, I'm so sorry" I cried on her chest "Baby, please wake up"
It's still dark out and it's 5:34 in the morning. I've been here since she got here on one of the ambulance's- not leaving until I felt the need to.
"I ain't mean to yell at you like that, I was just mad. Y'know I would do anything for you, and I just want to see your beautiful eyes again. I just want you to wake up, babygirl, I don't want to lose you. I'm sorry, I really am" I mumbled against her cloth covered chest, that was quite soaked from my tears "I love you"
Her heartbeat came back to normal, her body shifted and I sighed in pure relief.
She turned to face me, "Zahlani-"
"I love you too, Hanson"